Chapter Ten
Loki’s Christmas Story
Loki struggled to find his purpose in the world, but he needn’t have worried. It found him.
Chapter Nine
Loki learns the origin of his name.
“Bor, may I speak with you outside?”
“Of course.” Bor led the way out the door and, instead of stopping, walked into the nearby forest, continuing on until he came to a clearing.
He turned around, giving Loki a pointed look, but Loki had no idea what the old man wanted from him.
His gaze scanned the area, a small clearing surrounded by trees on all sides.
Strangely enough, something pulled to him, so he walked the perimeter without any prompting from Bor, finally stopping at a tree with multiple cut marks across it.
It looked as if someone had attempted to cut it down and failed.
A stump was not far from it, so he sat down, staring at the tree as visions peppered his mind.
A young lad.
An axe.
Tears.
Screams.
Howling pain—the kind of pain no healer could cure, the kind that would dig at you every day.
Every day until you wanted to quit, run away, give up.
“Do you recall anything about that tree, Lucas?”
Tears flooded his eyes as it all came back to him, flitting bits and pieces of memory tugging their way out of the recesses in his mind. “You called me Lucas. You know my true sire.”
Bor stood with his hands behind his back. “I did, and I do. Tell me what you remember.”
Loki stared at the tree and a young lad popped in front of him, a lad angry at the world, swinging an axe at the tree over and over and over again.
The lad screamed and screamed, “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…”
Loki stared at Bor through his tears. “Who did I hate so badly?”
“Your father, or the man you believed to be your father, and another man.”
He jumped up from the tree stump as the memories returned in full. “I was angry with my father. I hated him. He wasn’t truly my father, but I didn’t know it then. I tried to save my mother from a beating…”
“Instead your father and his helper beat you.”
“Aye. That man, Hamish, threw me in a wagon and took me away. I recalled this before…he tossed me out of the wagon expecting me to die, but I didn’t.”
“Nay, you were stronger than they expected you to be. You fought hard, crawled on your hands and knees until someone found you.” Bor stood unmoving, his hands still behind his back.
“You. ‘Twas you who found me.” Memories of a burly, bearded man with a smile and kind eyes flooded back to him. Bor had climbed off his horse and lifted him up, giving him water and telling him he’d not die. “You saved me, brought me to Ayr.”
“I did bring you to Ayr, but you’d already saved yourself. I then brought you here to live with us. Even in this place, your desire for vengeance ate at your insides. Do you remember?”
Loki’s eyes widened. “I do.” He paced in a circle. “I wanted to kill Hamish. Hamish and Blackett, the rat bastard who beat my mother and pretended to be my sire. Only he wasn’t. He killed my mother, I’m sure of it.”
“Probably. You wished to find them and make them pay. I’d hoped you would lose some of your anger if I allowed you to swing at that tree, but it never helped, until one day…”
Loki held his hand up. “Saints above, I remember. Allow me. I swung and swung, and one day, I was so angry that I told you I didn’t want to be called Lucas anymore.”
“Aye, you believed it tied you to Blackett, that he’d chosen the name for you.”
“I hated him, so it ate at my insides…but…” So much had returned, but it still didn’t all fit together. “I wanted a new name. You told me tales of the Norse gods and goddesses, and I wanted to be just like Loki.”
“Aye, you wished to be the wee trickster, and you vowed you’d become one of the largest and fiercest warriors in all the land so that you could return one day to kill Blackett and Hamish. According to your true sire, you did just that.”
“I did. Blackett tricked me first, but good triumphed over evil that day. I hated those rat bastards.”
“Did you defeat them alone?”
Loki settled back on the stump. “Nay, only with the help of my adoptive family, Clan Grant, and our allies, the Ramsays.”
“I doubt the Grants and Ramsays come together for just anyone, do they?”
He dipped his head, thinking of how fortunate he’d been to run into Brodie Grant and Fergus’s sire, Nicol. “Nay, they do not. But how did you know my true sire?”
“I met him not long ago. There are not many men who have one blue eye and one green. I asked him about you, and sure enough, he was your sire. He thanked me for picking you up from the ground where I found you.”
“I remember everything, but why couldn’t I recall it before? I don’t understand.” He rested his head in his hands, trying to work this new information into the tapestry of his life.
“Because the last day you were out here swinging, you lost your balance and hit your head on a rock. It knocked you out. When you awakened, you would only answer to Loki, and you left for Ayr the next day. That’s all I can tell you. As you said to Kenzie, the mind protects itself when it must.”
“I had several dreams about you recently…as did my son. Why? You are the caretaker of lost children. Why would I start dreaming about you now?”
Bor grinned. “Och, I can only thank the angels for that. I’m not sure I believe in them, but I was desperate to contact you, and I prayed for them to bring you to me.”
“Why?” Loki stood up to face the old man, just now noticing how tired his eyes were, how the color of his skin had a slight yellowish cast.
Bor took a deep breath and let it out slowly, shifting his gaze from his feet back up to Loki’s eyes.
“Because I’ll not be of this world much longer.
I seek to find someone to take on my work, to keep searching for the lost souls, the weak bairns, the orphaned.
Your sire told me you had your own castle, and I’d hoped you could help me. ”
“You want me to take all the bairns home with me now?” Loki was in shock, not sure if he could do this without first talking with his sweet Bella.
“Nay, please do not take them from me now. Bestla would be devastated. I’m not leaving yet, and you still have a challenge or two ahead of you, but I was hoping I could send a messenger to you when my time was near.
And I would ask that you travel to Ayr and Edinburgh once or twice a year to find the newest lost souls, bring them to a warm home. ”
Loki nodded, thinking about his proposition.
He knew there were many generous souls at Grant land who would gladly help him.
His mother, Gracie, Kyla, Ashlyn and Magnus, Aline, and so many more.
He had plenty of room in his keep, and needed to build his own people to add to the might of Clan Grant.
“I’d be happy to, if you’ll allow us to take Ami with us.
‘Twould break Kenzie’s heart to leave without her.
We’ll wait to leave until she’s well enough to make the journey, of course. ”
“I can agree to that. I do not wish to lose another bairn.” His sadness changed as the ends of his lips curved up ever so slightly. “So you’ll come when I send a message?”
He nodded…
Chapter Ten
Loki returns home to devastating news.
They were almost home. The Grant guards surrounded them, assisting their travel through the more treacherous areas.
Once they arrived at Castle Curanta, he hopped off his horse.
“Forgive me,” he announced to all of them, “but Jamie and Fergus will assist you from here. I must go to Bella. Jamie—” he handed Ami over to him, “—please bring her inside but ‘tis verra important that you keep her warm.”
With that, he raced across his courtyard and up the steps to his hall. There were few people inside, he noticed, but all were somber, including his mother. He waved at them as soon as he was inside the door and asked, “Bella?”
“Upstairs, Loki.” His mother pointed to the staircase, and he chose not to focus on the sad expression on her face. Surely it just meant that Bella hadn’t delivered yet, that they were overanxious waiting for the bairn to come.
He took the steps three at a time and arrived at his chamber, opening it with a knock so as not to startle his wee wife. He stepped inside, surprised to see Gracie, Aunt Caralyn, and Aunt Maddie at Bella’s bedside.
He could hear her sobs under the covers, and all he could think was the worst. Their bairn. What had happened to their bairn?
“Aunt Maddie?” he whispered.
She strode over to his side and took his hands in hers. Caralyn grasped his shoulders. “Loki,” she said, “Bella lost the bairn. I’m so sorry.”
Gracie came over and gave him a quick hug, mumbling some kind words, but he didn’t hear them. His gaze was focused on Bella’s shape under the covers.
He heard the door close behind him as the women left, so he moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Bella?”
She finally popped out and threw her arms around him. “Loki, I’m so sorry, so sorry. Forgive me.”
He hugged her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly and taking in her sweet scent, which reminded him that he was home. They had lost the babe, but she was safe. “What happened? Why are you apologizing?”
She pulled back, her breath hitching between sobs. “I lost the babe. ‘Twas a wee lassie, and she never took a breath.”
“But why are you apologizing? ‘Tis not your fault.”
“Because I should have told you, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“The bairn had stopped moving in my belly.” She wailed two more times before she could stop crying long enough to talk again.
“I loved her so much, and I didn’t wish to admit she was gone.
But Caralyn had told me a sennight before you left to pay attention to the babe’s movement.
The babe stopped moving before you left…
and she was born two days afterward. She never took a breath.
I held her close and we had to bury her while you were gone. I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
“Och, sweet Belle. Do not apologize. I’m sorry. I wish I had been here with you. You should not have gone through it all alone.”
“Oh, Loki, she was so beautiful. I wished for a way to breathe life into her, but there was no hope. She was so tiny.”
Loki held Bella while she sobbed, not knowing what else to do. They’d lost a daughter. After all he’d just been through, he couldn’t help but ask why this would happen now.
“Husband, Caralyn said there is a way to keep me from carrying again. She has herbs to give me. I don’t know if I can go through this again.
‘Twas so painful. I hope you’re not upset with me.
I tried to be a good mama and eat well so she would be a big bairn, but I failed.
She says we can change our minds later, but I could not handle carrying again right away. Please?”
He cupped her face. “Hush, never say such things.” He kissed her tenderly, hoping to let her know how much he loved her.
“Bella, you are a wonderful mother to Lucas.
We have a wonderful, strong laddie, we have Kenzie, and if you wish to take the herbs, then do it.
‘Twas no fault of yours. I don’t believe such drivel.
‘Tis God’s way…and mayhap ‘tis not for us to question.”
A strange feeling washed over him. He didn’t believe God had purposefully taken this babe from them, but mayhap He had known it would happen…
mayhap that was why He’d sent the dreams to him and Kenzie.
What if they hadn’t gone? They would never have met Bor, never have arranged to take his place as the helpers of lost children, never have met wee Ami…
Fear gripped him as he thought about Ami downstairs.
How would Bella react to the wee lass after losing her own bairn?
The possibility of this loss had never occurred to him when he’d agreed to bring Ami home.
Before he had time to give it any more thought, Kenzie’s face peeked around the corner of the door.
“Papa, may I bring her in to meet Mama?”
Loki stared at Bella, not knowing how to tell her what they’d done.
Ultimately, though, he had no choice but to speak.
“Bella, the lass lost her mama. She doesn’t speak, and she had no one but an old woman and old man to care for her.
Had I known you’d lost the babe, I would not have brought her to you, but she fell in love with Kenzie, and he wanted to bring her home, make her part of our family. If you don’t want…”
Bella stared at him in astonishment, but then brought her finger up to his lips to quiet him. She waved to Kenzie. “You brought a bairn home with you?”
“Aye, Mama,” Kenzie said. “Aunt Maddie told me about the bairn, and I’m so sorry, but Ami had no one, and she loves me, so I thought she could come home with us and be my sister.
She needs a mama, and since you are the best mama in the world…
” He pulled Ami in through the door. She stood next to Kenzie, gripping his leg, her thumb in her mouth as she sucked away.
Loki looked at Bella, not knowing what else to say. Her hand fell away from Loki’s lips, and she waved for Kenzie to bring the lass closer. “How old is she?” Bella asked.
Kenzie stood next to the bed, Ami still gripping his arm. “Her name is Ami and she’s only two summers. She’s verra sweet, Mama.”
Ami let go of Kenzie’s leg and stood up straight, yanking her thumb out of her mouth. She looked straight at Bella and held her arms up to her.
She finally spoke her first word.
“Mama?”