Chapter 8 #3
I nodded, remembering the last time it had gotten really bad.
The tears were already threatening to spill out.
“A few times a year he’d get really sick.
Whether it was pneumonia, a bad case of the flu, or something heart related.
You already know I moved back in with him after his last one.
He tried to fight it, and we got into a big argument about it.
I couldn’t stomach the feeling of something happening to him and I wasn’t close by to do anything.
I pulled the mom card, and he finally gave in.
I knew if I brought her up, he’d agree without another word, but that’s a story for a different day. ”
I couldn’t keep my eyes dry, and I wasn’t about to talk about both of them in one night. Thankfully, she knew that and didn’t ask for more on the subject.
I wiped the tears away, desperately wanting to talk about anything else. “Come on, sunny. Let’s get you to bed.”
I stood her up, and she hugged me, causing the air to escape my lungs. I wrapped my arms around her, not wanting to let go.
She was rubbing my back, and without meaning to, my eyes fluttered closed and I sank into her, breathing her in. She felt too good, and I was being selfish, not wanting it to end. When her hands moved a little lower down my back, I let out a soft whisper, thankful she couldn’t hear it. “Daisy.”
I hadn’t meant to, and her touch lingered for a moment, barely noticeable, but that one little gesture traveled throughout my entire body.
I had to gather myself and create some distance between us.
If she’d kept holding me, if her hands had moved any lower, I would’ve moaned and maybe even tried to kiss her.
I was crying over the loss of my dad. I shouldn’t have been thinking things like that. But with Daisy so close I could still smell the lavender from her bath, I couldn’t think of anything else.
When we broke apart, she looked at me hesitantly, almost nervous, it seemed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, something she did when she was nervous, but what could she be nervous about? “I was wondering if you’d stay with me tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”
I frowned, confused as to what she was asking. “Did you forget I live here? Of course I’ll stay. I’ll be right across the hall.”
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Of course I didn’t forget, nerd. I meant… can you stay with me… in my room?”
I blinked. Oh. She wanted me to… Oh. “Uh, sure. I mean, if you want me to. Whatever you need. Just let me go change real quick and I’ll meet you in there?” I was in the same clothes I’d slept in, and if I had to sleep next to her, I wanted to be in fresh, clean clothes.
She nodded and headed to her room as I did the same. I changed into some soft pajama pants and a plain T-shirt, charging my phone before heading to Daisy’s room on trembling legs.
When I got in there, she was already under the covers, sitting up and on her phone. I waved my hands to get her attention, and she looked up at me and smiled, setting her phone on her nightstand and connecting it to the charger.
Words escaped me, so I just waved and headed to the right side of the bed where she was motioning me to. I could do this. It was just one night, and her bed was big enough I could pretend she wasn’t even there.
I assumed she’d lie on her side, I’d lie on mine, and we’d go right to sleep. Unfortunately, that was not what happened. I learned that night that she was a cuddler.
She scooted in closer to me and put her head on my chest. I tried to breathe. It felt way too intimate, but I supposed best friends slept in the same bed together all the time.
Even if they didn’t, there was no way I was going to tell her to move. The moment felt way too good. She felt way too good.
As she lay there, I played with her hair and closed my eyes, envisioning what my life could look like with her. Doing this every night. Feeling her breathing on my chest. Knowing she felt safe and secure with me, just as I felt with her. Holding her in my arms and never letting go.
I could see us waking up together. I’d wake her up with a kiss to her forehead, and it would turn into more before we got out of bed to make breakfast together, where we’d dance to no music at all and make out like teenagers, almost burning the pancakes. Chocolate chip, of course.
We’d send the kids off to school, run to our room, and barely make it, our clothes coming off and one of us coming against the door. We’d cuddle for a few minutes until we had to shower and get ready for work.
After work, we’d make dinner together and help the kids with their homework before baths and bed, and do it all over again the next day.
We’d lay in bed, exhausted but satiated, talking about our day. I’d constantly kiss her forehead or lace our fingers together and kiss her ring, telling her how much I loved her and how lucky I was that she finally chose me. It was a dream I’d never live out.
I couldn’t keep the tears in. This wasn’t going to be a normal thing that happened every night.
I wasn’t going to hold her while we fell asleep.
I wasn’t going to be able to wake up to her every morning.
This was the only time and the only way I would ever feel her body on top of mine.
She would never want me the way I wanted her.
I wiped my tears away and tensed when I felt her stirring. Luckily, it was dark, so she couldn’t see how red my eyes were if she happened to look up.
I sagged in relief when she settled back onto me, and I continued to play with her hair and rub soft circles on her back. Eventually her breathing evened out, and I kissed the top of her head before I gently moved her. I rolled over and closed my eyes, trying to bring the morning closer.