Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
KAIA
“Okay, so I know I said we weren’t going to decorate, but it’s Christmas. You have to decorate. It’s kind of the law.”
I groaned. “Daisy.”
“Just hear me out, okay? Well, obviously not literally.” She smiled at her own joke, and I had to mirror it. She was adorable. “We are decorating for Christmas, but not Christmas decorations.”
“What are you talking about? How are you going to decorate the house for a holiday and not use the holiday decorations?”
She smiled. “Because we’re going to use different holiday decorations. Easter, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day. Whatever you want. But we have to do something, Kai. We cannot leave this house looking bare.”
“I’m sorry. You want to what?”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, why not? We can spend time together decorating the house, and it’ll be fun. We could even get really weird and combine holidays. Imagine spider webs and Easter bunnies around the house, or four-leaf clovers and skeleton heads. What do you say?”
“I say you’re nuts, but I think I like it. Do you already have some we can use, or do we need to go to the store?”
She shook her head, turning to walk away.
What? We were in the middle of a conversation and she just walked off?
I shrugged and turned to walk toward the kitchen when I jumped.
A loud thud caught my attention, and I whirled around, thinking she’d fallen or something.
Daisy stood before me with her hands on her hips and a gigantic container at her feet labeled Holiday Stuff. ”
I frowned as she opened it and pulled out spider webs and felt hearts.
“I think there is a little of every holiday in here. We don’t even have to go through it, just sort of throw things around the house haphazardly.
And we don’t need to put up a tree if you don’t want to.
Whatever you want to do. You’re in charge. ”
“Wait, do you just have decorations from every holiday in there? Like, thrown in together? Not separated and organized? Like a psychopath?”
She shrugged. “It’s more fun this way. If you don’t like anything, we can go get some others.”
I shook my head for so many reasons. “No, Daisy, it’s fine. I’m just processing everything. You’re so weird.”
She smiled. “Thank you. You love me anyway.”
“I really do.” My smile was soft. Not at all the teasing one she wore as I walked over to her and picked out some weird combinations. If we were doing this, we might as well go all the way.
I kept finding myself smiling and shaking my head at the absurdity of the decoration box, and the fact that I was really putting Christmas ornaments and cobwebs on a Christmas tree. I couldn’t help feeling warmth in my chest, even as ridiculous as the house was looking.
I appreciated that Daisy was thinking about me and wanted to do something to cheer me up while still carrying on holiday traditions. I admit, when we started this, all I’d wanted was to lock myself in my room until the new year when the decorations would get torn down.
But seeing how crazy the house looked and spotting the cheery smile on her face made it all worth it. I’d suck it up for her.
She was dancing to no music at all when I tapped her shoulder. She spun around and shimmied once again before catching her breath. “How did your family celebrate Christmas?” I asked.
The smile on her face only grew. I’d give all the money in the world for that smile to be a permanent fixture on her face. “Every Christmas Eve, my cousins would stay the night, and we’d decorate and all huddle up in the same bed, wearing our matching Christmas onesies.
On Christmas morning, we’d each go through our stockings first before the actual presents.
Mom would have fresh giant cinnamon rolls ready for us when all our presents were open.
We weren’t allowed to eat them until we were done because our hands would get sticky.
We still carried the tradition up until last year. ”
“That sounds heavenly, actually. Your family sounds amazing. Why aren’t you doing it this year?”
She shrugged, as if breaking a tradition meant nothing. “You’re here this year. I’m spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with you, silly. I’ll still bring everyone their gifts.”
“What? Daisy, you can’t break a family tradition on my account. I’ll be okay, I promise.”
She shook her head. “Kaia, you are equally as important as my actual family. I’d rather be here with you, honestly.
Besides, everyone is getting older. They’re having kids and living in other states.
It’s not as easy as it used to be. I already told my parents I was staying home this year.
So sorry, you’re stuck with me, and you have to wear a matching onesie and Christmas hat with me. Discussion closed.”
She crossed her arms as if to say the discussion was actually closed. I wasn’t about to argue with her so I only smiled and rolled my eyes. The way she got all commanding did something to me, and I had to shut it down.
“What about your family? Did you have any traditions growing up?”
I sighed and put down the basket of Easter eggs I was holding.
“After we lost Mom, if I didn’t put up the tree and decorate it, it never went up.
It was like my dad just gave up on the holidays.
He’d tell me it was just another day, and what’s the point?
Before that, we used to get up early on Christmas morning and go to my grandma’s in our pajamas. Now? I have to make new traditions.”
She put down the Santa Claus figurine she was wrapping in cobwebs and wrapped me in a warm hug. She caressed me, and a few tears slid down my face at the comfort. When we parted, she wiped my face and gave me one of her smiles that made everything so much better.
“I’m sorry, Kai. This was a bad idea. We can stop. I just thought it might be—”
I shook my head, grabbing her hands to stop her apology. “No. It’s okay, really. It’s a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I just wanted to do something different while still staying in the holiday spirit, you know?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Can you pass me the felt hearts and skulls?”
By the time we were done, the sun had gone down and we were sweating.
I had to admit, I had more fun than I thought I would’ve.
The house looked totally bizarre, with bats surrounding a table of the three wisemen, cobwebs and Christmas lights along the corners of the walls, and Easter bunnies and reindeer along the fireplace mantel where our stockings hung.
I hadn’t laughed that hard in a long time, and I was grateful to Daisy for putting me back into the holiday spirit. If anyone came over, they’d think we’d lost our minds, but honestly, I didn’t care. I loved every single second of it.
“Will you get the food while I go to the restroom?”
“Of course. Take your time.”
She left, and I went to get everything set up. Tonight we were having pizza. I wasn’t a big fan, but Daisy was, so pizza it was.
I was setting up the plates when she came back out.
She wasted no time getting drinks and napkins set up at the table.
Yes, we still ate at the table together like a family.
It was supposed to be just that one day, but after that if I was sitting at the table, she’d join me, and I started doing the same.
“Hey, do you have a second to talk?” I asked as we sat down to eat.
She smiled and nodded. “For you? Always, sweetie. What’s up?
I took a breath and tried not to fidget with my napkin. It wasn’t like I was telling her I was moving out or something serious, but it still wasn’t easy. I didn’t know why I had a hard time opening up sometimes. Even after knowing each other for so long.
“So, next weekend I’m going out of town. I’m leaving Friday morning, and I’ll be back Sunday night. A lot has been going on, and I think it’ll be good for me.”
“You’re leaving me for a whole weekend?! What did I do to you?”
I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t do anything, and I’m not leaving you. I’m just leaving.” I shook my head. What the hell was that? “I’ll be back, I promise.”
“You better! But why do you need to leave? You know you can talk to me about anything, Kai. I’ll always be here for you.”
My chest cracked at her admission. While I knew it to be true on some level, I still needed to hear it from time to time. I smiled and hugged her.
“I know, and you know I’ll always be here for you, too. No matter what. I just need some time alone to clear my head and take a breather from everything.”
It wasn’t a lie. She just didn’t know what “everything” actually entailed. I hated any time away from her, but it was vital I spend some time alone with my thoughts. To figure out my next moves and get back to some sort of normalcy.
“I totally get it. I’m going to miss you, doodle,” she said with a frown. “I don’t think we’ve ever been apart that long.”
“It’s only for a few days, and you have Duke. I’m sure you’ll manage, and you can text or call me if you get lonely.”
I didn’t mean for it to sound filthy, but as soon as the words were out, I wanted to take them back. Something dark crossed her features, but it was gone faster than it arrived.
“Of course.” She walked over to me and gave me an unusually long hug. It wasn’t like I was leaving for battle. I was literally just going a few cities over. I had to. Distance would be good for us. For me. I needed to be alone with my thoughts and feelings and figure out how to move on from them.
After the hug ended, she pulled back, but not away. She looked into my eyes. Then her gaze trailed down to my lips and I sucked in a breath. There was no way she was about to kiss me, right? My brain was definitely playing tricks on me.
I stood there, unmoving, as she leaned in and kissed my cheek, close enough to my mouth for my palms to start sweating.
She lingered a little longer than was probably necessary, and I knew I didn’t imagine her hands moving lazily across my back, or the light squeeze she gave as her lips rested on my cheek.
I didn’t know what was happening, but I wasn’t about to stop it.
When she pulled back, she was looking at me, something in her eyes that I couldn’t figure out. She licked her lips, causing my eyes to land on them. I wanted so badly to kiss her. To feel her soft lips against mine. My resolve was breaking the longer she looked at me. Did she want me to kiss her?
I leaned in half a centimeter, seriously thinking about it, but stopped. I forced myself to break us apart. I couldn’t handle the rejection that was sure to be waiting for me.
I closed my eyes and gathered all the strength I could to say goodnight and walk away. Tonight had sealed the deal for me. When I returned from my trip, I had to move out. I wouldn’t survive living with her for much longer.