Chapter 12 #2
“For seeing through my bullshit. I’m sorry for what I said. It was all meant for you to leave.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I didn’t.” She leaned into my shoulder, setting her head against my jaw, and I got a whiff of her lotion.
Vanilla. “One thing I learned dealing with the fact my dad has a countdown of his life is how people deal with emotions. Some explode, like my brother, constantly searching for something to cure the madness. My dad battles through pain, not wanting to upset any of us anymore, and I swear he tries to pull away sometimes, as if it would make his passing easier. My mom loads herself with tasks, always keeping busy so she couldn’t feel the pain.
That’s probably where I get my list-making from. ”
“And you?”
“I spent a lot of time in my head.” She did the laugh again, making fun of herself, before she continued.
“Everyone dealt with the diagnosis on their own, unsure how to move on, and that left me alone, floating, desperately trying to cling to something that made sense. I’m used to being alone and I’m content with it, but, Tanner, you don’t have to be.
Tell me, or don’t, but if you need to talk about it all, I’m here. ”
My throat felt clogged, as if I’d swallowed cotton balls, but I didn’t stop the words as they tumbled out of me with a desperation so strong I stuttered.
“My f-father stole my mom’s money every time he came back.
H-he left when I was a kid, returned with the promise of ch-changing his ways, but once he got my mom pregnant and learned one of my brothers was blind, he bolted.
My mom was smarter this time and didn’t put his name on the birth certificate, so he can’t use them unless he pays years of child support he missed.
He’s on mine though and when my talent made the news in high school, he came back, threatening my mom with a divorce that would wipe her out and leave her unable to care for the kids. ”
She reached out and laced her fingers with mine, not asking questions or commenting on my story, just listening.
It was easy to keep going. “He wants a piece of my draft bonus once I sign and he’s threatened to go after my brothers if I don’t pay him.
Before I left for school here, they went through a name change and move.
Very few people know where they are, and I don’t go back and visit.
We’re all waiting for the bonus so I can pay for their divorce, get my brother a seeing-eye dog when he turns sixteen, and into a school better suited for his needs and move them wherever they want to go. ”
“That’s a lot for one person to handle.”
“So is watching your family lose their patriarch. But we do it anyway, because what else can we do?’ I asked, hating how my voice shook and my heart raced.
I’d told her everything, things I hadn’t told my teammates in the three years I’d known them.
“Every time he crawls back into my life, I think about what he did to my mom, to my brothers, and I get so mad.”
“Tell me about your brothers.”
And I did. I told her about Malcom and Marcus, and how I loved them fiercely even though I wasn’t around a lot.
I showed her pictures of them and gushed about how strong they were, taking care of my mom despite being kids.
The relief at telling someone about it was the same feeling I got when I hit a bomb out of the park.
We sat there, our secrets and struggles escaping into the summer air, and I could’ve stayed there all night.
But familiar voices carried over the quad.
Aaron. Greta. Zade. Callie. The cute foursome.
“Shit.” I removed my hand from hers and put some distance between us. I wasn’t ready to explain why we were sitting on the grass, on a Saturday night, holding hands. Nope. No fucking way. “Your brother is going to see us.”
“Wait, is he—”
“Kenzie? Why the hell are you out here with—” He stopped and practically growled my name. “Tanner.”
I panicked. No reasons came to mind and as the four made their approach closer to us. Aaron and Zade eyed me with a well-earned suspicion, and I gripped my coffee cup so tightly that it broke. “How was dinner?”
“Why the fuck are you two out here?” Aaron asked, not hiding the accusatory tone. Greta slapped the finger he pointed at me, but he didn’t stop his glare.
“Because, Aaron, I asked him to be. You were all hanging out and no one else was around, okay? I had a freak-out and needed air and knew enough to not walk alone,” Kenzie said.
“You could’ve joined us.”
“You didn’t invite me.”
His face blanched and Greta let out a curse. “You told me you asked her.”
“I forgot, shit.” He ran his hands through his hair and pulled on the ends. “Why did you have a freak-out? Are you okay now?”
“It was about dad, college…a lot of shit, but I’m fine now.
” She stood and put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing.
To anyone else, it looked friendly, but it sure as hell didn’t feel that way.
She had fire in her eyes, to protect my secrets, and I had no idea how to process that.
It was rare I had someone protecting me.
I did all the protecting and to receive it from her? It stole my breath.
“Do you want us to walk you back?” Zade asked, leaving both of his hands on Callie’s shoulders. They always touched and it had never made sense, until right now. The way Kenzie kept her hand on my shoulder gave me more comfort than I deserved. I totally got it.
Kenzie smiled at him, gave me a squeeze and shook her head. “No, don’t end your night because of me. Go on.”
Callie looked unsure and gave her signature goofy smile that charmed us all. “Stay with us tonight. You need a night away from all this…testosterone.”
“Cal, I haven’t seen you in a week. You’re kicking me out?” Zade asked, his voice going an octave too high.
“None of you know what it’s like trying to fit into this tight group. It can be overwhelming and she’s the official newbie, making me a vet, and I get it. You can still stay the night, Zade, but let her have a couple of hours with us.”
He pouted, unashamed to do so in front of all of us. “Fine. But I’ll be there soon.”
I snorted into my fist and hated watching Kenzie walk away with Greta and Callie. That left Zade and Aaron, both unhappy, glaring at me. “Neither of you have any reason to be pissed at me. This is your doing, Hilly.”
“Tell me why she’s sad, please. I don’t like how she’s going to you instead of me. I’m her brother, not you.”