Chapter 16
Tanner
Off-days midweek were rare and while most guys were excited to have a day to do whatever the hell they wanted, the freedom bothered me.
Coach wanted us to rest before leaving for a six-day road trip for summer ball.
The thought of being on the road, staying in hotels and celebrating wins, was my shit.
I loved it. It was a preview of what life in the Majors would be, but this time, a foreign sense of anxiety loomed over me.
Maybe it was the phone call with my birth father, or worrying about my mom.
Either way, it had me going to the gym for a light run to occupy my time.
“Yo, T!”
I glanced at Carter, fighting a laugh when I saw him and two other players also at the gym. Glad we all have work-life balance. “Hey, Carter.”
“Why are you at the gym?”
“Dude, why are you?” I fired back, standing taller when Felix rounded the corner. He waved, unaware of my urge to punch his face. Carter hit my shoulder, like we were best buds, and called Felix to join our little chat.
“We don’t own cars, really only know guys on the baseball team and this punk has the goddamn nerve to brag about getting Kenzie’s number. I’d be furious if he wasn’t my roommate.”
“Wait—what the fuck did you say?”
“We don’t own—”
“No. You have Kenzie Hill’s number?” I asked, the desperate need to work out harder coursing through me. I cracked my knuckles and waited on edge for him to respond. When Felix nodded, I gritted my teeth. “Lose it.”
“She offered it to me, man. Hilly can talk to me if he wants, but I’m not a bad guy.” He gave me a bemused look and motioned to Carter. “I’m doing a quick rep on the machine and heading to the smoothie station.”
“Cool, dude, see you soon.” Carter gave me a weird look, a little too much comprehension on his face for my liking. But I didn’t give him a chance to talk.
“I gotta head back. See your dumbass face on the bus tomorrow.”
“We’re friends, Tanner. You and I.”
I ignored him, but I did have a slight smile on my face when I left the gym. The three-mile jog helped the boredom, but it did not help my anger at Felix or the new rush of adrenaline to my muscles. How did that kid have her number when he’d known her for five minutes?
Why don’t I have it?
Because when I’m around her, I forget to ask.
Well, that could be rectified, and sooner rather than later.
I walked back to the house at a faster pace, showered and threw on jeans, a red shirt and my favorite hat.
It would’ve been rude to barge into her room, so I knocked. Hell, I could be polite if I wanted.
No answer.
I knocked again, getting annoyed. It wasn’t even noon, less than twelve hours from me being inside her—where would she be?
You could text her if you had her number, idiot.
Thanks for the helpful tip, brain.
“Hey, assface.”
I spun and got a clear view into Hilly’s bedroom.
It was across the hall from Kenzie’s and I hadn’t even thought to check if he was home.
Not a good move for me. Aaron had a stupidly happy expression on his face and I flipped him off as my greeting.
He had a duffel bag on his bedroom floor and it reminded me I hadn’t started packing for our trip. Seriously, where is my head?
“Where were you this morning? I wanted to see if you were down for watching the game this afternoon. Cubs versus Cardinals,” he asked.
I eyed Kenzie’s door and forced myself to act cool. “I went to the gym, but don’t give me shit. Ran into a couple of the other guys there too.”
“No judgment. I can’t guarantee it, but I swear Zade snuck off to get some throws in.” He smiled, the joyful, full-of-life dude I’d met three years ago flashing through. He always got that look when he talked about baseball. We’re a lot alike that way.
And I’m banging his sister.
I suck.
I shoved the guilt down and nodded. “I’m down for the game. We watching it here?”
“Nah, the Lion. I think Zade invited some of the younger guys to come, to help us all bond and shit. Plus, G’s training Kenz today. I’m hoping I can convince her to stay over here for a bit, or at least invite Kenz to stay there when we’re gone.”
That’s where she is. Relief had me relaxing, but Aaron’s face grew concerned and I needed to act quick. I nodded, a little too hard. “Good idea. I’m sure G and C would have her over.”
“Why were you knocking at her door?”
Play it cool. “Found out she gave her number to Felix and wanted to ask about it.”
Aaron blew out a breath and curled his lip before settling down. “Okay. Okay, yeah. See what she says.”
I hated how guilty I felt, keeping something from him.
There was no way telling him would amount to anything good.
It didn’t matter it was consensual, or incredible or perfect.
The only saving grace was Kenzie and I both knew it was a fling.
Absolutely nothing serious. He’d never know and it was fine.
We were just an escape. A summer escape for each other.
I hit the railing and pointed to my room. “Wanna head there in thirty minutes?”
“You got it.”
My normal routine consisted of packing my lucky socks, my favorite under-jersey shirts, and would end with the uniform.
It had to go in a certain order. That way I could find my stuff as quickly as possible, and I preferred it that way.
I had all my shit except toiletries packed when Aaron poked his head into my room, asking if I was ready to go.
We got about a block toward the bar before he asked, “How much was your signing bonus?”
Oh, okay then. We’re going there. “Ten thousand. That was it.”
“Fuck. Yeah, you’re worth way more than that. Dude.” He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Mine was even less.”
“Wait, you were called?”
He nodded but didn’t look happy about it. “It was underwhelming and in the midst of my parents moving. Ever since I cut off all social media, people don’t know shit about me and I like it that way. I haven’t told anyone. Not my parents, Kenzie—hell, even Greta.”
“Aaron. You should’ve—”
“Should’ve what? Told them? Get their hopes up?
Nah, no thanks. I know I’ll get more next year.
You will too. I wanted to tell you…because, whatever it is you’re going through, you’re not alone.
” His tone got serious and it felt like a punch to the gut.
“All I know is that you have some family stuff going on. I gathered that, but not much else. I’m not prying, just…
what’s the expression Coach always says? Extending the handshake?”
I laughed, hoping it hid the internal battle raging inside me. “Yup. Spot on. Thanks, man.”
“I think it goes without saying this stays between us.”
“Obviously.” I gulped as we got closer to the Lion.
It was so close, the truth about my family.
It bubbled over, similar to how it had that night with Kenzie, but still different.
This was my teammate, my brother on the field, and he’d shared that information with me…
“I need the money to support my mom and my brothers. A service animal is fifty thousand dollars, for my brother who is blind, and my dad doesn’t know where they are because he’ll steal from them, so he comes after me. It’s a fucking mess.”
Aaron stopped walking, his laser-sharp eyes widening in shock. “Tanner.”
“I know. I know. Let’s not talk about it, okay? Making the Majors is everything for my family. That secret has been mine to keep the past three years. It was easy to act carefree and wild. I needed that escape.”
“I get that.”
“I know you do.” I sighed and let the mixed feelings ravaging my mind settle. Something like relief and worry combined, making the ability to say the right words disappear. But Aaron took the lead, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“We’ll keep pushing toward our goals. Anything you need, man, you just gotta say. Okay?”
“Yeah, for sure.”
The same loyalty and brotherhood I felt on the field carried over into my personal drama and instead of feeling like a burden, it felt freeing. He didn’t look at me with pity or worry…just friendship and trust and I locked up the secret with Kenz even more.
Maybe I can tell the rest of the group.
He read the mood and we walked the rest of the way without saying another word. I appreciated the moment to myself and it wasn’t until we walked into the bar and saw Greta’s—and Kenzie’s—boss, Clyde, that our banter was back. “This guy…he’s something.”
“I know.” I laughed when Clyde walked up to Aaron and high-fived him. “Hey, Clyde.”
“Behemoths. All of you. Well, find a seat. I’ll tell Greta you’re here.”
We found a booth in the corner where a couple of our teammates filled the empty spots.
My attention wondered until I found who I wanted and my mood lifted.
No more thoughts of lying to Aaron, or hiding my past. Kenzie had a stupid grin on her face, those damn glasses falling down her nose and her hair up in that crazy bun.
Greta was demonstrating something on the computer, and Kenzie seemed to be enjoying it.
She tilted her head and saw me watching her. It was stupid how my pulse quickened and visions of our last night together flashed through my mind. She’s fucking perfect. I winked at her, getting her goofy, carefree smile as a response.
Everything felt right again.
More guys joined us at the table and I raised my glass to Greta when she brought another pitcher. “Thanks, G.”
“Don’t forget you guys have a game tomorrow.
I know how rowdy you get and I will kick your asses out.
It’s only noon…on a Wednesday, fools.” Her words didn’t match the smile on her face or the way she teased some of the younger guys.
They’d gotten used to her, she was around so much.
In the best way, Greta redefined cleat chaser.
Callie, too, but she’d interned with the team for so long that the guys knew her as well as they did our trainer.
At the thought of her, Callie entered with Zade and a small bout of applause exploded at an impressive play from the Cubs’ third baseman.
Since our town was in the center of Illinois, team loyalties were split between Chicago and St. Louis.
It felt so fucking good to just hang with the team, drink beer and not worry about anything.
This. This was what college was for me, the sense of belonging, the family, the trust, and I found myself scanning for Kenzie again. She had a place in this too.
It took a minute or two to find her, standing over a booth toward the entrance, her long legs on display in her black shorts. My fingers tightened around my glass. Who’s she smiling at like that?
Fucking Felix. He had a dopey grin on his face and I thought of a million reasons why I, not him, could get her to smile.
Yup. It was decided. I was going to talk to her about it.
We had nineteen more chances to enjoy each other and sharing her didn’t sit right with me.
After that…hell, I’d think about it then, but I couldn’t stand the thought of her hooking up with Felix. Or anyone.
Only hook up with Tallen. I’d write it on her dorky list. It’d be perfect because once it was written down, it was practically law.
But I never got the chance to talk to her—the game got heated after a fight broke out, the crowd jeering the TV and the beer flowing.
It wasn’t until two hours later that I escaped the booth with my teammates and caught her alone.
She sat at a table, carefully placing silverware into napkins and rolling them up.
She grinned when I sat opposite her and it didn’t make sense how happy it made me to see that joy pointed at me, as if I’d caused it just by being there.
“Hey, Kenny, how’s the first day?”
She leaned closer, her smile contagious. “Incredible!”
“Yeah? You look real happy.” She did. Her face had lit up, her cheeks tinged a little red on the tops, like she’d worked out, and her lips were permanently curved upward on the sides. Happy. She was happy.
“There’s just so much to do and I can get tips, which is awesome, so I don’t have to worry about overspending my budget.
It’s so alive here. The people, the workers, even Clyde!
He’s so funny. But enough about that.” She pushed the hair that escaped behind her ears and rested her chin on top of her hands, giving me an intense look.
“How’s the game? It seemed a little heated earlier. ”
“Oh, it’s fine.” I glanced back at the table of hooligans and ignored the way Zade stared at me with an accusatory expression. Focus. “Look, I want to talk to you about something.”
“Okay?” Her smile fell a little and she blinked a couple of times.
“What time do you get off?”
“I think five? Before the dinner rush. Is this about…” She mouthed, your mom, and I shook my head.
“It’s about your list.”
“Oh, what about it?” I swore she tilted her head just a bit to the right at her question, and it charmed me. She wasn’t assuming or ready to attack on what she thought I would say. She accepted it.
“There are a couple things to clarify. Specifically, with Tallen,” I lowered my voice and watched the way she wet her bottom lip with her tongue. “I might need to make an addendum.”
“Keep your talented hands off my list, Tanner Johnson,” she fired back, leaning forward onto her elbows. Her face was only a foot away from mine, but it wasn’t the time to get caught up in her.
“No promises.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
God, was it hot in here? I adjusted the neckline of my shirt and swore the electricity between us ebbed and flowed. This is new. “Enjoy the rest of your shift, Kenz. Find me when you get home.”
“We’ll see how I’m feeling,” the tease responded, with an edge to her voice.
“Find me, Kenzie.” I slid out of the booth and fought every urge to touch her. The little minx just winked at me in response and the anticipation of seeing her alone had my blood pumping.
No more fucking Felix. Just me.