Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Truth and Consequences - Grace
“Grace, I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I know it. But I really feel like you’re the one who’s getting away from me. Before you leave, can you just hear me out? Please?”
I stare at Asher, stunned. We’ve had dinner together at Phi Sigma, which I tried to force myself to be cheerful about and failed miserably.
I keep replaying the argument with my mom in my mind, blow by blow and word for word, and all I feel is sad inside.
Why can’t my mother love me for being Grace Walsh, artistic swimmer and fashion writer?
Why do I have to live her dream in order for her to love me?
It’s a reality that is breaking my heart.
As I stare back at Asher, only one thing comes to my mind. I wish I were talking to Wyatt instead.
Wyatt is the one person who can understand this, but I didn’t want to dump this on him on a Friday night.
Also, wouldn’t it just bring up his own issues that he has to deal with, right before the coach announces the lines for the opening game next week?
He doesn’t need my problem to trigger any feelings inside of him when big things are about to happen for his hockey career.
So I acted like nothing was wrong when we messaged each other and got ready for this stupid mixer.
And as I was about to go out the door, I got a message from Elle.
Her boyfriend, Cooper, is on the men’s volleyball team, and he heard from a source inside the athletic department that OCU is looking to cut eight to ten sports programs and the announcement is coming soon.
The eliminated programs would run through spring semester and then be terminated for the following academic year.
I felt like someone punched me when I read those words. I thought of the missing ceiling tiles and the duct-taped sofa in the artistic swimming facility and knew in my heart we would be shut down.
Which terrifies me.
I’m free there in the pool. When my teammates toss me into the air for an acrobatic move?
I’m flying before I reach the solace of the water again.
I like competing. I love my teammates. I love learning routines and perfecting them.
I’m an artist in the water. An athlete. I’m strong and expressive, and I cannot imagine that being taken away from me.
And now I have Asher Ryan, the quarterback of the football team, wanting to talk to me.
He has been glued to my side all night. We all hung out after dinner, and when my friends wanted to dance, I said I wanted to go home.
I was about to leave when he begged me to stay.
He had some things he needed to say and pleaded with me to hear him out.
“Asher, I’m not the one who is getting away,” I say gently. “And you know I’m with Wyatt.”
“But you didn’t know I was interested. If I wouldn’t have been such a chickenshit, I would have asked you out last semester,” he insists.
“Everything would have been different. I know you’re with Wyatt, and I know this is a shitty thing for me to do, but I have to tell you how I feel. I will always wonder if I didn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I’m meant to be with Wyatt.”
Asher’s eyes lock on mine. “He’s not right for you.”
Anger burns inside me. “Don’t you dare say that. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you say anything bad about Wyatt.”
He exhales loudly and rakes a hand through his dark hair. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just ... Grace, I’ve had this huge crush on you for so long. I never made a move because—”
“Because you heard the rumor about me,” I blurt out as that reality sinks in.
Asher looks away, and I know it’s true. “It’s okay. I know a lot of people believed it,” I say stiffly.
His eyes snap back to mine. “No, it’s bullshit, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. God, I’m such an asshole, and here I am, fucking this whole thing up,” Asher groans.
“Just ... I know the thing with Wyatt is new. I feel ... I feel like there’s still a chance to see what we could be.
You’re what I want. You’re beautiful and smart and you’re even an athlete.
I always got butterflies when it was a lab day because I knew I would see you, and that’s never happened to me before.
So I’m pleading with you, Grace. Give me a chance.
I want a chance to prove to you I’m the choice you should make. ”
“But there is no choice to be made,” I say firmly. “I chose Wyatt. I will always choose Wyatt.”
Asher flinches, and I feel bad for hurting him, but he needs to hear this.
“You have a vision of me,” I tell him. “Pieces of me you know from when we were lab partners. But you don’t know me. Not on a level where you could know I’m the best person for you, Asher. You have a crush. That’s all.”
“No, I know.”
I smile at him. “Now you’re just being stubborn. And part of me thinks you have a crush on me because I don’t care.”
Asher blinks. “What?”
“Come on. You’re used to girls sliding into your Snapchat and Instagram and coming up to you at parties and bars because you’re the hot quarterback on campus.
I don’t care about that. I’ve never treated you as anything but a lab partner.
I’m a challenge. One you didn’t think to go after until Wyatt entered the picture. ”
“No. Wyatt proved to me I should have taken a shot,” he says defiantly.
“Wyatt proved I was a challenge that was suddenly obtainable, in your mind. Because I do date. When it’s the right guy.”
“I know what I feel. I like you. I like you a lot. And if I had acted on it last semester, things could be different.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered,” I say gently. “I was meant to be with Wyatt. Not you.”
Asher’s expression turns sad. “I hear you. I fucked up.” He rubs his hand over his face and groans. “I should have taken my shot. Fuck.”
“Stop saying that. Because it wouldn’t have mattered. I know Wyatt is the guy for me, Asher. I was meant to find him. He was meant to be mine. And I’m meant to be his.”
He nods. “Understood.”
“Hey. Trust me on this. You’re going to find the right girl and realize your feelings for me were one hundred percent misplaced.”
Asher snorts. “Yeah, wish me luck with that. No girl on campus sees me. They see a guy wearing number fifteen with NFL-prospect potential.”
I shake my head. “No. You’re going to find someone amazing, because you won’t settle for someone who just sees a jersey. You’re going to hold out for more. And you’ll find it.”
He exhales loudly. “Well, this didn’t turn out like the play I ran in my head.”
“Hey. We’ll never talk about this again,” I promise him with a smile. “We can be friends.”
“Maybe not right away,” he says ruefully. “I’m going to need to recover from being an idiot.”
“Now you’re being stupid.”
“I’m sorry I made you sit through this.” He grimaces.
“I think getting this out is good for you.”
“Being an idiot is good for me?”
I manage a smile. “No. It will put you on the right path, though.” I push my chair back from the table. “I’m going to grab Maddie and go home.”
Asher rises. “Can I give you a hug? As a thank you for being honest with me? Just as friends, I promise.”
“Sure.”
Asher pulls me into his arms for a hug, and then I quickly step back from him. As soon as I do, I see Wyatt across the dining room hall, with Nolan standing next to him.
“Wyatt!” I cry excitedly, so happy and surprised to see him.
But then I see the furious look in his eyes and realize what he thinks he just saw.
Asher looks over at him and puts up his hands. “Jacobs, it’s not what you think.”
“Oh? Really? What the fuck is this, then?” Wyatt shouts. “You’ve been after Gracie from the second you heard I was dating her!”
The cup pong game comes to a halt, and I can easily see this erupting into something else for that stupid Greek website to spread around.
Wyatt begins making his way across the hall, but Nolan clamps his hand down on Wyatt’s shoulder, holding him back.
“Not now,” Nolan says firmly, but Wyatt shakes him off.
I race up to Wyatt, putting my hand on his chest. “It’s not what you think, and I need to talk to you. Now,” I say quickly.
“Not until I’ve talked to him,” Wyatt snaps angrily. “Fuck you, Ryan! What kind of piece of shit makes a move on another guy’s girlfriend? Huh? You’re pathetic!”
I put my hands on Wyatt’s biceps, gripping him tight to get his attention. “Not here. Hey. Listen,” I say firmly, and finally his eyes snap to mine. “I’m with you. Nothing is changing that. But I don’t want a repeat showing on that website so will you please let me talk to you in private? Please?”
“Listen to her,” Nolan interjects. “Take it somewhere else.”
Wyatt’s eyes are a sea of hurt and anger, and I feel sick knowing I’ve caused this anxiety for him.
“Not here,” Sebastian interjects, moving to the other side of Wyatt. “Leave.”
I glance at Maddie, who has come up with him. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll get home on my own.”
I’m about to protest when Nolan steps in. “No, I’ll walk you home, Maddie.” He looks back to Wyatt. “Get out of here. Go.”
Sebastian then shifts his attention to Asher. “You and I are going to have a little talk, Brother Ryan.”
I keep my eyes on Wyatt, who seems to be calming down.
He’s still hurt, confused, and angry, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s going to storm over to Asher and punch him in the face.
“All right,” he finally says. Then he looks past me to zero in on Asher, and the furious look rekindles in his eyes. “I’ll deal with your sorry ass later!”
“Fine,” Asher yells back. “I deserve it anyway, Jacobs.”
Wyatt’s brow creases at that, and I need to redirect him again. “Let’s go,” I say.
He nods and turns around, storming out of the dining hall.
He doesn’t extend his hand back to me with the familiar wiggling fingers, and panic claws at my chest. We exit Phi Sigma, the music pounding from their courtyard, strobe lights flashing everywhere.
Wyatt jogs down the steps, and I’m still running after him.
“Wyatt, that was not what you think it was!” I call out to his back.
He keeps walking.
“Wyatt! You have to listen to me!” I plead.
Why is he acting like this? He’s become the one person in my life who listens, truly listens to everything I say, and now he’s going to ignore me? Not trust me? Think I’d possibly cheat on him?
He suddenly turns around, and I catch up to him.
To my surprise, it looks like he has tears in his eyes, which completely disarms me.
People move around us on the sidewalk, laughing and shouting and getting ready to party into the next morning, and Wyatt is standing in front of me, about to rip himself wide open.
“Hey,” I say, cupping his face in my hands, “Hey. Listen to me. We can’t talk here, you know that, but I want you to know something until we can get to someplace private.”
He swallows hard and looks away from me.
“Wyatt, look at me. Please,” I plead.
He turns back and looks down at me, his eyes glossy with the tears he’s fighting back.
I gulp and reach for every bit of bravery I have left, knowing full well what I’m about to say will change everything and there’s no going back from it.
Wyatt will either embrace or reject it. He could want no part of it, but my heart is telling me what I need to say, even if my head is terrified of doing it.
“I’m …” I have to swallow to push past the lump in my throat. “I’m in love with you.”
Wyatt’s eyes go wide, searching mine, a look of complete shock taking over his face. He shakes his head, as if he didn’t want to hear that, and panic grips me.
“I’m sorry if you think it’s insta love or too soon or not real, but I thought you should know that. Because it’s very real for me.”
Wyatt goes to speak, but no words come out. I instantly know I’ve made a massive mistake. It’s too soon. He’s not ready.
Instinct takes over, and I do the only thing I want to do at that moment.
I flee, leaving Wyatt behind.