Chapter 41
Iwas slowly losing my mind. This was because, in the silence of my fake drunkenness, I was forced to realize all the mistakes I had made and all the ways in which I could have saved myself from what I was now sure was impending doom. It was as though I was sabotaging myself on purpose, almost convinced that I was constantly looking for ways to get fired. There was truly no other explanation at this point for why I was acting the way I was.
For one, I could have just escaped with Mandy before he had gotten there. And then, even if I couldn”t escape, I could have explained that I had thrown up everywhere and that it was too late. He would have had no choice but to go home then, and I would be saved, right?
Right.
And then there was my acting. How abysmal it was. One moment I was awake and the next I was passed out, and still able to walk. He was a lawyer, for Pete”s sake, or even at worst, a human being with eyes and a brain. Of course, he was already on to me. I wanted to scream or cry, or both.
And then there was the fact that Mandy, that moron, had so blatantly given him my address. I didn’t mind him going over to my home; however, when my home was a garbage pit due to my stress and laziness all week, I did mind incredibly that my billionaire boss would be going over there. To drop me off and to see what I lied about.
As he had held me, I couldn”t help but notice his erection. He was hard, and I didn”t blame him; my breasts were all over the place. Even for several moments, as the cold evening breeze had hardened them, I was sure that they”d been exposed, but he had made me decent.
Whether this was the case or not, I didn’t really care. What I cared about now, and was near panic, was the fact that he was going to see the messy site of my home, and I didn”t think I would ever be able to recover from this. And so now, all I could think about was ways to discourage it. Perhaps I could miraculously wake up and insist that he put me in a cab. He was most definitely going to reject that. Or could I find a way to convince him to take me to his home? How the hell was I supposed to do that when I was supposed to be unconscious?
I was so screwed, but I was also aware that I couldn”t exactly play the ”please fire me” card again. At this point, I was beginning to sound like a broken record, and it was just frustrating me to no end. I had told him I wasn’t manipulative, but what the hell was this?
Sighing and then remembering that as a drunk and unconscious person, I wasn’t supposed to sigh, I managed to remain as still as possible until eventually, we arrived at what I assumed was my building.
He shut off the ignition, however, he didn”t move. I was so close then to opening my eyes and bursting into tears to plead with him, but I knew him enough now to know that he was allergic to tears. And so, at the end of the day, as I was going through and striking out options, all I was slowly approaching was the base of it all, which was to just freaking tell him the truth. The consequence of this though was that I would never be able to look him in the eye again. But what did it matter?
I began to count down from ten, gathering the courage, but then, just before I opened my eyes and straightened, he moved and opened the latch to his door. I went as still as a rock once again as he slammed the door shut, and then he came over to my side.
I didn”t want to reach, however, at his wonderful scent in my nostrils, I leaned in further, and he seemed to notice then and go still. I squeezed my eyes shut on reflex, and that was the moment I knew that I had been busted.
Still, he carried me out, but I had to stand on my feet, leaning against him and pretending to wobble.
We headed to my apartment, and soon we were in the hallway and before my front door. He grabbed my purse from my back and began to unzip it, and then, with my heart in my throat, I collapsed fully against him, nearly dragging him along with me to the floor.
”For fuck”s sake, Hannah!” he cursed, letting me go, and I landed on my ass. Everything went quiet. I was on the verge of tears.
”Really?” he asked. ”You”re going to continue playing dead?”
And there it was.
It was over.
It was the worst idea I had ever had and the worst thing I had ever done.
Ultimately, I had no choice but to open my eyes one at a time. The light all around was freaking blinding, but soon enough, I readjusted to the environment, and then his face came into view. I was so embarrassed; I wanted to die, and I could immediately feel the flush against my skin.
”I”m so sorry,” I apologized, and he frowned deeply. Then, leaning against the door frame, he folded his arms across his chest and waited. The way he was looking down at me made him feel so menacing. I thought that it would be easier to face him if I could rise to my feet; however, even as I grabbed the door frame and tried to stand, I realized that I had truly lost all strength in my body and soon just remained dejected on the floor.
”I… I wasn”t exactly drunk when I texted you.”
”And…” he asked; however, I didn”t know what else to say.
”I”m sorry, I didn’t know you would come over. I just…”
”You just what?” he asked.
I sighed and then shut my eyes.
”I just wanted to know how you were doing. I… wanted to talk to you. I was having just the most awful night, and I couldn’t freaking get you out of my head.”
At my words, he went silent, and then he replied.
”Why couldn”t you get me out of your head?” he asked. ”You want to talk or something?”
I went silent, my clit throbbing as I wondered how I could answer this.
“No,” I replied. “Not talk, I just…” I looked down at my swollen breasts and wanted so badly to convey my desire because that was the only way he could understand. Since I wasn”t in exactly the most flattering of positions, I chose to use a reference instead to save some of my dignity, or whatever shreds of it were left.
“Just like this afternoon,” I replied. “Just like last night?”
“You want to fuck?”
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“Just fuck or do you have something specific in mind?”
My heart stopped in my chest as I looked up at him.
“Say it.”
A number of options went through my head, but now I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn”t hold back even if I tried.
“I want to ride.”
“My cock?” he asked, and I gasped.
“Everything?”
His eyebrows lifted.
“Everything?”
I shifted restlessly and would do anything at that moment to grab my sex. I so desperately needed relief or stimulation, but regardless, not being able to touch myself when he was talking to me this way and looking at me with his mesmerizing eyes was driving me absolutely freaking insane.
“Your mouth as well,” I blurted out, unable to hold back. I grabbed my breasts and pulled one out of the skimpy dress I had on.
“Wow,” he said, and I lowered my head.
“I know. I”m freaking sorry… I just, I”ve never been so attracted to anyone this way before.”
He remained silent, and then he spoke.
“Where are your keys then?”
I instantly came back to reality and scrambled to my feet. His eyes remained on my breasts, and when I realized this and also recalled that we weren’t in a private area but in a hall where any of my neighbors could walk by, I immediately made myself decent.
“Uh…I really don”t think we should go in,” I said. “Maybe we can go somewhere else. There are a lot of hotels in this area. Or we could go somewhere more expensive. I”ll pay for it, don”t worry.”
At my rambling, he cocked his head at me, and I felt so small.
I wracked my head then and waited for his inquiry.
“Why don’t you want me to go into your apartment?” he asked. “You”ve been in mine. Is there something sacred in there that I”m not allowed to see?”
This was the moment of truth, the moment that nothing would rescue me from or that I would never be able to recover from in my lifetime if he truly decided not to heed my advice to go to a hotel.
I lifted my gaze then to see the judgment in his eyes and reaction.
“It”s uh… it”s been a very hectic week for me. Probably the most hectic of my life so far.”
“And?” he asked.
“And um… it”s a mess. I was supposed to clean it yesterday and then… went to Mandy”s and then this happened, and it just all went out of control. I really can”t have you in there. I”m so sorry. I”d rather do this anywhere else, even in your car. Here even.”
“Is it really that bad?” he asked, and I nodded absolutely dejected.
“Now I”m curious all the more,” he said and then held out his hand. “The keys,” he demanded, and I truly couldn”t believe my ears.