Chapter 5
I closemy locker and exhale a shaky breath. Nerves were rippling deep inside of me and everyone could tell my mood was a little sour.
“It’ll be fine, you’ve got this,” Luce pulls me in for a hug and holds me a little tighter.
The thing is, and don’t laugh, but I am still a virgin. It has just never happened. And yes, I know I work in a gentleman’s club, but let’s call it what it really is, a strip club, dressed up and wrapped in an emerald, green bow.
I am grateful for Sage, Dex and Rhaegar, but this is not what I had envisioned for myself when I was the little girl in my doctor costume and stethoscope wrapped round my neck.
“I don’t feel like I have this,” a nervous giggle bubbles out of me as Lucy lets me go. Tilting her head to the side I see a slither of sadness weave through her opal eyes.
“Do you not want to go there?” she asks as she turns her head to look behind her to the narrow corridor that leads towards the back exit.
“I do… but I don’t,” my head is nodding towards her, but my insides are crippling with anxiety.
“Ross will be on the door, three bangs and you’re out.”
My nodding grows a little faster, my pulse racing under my skin.
“You’re right,” I stand a little taller and roll my shoulders back, “it’ll be fine,” I swallow the large lump down and ignore the way it burns as it lodges itself in my windpipe.
Dressed in a light pink bra and G-string, I pull a white silk kimono over my body and wrap myself up as if it’s my security blanket. Taking two small steps, I look at myself in the mirror and blink away the tears that are threatening to leave.
I know what is expected of me in that room. My eyes drag down my body to my silver platform heels before they glide up and focus on my face. Heavy make-up, hazel contacts, long extensions making my hair end at my waist.
“You ready?” Lucy asks as she stands beside me, giving me a warm smile.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“That’s my girl, the car is waiting out back,” she gives me an encouraging slap on my bare ass cheek. I turn and begin walking away when she steps up beside me. “Don’t forget…”
“Three knocks, yeah I remember,” I give her a reassuring smile and disappear down the corridor towards the back of the club.
A blacked-out Mercedes is waiting, and a driver opens the door for me. I give him a curt nod as I slip past him and nestle myself into the seat. My door closes softly before the engine starts and he drives me across town to the smaller club that hosts these kind of private sessions.
The ride isn’t long, but it feels like a million miles away when you’re nervous. We pull curbside and the driver lets me out and walks with me to the hostess. My eyes land on her for just a moment, my lips part ready to announce my name but she looks down at her tablet in her hand.
“Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome told me to escort you to the room.” She gives me a smile and nods goodbye to the driver who disappears behind me.
With each step that brings me closer to him, my heart beats a little harder inside my chest causing my whole body to vibrate with every pound.
My nerves settle slightly when I see Ross. He bounces between both clubs, and I adore him.
He steps forward and gives me a curt nod. Tall, extremely handsome, too handsome to be working as a bouncer in a strip club. Dark curly hair, sharp jaw and crooked nose. He is every bit delicious.
“Ari,” he smiles warmly at me, his dark brown eyes glisten as they sweep over my body. My cheeks blush. “When you going to let me take you out?” he asks just as I get to him.
“How about Friday, five o’clock? It’s my day off,” I give him a shrug of the shoulder as I try and fail miserably to act nonchalant.
“I’ll see if I can get my shift changed.”
“Perfect,” I flash him a wide, toothy smile as he hovers his hand over the doorknob.
“Three knocks, remember?”
“Three knocks,” my voice trembles as I swallow the nerves. I turn to face the dark green door, his fingers finally tightening round the gold brushed doorknob and my heart is in my throat.
“I’ll be right outside.”
I nod, because I can’t say anything else. I need to get my game face on. I need the money, I can’t live with my dad’s best friend much longer.
I wanted the fresh start, and this was how I was going to get that start a lot sooner.
The handle twists and I step into the deep emerald green room, with low lighting, the bed in the middle of the room and my eyes scan to see where my mystery man is.
“Hello…” but the room is empty. I spin towards the closed door and look in confusion.
What the fuck was going on?
Turning back towards the bed, I slowly walk over and see a note, a black, silk blindfold and a single, black rose.
Reaching for the note, I flip it over and read.
Put on the blindfold and wait for me, xo.
Anxiousness swims around in my stomach but I do as the note says. Placing the blindfold over my head, I familiarize myself with the room before I cover my eyes and inhale deeply as I wait.
“So…” his deep voice floats across the room, “we finally meet, little Vixen.” His soft an American accent rasps, and I shiver as an ice breeze dances up and down my spine.
“How did you find me?” I whisper into the room, wrapping my arms around myself.
“I have my ways.”
I nod.
“Why the blindfold?” a nervous laugh escapes me.
And that’s when I hear his shoes move across the floor, and within seconds he is behind me, hands on my hips as his fingers fumble to the tie that is wrapped around my kimono, his lips next to my ear.
“When you lose one of your senses, the rest heighten.”
My breath catches at the back of my throat as his fingers dance across the bare skin of my stomach, teasing and skimming his fingertips along the hem of my G-string.
“I didn’t want to see your pretty little pussy over a screen anymore,” his whispers become more ragged, his chest rising and falling as he slips his hand into the front of my underwear.
My heart jackhammers against my rib cage, the blood thrashing and pumping round my ears.
“Just breathe, let me work your body little vixen…” he rasps as his fingers dip lower and press against my clit.
“We have the whole night, we don’t need to rush,” I pinch my eyes closed and I can’t deny his fingers feel good. I may be a virgin, but I have definitely been touched before.
Widening my stance, a little, his fingers glide between my lips, teasing a finger at my opening and a moan slips out.
“Look at you enjoying this already, I’ve barely touched you… you’re sensitive… just how I like them.”
My head rolls forward as his fingers tease at my opening, my nipples harden against the silk material of my bra and I’m not even ashamed that I am enjoying this.
Whimpering when he pulls his hand from my panties, he leaves me standing alone at the foot of the bed.
“Here’s what I am going to do to you…” his lips are back against my ear, “I am going to eat your pussy while burying my fingers deep inside of you and just when you’re on the brink of coming, I am going to fuck you hard and relentlessly.” I stiffen as his knuckles brush across my goose bumped shoulder. “I don’t go soft and easy; I fuck how I want to fuck and you will come all over my cock.”
He”s now in front of me, his fingers digging into my cheeks as he brushes his lips against mine.
“Do you understand me?”
And I nod. Nerves cripple inside of me.
“Good,” I don’t miss the snarl in his voice as he pushes me onto the bed, his hands grip onto my knees as he widens them so I am at his mercy and within seconds, he is putting me through the paces, his tongue pressed against my clit, his fingers buried deep inside of me causing me to stretch and burn around him. Just when I feel everything in me wound so tight that my back arches off the bed, the sound of foil tears and as quickly as he pulls his fingers out of me, he impales his thick cock deep inside of me.
I gasp, my lungs burning and begging for the air that he so cruelly snatched from me when he shredded every piece of my virginity away with his harsh pounds, fucking me into the mattress. A hand is wrapped around the base of my throat, the other is pinching the skin on my hip as he chases his own high and I lay, mute. All pleasure gone in an instant and all I have is the burning ache between my legs and the escaped tear that rolls down my cheek.
He collapses on top of me, his face buried in my neck as he catches his breath.
“You were better than I expected,” he grins against my skin.
“Thanks,” I plaster on a fake smile as I reach for the blindfold, but he wraps his fingers around my wrist and tugs them away.
“Not until I am gone,” he whispers as he pushes off of me and I hear him suck in a breath. “You were untouched, well, that’s made this evening even better,” and I know he is smirking over my body at taking my innocence, but I don’t even have a minute to let it settle as he buries himself deep inside of me once more.
I sitinside the back of the car completely numb. It’s one thing when you’re behind a computer screen and getting yourself off, but to have them hunt you down and find you to basically use you how they want… maybe if I was more experienced it wouldn’t sting as much as it does, but I feel hollow. My heart aches.
Yes, I did want my first time to be special, but that was before I got kicked out of medical school and wound up as a stripper. Once I was in this line of work, my virginity was somehow tarnished, and I felt embarrassed to still have it.
I am wrapped in the driver’s coat as my body trembles into the seat. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t make myself stop.
“Ma’am,” I see the smartly dressed driver look in the rear-view mirror at me, but I can’t even look at him in the eyes. I feel somehow ashamed of what happened. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take you straight home?” I can hear the concern in his voice. He has every right to be concerned. Maybe.
Shaking my head from side to side, I keep my eyes focused on my clasped hands.
Ross ran for me as soon as I was out the room, but I didn’t look at him. He grabbed me, a little too hard maybe? My face was stained with tears, and marks blemished my skin. He saw it all. He tried to stop me, but I fought him off, pushing and tugging at him until I was free of his grasp which lead to him walking into the room I had come from.
The car rolls to a stop and this time, the driver turns to face me.
“Are you sure you’re okay ma’am?”
My bottom lip trembles and before I give in to the wave of tears that are building behind my eyes, I force my eyes wide and ignore the burn in my throat. My shaky fingers fumble with the inside door handle before I break free of the car and I run into the club, not once looking behind me.
I ignore the commotion and I am grateful that the lights are dim as I keep my head down and walk towards the locker room. I need out of this lingerie.
Not that there is much left of it.
The longer I am alone with my thoughts, the more I am working myself up. He didn’t abuse me. He paid for my time. He paid to use me how he wanted. Yet I am letting it belittle me. He didn’t do anything wrong.
The thought causes a sickness to roll through me. I throw my body through the door of the locker room and I see Sasha standing there, her eyes scope me in one movement before they focus between my legs. Lucy rushes over to me, her hands on the top of my arms as she searches my eyes for something, anything to give her a reason to why I am acting this way.
“Arizona?” Sasha walks towards me, the panic evident on her face whether this was her fault.
“I’m fine,” I finally seem to wake up from my daze.
“Ari… I…”
“Leave me alone Sasha, I am fine. I just need a shower and I need to go home,” my voice trembles but I ignore it. I strip out of my clothes in the middle of the locker room and I don’t even care that they’re all standing here watching me and witnessing me bare.
Willing my legs to move, my muscles ache but it’s fine. Of course, it’s fine. Even if it wasn’t, it was my job, wasn’t it.
And this man wasn’t a stranger. I had bared myself to him numerous times over a screen; if anything, I was asking for him to find me and use me.
It won’t always hurt.
It’ll soon be a distant memory.
Twisting the shower faucet, the pipes bang before the water spurts out the head of the shower. I can hear Lucy and Sasha talking quietly amongst themselves, but I force my eyes shut and silence them in my mind. Stepping under the shower, I let the burning hot water scald me and I welcome the burn on my sensitized skin. Reaching for the soap, I scrub my skin until it’s red raw. Next is my hair, I pull the clip in extensions from my hair and let them fall into the shower tray. Dragging my nails over my scalp, the pain radiates deep inside of me before I scrub the suds into my hair, letting it lather up before I rinse it.
Cutting the water, I step out and walk towards my locker. No one else is in here now apart from Lucy. My skin still covered in soap suds and silky from the water. My brown hair drips down my back and I let the shiver blanket me.
She stands and walks in front of me towards the lockers and pulls my towel out. I stand, numb to it all when she blankets me in warmth.
“Get dressed, I’ll drive you home.”
And that’s when everything hits me, flooring me in seconds.
Lucy drivesme home and I am internally grateful. She’s pretty. Wavy blonde hair, the perfect little nose, beautiful freckles and killer lips that she proudly tells everyone are filled. She has the perfect pout.
She stays quiet and I know she is dying to ask me about the evening but I’m not ready to say anything yet. She is a little older than me, around twenty-seven, I think. More like Reese’s age, my dad’s friend’s wife. I was the youngest. Then Connie. Only by a couple of months, I think. My mind drifts to my dad and I know how angry he would be if he found out just what my life was like now.
He would be so disappointed. And then seeing him disappointed would disappoint me. Yeah, it would. It would really disappoint me.
My stomach knots when we pull up outside Keaton’s. I’m wearing an old, oversized sweatshirt with gym leggings. It’s all I had shoved in the back of my locker. My hair was still wet and it’s natural wave was beginning to show itself.
“Want me to come in?” Lucy offers as she puts the car into park.
“No, thanks.” I grimace as I open the door and step onto the sidewalk. “I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”
I don’t wait around for her to answer. Nerves cripple me as I climb the steps to Keaton’s, fishing around in my bag for my front door keys. Twisting my neck to look over my shoulder, Lucy is still sitting there, I would like to say she was waiting to see if I get in safely, but I can see her texting on her phone. Probably Keaton. Who am I kidding, it’ll definitely be Keaton.
I turn a pretty shade of green.
Jealousy does not suit me, especially when the person I am jealous over doesn’t even see me like that.
Sighing, I push the front door open, and I am met with darkness.
He isn’t home yet and I’m not sure if I am sad or relieved.
Softly closing the door, I press my back against it and close my eyes. My mind becomes a lot quieter, and my heartbeat slows to a steady beat. I step forward, tossing my keys into the bowl on the side table when Keaton rushes through the door, his eyes wide and pinned to me.
“Oh, Ari,” he looks confused, his thick brows pinch and form a deep V and I want to run my fingers over his fine lines to smudge them away into nothing.
“Hi,” I breathe, my fingers locked together. Dread consumes me.
“I wasn’t expecting you… I…” he looks at the closed door behind him before his eyes are back on me. His full lips open and close repeatedly but nothing comes out.
“I had a work thing,” I roll my lips, sort of answering the lingering question that is no doubt hanging on the tip of his tongue.
“I didn’t think you were working tonight.”
“Something came up,” I swallow the bile that is thickening at the back of my throat, “how about you?” I ask, my blue eyes volleying back and forth between his, but he breaks contact when his phone begins ringing.
“I had a private client across town,” he sighs, clearing his throat and walks past me without saying another word.
A private client?