Chapter 36
I sleptin my own room last night. Keaton didn”t come to find me, and I didn”t find myself wandering towards the place that feels like home. In his arms. Head on his chest as I listen to the steady beat of his heart. Instead, I woke up feeling alone and abandoned and I only have myself to blame for that. I kept pushing and pushing until I had put a wedge between us because I am so scared of him leaving me and walking away.
Nothing about the last six months has gone the way I wanted. This is not the dream I had envisaged.
Pulling myself from bed, I shower and dress in sweatpants and a loose, oversized tee. Nothing fits and I need new clothes but that”s not on the top of my list at the moment.
What”s on the top of my list is moving out and focusing on earning as much money as I can, but without the stage and eventually, the private dances, the money is going to dwindle into nothing.
How the fuck am I going to bring up two kids?
My head is in my hands for just a moment when I internally slap myself. Pull yourself together.
Pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose, I pull my hair into a messy pony and walk towards the kitchen. The coffee pot is hot, so I pour myself a decaf with creamer and do myself a bowl of cereal with cold milk.
I”m not alone long when Keaton walks into the kitchen looking as handsome, if not even more so, than usual and wearing the perfect Tom Ford suit.
“Morning,” his voice is gruff and he can”t even look at me.
“Morning,” I whisper, my eyes on my bowl of cereal and suddenly I am not hungry anymore. I hear the sound of him reaching for a mug and I ignore the urge to peek a look at him over my shoulder.
My phone beeps, my brows furrow and I turn it over to see a message from Lucy. Shit, I have really neglected her.
Lucy
Hey beautiful, you working tonight? xo
Then another.
Lucy
Sorry to ask, but what”s Keaton”s problem? I messaged him a few days ago asking to see him and he replied with ”not tonight luce, maybe another”. Is he seeing someone else because the last time we were together he sounded pretty adamant that he wanted us to be a little more than fuck buddies... but yeah, do you know anything? xo.
My heart jack hammers in my chest and the rage slowly seeps into my blood stream.
I spin on my stool, one leg over the other, arms crossed against my chest.
His eyes lift, brows raised as he leans against the surface. Phone in one hand, coffee in the other.
“Heard from Lucy at all?” I ask, and that gets him standing a little taller.
“Not in a while, why?”
“Just wondered whether you had told her we were married or not?” He says nothing, just looks at me in confusion. “Only reason I ask is because she has just messaged me asking if all is okay with you because she text you for a hook up and you replied with ”sorry luce, I’m married to Arizona. We”re a thing now so this can”t happen anymore.””
And I watch as his jaw laxes slightly, lips popped open.
“Ohhhh wait, my bad, you didn”t reply with that, silly me. No, no, you replied with ”not tonight luce, maybe another””and I am fucking angry.
“Ari... wait.”
But it”s too late.
I sweep my phone off the countertop and walk away but Keaton is hot on my tail. He grabs my elbow, pulling me back and turning me to face him but I am in blind rage mode. My hand connects with his cheek and the echo of the slap fills the quiet house.
“Don”t you fucking dare,” I seethe, tugging my wedding band off and throwing it at him as I walk towards my room, grab my suitcase I came with many months ago and begin to dump my belongings inside of it.
When I look up, he is standing at the door, a red mark across his face and eyes glassy.
“I didn”t mean what I said to her, it was a quick-fire response.”
“I don”t care Keaton,” my tone is harsh and a pain sears through my chest.
“You do care Arizona, why are you lying?”
“No idea, it must be contagious because I’ve been living with a liar, seems I have become pretty good at it too.”
“What does that even mean?” his voice grows louder as he steps closer to me.
“Exactly what you think it means,” I zip my case up and spin to face him. “I’m done Keaton. Here, you have your escape plan,” I continue towards the doorway, so we”re standing shoulder to shoulder, “I suggest you take it,” and I just about manage to get the words out before the tears threaten.
I wasn”t lying when I said I was getting good at it. Because what I just spun was just that. A lie. Another to add to the long list. I didn”t want him to use this as an escape, but I was giving him it anyway.
Climbing out the cab,I stare up at Killian and Reese’s house. This felt a little too ballsy. Should I be here? No. But I needed my own escape plan, and this was just it. I didn”t want to leave Keaton, I didn’t, and I promise that wasn”t a lie, but I needed to. For both of our sakes.
Inhaling on a shaky breath, I climb the steps to the impressive townhouse and knock on the black front door. I”m not waiting long in the cold when Killian opens the door, utter confusion on his face as his eyes sweep over me, concern is evident on his worried brow.
“Arizona,” he steps forward, “are you okay?” his eyes swooping and taking in my suitcase and bag.
I nod, but shrug at the same time because honestly, I don”t know. Am I okay? Like really? When I sit and count all the ways that my life has been derailed in the last six months, I would conclude that no, I am, in fact, not okay.
“Come in, it”s Baltic out there,” he isn”t lying. It”s bitterly cold. Freezing in fact. He looks tired as he steps back, opening his home to me. And I am so damn grateful. I had no idea if they were even in, and I know I had originally spoke to Connie about having Killian”s old apartment, but given my last encounter and the fact that Keaton showed up, I feel like Kaleb would spill my truths and tell him everything. And I”m not saying it would be out of choice, but maybe they coax it out of each other. Is it some twin superpower?
I step inside, and warmth blankets me.
“Thank you,” I wrap my arms around myself, my coat tied at my front. Grateful I sized up before I found out I was pregnant. This bump feels like it”s growing by the minute.
“Want me to take your coat?” and I shake my head.
“I’m not planning on staying long, just have a favor to ask, that”s all.” He nods a knowing nod. Does he know? Has Connie already brought it to his attention. He leads me down the hallway and towards the back of the house where a large kitchen-dining area sits.
“Your house is lovely,” my cheeks redden slightly.
“Thank you, I would love to take credit for it, but before Reese, it was merely a shell.”
“I heard my name,” Reese”s voice floats through the room and I smile as I turn to face her, and she looks as pretty as ever. Dirty blonde hair, beautiful opal eyes, tall and lean.
“Hey Buttercup,” she walks towards Killian as he calls her nickname and embraces him, placing a kiss on his lips, baby monitor wrapped in her fingers before turning and facing to look at me.
“Is everything okay?” she asks me, her eyes doing a quick sweep over me.
“Yeah,” I roll my lips, “just want to ask something of Killian.”
They both just stare, waiting for my words.
“Me and Keaton need some time out...” I pause for a moment, and I see them both look at my empty left finger.
“Has he hurt you?” Killian’s voice is tight, vice like. A slither of rage flashes in his eyes.
Yes.
“No, no, nothing like that,” I shake my head from side to side softly, eyes cast down as my face falls forward, so my focus is on the ground.
“Then what happened?”
I can feel both of their eyes burning into me, but I don”t want to look up.
“We just need some time apart. That”s all... I was wondering if I could maybe rent the penthouse for a couple of weeks?”
A couple of weeks will be all I can afford.
“Of course you can, and we don”t want the money Arizona. You”re family.” Killian says softly, “but why don”t you go home? I”m sure your dad would love to have you back.”
And I snort a laugh, finally allowing my eyes to look at them both.
“Killian,” Reese sighs, placing her hand on his chest, “not your place,” she gives him a small smile.
“I”m just not ready yet... he has no idea about...” my hands round my small bump.
Killian rubs his lips. “I want to tell him; things have just been a little ...”
“I get it,” he holds his hand up to stop me from speaking, “no need to explain.” And his words are not harsh, far from it. I watch as he breaks away from Reese and steps over to a small cabinet on the wall, opening the door and unhooking a bunch of keys. He walks towards me, handing me the keys and lingering for just a moment. “There is no rush, you take as long as you need, and I promise to not tell Keaton where you are... unless you want me to?”
I shake my head from side to side.
“I think it”s best we both just give each other some space,” and Killian nods.
“Okay, come, I’ll drive you over.”
“Oh, please no, honestly, it”s fine. I have already taken up a lot of your evening, I don”t want to take up any more of it. I”ll get a taxi,” I half laugh, and he smirks.
“It wasn”t a question,” he raises a brow and I lower my head, dropping it forward. He walks past me, cocky smile on his face and I look up at Reese who beams at me.
“You”ll never win against Killian Hayes, trust me.”
“No shit,” I laugh before pulling her in for a cuddle as we say our goodbyes.
“I”ll come see you tomorrow, that work with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Perfect, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she gives me one last hug and follows me down the hallway. My brows pinch when I notice my suitcase and bags have already been taken. “He won”t let you lift a finger,” she smiles, fingers curled round the front door as I step outside and into the cold.
“Thanks for everything.”
“You never have to thank us,” and my heart warms. I was worried when I fell out with my dad that I would have no family left. Yet, I have all the family I need right here.
Killian helpsme into the penthouse and also explains that Reese”s parents, Mateo and Liz lived a couple of floors down in apartment 108 so if I had any problems I could always knock. I thanked him and after he showed me how to work certain appliances and the hot water and heating, he was out the door. Closing it behind him, it took me a moment or two for everything to sink in. This wasn”t what I wanted, but it was needed. I want to be with Keaton, I love him with all I have but I needed to do it for both of us to even stand a chance.
Sure, the issue with Lucy wasn”t that big, but it was big enough to cause a distraction to be able to walk out the door without him following me. He knew he fucked up; he is a stubborn headed man, I give it a couple of days and my phone will be blowing up with missed calls and messages. I felt like everything was getting a little too real. I was pregnant with twins. I married my dad”s best friend. Everything was fucked up. I missed him as soon as I walked out the door, it took everything in me to keep walking until his home was so far out of sight I couldn”t run back and into the safety of his arms. I was adamant we would find our way back to each other, but until then. I was on my own.
Just like I was all of those months ago.
Slipping my phone out of my pocket, I open my music app and play you”re on your own kid - taylor swift, and never have I resonated more with a song than this one.
Because I was well and truly on my own.
And worse of all, I only had myself to blame.