Chapter 38
It had been four days.
Four days since she walked out the door and took my heart with her. I tighten my palm around the gold band that she threw at me in anger. Hated that she took it off.
Hated it.
I didn”t want to love her. I really didn”t, but I somehow ended up falling head over fucking heels for her. So stupid to think that this would have actually worked. Everything I touch turns to poison.
Wish I was lying.
As much as my ex-wife, Chantelle, was Satan dressed up in a pretty pant suit, she wasn”t all bad. She was a good suitor, family had money, she was career driven but still wanted a family someday. We worked well together, until we didn”t. She was good for me, and I mean that wholly. She was.
But I somehow turned her into a vindictive, conniving bitch. She turned on me quicker than a raging bull with its matador. It didn”t matter what I did to suppress her and give her everything she could ever dream of, nothing was enough for her. I never knew what I had done to turn her into a cold-hearted bitch, but it must have been something, and then I realized it was being with me.
I offered to give her children; I never made her choose her career over motherhood. I offered to be a stay-at-home dad, a full-time nanny, whatever she wanted. But then it dawned on me, she didn”t want any of that. She didn”t care about my feelings and my wants for my life on this planet. She only cared about herself. She agreed to marry me out of a need more than a want. She desired nothing more than a ring on her finger and a man who came from a good name. Mills.
Bertie Mills—my father—was a successful businessman. Shrewd and cold when needed, but it got him as far as it did. It wasn”t until Chantelle left that I realized he and her orchestrated it all. Even worse, they were having an affair. I found out, promised to keep it from Kaleb, but not my mom. Kaleb didn”t need to know the one man he idolized more than me—jokes—was our father. My brother would have bent over backwards for him if it meant getting a ”I’m proud of you”. It never did come. Even on his death bed. I followed through with my promise, and still to this day my brother never knew what really happened.
And for Chantelle, me outing them to my mother, the love of my life before Arizona, was the worst thing I could do. I ruined her life, ruined her chances of being happy. She would have been comfortable with me, but clearly comfortable wasn”t enough. It wasn”t until I signed those divorce papers years later that I realized I was the poison in her veins. She tolerated me, stayed with me because I didn”t really give her a choice. It was bad enough that she brought shame to my family once, I wasn”t going to allow her to do it again. But once my mom died, her wish was for me to make her as insufferably happy as I could, well, I had no reason to protect her anymore. I turned cold and callous with her, made her life hell in the end I suppose. And when I finally served her with divorce papers, she took them like a woman starved.
She cleaned me out, mostly. I tucked money away every now and then, and the house I live in was my parents. Tarnished with Betrayal but filled with so much love.
And since her, well, there hasn”t been anyone.
Until Arizona.
I”ve fought with myself over the last couple of days as to whether I should message her or not. I always choose the latter. She needs space, we need space. It”s been hundred miles per hour since she moved in. That doesn”t mean I didn”t still love her with every fiber inside my body.
If this is what love feels like, then I have never once been in love.
This is painful. It”s messy. It isn”t easy. But it”s addicting, beautiful and scary. Loving her knocks the air from my lungs, but breathing without her is unbearable. My heart is shredded and my chest aches at the hollowness that now fills it. My heart began to heal, the crevices that were settled in so deep were slowly closing again and the weeds that buried beneath the surface we”re now blossoming into flowers.
It was her.
My blossom.
Ugh, fuck, I missed her.
The house was too quiet without her.
Didn”t like it.
Not one bit.
Hated it. Hate wasn”t a strong enough word.
Loathed it.
Kicking my feet up onto the sofa, I lay and stare at the ceiling.
I needed to get to work. Couldn’t mope all day unfortunately.
After another ten minutes of staring at the boring as fuck white ceiling, I rolled myself up and off the sofa and sluggishly made my way to the car.
Over today already.
The drive isshort to the office; always is. Mostly. All three cars are here. Not sure why I was hoping Titus wasn”t going to be here.
Pulling into my spot, I inhale deeply then cut my engine. I hadn”t seen Titus in a while. I have avoided him at every chance I have had. I can”t keep lying to him. But, for her, I have to.
I mean, I can”t tell him we”re having twins because I”m not sure if they”re mine.
Fuck’s sake man.
Rubbing my thumb on the underside of my gold wedding band, my heart aches.
Miss her.
Stupid amounts.
Literally feel like I could die without her.
So fucking dramatic.
Finally, and reluctantly, believe me, I climb out the car. Briefcase in hand, and my head is thumping knowing I have this month’s accounts to go through. Busy and late night. Blessing in disguise really. All I do at home is mope around because I miss Arizona.
Slamming my car door, the loud noise echoes around the underground garage. Walking towards the elevator, pressing the button, the doors ping open, and a heavy sigh vibrates through my chest as I step inside the elevator, inhaling deeply as the doors slide shut. The ride up is short. Too short.
My foot is out the elevator, my eyes seeking out Titus and he is sitting on the phone, leaned back in his chair, feet on his desk and crossed at the ankles. Nate is Nate. Buried in his computer and Kaleb is tucked in his office.
It”s quiet.
Too quiet.
No Xavier, and no Killian from what I can see. Killian normally pops in; he doesn”t work here. He works across the city with his wife, Reese at Lorde’s PR. Pretty sure that’s where they met, might be wrong though.
Love them together. Love just them actually. They”re so good for each other. Like rays of sunshine in each other’s lives. I know he has said before that he felt like he was walking around in darkness before he met Reese.
Cute. But I get it.
Placing my briefcase on my desk, I click it open and grab my piles of paperwork. Kicking up my computer, I notice a piece of paper that says sign here. I see Titus hovering by my door as I quickly scribble my signature where asked then toss the pen down onto the desk.
“All set for Ari”s birthday next week?” he asks me like I had forgotten.
“Pretty much.”
I”m not all set.
Don”t want to slip up that she doesn”t live with me anymore.
He would blow a gasket.
“She okay?” it”s more of a grunt than an ask.
“Yup,” I sigh, not in the mood for small talk today. Closing my briefcase, I place it on the floor by my feet and focus on my screen as I log into my computer.
“What”s eating you?” He steps into my office like I have invited him in.
Annoyed me a little bit.
“I”ve got a busy day.”
“Well maybe if you got here early like the rest of us instead of doing what ever it is you do...” and he trails off fully aware of what he has just said.
My lips pull into a smile as I chuckle, opening my emails.
“Don”t.”
“I haven”t done anything, pretty sure those words came from your lips man, not mine.”
“I”m mad at you.”
“Join the queue,” I huff and his hands are pressed onto my desk, annoyingly beautiful blue eyes burning into me.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I shrug. “Exactly that, you”re not the first and surely not the last to be mad at me, so...”
“But I top everyone else surely, you did get drunk with my just barely legal daughter...”
“She”s twenty-two next week, hardly barely legal... don”t be dramatic Titus. It really doesn”t look good on you,” my brows furrow as I keep my eyes on my screen.
“And marry her,” he finishes.
I sigh, leaning back in my chair, fingers locked and resting in my lap as I let my eyes lift to meet his.
“And what?” my brows sit high in my head, lips turned down slightly as I wait for his response.
“Well,” he stands, hands tucked into his pockets.
“I”m not happy about it.”
“Right?”
Silence.
“Titus, man, I am fucking busy. Have you got something to say or?”
“I want you to divorce Arizona.”
My eyes widen, my back straightens, sitting a little taller in my chair.
“And why would I do that?”
“Because she”s my daughter and I don”t like it.”
“I don”t like you at the minute but hey,” I shake my head from side to side and I watch as he stands up, not sure if he thinks I am threatened by him; I”m not.
“She isn”t some victory, I know you told me you love her, but I have a hard time believing that,” and that really gets under my skin. I scoff, clenching my jaw and the prominent ache is evident.
“Never thought she was a victory... and I do love her. Not sure when I had to start explaining my feelings to you.”
“When you married my daughter while drunk.”
“We planned it before we were drunk.”
“I have a hard time believing that too.”
“Do you? Really? Because you and Ari are really close? Bullshit Titus. Don”t believe me, ask Killian, ask Reese, ask them if I dragged her down the aisle of the little white chapel of love in Vegas and forced her to marry me.”
I stand from my own desk, and I am fucking raging.
“Don”t.”
“Don”t what? I”m just stating facts Titus and you don”t fucking like it.” He crosses his arms across his chest tightly. “Maybe you should spend a bit more time wanting to fix your relationship with your daughter instead of wedging yourself up my ass with your bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” I pace round the side of my desk so we”re standing toe to toe. “You know nothing about her, so please don”t come in here acting like dad of the fucking year. I get she”s stubborn, but fuck, please show me how you”ve tried to make it right with her and don”t even try and redeem yourself with her birthday dinner.” I sigh, “I love you man, I really do. You”re my best friend but please, back the fuck down and get out of my face. I love her and she loves me. You want her happy and loved, don”t you?” He says nothing. “Fuck this, I don”t care if you don”t. I am done with this bullshit Titus. Just fuck off and leave me alone,” and that”s when he hits me.
Fist to jaw and fuck my life.
It hurt.
I swear my jaw dislocated. My eyes feel like they’re spinning in my head.
“Don”t ever fucking talk to me like that again. I have every fucking right to voice my thoughts when it comes to my daughter. Don”t think just because you”re married that I am going to let you both ride off into the sunset. You don”t deserve her. She deserves a lot better than you. I know that and so do you. So, stop with your bullshit Keaton.” His voice is loud and stern, and I know better than to answer him back.
Guy”s a cunt.
He shakes his hand by his side and walks into the waiting elevator.
Kaleb pokes his head round the door, my hand is still pressed to my jaw.
Fuck that aches.
“Hit you?”
“The fucking guy has iron fists,” I scoff, shaking my head and Kaleb steps into my office.
“What did you do now?”
“Not a lot... just told him to stop preaching. Wants me to leave Ari.”
“I mean, he does have some right.”
“Does he?” I turn to face Kaleb, resting on the desk. Jaw still throbbing. Didn”t like that one bit.
“Yeah, you got drunk.”
“We planned it before for fuck’s sake, does no one listen,” I scrub my face.
“Look, I’ll always have your back and be by your side, but sometimes you do cross the line.”
“We”ve all crossed the fucking line when it comes to our love lives, the only one who hasn”t is Nate,” I throw my arm up towards where Nate is sitting and he looks up at me, pure confusion on his face.
“Yeah, but Nate is...”
“Nate?” I groan out.
Silence fills the room for a moment.
“I deserve love too; I deserve to marry whom I want and when I want even if it is my best friend’s daughter.”
“Code and line my man...”
“Like I said, you”ve both crossed the line too. Maybe I need to get Xavier”s take on all of this because you two are so fucking blindsided.”
He sighs, hands in his pockets.
“Can you just leave? You out of everyone knows everything and you”re still not taking my side so just please, fuck off.”
He drops his head for a moment, shaking it from side to side.
“The sad thing is Keaton, I always take your side. That”s the problem,” and before I can even ask what the fuck he means, he is out of my office.
Well, fuck him, fuck Titus, fuck them all.
Haven”t got time for this bullshit today.
Dicks.