Chapter 43
I can hearthe commotion outside, but I don”t really care. I feel numb to it all. I nearly lost one of my babies because I let everything, and everyone, get on top of me. Too worried about working, too busy trying to push Keaton away and for what? Because he may not be the dad to the twins? What the fuck was wrong with me? I had the most perfect man willing to step up and be a dad even if they weren”t his. He married me and vowed to stay by my side, yet it wasn”t enough.
The door handle goes and my eyes flit across the boring room hoping it is Keaton, but disappointment floors me when I see my dad and Amora walk in.
Not ideal this being the third time we have seen each other, but here we are.
“Sunshine,” the kid nickname he called me for as long as I can remember slips past his lips. His tone is warm, his eyes soft and his fingers are laced through Amora”s.
She”s pretty. Freckles that look like constellations in the night sky dotted over her cheeks and nose, eyes beautifully imperfect. One brown, one blue. Skin ivory white, she looks like the pretty China dolls that sit on high shelves but are to not be played with. Never touched. Long, red hair in bouncy curls and a slim figure. Cute, neat bump with a sibling of mine.
“Dad,” I lick away a salty tear that escaped. They both walk across the large room, both by my side.
“Arizona,” Amora”s British voice is low and sweet, her scent filling the room. Apricots and cocoa butter.
“Hi,” my response is quiet.
“How are you feeling?” she lets go of my dad”s hand and sits on the edge of the bed, her hand scooping mine up and clasping it tightly.
“I”ve been better,” a snort of a laugh leaves me, my chest aching.
“I”m glad you”re okay though, and the babies,” her cheeks glow crimson, eyes squeezing as she smiles at me.
“Me too,” I admit, it”s not a lie.
“I want to wish you a happy birthday, but...”
“Doesn”t seem right, does it?” I laugh, my head tilting to the side and a sad stutter of breath leaves me and I feel my bottom lip turn.
I don”t want to cry.
But what I want, and what happens are out of my control.
The tears roll down my cheeks and out of nowhere, Amora leans across and wraps her arms around me as I cry into her pretty pink dress.
Damn it.
She really is sweet.
Hate that.
But at the same time, I don”t.
“Please don”t cry,” she whispers and my chest aches. I have so many things to be grateful for, yet I feel immense sadness.
My dad is soon by my side, his lips pressing to the top of my head as he gives me a soft kiss.
“I”m so sorry, Sunshine,” he mutters, and I squeeze my eyes tight as the tears roll down the side of my face.
“I am too dad,” and it”s not a lie. For once in the last few months, nothing in this conversation has been a lie. I am truly sorry.
One by one, they pull themselves off of me and there isn”t a single dry eye in the room. My eyes fall to Amora”s bump, and I smile.
“Never thought I would be bump buddies with my dad”s wife...” I roll my lips.
“I never thought I would be bump buddies with my husband’s daughter...” she scrunches her nose up and I don”t miss the gentle giggle that passes her lips.
“How are you feeling?” I ask with a huff of exhaustion coating my question.
“I”m feeling okay, six months pregnant and feel the size of a house,” she looks down at her bump, hands cradling.
“Ha, you don”t look big at all. I feel bigger than you and I am only 14 weeks,” I sigh, my own hands moving to my small bump that probably does look a lot like bloat now I have seen Amora”s perfectly rounded bump.
“You are carrying twins, be kind to yourself,” and she gives me such a warm smile that seems to make everything feel better.
“Twins,” I shake my head from side to side. “Who would have thought?”
“Well, Keaton is a twin, is that not how it works?” my dad asks, and I know it must be a bitter pill for him to swallow. I mean, none of this could have been easy on him.
“They”re identical twins, the babies, they don”t run in families... they just happen,” I half shrug as I meet my dad”s gaze.
“Huh,” his brows raise, lips turned down as he nods.
“I know, Keaton didn”t know that either until my scan.”
“And are you happy Arizona?” and I know he means it from the depths of his huge heart.
“I will be,” and it”s true. I will be. I just need to get some things sorted first.
My dadand Amora have been gone a little over twenty minutes and Keaton still hasn”t come near or by. I don”t get it. Maybe the final shove was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I have no idea, but I miss him. My palm rubs the ache out of my chest and my heart sinks into the depths of my stomach.
The door opens and I see Connie and Reese walking through with black and gold balloons, a birthday cake and presents. My eyes light up at their kindness.
“How you doing?” Connie asks, dragging the handful of balloons towards me and arranging them so they look pretty.
“I”m okay,” I mean, I don”t think I am, but I am tired of having the same conversations.
“Sorry we”re celebrating your birthday here,” Reese”s brows furrow and I let out a soft sigh. The sound of the babies heartbeats comforting the quiet room and drowning out the beeping from the machine.
“Could be worse,” I breathe out, turning my face to look at the screen.
“Yeah?” Reese asks as she places some pink peonies in a vase on the unit beside my bed.
“Yeah, I could be dead,” I say deadpan.
“Wow, that”s dark,” Connie blows out her cheeks as she places their presents on my lap.
“Not really, just stating a fact,” my eyes move between the both of them. “Was Keaton outside?” I ask and I really do try to not sound bothered, but I failed, miserably.
“No hon,” Reese says as she sits at the foot of the bed, “he walked off with Nate and Kaleb,” she gives a sorry smile and my heart throbs in my chest.
“Oh,” my eyes fall for a moment as I look at my hands.
“I”m sure he has just popped out,” Connie joins in.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Silence blankets us for just a moment before Reese is shoving a present in my face. “Here, this is from me, Killian and Celeste.” I take the impeccably wrapped gift. Shiny gold wrapping paper and a huge black bow. The box is long and slim and excitement courses through me.
Slowly tugging at the ribbon, I watch as it unravels, a bit like my life to be honest, and I see a pretty box. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I lift the lid and I see a pretty gold bracelet. I look up at Reese, tears in my eyes.
It”s a charm bracelet with delicate charms hanging off the twisted chain. A dummy, a stethoscope, a sun and my birthstone, citrine.
“Reese.”
“It”s just a little something,” she says nonchalant.
“It”s beautiful, thank you,” my bottom lip trembles.
I run my fingers gently over the bracelet and I feel so overwhelmed.
“My turn,” Connie says as she squeezes herself next to me, legs on the bed. She passes me a small box with the same wrapping paper.
I tug at the bow. and lift the box to reveal a gold ring with my birthstone, encased with diamonds.
“Girls... this is...”
I can”t even finish my words as I am a blubbering mess.
“Oh doll,” Connie laughs, wrapping her arm round me and pulling me in for a cuddle. Reese is at my side as well as we stay in this embrace whilst I soak them with my tears,
I loved these girls with everything I had.
Dr Kyra poppedin to see me to monitor me and the babies.
“All is looking good, how are you feeling?” she asks, taking my temperature before jotting down notes.
“Tired.”
“That”s understandable, you”ve had a busy few days. I”m going to get you moved onto the maternity ward. There will be other pregnant moms. You”ll still be in your own room but be better for you to be on my floor.”
I nod.
“Okay perfect, let me get this paperwork finished up and then we can take you up.”
She waltzes out the room and I am left alone once more.
Keaton never came back, and it hurts me to my very core.
Reaching for my phone, I text my dad.
Me
Hey, can you get me some clothes from Killian”s penthouse... long story. Don”t want to get into it. Need some pajamas and be nice to have some sweatpants and tees too. Also need underwear. xo
I feel weird asking my dad, but not sure who else to text. Keaton obviously didn”t care.
Frustration bubbles inside of me, my chest feels tight and anxiety floors me causing nausea to swim deep inside my stomach.
The door opens once more. “Okay, let”s get you moved.”
“I can walk if it”s easier,” I suggest, sitting up as they walk towards the gurney, kicking the locks off and lifting the sides.
“Not a chance,” Kyra laughs, “bed rest for you. Depending how your stay goes, I might have you on bedrest a little longer once you”re home too.”
Great.
I say nothing. Just let my head fall back on the pillow.
“Can my flowers and balloons come with me?” I sound sad and pathetic, and I hate it.
“Of course, Arizona, I’ll get Doctor Stone to get an intern to run them up,” she smiles at me as she pages before walking beside me. “So, a little bird told me you used to work here...” she trails off for just a moment and my stomach knots.
“I did…” and I know straight away it was that no good nosey bitch, Anastasia.
“What happened?” she picks away at me as we move.
“Life?” I offer as a cheap shot but know it”s not taken well. She raises her brows and gives me a whatever look. “Fine,” I cross my arms against my chest as we wait for the elevator, “I failed my intern exams,” my cheeks flame and I feel ashamed.
“What department?”
“Trauma,” I lick my dry lips. Sighing heavily.
“So why not resit?” the confusion is apparent in her voice. I get it. I do.
“Pride?” not sure why I am asking her to be honest.
“Really?”
“Think so...” my heart jack hammers in my chest.
“I think you got scared,” she winks. She isn’t lying.
“Maybe... I just didn”t like the thought of staying behind when all my class moved forward. I was top of my class, no idea what happened.”
“A certain dark-haired man?” she wiggles her brows, smiling at me before letting a laugh sneak out.
“Ha, no, I wasn”t with Keaton then.”
“So what? Did you choke?”
“I think so. I felt so overwhelmed, and the questions that I knew off the top of my head just didn”t seem to come easily. The more I thought, the more I struggled,” I”m breathless, I haven”t spoken about this to anyone before now, but with Kyra, it”s just so easy.
“I get it.” she nods, the doors to the elevator ping open as I am pushed through.
“You do?” I am surprised.
“Oh yeah,” she presses the button for the sixth floor, “I failed my intern exam too. Hated it. So much so I moved across the water and started again.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah... oh.”
“I’ve always wanted to be a doctor since I was a little girl, can”t help but feel a little bummed out that I have fucked it up.”
She rolls her eyes.
“You haven”t fucked it up, you have just hit a speed bump.”
I sigh again.
“Won”t be going back to med school anytime soon.” My hands are on my bump as we begin moving onto the maternity ward.
“You”re young, take a year or two and get back on the horse, otherwise you”ll be living in regret for the rest of your life. Dreams are meant to be hard, if they were easy, everyone would be living theirs, wouldn”t they?” she tilts her head at me as she pushes me into my new room. This one is a lot brighter, and I have a window. Not that there is much to see. It”s dark, and miserable by the sounds of the rain hitting the window pane.
“I suppose,” I smile at her as she parks my bed, footing the brakes on. “Thanks for chatting to me.”
“Of course, I hope I helped.”
“You really did,” she places her hand over mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Now, get some rest. I”ll be in to check on you and the babies a bit later on. The nurse will be on shortly to take a food order from you.”
I nod, “Thank you,” I say again, and I really do mean it.
“Always,” she says and she walks out the door, just as Doctor Stone walks in with a nurse, placing my belongings down.
I thank them before they close the door on me and I am alone with my thoughts, well, not alone... I have my twinnies. My babies.