Chapter 7 #2
Odelina leaned back against the smooth stone, arms spreading along the pool’s edge.
“It’s liberating, honestly. To be with someone without all the guilt and secrecy that humans and elves wrap around intimacy.
” She looked at Aeryn. “Though I imagine that’s difficult to understand, coming from the royal court. ”
Aeryn’s fingers twisted together beneath the water.
The Church’s teachings rose unbidden in her mind: pleasure as sin, the body as something to be controlled, denied.
The contradictions pressed against her skull—what she’d been taught versus what she’d witnessed here, where bodies moved together without apology and no one whispered condemnation afterward.
“It is difficult,” Aeryn admitted. “The idea of...” She gestured toward where the feast had taken place. “Of coupling so openly would destroy reputations, ruin families.”
“And here it strengthens bonds,” Odelina said. “Shows trust, connection. There’s no shame in wanting your mate, in letting others see that desire.” She paused, studying Aeryn. “Though I imagine that’s cold comfort when everything you were raised to believe tells you otherwise.”
“It isn’t comfort at all,” Aeryn said quietly. “It’s confusion. I look at what happens here and part of me recoils from...” She searched for the right word. “Fear, perhaps. That if I accept this, I’m betraying something fundamental about who I am.”
Odelina’s expression gentled. “Maybe you were never given the chance to find out who you actually are? The Church needed something from you. The court did too.”
“Give yourself time,” Essa said, her voice soft. “No one expects you to shed a lifetime of teaching in a few weeks.”
“You know,” Odelina said, “the more pleasure Khaeric gives you, the easier all of this will become. When your body understands what joy can exist between mates, the rest stops feeling so scandalous. There’s nothing quite like a mate who knows how to make you forget the world exists.”
Aeryn’s mouth opened, then closed. Her fingers twisted together beneath the surface, nails pressing into her palms.
Somewhere across the pool, another woman laughed, the sound distant and muffled. Essa’s voice cut through the fog. “Aeryn?” A pause, then concern. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” The lie tasted sharp on her tongue. She forced herself to meet Essa’s eyes. “Just... thinking.”
Odelina studied her face. “You’ve been here for weeks now. Mated to Khaeric all this time.” A pause. “Has he touched you? Brought you pleasure?”
There was the one time, the day after she arrived to Beinn Ork, in the alcove, where Khaeric briefly teased her, leaving her wanting. But nothing since.
Essa’s hand found Aeryn’s arm beneath the water. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“No,” Aeryn said, the word barely audible above the water’s gentle lapping. “He hasn’t.” She expected shock, perhaps judgment. Instead, Odelina’s expression softened. “Is it because you don’t want him to?”
The memory of that moment in the alcove, his fingers sliding between her thighs, the pleasure that had torn through her before he’d pulled away and left her wanting more.
“I don’t know,” she lied.
Essa’s hand remained on Aeryn’s arm. “Are you attracted to him?” she asked.
Aeryn’s eyes dropped to the water’s surface. “I...” The word emerged barely above a whisper. She forced herself to continue, though her throat felt tight. “Yes.”
Odelina leaned forward. “Then what’s stopping you from being with him?”
Aeryn sank deeper into the water. What was stopping her?
Fear, certainly. The teachings that had been drilled into her since childhood—that a woman’s body was something to be guarded, controlled, offered only in duty rather than desire.
That pleasure was sinful, shameful, something to be hidden away in darkness.
But that moment in the alcove had awakened a hunger. Then nothing. He’d pulled away, left her trembling and curious, and neither of them had spoken of it since. She certainly would not bring it up that she wanted more.
When Aeryn didn’t answer, Essa’s fingers tightened on her arm. “Do you want Khaeric to touch you?”
Her pulse hammered. “Yes.” The word slipped out.
Odelina exchanged a glance with Essa. “Have you told him that?”
Aeryn’s face burned hotter. “No.”
“Why not?” Odelina’s voice carried no judgment, only curiosity.
Aeryn searched for words that wouldn’t sound foolish or childish. Because she’d been raised to believe that wanting was shameful? Because the Church had taught her that desire was a sin? Because speaking such things aloud felt like crossing a line she couldn’t uncross?
“I don’t know how,” she finally admitted. “At court, women don’t... we don’t speak of such things. We certainly don’t ask for them.”
“And so you wait for him to start everything, hoping he’ll somehow divine what you want without you saying it aloud?” Odelina asked.
She couldn’t sit here, naked in heated water, while these women dissected her marriage, her desires, the twisted knot of shame and want that lived beneath her ribs. “Can we talk about something else? Please.”
“Of course,” Essa said, her hand falling away.
Silence stretched between them, broken only by the gentle lap of water against stone. Aeryn stared at the pool’s surface, watching steam rise in lazy spirals.
Essa glanced across the pool, then back to Odelina. “Did I mention Khaeric commissioned Malkor to make Aeryn an entire wardrobe? He’s been working on it for weeks.”
Odelina’s attention snapped to Aeryn. “An entire wardrobe? From Malkor?” She leaned forward. “You must show us. As soon as we’re finished here.”
Aeryn blinked, surprised by the sudden shift in conversation. “I—I haven’t even seen most of it yet. Khaeric just collected it from Malkor this afternoon.”
“All the more reason to look now,” Odelina said, her enthusiasm infectious. “Malkor’s work is exceptional. If he made you a full collection...”
“I suppose we could look,” Aeryn said.
Essa rose from the water first, droplets streaming down her skin as she moved toward the stone benches. She didn’t cover herself, didn’t hurry or hunch her shoulders. Just walked naked through the steam as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Odelina followed, her dark hair clinging to her back in wet ropes.
Aeryn remained in the water a moment longer, arms still wrapped around herself beneath the surface.
Then she forced herself to stand, to climb the carved steps.
She dried herself first, then reached for her shift, pulling the linen over her head.
The fabric clung to her skin. Her dress came next; the embroidered bodice requiring several attempts before her trembling fingers managed the laces.
By the time she’d finished, Essa and Odelina were already clothed and waiting near the entrance. They didn’t comment on how long it had taken her, didn’t exchange knowing glances. The walk back to Khaeric’s chambers felt shorter than it had before.