Chapter 21
SONYA
“Ineed to talk to you.”
Matvei looks up from his coffee and newspaper. He doesn't say anything, but his eyebrows rise slightly, encouraging me to continue. I have to take a deep breath before I do. I've been rehearsing this all morning.
“Look,” I swallow past the dryness in my mouth, “you promised me that if I moved in with you during my pregnancy, you wouldn't be controlling, that you would let me live my life. I just want to know why that's not happening.”
He blinks. “It’s not?”
I'm a lawyer, and I'm good at arguing. I know that isn’t a question but an invitation to drop the subject, accompanied by the fact that I won’t like the response if I continue. But I don't care.
“This is getting ridiculous, Matvei. Evgeny told me I can't go to court today after my doctor's appointment. I have to, otherwise, another asshole gets out and will probably go after his ex-wife again. You don't want that to happen, do you?”
He sets the newspaper down slowly. “Again, my goal is to keep you safe, to keep the baby safe. What's happening in another woman’s life is not my concern.”
“I don't care if it's not your concern. It is mine,” I reply. “This is my job and I took an oath to do it to the best of my ability. I'm going to court after my doctor's appointment and you’re not going to stop me.”
“I’m not trying to interfere with your life, Sonya, but I am trying to keep you safe.”
“You can keep me safe without ruining my career and other people’s lives. If you don’t back off, I will walk, Matvei. I will walk and you’ll never see me again or this baby ever.”
“I don't have a say in what happens to my child?” he asks, his voice tight.
“What happened to the man who promised he would be in my child's life in whatever way I would have him?” I shoot back.
Matvei's expression flattens, his eyes narrowing. He rises slowly, his gaze never leaving mine, like a predator rising out of the grass to hunt me down. “You don't seem to mind me telling you what to do in bed. In fact, you like it so much you beg me for it.”
“That's entirely different and you know it.” I'm impressed with the way I keep the tremble out of my voice, even though inside I feel like Jell-O.
We glare at each other across the desk.
“You promised me this wouldn't happen.”
“I'm trying to make sure you remain unharmed, Sonya. What part of that don't you understand?”
“What don't you understand about the slippery slope? What happens when the baby arrives and there's a little human who also needs protection? Will you keep us both locked up like prisoners?”
Matvei's jaw tightens.
“You can't keep us locked up forever,” I tell him. “Whatever your feelings are for me, whatever is going on between us—whether you actually care for me or I'm just the mother of your child—that's not reality. You can't protect us from everything, no matter how badly you want to.”
“I may not be able to protect you from everything, but you have no idea how dangerous the outside world is to you right now. No one knows about your pregnancy. But as soon as the word gets out, that's it. You will be a target even more than you are now.”
“I am always a target, even before you came into my life, and I will be forevermore because of my association with you. If I let that fact and that fear control me, I would never leave the house. Do you really want that for me? Sure, you say it's just for now, during the pregnancy. But then it becomes just while he or she is a baby, then just until they’re grown. It will never end.” I pause and suck in a breath, maintaining eye contact.
“Think very carefully on how you want to go about this because I will leave if I have to. I will not become a prisoner.”
I can see the rage in his blue eyes. I make the conscious choice to turn my back on him and leave.
“Hmm,” the OB's face is a mask of seriousness. My heart starts pounding.
“Hmm, what? Is there something wrong?” I ask, trying to crane my neck to see the ultrasound screen facing away from me at the moment.
“So—” The doctor doesn't get to finish her thought because suddenly the door opens and Matvei is standing there.
“Sorry I'm late,” he says. He comes in and sits beside me as though everything is fine and we didn't just have an enormous argument two hours ago. He's calm, cool, and collected, but that doesn't give me any insight into what he’s thinking.
“Please continue, Doctor,” I say, eager to hear what she was about to tell me.
She returns the wand to my belly and makes slow circles until she finds what she’s looking for. “You're having twins.”
My brain turns the words over several times before I can comprehend what she just said.
“Twins?” Matvei says it like he’s never heard the term before.
“Yep. Look here.” When she turns the screen around we can clearly see two little images with flickering heartbeats.
“But... I’ve already had an ultrasound,” I say dumbly.
“It’s not uncommon for one to hide behind the other until they get a little bigger,” the doctor explains.
Matvei and I both stare in wonder at the screen revealing not one, but two babies.
“Do you have any questions for me?” the doctor asks.
“Honestly, I’m blank right now,” I mumble.
“That's completely normal,” she says with a smile. “I’m sure you’ll have many once the shock wears off.
” She cleans the gel off my belly, then pushes herself off her stool.
“I'm going to get you some literature on twins, the possible complications, and nutrition information. That should answer most of your questions, but if you have any others, you can message me or call the nurses’ line.” She smiles and walks out the door, leaving me alone with Matvei and my shock.
“Twins?” I simply stare at him across the small space.
Surprisingly, Matvei smiles. “Twins.” I can hear the wonder in his voice.
“Bet you never thought you'd have one, much less two.”
“No, I did not,” he says quietly, as though he's still trying to get over the shock himself.
“Well, this is a whole new ballgame. My adoptive parents are going to be thrilled. A grandchild for each of them. They won’t have to fight over who gets to hold the baby.” I don't know a lot about twins except they’re more work.
“You're right.” Matvei's face darkens, and I feel my stomach drop. “This is a whole new ballgame. This is even more serious than I thought.”
I'm hoping he's talking about the pregnancy, but I have a sinking feeling he's not.
“Remember what I said this morning? This is not the direction you're supposed to be going in. I told you—"
“You have no idea how much danger you're in,” he grinds out, his eyes flickering with anger and concern. “And now you’re having twins. Twins can mean complications, high blood pressure, the babies arriving too early—"
“How do you know all of this?” I cut him off.
“My grandmother told me. My father was a twin, but his sibling died before birth.”
“Great, thanks for the encouraging words,” I mutter.
“Sonya, you have to understand. This is no joke.” Matvei's eyes are piercing, pleading.
“No one is taking this as a joke, Matvei. Least of all me. I'm the one who has to carry them and deal with the consequences.”
“If you'd only try to understand how much danger—”
“Yes, that's all you've been telling me about—danger, danger, danger. But you're not listening to me. I'm not going to become someone I don't recognize because I slept with the wrong guy and got pregnant with his twins.”
He stares at me as I stand up and pull my sweater over my slight baby bump.
“You know what? I'm tired of this. I'm going back to my apartment. Send whoever you want after me, but that's where I'm staying. And if you want me to stay where you can find me, you'd better respect that.”
I leave before he can say anything else, pushing past the nurse with the pamphlets about twins in her hand, so furious I can barely see straight.