Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
CHELSEA
I’m tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable in a bed that isn’t mine, in a house I have no right to.
Did I do the right thing by coming back here? I disrupted the life of everyone who was good to me.
‘You can’t keep coming in and out of their lives. You’re their father. They need you to stay.’
‘They won’t miss me.’
‘They already do! You don’t want me? Fine. But stop disrupting their lives. They’ll never understand what a good man is if you don’t show them.’
Not only am I scarred from my own father coming in and out of my life, I’m also just like him, repeating the cycle.
I get up from the bed, brushing thoughts of my childhood from my mind, and quietly walk down the hall to check on Dominic.
He’s huddled in the corner of his pack and play, his makeshift bed until I can get the rest of our furniture moved in here.
I tiptoe back out, leaving the door open an inch, and move to the couch, sitting in the dark silence for a few minutes.
My sister went back to her apartment to pack up some more things and won’t be back for another few days.
The silence is killing me. I can’t sit still, so I get up and head to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water, and then I hear it. Adam’s truck coming down the road. It sounds like thunder, or like a tornado coming to swallow me whole. The intense rumble shoots through my body.
I close my eyes and allow myself to imagine what could have been. For just a moment, if I hadn’t run. After a long day of work, he could have been pulling into our driveway, of a house we live in together with our son.
I put the glass of water down on the countertop and slide onto a stool at the island.
How do I begin to explain what I was thinking? I can’t because I still don’t know. Looking back, I made an immature decision and then stuck to it because I’m stubborn. And it affected not just my life, and Adam’s, but his whole family.
I have so much guilt and regret; it weighs on me daily.
Then I hear it. A soft knock. I pause, wondering if it’s just my own heart knocking against my chest. But then I hear it again.
I go to the front door and see a shadow.
I glimpse out the side window and see Adam.
My heart begins to race, and I’m flooded with emotions. Taking a deep breath, I open the door.
“Hi.” One word. It’s all I can get out. His mere presence takes my breath away, even after all these years of knowing him. He’s leaning against the door jamb with his forearm, his head resting against it, and he looks tired. Defeated. But when our eyes connect, there’s fire.
“Can I come in?”
I step out of the way, and he brushes past me, his touch igniting all my senses, bringing them back to life.
Life that has been lost for over two years.
I ask him to wait just a minute, and I head down the hallway again, checking that Dominic is sleeping.
I turn on the baby monitor in his room, shut the door completely and then grab the other monitor from my room, turning it on as I head back to Adam.
“So, you just decide to uproot his life, yours and mine, all over again?”
Guess we’re jumping right into this. I find him standing in the middle of the living room, and I stay rooted a few feet away, leaning against the wall.
I want to reach out and touch him, hold his hand, anything to have some kind of connection while we go through this conversation, but I know he’s not ready for that.
And neither am I. We’re not who we used to be.
“I expected this conversation, just not so soon and not at almost midnight, Adam.”
“Answer the question, Chelsea.”
“You deserved to know.”
“I deserved to know two years ago!” he bellows, and I have to remind him to keep quiet.
“You’re right. I just didn’t think you were ready. I didn’t think it would work. I didn’t think you wanted…”
My words linger and I stare down at the floor. I’m distracted when he steps closer, and I jump when, through gritted teeth, he grinds out, “Excuses, Chelsea. It’s all bullshit. You know who I am.”
“I knew who you were!” His head jerks back as if I just slapped him with my words. “Maybe I should just go,” I quietly say as I make my way to the kitchen.
“No, I’ll go. Seems this is your house now, so I’ll leave.” He turns to leave, but I speak up.
“No, I mean leave town. I shouldn’t have come back here.”
Adam turns back to me so quickly that I flinch. “What kind of game are you playing, Chelsea? Now that I know him, and I know he’s here, I’ll never leave him. You will never take him away from me again.”
My heart is racing. He spun on me so fast I backed up and hit the island, feeling it digging into my back. “Is that a threat?”
“No, it’s a promise.” He turns back around, walks out, and slams the door.
I’m shaking. This is not how I envisioned us having this conversation. Would he really try to take him from me? That was always a fear of mine, and the longer I waited, I knew it became a bigger possibility once Adam did find out.
I hear my phone ring with a text message. I turn to the counter, placing the baby monitor on it and pick up my phone, seeing Francesca’s number.
Chess: Are you ok? I just saw Adam leave the house.
Is this what this neighborhood is like? Everyone all up in everyone’s business? That was always the way of the Casanovas. And Adam was the ringleader they all went to.
Me: No. Yes. I don’t know.
My phone starts ringing in my hand. I sigh and answer, “Hey Chess.”
“What’s going on?”
I walk over and fall onto the couch. “I’m not too sure.
It’s the conversation I was waiting for but didn’t think it’d happen in the middle of the night.
I need to talk to him, straighten things out.
” I pause. Do I ask her? “Francesca, I need to go to him. Can you watch—I mean, can you come over.” My words are jumbled.
“Do you need me to watch Dominic?”
“Please,” is all I can choke out.
“I’ll be right there,” she says and hangs up before I could even ask if she minded or if she was busy.
It’s late, but she was already on her way over.
Family. They drop everything for anyone.
That’s what Adam did all along, wasn’t it?
That’s how these Casanovas work. They stick up and look out for everyone.
Could I have had that? Absolutely, if I hadn’t ruined it two years ago.
Within minutes Francesca is at my doorstep, handing me a small sheet of paper, taking the baby monitor from my hand and pushing me out the door.
Another minute later, I’m standing in front of Adam’s front door, typing in the numbers from the sticky note with the alarm code on it.
I turn the doorknob and it opens. I slip in and quietly shut the door behind me.
Leaning against it, getting my bearings, the entire room is bathed in darkness.
There’s a small night light coming from what I’m guessing is the kitchen, so I follow it, hoping to find Adam.
“You always sneak into people’s homes?”
“Oh!” I gasp and jump a mile. “Jesus, Adam, you scared me.”
“You’re breaking and entering into my home, and I scared you?”
I take in the scene. The room is dimly lit except for said nightlight.
It’s a wide-open floor plan, different from the home I remembered from years ago.
I spot Adam leaning against the counter in the kitchen.
His hair is messy like he’s been pulling it.
His arms are crossed and he’s holding a glass filled with tan liquid.
Scotch. It was always his choice of alcohol when he needed to calm himself and think.
I walk closer to him. “It’s not breaking and entering if I have a code.” I wave the paper from Francesca in my hand.
He stares at me. I say, “Your sister,” and he says, “My sister,” at the same time. It elicits a small smile as he takes a sip to cover it up.
My feet have moved me to the island across from him and I spot a glass of wine on the counter.
“This for me?” He nods and I furrow my brows. “How’d you know?”
“My sister shot me a text but failed to mention that she gave you the code. She told me not to be an asshole and to listen.” Then a smirk. “And not to stare.”
I frown but reply, “She told me the same.” Then I catch his ‘stare’ comment as he’s blatantly staring at my chest. I was in such a hurry to get over here I didn’t bother putting on a bra.
My tank is clearly see-through and I’m showing every goosebump raised on my body.
I cross my arms quickly, trying to cover myself and turn from him.
“Don’t hide yourself from me. I’ve seen it all already.”
I turn back slowly, catching his eyes which he drags back to mine, still with that smirk our son has now inherited.
“Yes, you have. But it’s been a long time.
Things have... changed.” I’ve never been ashamed of my body, but since having Dominic, I’m not the fresh young hot body I used to be.
I’ve accepted and even love the extra pounds and stretch marks that show the life I created, but someone else may not feel the same.
Can you be attracted to someone you hate?
“Too long,” he says under his breath, but I catch it.
I reach for the glass.
“This isn’t a trap, right? I won’t get handcuffed and thrown into a van when I reach for this glass? Seems how a mom might get kidnapped around here.”
He scoffs. “It’s like you never left.”
“No?”
He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he walks past me and into the living room.
“Come sit,” he commands as he leans back in an oversized chair. He takes another pull from his drink, swallows, and lays his head against the back of the chair and sighs.
I take another drink but leave my glass and sit across from him on the sofa. His legs are long and solid. He’s gained muscle since I’ve seen him. He’s always been good-looking, but the added years and muscle have turned him into a man.
And I missed the change.