Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
Leon – Present Day
“For fuck’s sake.” I slam my palm on the horn and hold it down longer than needed, making it blare through the air as a truck stops suddenly in front of me, and I have to slam on the brakes. “Fucking idiot,” I yell, even though the driver of the truck can’t hear me.
I’m in a crappy mood. “Dickhead,” I mutter to myself, feeling even more on edge. My heart is pounding erratically, as if it has a mind of its own today. Either that or I’m about to have a heart attack.
It sure feels like I’m having one.
As I get closer to my destination, my blood pressure rises another level.
I rub my chest as a cold sweat breaks out on my skin, wishing I could turn around and drive home for another long shower. It would help wash away the anxiety and dread looming over me like a storm cloud on a summer day.
However, I can’t go back because I’m committed to today.
Foolishly, I agreed to be part of this farce when I really should have just said no to the whole thing.
Not that I would. Because I can never say no to the woman who haunts my every thought.
I roll my shoulders, trying to release the tension building, though it doesn’t work.
Then, I tug on the back of my neck and press my fingers into the tight knots to see if that helps, but again, it doesn’t.
My muscles feel like stone, and no matter what I do, nothing offers relief. I’m wound tighter than a spring.
What’s adding to my stress is the lack of sleep I got last night, along with the night before that and the one before that. My body feels like I’m running on fumes when I should be bringing my A-game for my friend, Erika.
Because today is her wedding day.
It’s also the day I’ve been dreading.
Today feels like all my nightmares are coming true because my lifelong friend, Ash, is walking his sister, Erika, down the aisle.
He’s giving her away. To a complete fucking loser.
It’s not only my opinion; Ash also thinks Huck, Erika’s future husband, is a freeloader because he relies on Erika for financial support as he tries to build his music career.
Huck doesn’t deserve her, and I wish, not for the first time, that I was the one supporting and caring for her. Then she’d know what it feels like to be treated the way she should be.
That’s never going to happen, you fool.
I exhale and look around, realizing I’m just one exit away from where I need to get off to get to the church. The church I prayed would burn down in the middle of the night. Only that miracle never happened, and I didn’t get the call I was hoping for to tell me the wedding had been canceled.
Running my hand through my hair frantically, I then scratch my freshly shaved face before tapping impatiently on my steering wheel, all while scanning my mirrors for a clear gap in traffic to merge over.
“Erika’s getting married,” I say out loud to the empty car and shake my head for the hundredth time today.
It’s unfathomable.
While Ash might be my best friend, Erika is also one of my closest friends.
We spend our days off together. Sometimes, we run after her shift at the hospital because it helps her relax.
Not only does she share her free time with me, but she also often tells me little snippets of her dreams and goals for her future.
I’ve noticed that Huck isn’t included in any of those, and I’ve often wondered why. Recently, she has talked less and less about him, and I’m not even sure she’s excited about today.
While she might share some of her secrets with me, I’ve never shared my biggest one with her: I’m in love with her.
It’s not just infatuation or some stupid high school crush either; it’s real. I know it is because I’ve never felt like my heart is going to burst out of my chest around anyone else but her.
So, yeah, today sucks.
Multiply the hell that is today by a billion, then multiply that again by how fucking awful I feel, and it all adds up to excruciating pain and regret rushing through my mind faster than a bullet fired from a gun, making it impossible to think clearly.
I should turn around… no, you shouldn’t, stop this right now, you coward.
Why didn’t I tell her how I feel or how I have felt for years?
Oh, I know why, because there’s no way on this God-given earth that Ash would let me date his sister.
Not ever.
Not given my dating record, or lack of it.
As a former NHL player for the Edmonton Eagles and Ash’s ex-teammate, I’ve got too many notches on my bedpost. At least in his eyes, I was a player.
He made it clear during our hockey days that he thought I was a manwhore.
Back then, he was right—I was reckless in my twenties.
Now, at forty-three, that’s not who I am anymore.
I’ve changed, and I wish he understood that.
If only he knew that the reason I haven’t had a girlfriend in years is because I’m in love with his sister.
I used to date—a lot—but I don’t anymore; I prefer casual hookups. However, I haven’t had one of those in as long as I can remember. They only serve to distract me from the one person I can’t have, and they always leave me feeling empty inside.
No one feels right.
Because they’re not Erika.
When she accepted the engagement ring Huck gave her, I had to hide my opinion that the ring resembled something from an arcade claw machine. She deserves to be adorned in the finest silk, lace, and diamonds money can buy.
I was speechless when Erika broke the news that she was engaged, and I couldn’t bring myself to congratulate either of them, so I ended up ghosting Erika for weeks until my other ex-teammate and business partner, Buster, told me to grow a pair, accept the inevitable, and congratulate her.
“Huck the halfwit.” I shake my head once more at how ridiculous today is and at the nickname Ash gave him after he called Ash a nepo baby because he played for, and later coached, the Edmonton Eagles, the same team Ash’s father also played for.
Huck has no filter, and the only reason he didn’t get his face rearranged that night was because Erika begged us not to.
Although I did have a few stern words with Huck outside, where I may have told him never to set foot in my bar again. Since then, thankfully, he’s kept his distance.
There’s a part of me that thinks Erika is settling.
Just days before she met Huck, she told me she felt like she’d been left on the dating shelf and was destined to be single for life.
The next thing I knew, she was dating the idiot, which none of her friends and family could understand.
Things got even more surprising when she announced he was moving in with her after only a few weeks, even though he didn’t have a job or much of a career to speak of.
While it surprised her family, it completely caught me off guard.
It should be me standing at the altar with her today, not him.
I dismiss my foolish thoughts, questioning if I’m the naive one. How could it be me when she’s unaware of my feelings for her? Or when her brother is there, shielding her like her bodyguard?
Placing my hand over my stomach, which is flipping about like butter in a churner, I push down the bile rising in my throat.
I might vomit again, like I did before I put on my tuxedo.
Now I wish I had told Erika I was out of town on business and couldn’t make it.
That would have been a dick move; still, the thought of pretending to be happy all day irritates me, and I already dislike the wedding that hasn’t even started.
Checking my mirrors one last time, I hit the blinker, then tap the paddle shifter to quickly move up the gears, slam my foot on the accelerator, and change lanes, overtaking the truck that cut me off in my McLaren W1, flipping him the bird as I go by.
I rarely get road rage, but I’m annoyed and need to vent.
My car engine roars, the exhaust loudly rumbling as I shift into another gear and speed down the highway.
Today is not the day to mess with me. In fact, since Erika asked me to be an usher, I’ve been an ill-tempered bastard.
Something everyone has commented on.
Even my mom thinks I’ve been a cantankerous jerk lately, and she’s never spoken a harsh word about me.
She’s my biggest supporter and believes that, despite being retired for over ten years, I remain the greatest hockey player in the world.
Although I think purchasing a house for her and Dad the year I was drafted strengthened that belief.
She still thinks the sun shines out of my ass and I can do no wrong because I’m her golden boy.
My attention falls on the time on my watch.
“Shit.” I’m running so late. I step on the accelerator of my hypercar, passing streams of vehicles in a blurry tunnel, my eyes fixed on the road ahead before signaling and taking the exit that leads to the boulevard.
With every inch closer to my destination, my throat tightens as if a giant ball of cotton is stuffed in my esophagus, making me run my finger inside the neckline of my wing collar tuxedo shirt to pull the fabric away from my skin. I swear it’s trying to strangle me.
I crawl slowly toward the church, silently begging the big man from above to make this fucker of a day be over already.
Even closer now to the red-bricked church that looks like it’s towering over the street, like the devil himself, I pull up and park, then kill the engine.
Taking a moment to summon the courage to get out of the car, I’m lost in my own thoughts when my focus lands on a woman running, nope, she’s not running, she’s sprinting along the sidewalk in a giant puffball white dress.
She looks like a bride fleeing for her life.
Yeesh, and I thought I was having a bad day.
Barefoot, the bride-to-be runs toward my car, and I frown, confused as she waves at me, flapping the oversized cotton candy-looking dress she’s clutching onto for dear life.
I narrow my eyes and duck my head slightly to get a better look through the windshield just as she lowers the dense layers of sheer fabric away from her face that she’s been holding up so as not to fall over.
Her features hit me all at once: brown glossy hair, angelic face, plump lips, dimples for days, and golden brown eyes I want to lose myself in.
I’d know that face anywhere.
“Erika?”