Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Erika
“I couldn’t eat another thing.” Leon’s dad, Jack, pats his swollen stomach. “That was almost as good as your mother’s roast.” He chuckles to himself, causing us all to join in.
Having not eaten properly for weeks over the worry and stress of the wedding, which Sofia and Lucia are now calling ‘the lucky escape’, I’ve already devoured seconds and am seriously considering having more roast beef and potatoes.
“Tastes like heaven,” I mumble around my food, which is covered in the most delicious gravy.
I use the back of my hand to cover my full mouth in the most unladylike manner.
“Why are you not married already, Leon? God, I would marry you tomorrow if you cooked this for me every week.” I stop mid-chew when I realize my foolish words and inappropriate timing have stunned the dining room into silence.
Goddammit. Me and my big mouth.
With humor written all over her face, Val finally says, “I thought Leon would be married by now, too.”
Leon flinches, looking annoyed by his mom’s statement.
“You did?” I ask, curiously.
“Yes.” She focuses on me. “To you.”
Completely blindsided by Valerie’s bold statement, I choke, cough, and splutter on the last of my food and reach for the water to help wash it down.
“Surely, you can see how head over heels my son is with you, Erika?”
I down the full glass and ignore her question, because, no, I didn’t see it.
Not at the time. But looking back, maybe now I do.
The picnics in the park, the donut deliveries, lunch dates, and the movie nights…
the endless gifts… the truth has been in front of me all along…
the vacation days I take so I can join him at auctions or trail around properties he’s considering investing in, and the hours I spend online trying to find him the perfect watch to add to his collection… we’re infatuated with each other.
“Valerie,” Jack scolds his wife while shaking his head. “Now is not the time.”
Looking saintly, she counters, “I’m sorry, but when do you suggest would be the right time to discuss the thing none of us is brave enough to address, Jack?” Valerie holds her hands out in front of her in a questioning, curious way.
Sweat beads on my top lip as Valerie and Jack have a standoff.
“Everyone notices the way they look at each other,” Valerie points out as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Who is everyone?” I ask, aghast. And what are they seeing?
She reels off a list: “Our friends, your friends, your family, us. Members of Leon’s staff, and anyone and everyone who isn’t blind, can see the heated glances, the sidelong stares, the way you hug as if you are long-lost lovers when you just saw each other days ago.
Everyone can see it, Erika. Plus, I overheard your brother mentioning it to Lily at the wedding. ”
I bang my glass down on the table much firmer than I mean to. “My brother?” I ask, completely taken aback.
“Yes.” She nods. “Ash said something about how, when you left Huck at the altar, maybe you had finally realized Leon’s who you should be marrying.
Then something about how you two should go on the honeymoon with Leon and how you’d be perfect together.
” Valerie points at me. “You’re off to Bora Bora, yes? ”
“Yes,” I reply in shock.
“Mom.” Leon slams his hand down on the table as if he’s trying to get her to stop talking.
“What? I’m only telling you what I heard.
” Her voice has an air of innocence, but I think she did this on purpose.
Leon’s mom never inserts herself into drama or any of Leon’s private affairs, but somehow, I feel Ash, Lily, and Valerie are up to something.
Now that I think about it, my own mother might even be involved too.
Scratch that, I don’t think it, I know so.
Leon covers his face with his hands, then slowly drags them down as if trying to hide something.
“Did Ash and Lily say something to you last Saturday?” I ask him, eager to know everything.
“Yes,” he replies, to the point.
“What did they say?” I need to know.
“I’m not telling you in front of my parents,” he replies, looking sheepish.
“I don’t care. I want to know,” I say firmly, dropping my napkin onto the table.
His eyes nervously flit from his mom to his dad, then back to me, before he says, “Ash gave me his support to…” He stalls, taking too long to continue.
“What, Leon? Spit it out. Or I will call him myself.” My words fall rapidly out of my mouth, annoyance now working its way into my curiosity, and I yank my cell phone out from the pocket of my jeans.
“Don’t do that.” He reaches over and tries to grab it from me, but I move quickly and clutch it tighter between my fingers.
“Erika, please, just give me a minute, and I’ll explain.
” He then asks his parents to leave us alone, which they do, looking amused by our confrontation, while my head is spinning from the news that my brother—the one who was hellbent on ensuring that Leon and I would never, or could ever, be a thing—told Lily that Leon and I would be perfect together.
I’m stunned.
“What did Ash give his support to?” I ask as soon as we’re alone. I want answers.
Now.
Though I might already know what he’s about to say. It’s a gut feeling, a niggle, that Ash may have given him his blessing for us to be together, but I could be wrong because if that is it, then it’s crazy. Why now?
Leon clears his throat and draws each word out slowly. “Ash gave me his blessing to tell you that I have had feelings for you for a while now.”
I sit bolt upright in my chair, and a weird sensation flutters in my stomach.
Nerves, excitement, anger?
I still haven’t figured it out.
“And,” he starts, “he suggested we go to Bora Bora together.”
Wait, what? “So you knew I was going to ask you to come with me?”
“Yes.” He blinks once and then twice.
All the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together perfectly. “Did Lily, Ash, and my mom discuss that before they arrived at your place?”
“They did,” he replies, his voice now sounding strained by that admission.
At least he didn’t deny it.
But hang on a minute.
I narrow my eyes to slits, annoyance now my best friend. “So, if Ash hadn’t given you his permission, then you weren’t going to tell me you had feelings for me?”
“I… I…” he stammers, sounding unusually timid when he’s normally a concrete wall of strength and confidence.
“And you would have let me marry Huck? Were you just going to watch me marry another man without saying anything? Not ever?” I lean back in my chair and glare at him, my annoyance morphing into anger as it courses through me faster than a lightning strike.
I sound like a hypocrite. I almost married a man I wasn’t in love with because I didn’t want to admit I’m in love with Leon.
“I was intentionally late to the wedding. I had no plans to watch you marry him.”
“So, what? You planned to, instead, show up at the wedding reception, lie to my face about how happy you were for me, then move on, forget about me?”
“I could never forget you because you pulled up a seat by the fire, made yourself at home, and became completely unforgettable in here.” He presses his pointer finger into his temple. “A long fucking time ago.”
“You’re a coward, Leon Hill,” I mutter through clenched teeth.
As am I.
“I’m not a coward, Erika.” He growls his reply, his brows furrowing in annoyance.
I stand from my chair and look down at him, my heartbeat pounding in my ears hard and loud. “Yes, you are. Or you would have stopped the wedding or told me how you felt about me weeks ago.”
“I’ve had feelings for you for much longer than that.”
“Months, then, whatever,” I mumble, feeling brattish.
“Try years, Erika.” Calmly, he places his elbows on the table, then rests his chin on steepled fingers while the atmosphere around us changes from frosty to balmy quicker than a New York minute.
“Years?” I repeat. The impact of hearing it for the first time has me plopping my ass into the chair in shock. I can’t quite wrap my already scrambled mind around his admission. “And you never thought to tell me?” My disbelief comes out faint and small.
Where would we be now if he had?
“I was respecting your brother’s wishes.
I kept my promise to stay away from you to protect not only our friendship but also to prevent any chance that things might not work out between you and me.
If that had happened, there would always be an awkwardness between us, and, rightly so, Ash would always side with you.
As a result, I would lose both him and you.
Hate me for it all you want, but I chose loyalty over my own desires.
And I didn’t do that for me; I did that for all our sakes. ”
I stare wordlessly across at him, as my stomach somersaults and cartwheels, my mind racing at the same pace. I already know this; it’s the same reasons as mine that have kept us apart all these years.
“Erika, your brother has been with me through every stupid mistake I’ve ever made, every goal I missed, and when I got injured, he’s the one who pulled me out of my dark thoughts.
For a long time, I thought I’d never skate again, but Ash was there for me.
Every day, he showed up, and got me back on the ice.
He was and has been my best friend forever.
Back then, I wanted you so badly, but you were a line he drew in the sand, and I took that seriously.
Call it respect, or foolishness, maybe, for choosing loyalty over feelings.
But know this, Erika, from across the rink, in any room we’re in, every goal I scored when I played for the Eagles, and right up to now, anywhere you are, I feel you, right here.
” He places his hand over his heart. “And right here.” He taps his temple again to emphasize his point.
My mouth drops open in astonishment, and my body hums, buzzing with excitement and the intensity of our conversation; each syllable from his mouth soothing me, like liquid balm for my soul.
He continues speaking his declaration of love, “I’ve memorized every little thing about you and any moment we share because encounters and memories are all I’ve been allowed.
When I’m not with you, I can close my eyes and clearly see every freckle and hear your laughter.
That’s what I’ve been doing for years, and that was always enough for me because it had to be.
So, call me a coward all you want, but choosing not to act on my feelings was the only way I knew how to keep all the things I valued the most intact. ”
Motionless, mouth agape, my brain struggles to make my mouth work, so I’m forced to stay quiet and let his confession percolate, while he steps in and keeps saying things I can’t keep up with.
“So when Ash told me that he was okay for me to tell you how I feel, I took some risks, getting closer to you more than usual, hugging you tighter, confessing a bit about what I want.”
He’s been holding everything in like an unbreakable dam. Then he smashed it to pieces, his words spilling out, and he’s finally admitting his deepest thoughts about me, ones he’s had for years.
I clearly haven’t been paying close enough attention.
I hesitate before asking, “But there was Gigi?”
He shakes his head with a deep sigh. “I stupidly thought she would help me to get over you.”
“It didn’t work,” I state, knowing what I do now: I dated Huck for the same reasons.
For what feels like an hour but is really just seconds, we sit silently, exchanging glances as the clatter and bangs blend with the quiet chatter of Leon’s parents, who seem to be tidying up the kitchen.
“What are you thinking?” Leon asks, swallowing loudly, his shoulders rigid with tension.
I’m thinking that I want to tell him how much I loved and still love him. Instead, I say, “That we should talk properly when no one is around.”
He lifts his chin and lets out a resigned sigh. “Okay.”
“Dessert’s ready.” Leon’s mom appears as if by magic, like a rabbit out of a magician’s hat.
I’m grateful for Valerie’s timing because mine and Leon’s conversation just escalated, and I’m not sure how to process any of it. Not yet.
“It’s Eton Mess,” Valerie informs me, placing a bowl in front of me full of what looks like smashed meringue, strawberries, and whipped cream.
The name is appropriate; it looks like someone has taken a hammer to it.
“I’ve never had this before.” I eye the dish and pick up my silver spoon, avoiding eye contact with Leon as I dig in.
I let the creamy sweetness fill my mouth, savoring the strawberries’ tartness. “It tastes delicious.”
Jack reenters the dining room carrying two more bowls: one for himself and one for Valerie.
“And it’s my wife’s way of an apology.” Jack clears his throat and plonks himself down on his chair.
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place to interfere.” Her eyes soften as she reaches out to take my hand. “You know, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for my son, and in my eyes that’s you, Erika. That’s not me sticking my nose in; that’s me being honest.”
I could never imagine Huck’s parents saying something like that to me. All they cared about was whether they could keep the suit and the dress I paid for after the wedding.
“I know you always have Leon’s best interests at heart.” I side-eye Leon, noticing he’s staring intently at me as if he’s trying to decide whether I might run away again amid all the confessions from everyone around the table tonight. It’s been a lot.
“All I want is for you to be happy.” She shifts her attention to Leon and finishes by saying, “Both of you.”
Even with the roller coaster of emotions today, excitement tumbles around my stomach, and when I look over at Leon, he gifts me a knockout grin.
Now that’s a sight I could get used to seeing every morning.
Maybe at last, he and I will get the love story we’ve been longing for and deserve.
With one another.