Chapter 50
CHAPTER FIFTY
Leon
Following the doctor’s recommendation not to play, from my lifetime recognition seat, I raise my hand and wave when my name is called by the commentator, sending the sellout crowd into a frenzy.
“You’re a legend,” Erika shouts cheerfully in my ear above the cheers and loud clapping that makes my head feel like it’s ringing.
When the jumbotron spotlights on me, I kiss Erika, right there in front of everyone, to show them she’s mine, making the crowd louder, and just like this morning when I kissed her goodbye before she went to work, a stutter, like static on a TV screen flickers, one second it’s clear, the next it’s gone like something is blocking my brain’s reception.
“Shit,” I hiss, pushing my fingers into my hair right over my scar when a sharp pain shoots through it.
“Are you okay?” Erika’s shoulders straighten as if on alert, searching my face for any signs of distress. “What was that?”
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I brush her off and shake my head to clear the tingling sensation, my scar beating like a drum.
“Are you sure?” Erika lays her hand on my arm.
“I’m fine, baby. Enjoy the game.”
This seems to appease her, and around me, people chat away.
Lily’s sister Gemma lets out a large cheer of joy when Buster skates onto the ice.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say something’s going on between them.
Lily, Erika, and her family, who are sitting behind me, go crazy when Ash is announced.
He’s been to see me nearly every day; our friendship is stronger than ever.
It’s made me realize how fortunate I am to have people around who care.
I miss this—the ice, the camaraderie.
I don’t miss feeling like I got hit by a dozen trucks after every game, though.
I’m too old for that now, but when I was younger, being a hockey player for the Eagles was what made me leap out of bed every day.
Which is ironic, I can’t leap out of bed anymore because of old injuries; I’ve been dealing with the effects of long-term roughing and charging, and my back is fucked.
Hockey’s not a game for the faint of heart, and being a sports agent now suits my forty-three-year-old body just fine.
Fine. When I haven’t felt anything but fine all day.
“I need to use the restrooms. Are you sure you’re okay?” Erika asks me again. Her concern for me feels nice.
“Yeah, I’m good. Go,” I lie, which seems to satisfy her.
As she leaves, the flickers from the lights swim in my vision as another dizzying wave overtakes me.
The exact same thing happened yesterday after our kiss in the supply room. Once I left the hospital and Jerry drove me home, I took what can only be described as a turn, where I had to close my eyes for about ten minutes of the journey until it subsided.
Whatever is happening to me, I don’t like it, and it’s making me feel unwell, like I have a stomach and head flu.
I watch on, in a daze, as my ex-teammates put on a show for the crowd, doing tricks and flicking pucks into the audience—I would love nothing more than to be involved, but I know my body isn’t up to it.
I don’t know how many minutes pass, but Erika reappears, looking frantic and out of breath.
“What’s up? Is everything okay?” A sense of worry sweeps over me.
“There’s been an explosion at a chemical plant, lots of casualties. They need me at the hospital.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“Nothing. I have my car outside. Can you have your parents take you home?”
“Yeah, sure. You’re going to miss the game.” I was excited about spending our first night out together as a couple. Being here in the arena seemed right, like we’ve come full circle. Hockey apparently bringing us together.
Ash’s sister. Erika. Purple. Husky. Married. Coin. I repeat the words I’ve been saying over and over in my head, trying to summon Erika into my consciousness. It’s not worked so far. C’mon, brain, get on board.
“Rain check on the date? I’m so sorry.” She bites her bottom lip, looking worried that she’s changed our plans.
“I don’t mind. We can do it another night.” We have forever.
“This is why I love you. You’re so easygoing and accept me as I am. I’ll see you when I get home. I don’t know when that’ll be.” She bends down, smacking a kiss on my lips, leaving me sitting there stunned as she apologizes and waves everyone goodbye.
Then it’s just me, surrounded by thousands of people, and yet I feel so alone. Without her, I don’t feel like me anymore.
When the first period begins, I sit back and immerse myself in the game, clapping and cheering at all the right moments, but still not feeling my best. I don’t give my full attention, just enough to look like I’m invested when I’d rather be at home.
The fast-paced nature of the game makes the arena tilt at impossible angles as my eyes and mind struggle to keep up.
I usually love watching hockey on TV and go to as many games as I can. Tonight, my focus is off, and I feel anything but sharp.
Sticks clash, skates bite into the ice as my ex-teammates move across the rink.
Ash bolts past Brayden, passing the puck to Buster, then Troy, who slaps it back to Ash, who’s speeding toward the goalie. That’s when he takes the shot, sliding the puck straight between the five-hole, the space between the goalie’s legs, and hits the back of the net.
The goal horns roar a wall of sound as bright lights flash all around, the smell of popcorn filling the air as everyone celebrates.
The announcer’s voice booms through the icy air: “Goal!”
Something in that single word strikes me like lightning.
Time splits apart as another dizzying wave threatens to pull me under. And it’s there again, that feeling that’s been happening all day; my vision swims, the nausea, the room moving, the pain in my head intensifies, sweat running down my spine, my mind a storm…
“Maybe we’re just not meant to be, baby.”
“I think you’re right.” She gulps.
I whisper so softly that no one but Erika can hear, “We might never kiss again, but every goal I score will be for you. When I blow a kiss, it’ll be for you.” She swallows hard, biting back the tears.
“Get some sleep, baby.” I wink to hide how wretched I feel inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the game…”
Then I’m taking a shot, hitting the puck with so much power it slides straight past the goalie and smashes into the back of the net, just like I’ve done hundreds of times before.
And there she is.
Erika.
My Erika.
Sitting around the edge of the rink, watching me with that impossible smile.
Without thinking, I blow her a kiss, my eyes locking on hers.
Rising out of her seat, moving to me, like she’s a ghost, walking through the boards, she’s in front of me, standing there, her hands on either side of my face.
“It’s me, Leon. I’m here.”
“Baby.” My voice drifts off as she disappears in a puff of white smoke…
I find myself inside a hotel room with Erika... In one swift move, I line my cock with her entrance and fuck up into her. She cries out my name, digging her fingers into my shoulders.
“I hope you’re ready for a night you’ll never forget, baby.”
“There’s no chance of that happening. I’ll never forget you, Leon.”
“And I’ll never forget you. You’re branded into my memory for life…”
The last memory fades as my voice fills my ears, Erika’s face coming into soft focus…
“I’m committed to you, Erika, and I’m in this for the long haul.
I don’t do failure; it’s something I never plan for.
You and I are just getting started, and together we will build a big, beautiful life together.
I know we’ll make mistakes along the way, but we’ll navigate through them because that’s who we are.
I want this marriage, and I’m going to give it my all.
No matter what life throws our way, we’ll face it together. ”
“Those are some big words.”
“I mean them, Erika.”
“I know you do.”
I lean in and capture her lips with mine…
Rhythmic pulses vibrate in my ears… I’m moving again, being thrown into a void and into heat and the smell of salty air, electric blues, fireworks…
“Let’s rewrite our story together. Be mine?” I drop to my knees, her soft, nervous laugh filling the air, her eyes full of emotion.
“I’m already yours.”
“Yeah, but I never got to do this part. If I did, I don’t remember. And I want to do things right.”
“Yes, Leon. I’ll be yours.”
The cool air and the smell of ice return as I’m catapulted into the present as if I’m being thrown from a time tunnel.
The sounds, the roars, all slowly filtering into my ears, the memories of the past still clinging to me.
My emotions are all over the place… the joy, the adrenaline, the ache of longing for her… everything comes rushing back in a flash. No longer a flicker, but she’s there in full technicolor memory.
Heart racing, breath fast, my hand finds my chest as if trying to steady the pounding behind my ribs, the thrill of her still on my mind.
The announcer’s voice booms, “Goal,” yet again, as if the word turned the key, unlocking every memory I have of her. Not fragments, not shimmers, ripples of remembrance or blurry fractured shards. She’s there, sharp, alive, real, and so fucking beautiful.
“I remember.”
“What was that?” Lily bumps my shoulder with hers.
“I remember, Lily. I remember Erika. I remember everything.” I even remember tripping and hitting my head on the yacht.
I remember hearing her sweet voice as she tried to save me.
“She saved my life.” I’m gasping, clawing at my chest, the shaky fingers of my other hand pushing into my hair to feel my scar, the phantom pains I’ve been feeling for weeks completely gone.
Lily’s mouth drops open in shock, her eyes widening. “Everything?”
“Everything.”
“Oh my god, this is huge, Leon.”
An idea pops into my head, the clearest it’s felt in months, and I blurt, “You can’t tell her. Not yet. But I’m going to need your help.”