Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jamieson
I went up to my mother’s room, and she wasn’t in there.
“Kevin, where is my mother?” I asked.
“She left.”
“What? What do you mean she left?” I shouted.
“She discharged herself and wanted me to give this to you.”
He handed me a white envelope with my name on it. I took it from him, went down to my office, and opened it. Inside was a folded piece of paper with my mother’s writing on it. I leaned back in my chair and read it.
My dearest son,
It was so good to see you again. I’ve missed you so much, and as hard as it is, I must go.
I know you will never understand, but it’s something I must do.
I just hope you can forgive me. You have made me so very proud, and I love you.
Never forget that. I have my medication and intend to get my life in order, but I need to do it alone.
Be happy, Jamie. That’s all I want for you.
You’re a brilliant surgeon and man; any woman would be lucky to be a part of your life. Until next time, my son. Love, Mom.
My eyes started to fill with tears, but I quickly stopped them as I threw the letter on my desk. This wasn’t anything new. It was what she did. My pager went off, and I was needed down in the ER.
“You paged?” I asked Grace.
“Thirty-year-old male. MCC victim. He wasn’t wearing a helmet and has an open skull fracture. The paramedics had to intubate him in the field. We’re waiting for his x-rays now.”
“His pupils are sluggish,” I spoke.
“His abdominal ultrasound is clear,” Grace said.
“Dr. Finn, here are his x-rays,” Sara spoke as she walked into the room.
“Shit,” I spoke as I held them up and looked at them. “He needs to get in the O.R. now.”
“Grace, there’s a trauma coming in five minutes out. It’s a child,” Jackie spoke as she stuck her head in the room.
“Okay,” she spoke and then looked at me.
“I got this. If you need a neuro consult, page my resident.”
I rushed him up to the O.R. and did everything possible, but it wasn’t enough.
“Time of death, 14:05,” I sighed.
Grace
“Damn it. I need more pads,” I spoke. “More suction, Dr. Lasher.”
“He’s going into V-fib, Dr. Harper.”
“Start CPR and get the paddles,” I spoke. “Charge to 150. Clear.” I stared at the monitor. “Charge to 200. Clear. Damn it. Push Atropine now and charge to 200. Clear.”
“Dr. Harper,” Steve, the anesthesiologist, spoke.
I stared into his eyes as he slowly shook his head. I swallowed hard as I looked at the clock.
“Time of death, 14:45.”
I handed the paddles to Dr. Lasher and slowly walked out of the O.R. I found the nearest stairwell and leaned against the wall, sinking down until I was on the ground. Tears started falling from my eyes as my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
“Grace?” Jamieson asked as he stood over me. “What happened?”
I started to cry harder. Losing a child during surgery was the one thing I’d never get over. It was also the one thing I couldn’t deal with. Jamieson sat down next to me and grabbed hold of my hand.
“I couldn’t save him. He was only seven years old. His injuries were too severe, and he bled out and coded.”
“I’m sorry.” He brought my hand up to his lips. “I know how hard it is. It’s bad enough when they’re adults, but when they’re children, it’s far worse. Come here.”
He let go of my hand, wrapped his arm around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder.
“Have you told the parents yet?”
“No,” I cried. “God, I hate this.”
“If you want, I’ll come with you and tell them.”
“Thanks, but I have to do it.” I sniffled.
I lifted my head from his shoulder, took in a deep breath, and wiped away my tears.
“How’s your motorcycle crash guy?” I asked.
“He didn’t make it. His intracranial bleed was too bad.”
“I’m sorry.”
“The guy should have been wearing a helmet,” he spoke.
I stood up and wiped my eyes one last time.
“I better go tell them,” I spoke.
“I’ll come with you,” Jamieson said.
I gave him a small smile before we left the stairwell and headed to the surgical waiting room.
I had forgotten about the fight we got into this morning.
Once again, he was there for me, even though I didn’t need him to be.
I took in the moment because I knew that everything would go back to being total hell once we got home.
Jamieson
The moment I opened the door to the stairwell and saw Grace sitting on the floor crying, I knew something bad had happened. As much as I was mad at her for this morning, I wanted nothing more than to comfort her and take away her pain. I hated the fact that I felt that way.
After doing my final rounds, I went home, poured myself a drink, and sat on the rooftop, listening to the waves as they crashed against the shore. I was happy that Grace wasn’t home. I needed the silence, and I needed the peace.
“Hey,” I heard Grace’s voice. “There you are. I went to visit your mom, and they said she was discharged.”
“Yeah. She discharged herself. I came up here because I want to be alone.”
“Do you know where she went?” she asked.
I slowly closed my eyes before I unleashed my rage on her.
“What fucking part of ‘I want to be alone’ do you not understand?” I shouted.
“I’m sorry. I’ll get out of your way,” she spoke.