Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
Jamieson
I knew what I did, and I wasn’t proud of it, not in the least. I got tied up in a six-hour surgery.
The O.R. was the only place where I didn’t have to think about her.
I went home, and there was silence. I walked upstairs and stared at the empty closet.
I needed to do this, and I knew she’d never understand.
We got married on a drunken whim, and that was no way to stay married.
I went downstairs, poured a double scotch, and took it over to the couch. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent her a text message.
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
I hit send and waited for it to be delivered.
But it never went through. Great. She blocked me.
I sighed as I finished off my drink and poured another one.
A couple of days passed, and Renata was giving me the cold shoulder.
My pager went off, and I was needed for a consult in the ER.
I hadn’t seen Grace at the hospital since the day of our court hearing.
She sure was doing a good job of avoiding me.
“Did Dr. Harper page me for a consult?” I asked Jackie.
“No. Dr. Harper isn’t here. She took a personal leave of absence.” She gave me a disgusted look. “Dr. Wilson paged you.”
“What do you mean she took a personal leave of absence?”
“It’s really none of your business, Dr. Finn. You are no longer her husband, so you don’t have the right to know anything concerning her. Don’t you have a consult?” Her brow arched.
I narrowed my eye at her and then walked away. After my consult, my schedule was clear for the day, so I went into my research room.
“There you are. I figured I’d find you here. How are you doing?” Logan asked.
“How do you think I’m doing?” I snarled.
“Don’t give me an attitude, man. You’re doing this to yourself. If you want my honest opinion, I think you majorly suck, and you’re playing roulette. There’s no guarantee she’ll ever take you back. I’m not sure I would.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion, did I?”
“Look at you. You’re miserable. Swallow your damn pride and beg her to forgive you.”
“Don’t you have bones you need to set or something?” I asked with an irritated tone.
“Sorry, but I can’t side with you on this.
It’s wrong on so many levels. I know you’re used to playing with women’s emotions, but Grace isn’t any ordinary woman, and you know it.
She’s the one.” He pointed at me. “And you’ve gone and fucked all that up.
I can honestly say, Jamieson, that I don’t even know who you are anymore. ” He walked out of the room.
I sighed as I took my hand and knocked all my papers off the table.
Grace
I was offered the Head of Trauma position at Boston General. A ten-minute Skype interview and the job was mine.
“You’re running again.” My Aunt Cora narrowed her eye at me as we Facetimed.
“No, I’m not. This is an excellent opportunity for me.”
“You’re running, Grace. You ran from New York because of a man, and now you’re running from California for the same reason. Is this what you’ll keep doing every time a man hurts you? It’s unhealthy, and I thought you were stronger than that.”
“I am strong, Aunt Cora, and like I said, this is a step up for me.”
“Bullshit,” she shouted. “If you were still with Jamieson, you wouldn’t be doing this. You’re running!”
“Fine. I’m running! I can’t stay here and work at the same hospital as him. It hurts too damn much.”
“I know it hurts. I was in your shoes before. Many, many years ago, before your parents died. But you know what I did? I stayed because I was strong and had something to prove to myself.”
“And what was that?” I asked.
“That I would not allow one person to dictate and control my entire life. You, my love, can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back. So what if you’ll see him at the hospital?
Yes, it will hurt like hell for a while, but you’ll get over it.
You’ll move on and ultimately, you’ll be glad things worked out the way they did.
Face the anger, sweetheart. Don’t run from it. ”
We talked for a while more and then she had to go.
I took in everything she said and thought that maybe she was right.
I loved my job here, and I made a lot of new friends.
I had already left one tribe back in New York, and I didn’t want to leave another.
But having to see him every day and page him for consults was something I didn’t think I could handle.
Jamieson
I tossed and turned all night. I’d roll over and feel the empty space beside me and feel sick to my stomach.
Two weeks passed, and I still hadn’t seen her.
Two goddamn weeks and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I was more fucked up than I thought I was.
I believed this was a good idea so I’d know I hadn’t just gotten accustomed to her living here because she was forced to.
I loved her. I was in love with her and knew I was from the beginning.
But it took this to make me realize that I couldn’t live without her.
My world was so dark without her in it. I felt alone for the first time since my mother left when I was a child.
I felt broken in so many ways. I’d always been broken, but then Grace came into my life, and as much as I wanted to blame her for fucking it up, she was the one who made me whole again.
She made me feel safe and loved. And what did I do?
I destroyed us because I had to put myself to the test. I had to verify what I felt was real because I’d never felt anything like it.
“Is Grace back yet?” I asked Jackie.
“Nope,” she spoke in a harsh tone as she stared at her computer.
“Where the hell is she?”
“A personal leave. I already told you that.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. I guess whenever she decides to come back.”
“Have you spoken to her?”
“Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. You lost that right, Dr. Finn.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed as I walked away. I wanted to leave the hospital, go to Grace’s apartment, and beg her to forgive me, but I got pulled into an emergency craniotomy. I’d go over there tonight, and if she weren’t home, I’d wait for her until she got back.