Olivia
“Good morning, fellow singletons,” I say with an enthusiastic smile. Because even if people can’t see my face, they can hear my expressions in my voice. “It’s Monday, and I think it’s safe to say we all know what that means. Many of us went on dates this weekend.”
“Yes, you did,” Kiersten mumbles. I’m pretty sure she said it loud enough to hit the speakers. My eyes widen, and I keep going.
“And for some of you, maybe it went well. For others…not so much. Because let’s face it.
Dating is complicated, tricky, awkward, and even a bit of a letdown sometimes.
Especially when the person who showed up for your date was not who you thought.
Not who they led you to believe they are.
In fact, you might feel like you don’t know them at all. ”
As I read the words that I swear were in my notes before I went out with Luca, I can’t help but feel like the notes are about me and Luca. And guessing by the looks on my friend’s faces, I think they might be thinking the same thing.
But the show must go on.
“As you all know, we are starting a new series today. Right Swipe, Wrong Person, our first Unmatched series about, you guessed it, Catfishing. You know, I don’t know why it’s taken us so long to address this issue.
Because honestly, it is arguably the dating app world’s biggest issue.
It’s the reason that despite hundreds of millions of people trusting the digital world to choose their soulmates, they’re walking away from dates feeling lost. Feeling deceived.
Whether the person isn’t who you thought they’d be, literally, or had different motives than they originally claimed, catfish hook us, reel us in and then toss us back in the dating pond not knowing which way is up. ”
I sit back and let Kiersten take the lead, thankful my script has a break in it. It gives me time to take a sip of my coffee and think about how awkward this entire series is.
“We know this is a touchy subject,” she starts in.
“Nobody wants to believe they’ve been duped.
Yet every day, thanks to those handy little apps, it happens to thousands of people.
And if I had to guess, it’s happened to a lot of you.
So we are opening up the lines right now.
Tell us about your catfish experiences, and we’ll tell you what the next move is. ”
Henry hits the button and the first-person rings in.
“Hello! I’m Vanessa. And I’m worried I’m being catfished,” the woman says.
“Alright, Vanessa. Let’s see what Olivia and I think,” Kiersten says.
“So I’ve been talking to this guy for a while. His name is Chad. And we have great chemistry. Great…texting chemistry.”
“So you haven’t met him,” I say flatly.
“Not yet,” she says.
“Why not?” Kiersten asks.
Why not?
Unmatched Dating 101- Rule #4: If you do happen to meet someone online and not in the wild, and they never want to meet up in the real world?
Run. Don’t ask for explanations. Most likely they will come up with something that sounds reasonable to you, but only because you’ve got those nice rose-colored glasses on.
“Scheduling issues. Ironically, our work schedules are exactly opposite,” she says.
Called it.
“Ironically? Or intentionally?” Kiersten asks. “What do you mean?” Vanessa asks.
“Is it actually a scheduling issue, or is Chad prolonging it?” Kiersten asks.
“Why would he do that?” she asks. “And why are you saying his name that way?”
Kiersten can be a little on the abrasive side sometimes, so I jump in.
“I think what Kiersten is trying to imply is that if there’s no chance of meeting each other, that might be a red flag that he’s not being truthful.
And if he’s not being truthful about his schedule, he might be hiding other things as well,” I say.
“Oh, I see. So what do I do?”
“You have to meet him,” Kiersten says. “Give him an ultimatum. If he wants to see you, he’ll make it happen.”
We run through a few other callers with problems ranging from finding out their date might be married or lying about their physical appearance. I’d be lying if I said that when we only have about five minutes left, I am relieved.
“We have time for one more caller,” Kiersten says, and Henry is about to push someone through when suddenly my phone starts buzzing on the table.
I look down and realize it’s Luca. And it’s not just a text. He’s calling. I go to silence it, but Kiersten swipes the phone.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, covering my mic.
“Answer it,” she mouths.
“We are on the air!” I mouth back.
“He can be the last caller,” she says, and I shake my head.
“No!” I say, but Henry nods and Kiersten hits the button, then the speaker, then hands it back to me. And for a moment, I just freeze.
“Hello?” Luca asks. “Livv?”
I glare at my friends, realizing I have no choice but to talk to him. But before I do, I run my fingers over my lips in a zipper motion.
“Livv? Are you there?” he asks.
“Yes. Luca. Hi,” I grimace.
“Did I call at a bad time?” he asks with his usual dryness.
“Nope. I’m here,” I say awkwardly.
“Why do you sound funny?” he asks. Not that he’s laughing.
“My voice or the connection?” I ask nervously.
“All of it,” he says. He’s not wrong. My voice still sounds quirky, and I know he can hear it. I take a second, gather myself, and realize that there’s no going back now.
“Sorry. I’m at work and it’s…a brick building,” I say, and Henry stifles a laugh. “You know, bad reception.”
“Right,” Luca says before getting to the point. “I had a good time last night.”
Kiersten arches an eyebrow, and I bite my lip.
“I did too,” I say as naturally as possible. Not that any of this feels natural at all.
“I think we should see each other again,” he says, and my friends lose it. Silently, of course.
“You want to go on another date?” I ask.
“We have an entire bottle of petite Sirah we never finished,” he says, and my cheeks flush hard.
“So you want to see me again, or you want help drinking that wine?” I tease.
But when Luca responds, there is zero humor in his voice. “I don’t need help with anything. But I want to see you again. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Tonight?” I blurt out.
“Is tonight a problem?” he asks, and I can’t believe this guy. He’s not even asking. He’s telling.
“Let me…check my calendar really quick,” I say, muting him. Then I turn to my friends, forgetting momentarily that we are still live.
“He’s so demanding,” I say. “That is a huge red flag,”
“Of course it is,” Keirsten says. “Catfish behavior at its finest. This is something to watch for, ladies,” she adds, and I remember we are on air. People are listening.
“Shouldn’t I say no then?” I ask.
“Not in this experiment,” she says. “And the purpose of this experiment is to show our listeners the patterns of deceitful dates.”
She wants me to go out with him again, knowing he’s a jerk. For the podcast. And I remember that I’m doing this for Sadie. I also remember Luca is waiting, probably impatiently.
“Sorry about that,” I say after I unmute him. “But it looks like I am free tonight after all,” I say.
“Good,” he answers. “Seven, then.”
The line goes dead, and I melt back into my seat, my heart racing.
“That,” Kiersten says, “for anyone who didn’t pick up on it, was our very own Olivia Ramone being asked out on a date. But not just any date. A second date with a man who we are very certain might be a catfish at its finest.”
As Kiersten goes on, I feel like everything is snowballing out of control. And I am stuck to that snowball rolling down the mountainside.
“Folks, we have a plot twist for you. We aren’t just going to tell you how to deal with a catfish; we are going to show you through one of the best dating experiences anyone has ever attempted.
And Olivia here has volunteered herself as the guinea pig.
Tune in next time to see what happens on Unmatched: Right Swipe, Wrong Person. ”
We go offline and I yank my headphones off.
“Have I though? Have I really?” I ask.
“Have you what?” Henry asks.
“Volunteered as the guinea pig,” I say.
“Look, I know that was crazy,” Kiersten says. “But it fell in our laps. He called! He wants to see you again. And if he is who we think he is, who Sadie says he is from experience, we gotta get him, Livv.”
It isn’t until I am sitting in my car outside of work that I feel like I can finally breathe.
Or, in my case, deflate like a balloon in the driver’s seat.
I can’t believe I am doing this. I never could have imagined doing something like this.
I mean, it’s one thing to do social experiments in a college psychology class.
But it feels like a whole other level to do a social experiment on a person you matched with on a dating app and have been on a date with.
And after tonight, it will be two dates.
This is so not me.
But at this point, what else can I do? My friends are right about one thing. The problems in the dating world are very much due to people using online dating and pretending to be someone they aren’t.
I cover my face with my hands for a moment so I can figure out how to wrap my brain around this. But suddenly the passenger door of my car flies open and I nearly come out of my skin.
“Holy shit!” I yelp as the door closes again. “Sadie!?”
“Sorry. But I need to talk to you. Again,” she says.
“So you give me a heart attack again?” I ask, my hand clasped over my chest.
“You aren’t answering your phone again,” she says. And she’s right. Ever since my call from Luca, I’ve had my phone shoved in my purse on silent because I’m not about to have two insane phone calls today.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a persecuted sigh as I melt further into my seat. “I just had…the craziest day at work.”
“I know,” she says.
“You know?” I ask, and Sadie just laughs.
“Of course I know. Everyone who listens to Unmatched knows,” she answers.
Fuck. I guess she’s probably right. “So you heard Luca call,” I say. It’s not a question.
“Yes, I did,” she nods.
Awesome. “So you heard him ask me out on a second date,” I add.
“Yes. And girl…slow clap, for real. I don’t know how you did it. When I told you to go on another date I would have never imagined he would call you like that. And to top it off…your new series is starring you and him?! Brilliant.”
“Is it, though?” I ask.
“Of course it is. Livv. This is what we wanted. After what he did to me, this is what he deserves. I mean, he goes on dates, leads girls on, and then leaves them high and dry…” she trails off.
“I mean, yeah, it’s pretty terrible,” I agree.
“Terrible?” she asks, amping up again. “Olivia. It’s disgusting. But you…you’re going to put an end to it.”
“I hope so,” I say with another sigh.
“You hope so?” she asks. “You have to. For the sake of any woman who matches with him again. For women everywhere being screwed over by men in power. And if nothing else, Livv, for me. I still don’t have a job.”
She’s right.
“You’re right,” I admit.
“Yeah?”
“Yes. You are right. I just have to do it,” I say.
“Yes. Yes! And you can do this. I mean, you’ve gotten this far. And just imagine the followers the podcast is going to bring in,” she goes on.
“I mean, I don’t really do it for the followers…” I say.
“Well then, do it to help people. All those new followers are people you will be helping. Helping to avoid men who prey on girls who put their hearts out there. Men like Luca Laurent.”
I suppose she’s right. They’re all probably right. But I still can’t figure out how I got roped into this. Worse than that, I can’t deny that my heart is skipping around in my chest at the thought of seeing him again.