Chapter 16
I sitat a beachfront bar at sunset, drinking dark liquor and thinking darker thoughts.
The scene around me is a complete contrast. Couples walk hand-in-hand against the purple and red backdrop. Rowdy groups of travelers migrate from one bar to the next. Everyone is having a good time except me.
I take another sip of my drink, swirl what little remains in the glass. I guess I wouldn’t enjoy this scene even if I were in a better mood. Nick Madison has never been sand and sunlight. The city kid in me has never felt fully comfortable on a beach.
Unfortunately I can’t exactly blame the city for my discomfort at hearing Evie say the word “love”. The sound of it had struck me like a viper, its sweet poisons shooting straight up my veins.
Evie had read my mind instantly, and my mind had been saying No. Stop. Absolutely not. I’d felt like a complete asshole as she ran from me. But at the same time it had taken forever for me to get out of my chair and go after her. I couldn’t bear to see her, to feel my own weakness reflected back at me in her beautiful eyes.
What happened to the man who didn’t cuddle? What happened to the guy who kept the world at arm’s length and was happy to do so? How had this naive girl from Boston dropped into my world and undone everything I’d worked so hard to create?
I had gone back to that room on the plane fully intending to tell her that I was falling for her.
Let’s just say I’m glad I let her talk first. The humiliation of hearing her say words like “temporary” and “fun” were bad enough when I was the only one in on the joke.
I didn’t trust myself to speak. Instead I’d taken her into my arms and held her tightly, knowing that it wouldn’t be too much longer before I had to let her go.
You can do anything you want to do, a little voice inside my head tells me.
But who would be doing it? Would it really be me, Nick Madison, CEO and kingpin. Titan of industry. Billionaire.
Or would it be Nicky from Jersey whose Dad is in prison for making all the same bad decisions. Trash destined for a life of brushes with the law and half-fulfilled dreams.
If I take my eyes off the prize, how quickly will I fall?
But what is the prize? A company that stresses me out? A high-rise apartment, cold and stark?
Or a blue-eyed woman who makes me laugh? Who I want to spend all my time with?
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I wakefrom dreams of Evie to find her hair nestled just beneath my nose. I inhale slowly and let her fill me up before reluctantly breathing her back out again.
Then I untangle myself gently from her sleepy embrace and leave the bedroom, closing the door softly behind me.
Evie and I haven’t really spoken since the plane yesterday. Last night, Kara announced that it was girls night and spirited Evie away along with the rest of her female friends to enjoy the one evening she didn’t have to perform.
I’d elected to skip “boy’s night” and settled for brooding on the beach and a relatively early bedtime.
Now it’s close to nine and I’m just looking for a quiet place to work. I don’t want to hang out in the suite. I wouldn’t be able to get anything done knowing that Evie could wake up at any moment.
A hotel this big must have a business center, right? I grab my bag and head out into the hall.
I immediately run into Dax coming out of a room a couple doors down.
The basketball player, normally suave and confident, now freezes under my gaze. He covers it well, relaxing back into nonchalance in a blink, but it’s too late. I caught him doing something.
It doesn’t take long to realize what.
Kara’s room is on the other side of the hall.
I raise an eyebrow. He scowls and, after a beat, stalks past me.
A word hasn’t passed between us, and I expect it to stay that way. But then Dax’s voice sounds behind me, low and angry.
“I wouldn’t breathe a word about this.”
I turn very slowly on my heel, face impassive. I cock my head to the side and ask, simply, “Or what?”
His scowl only deepens and he disappears into Kara’s room, presumably to take a shower.
Wow. A low opinion of Dax has only sunk lower. And who the heck is behind that door? Someone who’s not going to be part of the Krew for much longer.
I don’t dwell on the issue long. I have more pressing, personal issues to sort out. Before I get to the quiet business center, I give Jack a call.
It’s the seventh time this week. I call every day and leave increasingly annoyed voicemails each time. None of them have prompted him to call me back.
At this point I don’t expect him to answer and he doesn’t. When the message beeps, I say, “Listen, I’ve apologized. I don’t know what else you want from me. You’re acting like a fucking child. Call me.”
I hit end and squeeze my eyes shut. Who am I kidding? Jack’s probably happy for the break from his overbearing older brother. I should be more patient. At least my earlier messages were nicer. Unfortunately with everything going on with Evie, my tolerance is wearing thin. The last thing I need is time spent wondering just how bad my homecoming is going to be.
The business center is an island oasis. In contrast to the miserable hungover people typing away at computers, I’m practically beaming as I’m able to wipe all my problematic personal life away with a steady stream of work problems. Fixable problems. Problems that require me to be an overbearing asshole.
I clear my mind and get to work. Before long I’ve settled into the comfort of my routine, checking and sending emails, approving specs for new developments my team is working on, and, of course, dealing with the quickly bloating whale-corpse that is the Seafarer. The renovations for the ship are costing an arm and a leg, plummeting me even deeper into the hole I’d originally dug. But as they say, you need to spend money to make money, and no one can ever accuse me of being a pussy. This trip with Kara will be worth it if I can officially get the DJ on board. Evie has given me a light to get through this tunnel and once I’m on the other side, I’ll wonder what I’d ever been so concerned about.
I hope.
It feels like only a couple of hours have passed when my eyes suddenly land on the time. It’s 4 o’clock. Holy shit. Where has the day gone? Kara had an early show today — a rave on the beach — and I’ve missed most of it.
I check my phone and see half a dozen messages. I immediately check Evie’s.
Evie: Hey, what time are you coming back?
Evie: Sorry, don’t mean to bug you but are we meeting at the party?
Evie: I’m heading down, I’ll see you there.
That was two hours ago. She probably wasn’t happy to get to the party and find me missing. I can only hope she isn’t reading too much into it.
A guy can dream.
The other texts are from Dalton, wondering repeatedly where I am.
I shoot off a text to Evie with an apology and promise to explain when I get there. Then I run up to the room, shower and change quickly into another one of the trendy outfits Evie picked out for me, and head down to the beach.
The beach party is hopping. Everywhere I look there are gorgeous young people in swimsuits, drinking and dancing to the music. I realize too late that I chose the wrong clothes. I’m wearing a “nighttime in Paris” designer suit and look like I’m there to assassinate someone. Oh well. Maybe it’ll remind Dax that I’m not a man you threaten lightly.
The VIP section is on an elevated platform off to the side with better views of the beach and stage. Even hurrying, I’ve arrived too late. Carl steps aside to let me in just as Kara thanks the crowd for showing up and announces the following act.
Evie is talking to Tori and LaToya when I come in and she jumps up at the sight of me, concern on her face. She accepts my kiss but then pulls back, asking, “Where the heck were you?”
“Black hole of work,” I say. “I’m sorry. The time got away from me. How was the show?”
Evie, thankfully, accepts my excuse and launches into a play-by-play of the show. Apparently some drunk guy had tried to storm the stage and security had to wrestle him to the ground a foot away from Kara’s turntables. Throughout the whole thing, the DJ had played on, barely even glancing at the crazy man who’d been moments away from assaulting her.
“Kara’s tough,” Dalton says proudly. “It’d take more than that jackoff to faze her.”
“Apparently,” I say. I sit with Evie. A quick sweep of the group shows more than a few faces missing. Brent and Cheryl, fighting since the plane, have fucked off to somewhere, probably spiraling even deeper into their drama. Dax is missing too, and so are a couple of the girls. Which one of them is he screwing? I eye Tori and LaToya. Just because they’re here now doesn’t mean they’re not suspects.
“You sure everything’s fine?” Evie mutters to me now that we aren’t the center of attention.
“Yeah, of course,” I say. I wrap an arm around her and she rests her head against my shoulder. “It’s just work. There’s a lot waiting for me back home.”
She’s quiet and I immediately wish I hadn’t brought up work or home or the future. But what else is there to say? Besides, we’re apparently acknowledging the hard truths of our situation now.
We settle back down on the couch, and I try to pay attention to the story that Tori is telling. It’s futile. A deep sadness is creeping over me like vines.
I wish I never had to come out of my work spiral. Sitting here with Evie is too hard knowing how little time we have left. If only I could stop the sand from slipping through the hourglass, freeze the scene in its tracks. But I wouldn’t choose this moment. No, I’d take her somewhere private, watch the setting sun reflect in her crystal blue eyes as she laughs and then leans in for a kiss…
Kara’s appearance shakes me out of my thoughts. The group claps and cheers, and she takes a little bow before bounding over to the couch to sit between Dalton and Tori.
“That was the best show yet!” she announces. “Man, I just connected with this crowd.” She looks around. “Where’s Dax?”
“No clue,” Tori says. “Haven’t seen him at all today.”
Kara frowns. “That’s weird.” She pats her pockets and then curses. “Shit, I keep forgetting. I left my phone up in the room.” She hesitates and then flashes Tori a devilish smile. “Could you go and get it? Please?”
Tori rolls her eyes. “Girl, you’d lose your head if it wasn’t screwed on. How many IDs have you forgotten in Ubers again?”
“Three,” Kara admits. “But I’m tired. I was on my feet up there for hours.” Seeing her friend still reluctant, Kara adds in a sing-song, “And if you go get it, I’ll buy you those Louboutin flip-flops you liked.”
Tori’s eyes bug. “The Loubi Flips? Fuck yeah. I’ll be right back.”
With Tori gone, there’s nobody between Kara and the two of us. Kara wiggles her eyebrows at me. “What’d you think?” she asks.
“I actually just got here,” I say. “Work.”
“Man, you are always working,” she says. “You need to relax a little.”
“What do you call this?” I ask, in mock indignation.
“You’re wearing a suit.”
“There’s only so much I can relax,” I relent. “Trust me, shorts don’t look great on me.”
“I don’t know about that,” Evie says. One of her hands falls on my thigh and slides down to my knee. “One of the first things I noticed about you was your legs.”
“Oh really?” I say turning to her. “What a coincidence.”
She bats me away. “God, I’m just glad it was them and not my nipples.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Evie tosses her blonde locks, flushing slightly at the memory. “Well it all started in coach with a cup of water that I was trying to carry back to my chair…”
She launches into the story, but I’m having a hard time hearing the details. She’s so damn beautiful she turns my brain to mush at the sight of her. And the way she tells a story… I’ve never met someone so naturally funny and engaging. She has a preternatural sense for timing and punchlines. As expected, the people listening laugh and kid her about her nipply blouse and by the time the story is over I only have one word ringing over and over again in my head.
Love, love, love, love.
I’ve never had it, never felt it. Not for my father, not for any of the women in my Rolodex of available women. But for this girl? I’m feeling what could only be the early signs. I need to cut things off as quickly as possible before I come down with a raging case of love sickness. Easier said than done.
“Nick?”
I snap out of my thoughts to see Kara staring at me expectantly.
“I’m sorry. Must not have gotten a lot of sleep last night,” I say.
“I was wondering if you love it?”
My eyes bulge.
Evie reads my panic. “We’re talking about the plans for the cruise,” she reminds me gently.
“Oh,” I say, feeling a flush creep up my neck. “Yeah, of course I do,” I say, desperately grasping onto something that even remotely resembles a work topic. “Which part were you talking about?”
“The recording booth. You’re really going to put one in for me?”
“Even better,” I say. “I already did. Or, at least, it should be fully finished by the time we’re all back in New York.”
“I’d love to see it,” Kara says. “And check out the rest of the ship.”
“It’s huge,” Evie says and starts telling her about the tour I gave her last month. Behind Kara’s back, Dalton does a fist pump and I have to struggle to stifle my grin. Everything else is a disaster but at least this one aspect is going well.
LaToya taps Kara on the arm and hands over her own cell phone. “It’s Tori,” she says. “She sounds upset.”
I know instantly. I don’t even have to wait the time it takes the cell phone to travel to Kara’s ear, for Tori to relay what she found happening in Kara’s hotel suite, to see the look of outrage and betrayal fall over Kara’s features.
I might be the only one who knows what’s going on specifically, but everyone notices the mood shift. The entourage freezes, like it’s a single symbiotic being mind-linked to Kara.
“What happened?” Evie asks in a hushed voice.
Kara still has the phone pressed to her ear and she doesn’t respond. All she says, finally, is, “I understand.” Then she hangs up the phone and passes it wordlessly back to LaToya.
“Kara?” LaToya asks, worry evident in her voice. “Is Tori okay?”
Kara doesn’t even acknowledge that she heard her. Maybe she didn’t at all. Her face is strained.
Ignoring everyone, she stands up and leaves, pushing past Carl and disappearing. Dalton springs to his feet and goes to chase after her.
I react in a flash.
“Hey man,” I say, standing and catching his arm. “Maybe you shouldn’t go.”
He shakes me off with surprising strength. “I have to make sure she’s all right.” Then he too disappears before I can say another word. Though what exactly I could have said that would have kept him here remains a mystery.
I stay standing, hands on my hips. I really, really, really do not want to get involved in any of this.
On the other hand when Dalton gets up there and finds Dax balls deep in one of Kara’s friends, I don’t trust him to keep his head on straight.
“I have to go help him,” I tell Evie. “You can stay?—”
I can’t even finish my sentence before she’s on her feet. She rolls her eyes at the look on my face, grabs me by the front of my shirt, and pulls me after her. “Come on, my knight in shining armor,” she says. “We’ll face this dragon together.”
I fill Evie in on what I’d witnessed in the hall this morning on our way to the elevators. As someone who’d gotten cheated on herself (and as a decent person), she’s disgusted.
“What the fuck!” she says, stomping a foot. “What a complete asshole!”
“Putting it mildly.”
“God, I feel so bad for Kara. What do you think she’s going to do?”
“The better question,” I say, “is what is Dalton going to do?”
Evie’s eyes meet mine in horror. “Oh fuck.”
“‘Oh fuck’ is right,” I say. I bang the button for the elevator and we’re lucky to not have to wait. “Hopefully we can catch him.”
“But what are we going to say?”
I shrug. It’ll have to be decided on in the moment.
The elevator clicks steadily upward. Right before it reaches our floor, Evie turns to look at me. “This is going to suck, isn’t it?” she asks.
“Oh yeah,” I reply.
We catch Dalton in the hallway, right before he goes into Kara’s room.
“Dalton! Stop!” Evie shouts down the hall.
He does, reluctantly.
“You didn’t have to follow me,” he says.
“Yeah, we did,” I say. “Look, you’re not going to like what you see on the other side of that door. Just let us handle it.”
Dalton looks between us, his patience visibly wearing thin. “What the hell is going on? Can you at least tell me that?”
Evie and I exchange a helpless glance and then in unison shake our heads.
“Well then I’m going in.”
I move to block the door. “You’re making a big mistake,” I say.
“And you’re making a bigger one,” Dalton growls, stepping toward me.
I straighten, highlighting the three inches of height difference between us. But from the look in Dalton’s eyes, he doesn’t care.
The situation is about to dissolve but we’re saved by the door opening.
Tori steps out into the hall and shuts the door behind her quickly. She presses her back to it and says, “Man, you guys do not want to go in there right now.”
“What the fuck is happening?” Dalton demands.
Tori opens her mouth, though whether to placate him or tell him the truth I never find out. Because at that moment there’s a huge crash within the suite.
“Kara!” Dalton shouts and barges forward. Concern for Kara means Evie, Tori, and I are right behind him, charging into the room as a group.
But as soon as we enter the suite it’s clear Kara isn’t the one in danger. And why Tori had shut the door so quickly behind her.
“YOU SACK OF PISS-EATING SHIT! YOU MOTHERFUCKER! HOW DARE YOU? AND YOU BITCH ARE GONNA GET SLAPPED OUT OF YOUR?—”
Another crash sounds and a terrified yelp from Dax soon after it.
I stride through the entryway and around the divider to the living room. The sight before me would be hilarious if it weren’t so dire.
Dax is naked except for a pillow over his dick. Kara is a molten ball of fury. Two vases lie in shatters at the base of the far wall and Kara is winding up a third, getting ready to strike him out.
She notices Dalton first and then us, and that at least gets her to lower the vase (though she doesn’t put it down).
“Get out!” she demands. “This is private!”
Evie takes an awkward step backwards. I’d love to leave myself, but I’m not abandoning Dalton, who has no intention of backing down, though for the first time he looks a little confused.
“What the hell is happening in here?”
“None of your goddamn business,” Dax snaps. It’s hard to look threatening while cowering naked behind a pillow, but he somehow manages to. “Get the fuck outta here.”
“I’m her manager so?—”
“No, you’re her little simp. You think this means you gotta chance now?” Dax sneers. “Think again, bitch.”
Understanding flashes across Dalton’s face but before he can speak, Kara jumps to his defense. “Don’t you dare talk to him like that! You think you’re such a big shot because you throw a ball in a hoop?! When your daddy all but paid for you to be on that damn team?! I want you out of this room now. Actually fuck that. I want you off this entire damn island in an hour!”
Then she turns to look at someone I can’t see. They’re standing inside the doorway that leads to the bedroom, just out of sight. But once Kara speaks I don’t need to look to know exactly who it is: “And you! I invite you on mytour and treat you and that asshole boyfriend of yours to everything and this is how you’re gonna repay me?”
Evie lets out a strangled noise. She dashes forward, shoving past Dalton and even Dax to look into the bedroom.
“Cheryl! What the fuck!” Evie shouts.
Oh Jesus H. Christ.
Evie backs out of the room as if she’s being confronted by an eldritch demon. My soul shatters at the hurt and anger in her eyes.
Cheryl emerges wearing a thick bathrobe, her blonde hair mussed. In the face of Kara’s hurt, Evie’s disappointment, and Dalton’s anger, she looks coolly uninterested.
“How could you do this?” Evie asks, her voice cracking.
“What do you mean?” Cheryl asks. “You told me to.”
“What?” Kara and Evie say at the same time.
Then Evie turns, terrified, to Kara. “She’s lying,” Evie says. “I would never tell her that.”
“Yes you did. On the plane,” Cheryl says. “Remember? Brent was cheating on me and I was upset but then there was this really hot guy I was also interested in. I made it pretty damn clear who it was and you said go for it!”
Evie’s mouth opens and closes. “You never said it was Dax.”
“I didn’t have to,” Cheryl says, rolling her eyes. “I swear I thought you knew. I mean, everyone could sense the chemistry between us.”
This is news to me, but then I’ve never been in tune to that sort of thing.
Kara looks back and forth between the two women, unsure of whom to believe. Evie is obviously the more trustworthy of the two. Kara has to side with her.
But then Dalton speaks up.
“They knew.” He’d previously been staring at Dax with pure hatred in his eyes, but now his attention is directed toward Evie and me, understanding lighting his eyes.
“You knew,” he says again. “That’s why you didn’t want me coming up here.”
“Okay, wait a minute—” I start, raising my hands.
It’s not enough to preserve the calm. Kara rounds on me. “You knew about this? For how long?” She doesn’t let me respond. “But you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news, afraid I’d bail on your little ship.”
“It’s not a little ship,” I say testily, annoyed at being interrupted.
“Maybe not the point right now,” Evie says under her breath.
“Well whatever it is, you can fucking forget me being any part of it,” she snaps. “And you!” She whirls around on Dax, sticking a finger in his face. “I better never see your fucking face again.”
Then she turns around and storms to the door, muttering about cheats and snakes under her breath before disappearing in a flash of rainbow hair.
There’s a beat of silence between the six of us. Then Dalton looks at Dax and says, “You motherfucker.”
“Bring it, bitch,” Dax replies.
Before I can second-guess my thought process, I dive between them, bowling Dalton over but not before his swung fist connects with the side of my head.
I see stars briefly. Damn, the kid can actually hit pretty hard. But I stay on my feet and am able to hook my arms into his to stop another blow from coming.
“Let him go,” Dax taunts. “Let’s see him even try to hit me.”
“Shut the fuck up!” I shout over my shoulder.
Dalton is still yelling and cursing at Dax but I’ve got him under control now and manage to walk him out into the hall and then into our room a couple doors down. He doesn’t make the process easy. Thankfully I’d done more than wash dishes at my dad’s bar. I could be called on to bounce drunk and violent customers too. I guess you never lose the touch.
I fling him away once we’re inside and he steps forward like he’s about to throw a punch. I tower over him, absolutely fed up with all this bullshit. Can’t I just fucking brood about Evie in peace?
In the face of my full height and fury, Dalton thinks twice and, with Dax out of the room, he calms down. Though not entirely.
“Why the hell did you kick me out of there?” he demands. “I could have taken that soft prick.”
With hands like his, I don’t doubt it. “Yeah and then what?” I ask. “He’s an NBA player. You fuck him up enough for him to miss a game and he’s going to sue you for every penny you have.”
“He wouldn’t get much,” Dalton spits. But then he looks away. He knows I’m right.
Leaving him to think for a moment, I turn to Evie, looking to do further damage control. Her face is strained and white; she’s trying not to cry.
“I just don’t get it,” she says. She says it again and again. “I just don’t get it. I just don’t get it.”
“Hey,” I say. I grab her shoulders and shake her slightly. “Evie,” I say.
Her big blue eyes finally connect with mine. “I just don’t get how people can be so horrible to each other.”
I’ve long since stopped wondering at people’s capacity for cruelty, and it hurts to see Evie start to slip down the jaded road I started on in childhood. I pull her into my arms and hug her tightly, rocking her back and forth, her head beneath my chin.
“It’s okay,” I say. “It’ll be okay.” But they’re empty words; seeing her trauma play out once again right in front of her cuts deeper than mere words can fix.
“I think I need to lay down for a minute,” Evie whispers. I nod, kiss her on the forehead, and let her go.
“Tell me if you need anything,” I say after her. She doesn’t act like she heard me. Maybe she didn’t at all.
Dalton is sitting on the couch, hands steepled in front of him, staring at the carpet. I join him.
We sit in silence until he finally says, “Goddammit.”
“It’ll be okay,” I say, this time with a little more confidence behind the words. “Dax was never going to hold Kara’s attention for long anyway. She’ll get past it. Rebound.”
Dalton shakes his head sadly. “You don’t know her like I do, man,” he says.
I can’t argue with that.
Then he says, “I’m sorry I pointed the finger at you guys in there. I’m guessing there’s a little more to the story?”
I snort. “Yeah, I’m a bit offended. You really fucked us over.”
“But how did you know?”
“I saw him walking out of another room this morning. I didn’t realize it was Cheryl. I definitely have no idea what she was going on about Evie telling her to cheat. I may not know Kara, but I know Evie. And she would never have said that shit to Cheryl.”
“You should have told Kara about Dax immediately.”
“When? Right before her opening show? Or surrounded by all her friends while she was trying to celebrate? I was going to tell her. I just thought I had more time.”
Dalton chews his lip and ultimately realizes he has nothing to be mad at me about. He sighs heavily. “I’m sorry, Nick. I wasn’t thinking. Don’t worry about Kara. I’ll fix things up with her for you.”
As tempting as the offer is, I shake my head. “No, let me.”
“Are you sure?”
“You, my friend, need to keep a bit of distance. Anything you say is going to be tainted by your very obvious feelings for her.”
He scowls. “They aren’t that obvious.”
I just raise an eyebrow.
“Man,” he says, “can’t you let me pretend?”
“Not my style, kid,” I say. I stand up. “Where do you think she went?”
Dalton looks up, surprised. “You’re going now?”
“No time like the present,” I say bitterly. It’s better than sitting around thinking about Evie crying in the other room. “So any ideas?”
He frowns. “She was talking earlier about a rooftop deck the girls went up to last night. That seems like it’d be pretty private.”
“How do I get there?”
“I guess you just follow the east stairwell up to the top.”
The sun is sinking low and I can’t imagine Kara would find much privacy up there right now, but it’s a start.
After orienting myself toward the east, I head down the hall, find the staircase, and climb four stories until it stops. Then I realize why Dalton thought it would be private. It’s not a deck that’s open to the public. There’s just a service ladder bolted into the side of the wall and leading up to a hatch.
A hatch that’s partially open.
I climb the ladder and push it aside. Warm air ruffles my hair accompanied by the salty smell of the sea.
Sure enough, Kara is on the rooftop, standing by a railing and looking over the edge at the sun setting in another gorgeous display of reds and purples.
She turns quickly, hurriedly wiping tears. She scowls at the sight of me and turns away. I’m probably the last person she wants to see right now. Thankfully I’m used to that.
I slip my hands into the pockets of my suit pants and approach casually, slowly, the way one might edge up on a tiger they’re trying to pet on the nose. See? I’m harmless.
Kara isn’t having any of it. She flips her hair and asks, without tearing her eyes away from the horizon, “What the hell do you want?”
“Well for one, I feel obligated to warn you that you’re probably trespassing. I don’t know what kind of jails they have on Ibiza but I doubt they’re pleasant.”
Kara’s suspicious eyes flick to mine. I attempt a smile. It’s not returned. But she also doesn’t tell me to fuck off. Progress.
Instead, she traces her long nails through the sand that’s accumulated on the flat edge of the railing. “What do you know about jail?” she mutters.
Good question. I turn so that I’m resting against the railing, my back to the sunset, my arms crossed.
“I know the food is complete shit,” I say. “And that bathroom doors are a privilege, not a right.”
Now I’ve gotten her full attention, but only to try to call me out on a lie. “You’re full of shit,” she sneers. “Everyone knows they don’t send rich guys to prison.”
“Oh no, that’s absolutely true,” I say. “I could run over a baby with a motorcycle and I’d be just fine. But I wasn’t always a rich guy.”
Kara crosses her own arms. “Lemme guess,” she says. “You struggled your way to the top from a middle class suburb and didn’t get enough love because your parents both worked to save money to send you to Harvard.”
I snort. “Well first of all, it was Yale.”
Kara rolls her eyes.
“And second… well let’s just say I’ve yet to see a middle class suburb in person. Or a two-parent home. As far as I know they’re only myths spread by well-adjusted people.”
Kara fully abandons any pretense of playing in the sand and steps back from the railing. Her sharp eyes bore holes straight through my head. “Oh come on,” she says. “You’re gonna try to tell me that a guy like you came from the projects?”
“No way,” I say with a small chuckle. “But I went to high school with a lot of people who did. I was lucky enough to live in the apartment above my pop’s bar in Hoboken.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true.”
“Where’s your accent?”
“Where’s yours? You’re from Brooklyn, right?”
I have her there. She works her jaw and then says, “It comes out when I’m angry.”
“Mine too.”
Kara catches herself about to smile and her expression quickly sours. “Look, I know you’re just up here trying to save your deal…”
“That’s not true,” I say. At a look, I add, “Well that’s one part of it.”
“And the other part?”
“I hate to see someone else getting caught up in the shit cyclone that is Evie’s ex.”
Kara lets out a rueful exhale.
“You know Cheryl’s lying about Evie, right?” I ask softly.
Kara is silent for a long time. Finally she says, “Yeah, I know. I was just angry. I’m still angry. I thought—” She stops herself, glances at me, a look of shame on her face.
I raise my hands. “Let it out,” I say. “I’m not here to judge. Or to repeat anything.”
Kara doodles in the sand. She draws a star, then a heart. Then she wipes both away with a frustrated, angry gesture. “Things were supposed to be different, man!” she says. “I got it all, the fame, the money. I’m selling out shows. I’m making my art. But it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed at all.”
“Changed from what?” I ask after she goes silent again.
“My mom didn’t have a bar,” she mutters. “She was a dancer. I grew up in a crappy cinder block building in East Brooklyn, and I don’t know a single person other than Dalton who even graduated high school, let alone went to college. If my music hadn’t taken off, I’d probably be dancing… or in jail.” She looks up at me. “If everyone wakes up tomorrow and forgets about me, then that could still be my future.”
“And it’d be doubly painful because you had a chance to escape it,” I finish for her. “I know the feeling.”
“I try to keep a hand on my roots, hang out in my old neighborhood. That club we met at? That’s where my mom used to work. I tell people it’s to inspire other kids, but the truth is that I’m just trying not to make the fall hurt as much.”
I’d done the opposite. I’d moved as far as I could. Or had I? I never was able to leave New York. I told myself it was because of my business but with a billion dollars, I could work in development anywhere in the world if I wanted to. Did I subconsciously want to stick by my old neighborhood so that it could catch me if — when — I fell?
“This trip to Europe has been amazing. I never thought I could have a life like this. But now Dax…” She shakes her head. “I thought I was done with dirtbags. Apparently not. And if Dax can throw me aside so easily, why can’t my fans? It seems like it all could end just as it’s beginning.”
“That’s just nerves talking,” I say. “It’s not ending. You’re just going to keep getting bigger.”
Kara looks up at me with big, tear-filled eyes and asks, “But what if I don’t deserve any of it?”
I hesitate but then put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You do deserve it,” I say. “No more and no less than anyone else who’s made it big. But maybe instead of dating guys like Dax, you should be dating someone who’d love you whether you have money or not.”
Kara cocks her head and looks at me suspiciously. “Are you talking about you?”
I jump away from her like I’ve been electrocuted. “Oh— Uh— Look— That’s?—”
I scowl when she bursts out in laughter.
“Oh man, I had you going there,” she says, wiping an eye.
“Just to be clear—” I say, a little annoyed and still awkward.
“No need to say anything,” she says. “I know you’re head over heels for Evie. That’s clear to everyone.”
I smile in spite of myself. “Is it that obvious?”
“Very blatant,” she says. “But then I knew from the first time I set eyes on you two.”
“And what do you think she feels for me?” I ask before I can stop myself.
Kara cocks an eyebrow. “Is that a real question?” When I pause, she adds, “And I bared my soul so the least you can do is pay back the favor.”
She’s not wrong. But then I’ve always struggled with voicing my inner turmoil. A side effect of a childhood in which anything short of breaking a major bone was considered whining. “Mental health” to my dad meant not having brain cancer.
“It’s been… confusing,” I finally land on.
“Confusing?”
“I’ve never been this kind of guy,” I say. “I’ve never cared before what anyone thought of me. It’s unnerving.”
“But are you happy?”
“Yes,” I say. “Absolutely.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
What is the problem? Why exactly can’t I tell Evie that I want us to be serious when we get back to New York?
“I’m the problem,” I say. “I don’t… I’m not…” I throw up my hands. “What if she wants to have kids?”
Kara shrugs. “I guess you put your penis in her vagina and?—”
“No, no,” I say, waving her off. “I mean raising kids. God, I’ve already completely failed with my brother. I’d never be able to. And Evie’s too sweet to never be a mother. But I’d fuck it all up. And besides, there’s my company.”
Kara snorts. “I hope you haven’t said that to Evie.”
“What’s the problem?”
“You’re comparing that beautiful, living, breathing woman to a collection of bank accounts, real estate holdings, and legal forms. There shouldn’t be a question.”
There shouldn’t be, but there is. “It’s my security,” I say gruffly. “What if I choose wrong and it all goes away?”
Kara considers my problem. “Well if that’s the case, then I’ll hire you to manage my strip club and we can be miserable together. Platonically. Deal?”
I have to laugh and then shake her offered hand. God, this girl is smarter than most of the people I know who are twice her age. I’m not worried about her. She’ll be fine. But then why can’t I feel the same way for myself?
“So what are you going to do about Dax?” I ask.
Kara shrugs. “I hope he doesn’t show his damn face again. If he doesn’t he’s going to get another earful about what a piece of shit he is. But,” and here she gives me a small smile, “I’m actually feeling a little better.”
“Glad to be of service,” I say.
Kara turns her appraising eye on me. “You’ve done better than I expected from the guy with the stick up his ass I met back in New York.”
“I think it got removed somewhere over the Atlantic.”
“And is it going to be reinserted on the way home?”
Hell if I know. I settle for a slight shake of my head. “I hope not.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to decide quick,” she says. “I’m letting you go.”
I turn in surprise. “What?”
“Fly free, little bird.” She laughs outright at the look on my face. “Giant eagle? Well, whatever. As much as I’ve enjoyed having you two here, there really isn’t any point in you hanging around. I’ve made my decision. And it sounds like you have some big decisions of your own to make.”
“That’s kind of you,” I say.
“Not really.” She gives me a cheeky smile. “I’m just hoping you figure out your bullshit before we’re working together.”
“Watch it,” I say. “I put up with yours.”
Kara just laughs and flips her hair over her shoulder.
We stand there together and watch the sun continue its descent until there’s just a sliver of golden light on the horizon, and then finally nothing at all.
Kara breaks the silence first. “So what are you going to do about Evie?” she asks.
I wish I knew. But for the first time the surge in my heart is closer to excitement than to fear.