Chapter 13 We’re Still Here
WE'RE STILL HERE
Declan
Like a horny teenager, I ogled at her perfect ass as she left my suite to tend to Joey. I smiled, thinking of the first time we met. God, had it been only three weeks since she got in my Bentley thinking I was her Uber driver?
I rubbed the side of my face. What a cliche—lusting over my nanny.
Though she wasn’t really my nanny. Who was I kidding?
Whether she worked in my home or at my company made no difference.
Getting involved with a direct report always ended badly.
I ought to know. I’d gone there before. Twice, if I were being honest. The thought of Isla hating me as soon as I told her I had to return to the UK was like a kick to the stomach.
If those pretty eyes ever looked at me with anything less than desire, I didn’t know what I would do. One thing was for certain, though. I did have to leave New York at some point.
“Fuck me.” I scrambled to my feet to find my phone.
In my one hour with Isla, I had completely forgotten about Tommy. Sure enough, when I tapped on the screen, I had four messages from him, each fifteen minutes apart, each with the same text.
Tommy: All set to leave in the morning. Are we still driving to the Hamptons for the weekend?
I hovered my thumbs over the screen. If Joey and I left at dawn, I wouldn’t have to say good-bye to Isla.
Avoiding her in the office would be easy since she would be two floors down with the other programmers, not right outside my door like before.
But then, I wouldn’t get to bury my cock inside her one more time.
And fuck me if that wasn’t the only thing my brain could process right now.
I wanted her in the worst way possible. And she wanted me.
“There he is.” Isla strolled in with Joey in her arms. He was happy as can be—all smiles and bouncy legs.
I glanced down at my phone and quickly typed a response.
Me: Let me get back to you.
“Are you hungry?” Isla’s sexy voice made my cock twitch.
When I glanced up and saw she was talking to Joey, my erection deflated some. Cock-blocked by my own son. I deserved that.
“I’m famished.” I sat on the bed and didn’t bother to hide how much I still wanted her.
“Hmm.” She glanced down and then quickly moved up. “We’ll wait in the kitchen.”
If I was going to keep my hands off Isla for a whole afternoon, I was going to need a cold shower.
Something I was intimately familiar with.
Though, before, I used them to find focus first thing in the morning and get the creative juices flowing.
Lately, the one thing I had struggled with was doing the right thing when it came to Isla.
The right thing? Who the hell knew what that was anymore? I sure as hell didn’t.
I ran the water and let the icy prickles hit my back. I took a breath and counted backward. The half-ass meditation helped to get my cock under control. But my mind kept chasing after Isla’s smile, and now, that little moan she made right before she came.
“Fuck me.” I grabbed a towel and headed for the walk-in closet where I found a pair of joggers and a T-shirt.
By the time I made it to the kitchen, Isla had Joey in the highchair and was feeding him green beans.
When she turned my way, her breath hitched.
Good, I wasn’t the only one still thinking about the mind-blowing sex from before.
I hadn’t lied to make her feel better. I honest to God had never had sex like that.
Something about Isla made me feel raw and exposed.
Worst part was, I liked not having to hide parts of me.
“Mrs. Ross left a dinner for us. Roasted chicken, I think.” She cleared her throat.
“Brilliant. I’ll get it in the oven.” I ran my hand over Joey’s blond hair. I still couldn’t get used to the idea that I had a son. It seemed so impossible and so terrifying.
“He doesn’t bite, you know.” She offered Joey another spoonful of nasty green goo, and he took it eagerly.
“I know that.” I shifted my gaze away from them and focused on the easy task of warming up a pre-made dinner.
When the oven beeped, I took out the dish and served two plates.
As I carried them to the table, I realized that tonight might be the last night I got to eat a meal with Isla and Joey.
My chest tightened as images of so many other nights fluttered through my mind—nights where it was just me and a bunch of designs on the table.
I wasn’t unhappy at all. But now that I’d had a taste of the family life, I couldn’t help but wonder: what else had I been missing?
I poured two glasses of wine and waited for Isla to join me. I sat there, like a sappy idiot, and watched as she wiped clean Joey’s tray and filled it up with puffs—a baby snack miracle that had the ability to keep Joey entertained for almost half an hour.
“Wow, this looks amazing.” She gripped the back of the chair next to me, biting the inside of her lower lip.
She seemed confused with the setup. But why? We’d done exactly this pretty much every night since she moved in. What changed now?
“You seem nervous. Don’t be.”
“Hmm.” She tightened her grip. “It’s odd. You’re my boss.”
God, she was adorable. And so fucking sexy. “And?”
She pointed behind her toward my suite. “You saw me naked.”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” I sipped from my glass.
“What? As in, you’ve seen other women naked or as in you’ve seen me naked?”
Oh, shit. I had forgotten about the white little lie I told her when she first came to help with Joey. She had seemed so preoccupied with the fact that she had taken her clothes off in my flat, I figured bending the truth a bit couldn’t hurt. I supposed I had to come clean now.
“Okay.” I put up my hands as a peace offering. “That night when I brought you over.”
“Yeah. You said I had come on to you but then passed out on your couch.”
“Right. You took your top off before that.” What a glorious sight that had been. “I have to admit, it took me by surprise. I liked what I saw. A lot.” I reached for her hand, but she pulled away.
“That’s why you fired me.”
“No. That’s not why. I let you go because I couldn’t stop thinking about your offer.” I released a breath.
“Omigod. This whole time.” She pressed a hand to her forehead. “You knew what I…you saw me.”
“If it helps. Now we’re even. You’ve seen me naked, too.”
“I’m still your nanny.”
Why did that word sound so kinky when she said it? I leaned forward and lowered my voice so Joey wouldn’t hear us. “You know that word doesn’t have the sobering effect you think it does. Every time you call yourself my nanny, all I want to do is throw you over my knee and spank you.”
“I’m in way over my head here.” She took her glass of wine and drank. “I shouldn’t be here.”
When she turned to leave, my heart shot into overdrive. I didn’t want her to leave. I jerked out of my seat and chased after her. “Wait.”
Shit. What could I say to make her stay? I pressed my body to hers, caging against the door. “One night. Can you stay one night?”
“My time here is done. You have a real nanny coming in on Monday. And soon the project will be done, and you’ll have to go home.”
“I know.” I ghosted my lips over her. “But we’re still here.”
I captured her mouth with mine. In the back of my mind, I made a promise to myself to let her go in the morning. To do the right thing. And let her be. She tunneled her fingers through my hair. Her tiny moan of pleasure should be all the answer I needed, but I wanted to hear her say it.
“Say you’ll stay.”
“I’ll stay.” She deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue laced with wine past my teeth.
She tasted so good. I pressed my thigh to her mound and sucked on the cord of her neck. I wanted to be inside her so bad. But in that moment, Joey decided to remind us he was still in the room.
“He’s doing that on purpose.” I shot a glance over my shoulder.
“We shouldn’t be doing this in front of him.”
“He’s ten months old. He doesn’t know.”
“But we know.” She pushed me off her and padded over to Joey, talking to him in a soothing voice.
I glanced at my watch. We still had another three hours before bedtime.
We sat down to eat our late lunch, and somehow, I managed to keep my hands to myself.
A few years ago, I would’ve taken her to the Hamptons and spent the entire weekend in bed, until we both had our fill.
But I wasn’t that bloke anymore. I couldn’t be.
I had a son now—a family. Isla deserved someone who could give her everything she wanted, someone who could do the whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing. That wasn’t me. Was it?
“You’re lucky.” She took a bite of the chicken as she glanced at Joey with loving eyes. “You didn’t even ask to be a dad, and yet here you are with a healthy and beautiful boy.”
“Can I be honest?” I cut into my roasted carrots. “He frightens me. This whole situation scares the shit out of me.”
“What do you mean?” She laughed and lifted her gaze to meet mine.
“Dad died when I was little. It was just my sister, Mum, and me. We didn’t want for anything, but I know Mum had a hard go of it being a single parent and all that.
” I rubbed the side of my face. I was really going out on the limb here.
Hell if I knew why. Isla had a way to make me talk.
I always said too much when I was around her.
“Anyway, I never imagined that would be me. When you leave, when I return to the UK, it’ll be just the two of us.
I just hope I don’t mess him up. Silly, I know. ”
“It’s not silly.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “Babies are a gift. You have to trust yourself and do the best you can.”
“Sound advice from someone so young. You sound like you want babies. Do you?” I could honestly say I had never asked a woman that question before. I never cared before.
“I’m not sure. I’m a planner. I had a plan to leave my hometown, get a fancy job in the city.” She pointed at me.
My chest puffed up at the idea that I was able to provide that much for her. I was the fancy job.
“I don’t know. I always figured kids would be in the picture. At some point.” She shrugged. “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“You’re still young. You’ll find yourself another Steve.” I leaned forward to read her facial expressions. When her eyes didn’t water, when her breath didn’t hitch at the mention of her ex-boyfriend, my body relaxed. She didn’t love him anymore. I liked that very much.
“It isn’t that.” She cleared her throat. “I can’t have children.”
“What? What happened?”
“Nothing. It’s just one of those things.
When Steve brought up the idea of moving in together, he made it sound like he was ready to propose.
Of course, I had to go and make plans. I got tested to see how the baby maker was doing.
That’s when I found out there’s some sort of blockage.
” She pointed at her abdomen. “It doesn’t matter.
Steve was only interested in my apartment and its proximity to the train station. ”
The sadness in her eyes broke my heart. I was such an asshole, complaining about having a baby dumped on my door. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I think the part that gets me is the fact that my choice was taken away.” Her gaze shifted toward Joey then back to me. “I’m happy for the time I got to spend with him. Maybe that’s why you’ve been so grumpy about this whole thing.”
“I haven’t been grumpy.” I knew that was a lie.
“Yeah, you have. The choice was taken away from you, too.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I watched Joey play with the puffs on his tray. “It isn’t fair Harper is now a single mum because of me. That he’ll grow up like me, without a dad.” What the hell was I saying? He had a dad. Me. “You know what I mean.”
“I think I do. But she was part of it, too, you know? You didn’t do this to her.” She inhaled deeply and then blew out a breath. “Have you considered marrying her? You know because of the baby. Sounds old school, I know. She wouldn’t be a single mom then.”
“No. I mean, yeah sure. But I can’t tether myself to someone I barely know just because we made a baby.”
“That’s a tough choice.”
“You don’t say. It isn’t entirely up to me.
I still need to find Harper. And um…” I hated myself for saying this but being pragmatic was how I had managed to be successful in my career.
I felt a connection with Joey, but that wasn’t enough.
I needed the truth in black and white. I needed a paternity test. “I need to find out for sure if he’s mine. ”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.”
“Would you go with me?” Anyone outside looking in would think I was asking her out on a date.
“Me?”
“For moral support. I’ve been meaning to run over to clinic and get it done for weeks now. I just can’t seem to find the balls to do it.” Always with the oversharing. Lucky for me, Isla didn’t seem to mind it. “If you want.”
“I would love to. What are nannies for?”
She said the word just as I was taking another sip of wine.
I coughed to ease the burn in my chest from swallowing too hard.
Hot blood rushed through me as the image formed in my head, detailed and surreal at the same time—Isla bent over my knee, her skirt high over her waist, and my palm on that perfect ass of hers.
“Oh.” Her mouth lingered in a shape of an O. She shook her head as red crept up into her pretty cheeks. “I didn’t mean it that way.”