Chapter 19
IT'S NOT GOOD-BYE
Declan
Over eighteen months had gone by since the last time I saw Harper.
She looked older. No, not old, but rather tired, as if the last few weeks without her baby had really taken a toll on her.
How old had she said she was when I met her?
I tried to think of that night. She had been celebrating a birthday.
Right, her thirtieth birthday. Hence the threesome.
My gaze roamed her features over and over as I tried to find a spark of recognition.
But nothing about her felt familiar. I only knew this was Harper because of the pictures the private investigator found on social media.
Most of those pictures were dated almost two years ago, right around the time Joey had been conceived.
I felt like such an asshole for not reaching out to her before.
But that was the deal we had all agreed to.
The club had a privacy policy to protect its clients.
The non-disclosure agreement I signed when I joined prevented me from engaging anyone outside of this building.
Jesus Christ, was that why she had left Joey at my door without a note?
Because she didn’t want to violate the contract?
Surely, she had to know the stupid NDA didn’t apply when babies were involved.
Rubbing a hand over my chest, I took a breath and then released it slowly to keep my composure.
I felt guilt over the fact that Harper had to go through an entire pregnancy alone.
And then she had to take care of a newborn—again—alone.
But I was also pissed at her for turning my life upside down without warning.
“You should’ve come to me as soon as you found out.”
What I really wanted to ask was—why did she disappear? Why do this to her baby? We could’ve worked this out together. I could’ve worked out a million different solutions that didn’t involve her leaving him for almost a month.
“Declan.” Tears ran down her cheeks as she darted toward me. She slammed against my body and buried her face in my chest.
The sobbing disarmed me and made all the anger go away.
She sniffled as wet seeped through my dress shirt.
That tiny detail sparked a memory from so long ago when Dad died, and I caught Mom sobbing into her pillow.
I sat by her bedroom door and waited until she fell asleep.
In that moment, seven-year-old me hadn’t known what else to do.
Things were different now—I was the fixer.
I wrapped my arms around Harper’s small body. Again, the feel of it didn’t seem familiar. The mother of my baby was a complete stranger to me. I put aside my guilt and focused on Harper instead.
“Harper, what happened? I can help you. If you’re in trouble. I can help.”
I couldn’t imagine what kind of trouble she was in. But whatever it was, I would do anything to make it right because there was no way in hell I was going to let her take my baby away. I couldn’t imagine Joey spending any amount of time away from me.
“I want my baby,” she mumbled into my shirt.
“Right. I got that. But first, we need to talk. Let’s start with why you left him at my door to begin with? Why didn’t you call me?” I gripped her shoulders and gently made her look at me. “You can tell me.”
“I’m sick.” She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “When I found out, I thought Joey would be better off with you. At first anyway. But then. I haven’t had a moment of peace since I left him with you. Please don’t take him away. I panicked. I didn’t know what else to do and—”
“Okay.” I cupped her face to stop the rambling. “Slow down. What do you mean sick? What’s wrong?”
“Breast cancer. My doctor caught it early, but it’s aggressive and they needed to start treatment right away.” She glanced down at her hands, then ran them over her hair.
“You’ve been in a fucking hospital this entire time?”
The news was like a punch to the stomach. No wonder we couldn’t find her. The private investigator spent all his time and energy looking into other sex clubs and bars around town. He and I had assumed a lot about Harper. We were wrong about all of it.
Here I was worried about being a dad, worried about Joey having to grow up without a dad if something happened to me, worried about my fucking company.
I didn’t stop to think about Harper and how she was doing.
I didn’t stop to think about the possibility that my son would have to grow up without a mother.
“I’m sorry.” I pulled her into my arms. “How can I help?”
“Just give him back to me.”
“You can’t do this alone. You need me.”
I racked my brain, looking for the right words to say. Anything to get her to stop saying she wanted her baby back. Not that I wouldn’t do what she wanted. She was the mom.
“If you need a place to stay, you can stay with me. With us. Where are you staying?”
“With my grandmother in Utica. I lost my job and my apartment.”
“Assholes. Because of the baby?”
“No, because of the cancer.” Her eyes watered.
Jesus fuck. “Don’t worry about that. You’re moving in with me. I’ll pay for whatever medical bills you have.” I would give her anything she wanted to get her to not run off again.
“We’re not together. I can’t take over your life like that.”
Technically, she had already taken over my life, but I didn’t think she needed to hear me say that.
“I’m not saying let’s get married.” I said it as a joke, but when she glanced up at me, the tears in her eyes told me that was what she had been hoping for.
She needed a partner and father for her baby.
“I knew you were the good one.” She wiped her nose. “You even had your driver take me home the next day. You had already gone, but you made sure I had a ride. The other guys didn’t even say good-bye.” She pressed her face to my chest and resumed the crying. “I wanted it to be you so badly.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to lie to you.” She swayed in place, and her skin turned pale like she was about to pass out. “Sorry. The radiation is starting to take its toll.”
I picked her up, sat her on the bed, then went to get her some water.
On the way back, I stopped in my tracks.
Isla was standing exactly where I had left her when Harper walked in.
I was such an asshole. I rubbed the side of my face as my gaze shifted between a frail Harper sitting on the bed and a deeply wounded Isla staring at me with those doe eyes.
“Don’t move,” I said to Isla then rushed to Harper to give her the water.
When I turned around, I caught a glimpse of Isla’s long hair as she ran out the door.
I went after her, cursing under my breath.
What was she thinking? How did all of this look to her?
Even in those high heels, she made it all the way to the lift in under a minute.
As soon as she saw me, she wiped her face and hit the call button several times.
“You don’t owe me anything.” She crossed her arms over her chest, realizing she had nowhere to go. She had no choice but to face me. “In fact, I’ve already been compensated plenty. I can even afford an apartment in the city. So you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Isla. Stop.” I reached for her, but she stepped back.
She had every right to be pissed at me. But how was I supposed to know the kind of trouble Harper was in?
She needed me. “I’m sorry. I know that whole conversation with Harper must’ve been hard for you to get through.
I promise. My feelings for you haven’t changed. ”
“What feelings, Declan? You needed a nanny for a few days. And now you don’t.
So it’s over. I get it. Trust me. No one gets all of this as much as I do.
I won’t be the woman that stands in the way of your family.
” She raked a hand through her hair as her gaze bounced from one corner of the corridor to the other.
“You should marry her. She needs you. It’s, um, it’s really, truly the perfect solution.
If you’re her husband, you’ll be able to help with medical stuff and everything else, you’ll be there for her and Joey.
” She shook her head. “I get it. I really do. Go.”
I glanced up to the digital screen over the door.
The lift was only five floors away. I moved toward it and blocked the entrance.
I didn’t want her to go. But I knew where Isla lived, where she worked.
Harper on the other hand, if she disappeared again, I had no idea where she would go.
The thought of her dying before Joey saw her again made my heart squeeze into a tight ball.
I couldn’t leave her. I reached into the inside of my suit coat and got my phone to call Tommy. He answered immediately.
“Let me go, Declan,” she begged.
I shook my head. And for a split second I thought of telling Tommy to lock Isla in my room and keep her there until I returned. My whole body ached for her. I wanted to hold her and tell her she was mine. That she couldn’t go.
“Isla is going home.” I waited until he confirmed he’d wait for her in the private lobby downstairs then hung up. “Tommy’s waiting downstairs.”
“You’re the good one.” She echoed Harper’s words.
The lift doors slid open, and she stepped forward. I gripped her upper arm and pulled her to me. “Isla, this isn’t a good-bye. I just need a few days to figure things out.”
When she pushed me away, I braced my hands on the threshold, looking for the right words to say, but I had none. Right now, wasn’t the time to be the selfish asshole. Our gazes met, and hers filled with unshed tears.
“Good-bye, Declan.” She leaned forward and hit the call button.
“Isla.” I begged though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was asking for.
I couldn’t ask her to stay not while Harper waited in the suite.
I stood there until the doors shut close and her face was replaced with my own reflection on the polished stainless steel.
How the fuck did I get here? A month ago, I was tethered to no one.
Now, I couldn’t even make myself chase after Isla.
On my way back to the suite, I texted Tommy.
By the time, I shut the door behind, he’d confirmed Isla was in the car and he was taking her home.
I pictured her sleeping in my bed tonight.
That image alone breathed life into my body.
It unraveled the tightness in my chest and cleared my head.
Since the first night she came to my apartment, Isla was able to do that for me. She gave me clarity and peace.
“Declan, I need to see him,” Harper called out from the bed.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. Jesus. The last time she called for me from that very spot, she looked so different. Our lives had been so different. And now we had to face the consequences of our actions. “You will. But first tell me what you meant by ‘I don’t want to lie to you.’”
She glanced around the room as if considering her answer. “That night I was celebrating my thirtieth birthday. Did you know that? I can’t remember if I told you.”
“You did.” I sauntered toward her and sat.
“A friend of mine thought it would be a good idea for me to live a little. Thirty is a big milestone, you know.” She shrugged.
A sad smile pulled on her lips as she shook her head.
“I spent all my life doing the right thing, getting the good grades so I could go to the right school, get the right job. They never tell us at what point we’re supposed to enjoy life and be happy.
That birthday seemed like a good time to start. ”
“You were crying that night. Were you sick then?”
“No.” She laughed. “Just stupid drunk. And feeling a whole lot of regret for all the time I wasted waiting for my life to start. Declan, I slept with two other guys that night. I don’t know—”
“I know.” I pulled her into my arms.
I’d had the same thought. There was a chance, thirty-three percent chance, that Joey wasn’t mine, which was why I had decided to take the paternity test in the first place.
But seeing Harper like this, so weak and pale, put things into perspective for me.
Even if Joey wasn’t mine, I didn’t want to lose him.
Not to one of those other assholes that were with Harper that night.
They truly were bigger assholes than me.
And that was saying something given my track record.
“Did you mean it?” She glanced up at me with wet eyes and a tiny bit of pink on her cheeks. “Would you really consider marrying me? If I’m gone, he’ll have you.”
“First of all, you’re going to get through this. I promise.”
I imagined seven-year-old me saying exactly that to Mom.
I imagined walking into her room, climbing on the bed, and telling her that one day, I was sure we would be over Dad—that I would fix everything for her.
I thought of Isla and all the nights we spent together eating dinner, taking care of Joey, and overexerting ourselves trying to make sure we had plenty of space between us.
Every decision I had made since I left for college had always been a calculated one.
I didn’t bother with gut feelings. I worked with numbers and charts and facts.
Despite all that, Isla took me by surprise.
Getting involved with her was never going to end well.
I knew that. And I didn’t care. I wanted her in a way I had never wanted anyone in my life.
So now I had another calculated decision to make—one that would impact Joey more than anyone else.
I had to send my gut feeling to hell and let Isla go. I had to the honorable thing—if someone like me could aspire to noble deeds. The tabloids weren’t wrong. I could be an asshole and a bastard.
“And second of all?” She pulled away from me to look me in the eyes.
The hope I saw in there cut me.
“You didn’t finish your thought. What were you going to say?” She let out a small laugh, blinking away tears. “Would you marry me?”