21. Amelia
CHAPTER 21
AMELIA
A melia sank onto her bed and felt tears spring to her eyes. Again.
She had always prided herself on being levelheaded. At work and in her personal life, she’d always considered things carefully and made logical decisions.
Or at least, she’d tried to.
This last week, though, Amelia had been the opposite of her usual calm self. She’d found herself crying in the bathroom more than once while Grace was napping. She’d even reached out to Katie in tears and spilled part of the story — namely how she had fallen head over heels for Liam. Katie had been supportive, though she’d also pointed out that she’d warned Amelia of exactly this issue.
Now, again, Amelia was in tears. Probably part of it was because of her stomach flu, which always made her feel very low. Not being able to eat and being nauseated took a toll on her.
But it was more than that, too, and she knew it. Having Liam home with her was a comfort, since he could take care of Grace while Amelia rested. It was a good sign that he was still going to be in his daughter’s life, too. Liam’s closeness also reopened Amelia’s wounds, though, which had just been starting to heal. How was she supposed to move on from Liam when he was right down the hall, finger-painting with Grace?
Amelia flopped back onto the bed and wiped her eyes. She knew there was no use crying over Liam. It wouldn’t change anything. Yet the tears continued to spill.
Maybe she was due to get her period. She was always a little extra sensitive right before she got it. She counted back on her fingers to her last period. It had been one, two, three, four… Amelia’s eyes widened… five, six weeks ago.
Amelia sat bolt upright with the urgency of someone who’d forgotten about a very important exam. She was two weeks late. She’d been nauseated. She was crying a lot and was more tired than usual. Her mouth fell open. Was it possible that the night she’d spent with Liam had resulted in… pregnancy?
Don’t get ahead of yourself. She took a calming breath. Her period wasn’t exactly regular, and she had plenty of reason to be a little sad after what had happened with Liam. She might not be pregnant.
Yet, if she was… Amelia skimmed a hand over her flat stomach. She loved children and had always wanted to be a mother. This wasn’t exactly the circumstance in which she’d imagined getting pregnant, but maybe it wouldn’t be all bad.
Amelia shook her head. She was getting ahead of herself again. She didn’t even know if she was actually pregnant.
She got up, grabbed a sweater against the evening chill, and tiptoed down the hall. Liam’s bedroom door was closed, as was his office door, and there was no sign of him anywhere in the house. Amelia breathed a sigh of relief when she made it to the elevator without seeing him. She didn’t want to talk to Liam right now, not while her heart was racing and her thoughts were focused on only one thing.
Amelia rode the elevator down to the lobby and exited onto the streets of San Francisco, which were still bustling at nine p.m. Thank goodness Liam lived right in the middle of downtown. Amelia walked a couple blocks to the nearest convenience store, where she made a beeline for the pregnancy tests. Then, feeling self-conscious about buying a pregnancy test from a convenience store at night, she grabbed a few random items before making her way to the cashier.
As Amelia unloaded her purchases onto the conveyor belt, she wished she’d made different choices. Along with the pregnancy test, her random selections included a pair of socks for people with diabetes, a can of cat food, bright pink hair dye, and a package of Coca-Cola-flavored potato chips — whatever those were. The cashier looked from Amelia to her shopping and back.
“Did you find everything okay?” she asked, rather uncertainly.
Amelia nodded. “Yes. Thanks.”
“Okay. That’ll be twenty-eight fifty.”
Amelia scanned her card, gathered her shopping into a brown paper bag, and hurried back to Liam’s apartment. She rode the elevator back up in tense silence, then tiptoed quietly through the penthouse once again to her bedroom. Not for the first time, she sent out unspoken thanks that she had her own private bathroom.
She dropped the socks, cat food, hair dye, and chips onto the bed and went into the bathroom. She was so nervous that she had trouble figuring out the test. Maybe I should have bought Coca-Cola, not Coca-Cola-flavored potato chips. Amelia managed a weak smile at herself in the mirror at her lame joke.
Finally, everything was ready. She set a timer on her phone for two minutes and turned the test so that she couldn’t see it. Then she waited.
It was the longest two minutes of Amelia’s life. She swung from nerves to a strange kind of hope and back, her breath too fast, until the timer finally beeped.
Her hand shaking slightly, Amelia flipped the test over — and there, clear as day, was a little blue plus sign. She was pregnant.
Amelia knew she should be upset. After all, this couldn’t come at a worse possible time or in a worse possible situation. She was carrying the baby of a man who clearly didn’t have feelings for her and who was, for all intents and purposes, her employer. Once she left this job, which she would have to now that she was pregnant, she would be unemployed and alone.
Yet, strangely, for a reason that Amelia couldn’t quite explain, she wasn’t upset. In fact, she was happy. She was excited. All she could think about was the child she would have: a little son or daughter. A bouncing, beautiful baby with Liam’s blue eyes who would grow into a spunky, spirited, smart toddler like Grace.
Finally at peace, Amelia fell asleep that night with a smile on her face and hope in her heart.
The next morning, though, reality came crashing back in with a knock on her door. Amelia dragged herself out of bed to answer and saw Liam standing there with a tray of toast and a cup of tea.
“Good morning,” he said, holding out the tray. “I made you something to eat, in case you’re hungry.”
“Thank you.”
“How’s the stomach flu?”
“The stomach flu?” Amelia blinked. “Oh, right. I feel better.”
The truth was that she didn’t feel much better, but knowing that the nausea was morning sickness changed her outlook on it. She knew from her sisters that morning sickness was best fought by eating small amounts of bland food frequently, so she was ready to try some toast.
“That’s great. Try to eat something. I’m going to feed Grace breakfast and then we’ll go to the park. If you feel better, you’re welcome to come.”
“Thanks.” Amelia accepted the tray and let Liam close the door behind him. Then she sat on the bed and nibbled on a piece of dry toast as her mind raced. Of course, she would have to tell Liam. There was no chance her pregnancy would change things between them — he had shown clearly where his loyalties lay, and it wasn’t with family. Even so, he deserved to know that he was going to be a father a second time over.
Based on Liam’s reaction to Grace, Amelia was fairly certain he wouldn’t take it well.
She took another small bite of toast. Just as Katie had said when she was pregnant, the food seemed to calm Amelia’s roiling stomach. Good to know.
The nausea from morning sickness was quickly replaced by unease about what she would have to do. She just needed to find the right time — and place — to tell Liam about the baby.
Amelia managed to eat a little more toast, then took a quick shower and got dressed. She’d go with Grace and Liam to the park. Maybe a chance would present itself.
When she emerged from her bedroom, Liam greeted her with a smile. He really seemed to be trying to make things normal between them, which was sweet, but it made Amelia feel all the worse about the baby bombshell. Liam seemed to be doing his best to pretend that they’d never had a romantic entanglement, but the pregnancy would force him to confront the fact that they had.
“You do seem to be looking better,” Liam said.
“Thanks.” She smiled. “Maybe some fresh air will do me good.”
“Meel!” Grace waved happily from her booster chair. “Meel better?”
“Much better, thank you.” Amelia crossed the room and kissed Grace’s blond head.
“Oh, careful.” Liam looked at her with concern. “We don’t want Grace to get sick.”
“She can’t catch what I have.” Amelia smiled down at the child. “Don’t worry.”
“All right. Shall we get going, then?”
The trio walked to the park, Grace holding Amelia and Liam’s hands and swinging between them as she loved to do. Amelia breathed in the fresh air and did her best to enjoy the moment without worrying about the future.
When they arrived, Grace kept a firm hold of Amelia’s hand. She wanted Amelia to accompany her to the swings and catch her at the bottom of the slide and help her across the balance beam. It was clear that the child had missed her, which made Amelia’s heart ache. What if Liam wanted her to leave now that she was pregnant?
Maybe she wouldn’t have to. Maybe another baby on the way would only add to Liam’s picture of a happy family and he’d ask her to stay. The idea of continuing to live with the man who’d broken her heart hurt, but at least she’d be able to stay with Grace and let her get to know her little sister or brother.
When they returned to the penthouse, Amelia managed to join Grace and Liam for a lunch that the chef had prepared. She wasn’t able to eat a lot, but even the small amount of food helped her stomach settle.
“If you’re feeling so much better, I’ll go back to work tomorrow,” Liam said. “I have a lot to catch up on.”
Amelia’s heart begged her to ask him to stay, but she just nodded. “Of course.”
Luckily, at that moment, Grace began chatting excitedly about a friend she’d made at the park, and both Amelia and Liam turned their attention to her. It was for the best that they didn’t talk about Liam’s work anymore.
After lunch, Amelia felt well enough that she offered to play with Grace while Liam did some work from his home office. Liam accepted gratefully, and Amelia was glad to get some time with Grace — she’d missed the child the previous day when she’d felt sick.
As the day wore on, it became increasingly clear to Amelia that her only chance to speak to Liam about the pregnancy would be after bedtime. Sure enough, Grace kept them both busy all day, until Liam carried her off for her bedtime routine. Amelia sat on the couch in the living room. She didn’t trust herself to go into his office. While she waited for him to return, she repeated over and over what she wanted to say.
Finally, Liam emerged from Grace’s room. He was smiling. “She’s such a sweetheart.”
“She sure is.”
“What are you still doing up? Are you feeling well enough to try some dinner?”
“Maybe.” Amelia took a deep breath. “But I need to talk to you first.”
“I thought that wasn’t a good idea.”
“Things have changed.” Amelia gave Liam the same firm look she used on Grace when the little girl didn’t want to eat her peas. It seemed to work, because Liam sank onto a chair across from her.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Um. Okay.” Amelia was even more nervous than she’d expected. “First, please just let me finish what I need to say. Okay?”
“I will.” Liam tilted his head. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes. I think so. But, um, remember how we spent the night together a couple of weeks ago? It seems like?—”
“Amelia, I’m not sure we should go digging up?—”
Amelia held up her hand. “Liam, please. You said you’d let me finish.”
Liam looked uncomfortable, but he nodded.
“It seems that our night together had a more… tangible… impact than we’d expected. I know this will come as a surprise, but you have a right to know. I’m pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant?” Liam’s blue eyes widened. “Are you sure? Did you take a test?”
“I’m sure and I did.” There was a long pause. “Liam, you can say something now. Please say something.”
But Liam just shook his head, very slowly.
“Liam.” Amelia felt tears prick at the backs of her eyes. “I don’t expect you to drop everything and become a real family or anything like that. I don’t even expect child support. But you have a right to know that you’re going to have another child.”
“Thank you for telling me.” Liam’s gaze was distant. “I appreciate that.”
“Are you mad?” Amelia asked.
“Why would I be?” Liam shook his head again, then got to his feet. “I need to go to work.”
“ What? ” This was the last straw. “Right now?”
“Right now.”
“Is your work really more important than our conversation?”
Finally, Liam’s blue eyes met Amelia’s. “There’s one piece of work that’s more important than anything else. I’ve been putting it off, but I need to do it. It can’t wait.”
Amelia opened her mouth to ask Liam not to go. She wanted him to stay and talk to her. She wanted to work this out. But she closed her mouth again. Begging wouldn’t change the outcome of this. Liam cared about his work more than he did about her, or Grace, or their unborn child. Amelia couldn’t do or say anything that would change his mind. She knew that now.
“Bye.”
“Bye, Amelia.” And with that, Liam left. He didn’t even go to his office first — he just left.
Amelia sat on the couch a while longer, alone in the dark and the quiet. Her heart couldn’t take much more of this. Yet leaving would also be heartbreaking, because it would mean walking away from Grace.
Amelia rested a hand on her stomach.
“It’s okay, little one. I’m going to figure this out. I promise.” She closed her eyes. She just hoped that she could make good on that promise — the first she’d ever made to the child.
With a heavy heart, Amelia got up and went to her room. She loved her baby-to-be. She loved Grace. Despite everything, she even loved Liam. But Amelia knew that love just wasn’t enough.