Chapter 7
MOLTEN LAVA WAS RUNNING through her veins.
His every touch made her body burn with a need for him that was driving her wild.
They worked as a team, flawlessly in unison.
Her hands moved to push his shirt up as his arms lifted to release it.
Her mouth dropped to his chest to tease and taste, to trace the lines of the tattoo, his hands returned to her body, roaming, feeling, touching, driving her wild so easily.
She pushed down on the leg he had at her sex, needing the satisfaction he offered so damned much.
She could hardly catch her breath, much less keep it.
The world was spinning; she was back on the carnival ride that was going too fast. She felt drunk, out of control, and for a moment, she didn’t think she cared.
How could she, when it felt so good to be kissed by him like this?
To have his mouth take hers, almost punishing in its intensity, because it showed that he was as desperate for her as she was for him.
But minds and memories were funny things, and just as Elodie was ready to beg him to take her, then and there, on the tiled floor, she heard his voice, as clear as if he were speaking again here, now:
It was a stupid, stupid mistake. If I could take it back, I would…
It wasn’t an unreasonable thing to say or think.
He slept with lots of women, and now, someone had gotten pregnant.
Of course he regretted that. She could perfectly understand how he might feel that no one night stand was worth the lifelong commitment of a child.
But did he think just because it had happened, and she was pregnant, that she was available for sex?
With a burst of strength from deep inside her, she moved her hands to his chest and pushed them against the wall of muscles there, at the same time she angled her face away from his, breaking their kiss.
Her breath was still hard to catch, her lungs burning with the effort, and her core was wet with desire.
But she couldn’t give in to this. She wouldn’t let them make another mistake—not knowing how he already regretted the first time.
“Stop,” she said, needlessly, because the moment she’d pulled away, he’d done exactly that. She glanced at his face and saw a mask of cool control, a look that made her wonder if he’d been even remotely as affected as she’d thought. Had she been wrong about that?
How could she know?
She had barely any experience with men. A long-term relationship with Aaron, and then a one-night stand with Raf.
“That can’t happen,” she said, stiffly, finding it hard not to stare at his chest when it was right in front of her. Her head and body were at war. She knew she’d done the right thing, but her every fibre was screaming with need, furious at herself for putting a stop to things.
His eyes bore down on hers, his gaze unwavering, so her throat felt thick and her pulse jumped erratically. “Even when we both clearly want it to?” He arched a brow, his tone slightly mocking.
She ground her teeth. “I thought I was a mistake,” she reminded him, glad to have her fury to cling to, her hurt a salient reminder of why she had to be strong.
His jaw clenched visibly. “That does not mean I didn’t enjoy it.”
“Oh, I’m so glad to hear it,” she rolled her eyes.
“Listen to me, Elodie,” he said, and when he moved his hands to hold the tops of her arms, it wasn’t sexual, so much as it was a plea.
“You are different to the women I usually sleep with.” Even his mention of ‘women’ made something twist inside of her.
How ridiculous to be jealous when she knew what she was getting into from the first. Her boss in the bar had told her that he had more notches on his bedpost than Elodie could imagine.
“I knew that, and I knew I shouldn’t have done it.
But I did. From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. ”
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she said with a roll of her eyes, hiding the way his words were doing something inside of her. Something that made her feel weak and vulnerable, like she wanted to believe him. Like she wanted to trust him.
“You were obviously inexperienced, no match for me, but I couldn’t get you out of my head.
After that first night, when you turned me down, I told myself I’d go to the bar for a drink, to prove to myself that I was imagining the hold you had on me.
That I was imagining how much I wanted you.
And then you looked at me and your lips parted, and I knew that if you gave me even a hint of an opening, I would take it. I would take you.”
She closed her eyes, wishing she could somehow stop his words from seeping into her soul. “Then why did you say it was a mistake?”
“Because you deserved better,” he growled, the words shocking her into opening her eyes. “I was using you, like I use every woman I meet. But they’re using me, too. At least with them, it’s a mutual thing. You aren’t like that, though. You’re different, and I should have stayed away.”
Her lips parted but she clamped them together when his eyes dropped there.
“I was using you, too,” she said, a little unsteadily. She couldn’t say why, but it just felt right to be honest with him. “My fiancé had texted me that day. I was angry with him, and I wanted to prove to myself that I’d moved on. So I went home with you.”
His eyes narrowed imperceptibly. “So, you’re saying us sleeping together had more to do with him than me?”
She opened her mouth to deny it. That hadn’t been what she’d meant at all.
But somehow, it felt like a bit of a shield she could hold, if he thought that.
If she disputed it, she’d be admitting that in fact, when it came down to it, sleeping with Raf had been all about Raf. Nothing and no one else had mattered.
“You were a gift to myself,” she amended slightly.
“My relationship was far from perfect, the ending of it spectacularly hurtful and embarrassing, and I was just sick of doing what everyone expected me to do. You were…my act of rebellion,” she admitted, swallowing quickly.
“I don’t regret it, Raf. I don’t consider it to have been a mistake. ”
She forced herself to meet and hold his gaze, her eyes boring into his, so she hoped he understood the sincerity of her words.
“And if there were no baby to consider, and I saw you again at the bar, I’d probably want to do this all over again,” she said, gesturing to his chest. “Honestly? I want to do it anyway, right here, right now.” She swallowed, surprised by how frank she was being.
But there was something about Raf that just made it impossible to obfuscate, even a little.
“But we’re having a baby together, and we need to be smarter than this.
If you want to make this work, we can’t let sex complicate things. ”
His eyes flickered with something she didn’t understand, but he nodded once. “You’re completely right.”
“It will just be easier if we don’t make it all…messy.”
“Yes,” he agreed. She wondered why that left her feeling hollow. Had she wanted him to fight her on this point? To talk her out of it? To tell her that they could keep the sex stuff compartmentalized from the parenting considerations?
But even as she thought that she knew it wouldn’t work.
Maybe with someone who had more experience, who was used to treating sex like a physical act and nothing more.
But for Elodie, she couldn’t imagine sleeping with Raf and not wanting to get to know him.
And once she got to know him, what then?
What if she liked him? What if she started to want more from him?
He didn’t seem like someone who was looking for a relationship.
He didn’t seem like someone who’d suddenly want a real family.
The thought had her inhaling quickly, moving away a little, needing space, and breathing room, even when she could hardly breathe.
A real family.
It was just where she’d thought she’d be by now.
With Aaron, and hopefully a baby of their own on the way.
It was what she’d always wanted. Ever since she was a little girl and she’d been a flower girl in her piano teacher’s wedding.
She’d been swept up in the speeches, in how visibly in love they were, and from then on, she’d known the most important thing she wanted was to find that kind of love for herself.
Instead, she’d settled for the appearance of it, working overtime to convince herself it was ‘real’ when Aaron had been right all along. Their connection was one of friendship and convenience. Not love.
But there was still a baby on the way, and if she and Raf were careful, they could make this work.
They could find the balance of co-parenting, and caring for their little person.
It wouldn’t be exactly like she’d pictured it, but maybe that was a dream she had to let go, anyway?
Who forecasted their future when they were seven years old?
“I came here because you convinced me it would be the right thing for our baby.” She turned back to face him, slowly.
“That’s exactly what we need to keep at the front of our minds.
What’s right. Not sex.” She shook her head emphatically.
“Not fighting. We have to be careful, Raf. This baby deserves our best.”
He got the call a short time after watching Elodie walk down the corridor, her parting remark still hanging in the air: This baby deserves our best.
“I know I said twenty-four hours, but you’re in luck. The results came in early. Congratulations, Mr Santoro. You’re going to be a father.”