Chapter 8 #2
“I worked extra hours, saved everything I could, and then, right after we’d sent out the invitations, he told me he couldn’t go through with it.”
Raf’s curse was not smothered this time. He let it slam into the air with a harshness that perfectly showed his feelings. She jerked her gaze to him in reaction to the strength of his response.
“What a piece of shit thing to do.”
It was such a perfect description of Aaron’s actions that she let out a bark of laughter.
“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought, too.
” She ran her fingers through the ends of her hair, that were damp from the pool water.
“It was the worst timing. We couldn’t get refunds for our downpayments.
Some vendors even made me pay off the full amount, which is why my savings were completely decimated, and I was starting from scratch when we met. ”
“And why you didn’t know where your life was going,” he prompted.
“Right.” It felt a little like having all of the sun’s warmth poured into her, to hear him understand the predicament she’d faced.
“One minute, everything—and I do mean every detail—was firm in my mind. I’m actually a planner, you know?
I like to have an idea of what I’m working towards.
And then, bam. It was like a bomb went off and everything flew into the air and didn’t really come down again.
Everyone has been so sorry for me, and that just makes it worse.
My mum didn’t stop crying for a full week, my dad was a mix of fury and confusion, and I spent the first few days afterwards oscillating between shell shock and needing to comfort and reassure everyone. ”
He shook his head with the same violent disgust he’d cursed with a moment earlier.
“The worst thing, though, was that we lived in a small town, so everyone knew. There was just no escaping it.”
“And what about him?” Raf demanded. “I presume the whole town recognized what a bullshit thing he did?”
“We just said it didn’t work out,” Elodie mumbled, her eyes not quite meeting his.
“So, you covered for him,” Raf surmised.
“What good would have come from throwing him under a bus?” She didn’t know if she was defending Aaron, or her own actions.
“Perhaps the good of knowing the bastard got what he deserved?”
She shook her head. “He let me down. He really did. Worse, he used me,” she said, closing her eyes on the grief that accompanied that admission.
“I supported him for a long time, put off chasing my own dreams, my own aspirations, because I believed in him. But there were so many signs, over the years, that I was way more invested than he was. I just didn’t want to face that. ”
With her eyes closed, she didn’t see the way his body moved, she only felt it.
The current of the water, and then, his arm wrapping around her waist, pulling at her.
Now, instead of facing out towards the view, she was facing him, looking directly into those magnetic eyes, so close she could feel his breath against her cheek.
“You trusted the person you loved. There is no fault here that you can claim. He took advantage of your nature, that’s all.”
It was such a simple way of putting it. Even though she’d thought that herself, and felt indignation on her own behalf, somehow having Raf analyse and distil the situation, reassure her that she had done nothing wrong, was everything she needed.
Careful, a voice warned. It would be ironic, indeed, if she lurched from trusting one wrong guy, then moving onto the next. Except, what if she could trust Raf? What if there was something real here that she could latch onto, unlike the illusion she’d bought into with Aaron?
And pigs might fly, she thought with a rough exhalation.
She wanted to swivel her body, to put some space between them, but she also really, really didn’t want to.
Being this close to him, with his arm around her waist, was everything she’d said they’d avoid, and yet having pulled away from him once today, she found she wasn’t strong enough—yet—to do so again.
In fact, when he put his other arm around her waist, and pulled her a little closer, even, towards him, she didn’t fight it. She didn’t even want to.
“Tell me something,” she murmured, as one hand began to stroke her hip, so she trembled all over.
His response was to nod, once. A half-hearted commitment to answering whatever she asked, but she took it.
“Just how often do you hook up with random women?”
She saw the way his expression tautened, the look of irritation, or something, that briefly crossed his features. “Why do you ask?”
“You don’t think I have a right to know?”
“Is it relevant?”
“Do you plan on stopping?”
He opened his mouth and then clamped it shut, his eyes sweeping her face. “I hadn’t thought about it.”
“I mean, we’re going to have a baby together. I know we’re not a couple, but if you want us to live together, don’t you think that’s the sort of thing we should discuss?”
His lips compressed hard. “It’s not relevant.”
“Really?”
“After my mother died, my father fell into a pattern of behaviour that included heavy drinking and hooking up with anything in a skirt.”
She didn’t say what she was thinking, but to Elodie, that sounded a lot like Raf.
“It’s a lifestyle choice that is neither here nor there, if you are single, and with no dependents.
But waking up to find some woman in our family home, several times a week, was the epitome of awful.
I would never inflict that on our child.
You must believe me, Elodie. Having known the disorientation of that, the sheer whiplash, it is something I would always, always fight to avoid. ”
She did believe him. Everything about his words, his tone, his expression, showed that he was speaking from the very centre of his heart. Determined not to repeat his father’s parenting mistakes.
“I’m glad,” she said, after a beat. “I know we’re not together or anything, and our child will grow up knowing that.
But at the same time, if we were to try living under the same roof—and I’m not saying we should or will—but if we were to end up living together, I would still want as much stability, and normality, as possible. ”
His eyes flared in obvious appreciation. “You are incredibly mature, Elodie.”
She pulled a face.
“I mean it,” he said, before she could demur. “Believe me, I have seen the difference. Even in the midst of this enormous grenade, you are capable of making decisions that reflect your desire for us to always do the right thing by our baby. I appreciate that.”
Warmth flooded her whole body.
“Does that mean I won’t find wardrobes of women’s clothes in all the houses you own, Raf?” she asked, keeping her tone light even when something strange was flexing in her chest.
He looked genuinely confused and then, the hand at her side shifted, his fingers brushing inside the elastic of her bikini bottoms before returning to her hip. It was the briefest contact, and yet she felt as though she’d died and gone to heaven.
“These clothes,” he said, with a shake of his head, “are not mine. My aunt and uncle made sure my sort-of cousin, Sofia, has a wardrobe at each of our properties. When I bought the place, it didn’t make sense to get rid of them.
” He pulled her closer, hard up against his body, so she felt the stirring of his arousal and her whole world seemed to skitter to a halt.
“Wear anything you want, Elodie. It seems only fair, given the circumstances.”
It might have been poor manners, but Raf found he couldn’t take his eyes off Elodie as she stepped elegantly from the pool, the pale yellow bikini showing her lithe athleticism and every curve to best advantage.
But it was the very slight hint of roundedness at her stomach that had his body exploding with feelings.
Possessive heat.
An ancient, animalistic sense of pride, that he’d done that to her. It was not his most cerebral thought, but it formed before he could help it. He stared at her and saw the effects of his baby growing inside of her, and every single part of him threatened to explode.
With pleasure.
Pleasure that this was really happening.
Pleasure that he had proof.
And then, also, panic. Because this was something he’d told himself he couldn’t and shouldn’t want. Because he’d told himself it was dangerous to even contemplate this.
So, he hadn’t. For two long years, he’d focused instead on living in the moment, not thinking of the future.
Regardless, she was pregnant, and as he watched Elodie towel herself off, he also felt a whisper of relief, that it was her, and not any of the other women he’d been with, since his marriage broke down.
Not that he’d spent much time getting to know those women, but somehow, he could just tell that Elodie was different. He could tell that this would work, even when they weren’t a couple.
So long as you keep your hands and eyes to yourself, a voice warned, reminding him of how he’d reached for her in the pool, drawing her body against his, out of a sheer need to touch and be touched by.
Remembering the way her pupils had flared, and her shape had sort of seemed to fold right into him, as though she too wanted to just meld her flesh to his. To be at one, completely.
To make love to him? Possibly.
In his heart, he suspected they both wanted that. He’d come close to begging for it twice that day already. But they both knew why it wasn’t possible, and that had to be his guiding light, nothing else. Desire be damned, there was too much at stake here to give in to temptation…