Chapter 12 #2
“This looks delicious,” she said quickly, changing the subject to stop from begging him to forget about food and make love to her, one last time.
His eyes showed amusement when they met hers, and he moved to the other side of the bed and sat down beside her, the platter between them.
He reached for it, cutting a wedge of cheese, a piece of pear and handing them to her.
She ignored the immediate contrast with Aaron.
She couldn’t imagine him ever taking care of her needs before his own.
He would always order first, eat first, finish the last chip.
“Thank you,” she said, careful not to convey in her voice how much his simple act of consideration meant.
“That’s not how I thought tonight would go,” he said, and when she glanced at him, she saw his smile. Something flickered in her chest. Something dangerous and desperate.
“No?”
“We had an agreement.”
She pulled a face. “Let’s not talk about that right now. Or even think about it.”
His eyes shifted, a look of concern crossing his features. “You wish it hadn’t happened?”
She shook her head quickly. “No. I really don’t.”
His smile was blinding once more. She pressed a hand between her breasts, to try to lessen the sharp pain she was feeling there. He reached for some cheese and ate it himself this time. She finished hers then had a sandwich.
“I spoke to my cousin today,” he said, casually. Almost too casually.
“One of the people that was on that call yesterday?”
He nodded, once. “The oldest, Dante.” He hesitated for a beat. “They want to meet you.”
Her insides went all loopy and it must have shown on her face, because his expression showed sympathy.
“Too much?”
She pressed a hand to her stomach. “I—don’t know.” She frowned, her heart starting to race for a different reason now. “It just makes it very real.”
“It is real.”
“I know. But…six months ago, you know? I was meant to be marrying someone else. I had a whole other family of in-laws, I was a part of that. It feels weird to think of getting to know your family now. Knowing that the whole life I had planned out is gone.”
Now, his face gave nothing away. “Do you miss him?”
Elodie’s stomach twisted. Guilt made her answer quickly, without giving it enough thought. “I miss his friendship. We’d known each other a very long time. He was a part of my life, I was a part of his.”
Raf reached for a piece of cheese and pear, handed it to her. When Elodie took it, their fingertips brushed and sparks hummed through her.
“Do you miss her?”
Raf’s smile was tight now, haunted. “Not at all.”
“But you were together for years,” she prompted.
“I understand why she did what she did,” he said. “But it ruined everything. Even the good memories are tainted by what I now know she was capable of. I don’t miss her. And yet, I do hope she finds happiness one day. I never wanted to ruin her life.”
Elodie gasped. “You did not ruin her life.”
“Without meaning to…”
“Stop.” She reached over and pressed a finger to his lips. “Everyone makes choices, Raf. Hers was to want more than you offered and then try to manipulate you into giving it to her anyway. None of that is your fault. She could have left.”
“You could have left,” he pointed out.
It was like a right hook to her cheek. She felt it like a physical blow. “I…didn’t want to.”
His eyes narrowed, as if silently assessing that. “So, if he hadn’t ended things, you’d be married to him right now?”
The question made her skin itch. That reality felt light years away.
In truth, marriage to Aaron seemed like a strangely warped existence.
But she nodded, because it was the only way to answer his question.
Even though she now recognized that she hadn’t been that happy or satisfied in her relationship, it had never occurred to Elodie to break up with him.
“How did you ever think it was okay, to aim so low?”
She gasped. “I’m sorry?”
“You deserve so much more. So much more than that asshole would ever have given you. How could you have been prepared to settle for that?”
It was both a compliment and an attack, all at once. She shook her head quickly, not wanting to fight with him, particularly after what they’d shared.
“Did he make you feel like I do?” Raf pushed, though, eyes probing hers. “Did his body make yours sing?”
“I don’t want to talk about Aaron.”
“You deserved someone to sacrifice their dreams to support yours, not the other way around.”
She angled her face away, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m serious, Raf. Can we just drop this?”
Silence.
But it was a caustic, charged silence, filled with emotions. Then, there was movement, as though he was leaving the room. Leaving her. Ice spread through her veins, the contrast of that feeling to the pleasure she’d just enjoyed like a kind of torture.
Then, more movement as the bed depressed and her weight was pulled towards the centre. She glanced across at him at the moment he put a hand out, on her thigh, beneath the sheet.
“You’re right,” he said, surprising her. Like he often surprised her. “I don’t want to fight with you, either.”
“You seem so angry about it.”
“I’m angry that anyone could treat you like that. But maybe I’m angry at myself, too, for what I did to Marcia. There are parallels. Two men who ignored what their partners needed…”
“There’s a difference,” she said softly.
“You told me you were honest with Marcia from the beginning. That wasn’t the case for Aaron and me.
I don’t know if he ever intended to get a regular job.
He was always working on his craft from our living room, going to auditions and never landing the part.
At some point, he should have realized what his aspirations were doing to mine. You were right about that.”
His eyes narrowed, and warmth burst inside of Elodie, thawing any lingering ice.
“I know this isn’t what you planned,” he said, moving his hand to her stomach. “It is a curveball for both of us. But I don’t want you to get lost in all of this. What you want matters to me. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to my lawyers, start the paperwork for a trust fund for you and the baby.”
It was such an unexpected thing for him to say that she didn’t understand, at first. That she couldn’t refute what he was saying.
“I want to know that no matter what, you are finally in a position to do whatever you want, Elodie. Go to school, or don’t. The choice is yours, because you will have all the money you need to be free to make it.”
She shook her head then, exasperated and strangely hurt by this. Even when she could see it was thoughtful and incredibly kind. Even when she knew that for someone like Raf, with the fortune he had at his fingertips, the amount he was probably thinking would be like pocket change.
“Let’s not fight about it,” he said softly, moving closer, his eyes holding hers, sending darts of awareness along her spine. “Not when there are far better ways to spend our time.”
Much later, she fell asleep in his bed, in his arms, the conversation, a distant memory, surrendered as tribute to the acts that had followed.
The way his mouth had ravaged her entire body, his hands following, lighting fires with his touch that still burned, even now, as she woke with first light.
She rolled over, moving towards him instinctively, but Raf was gone.
Frowning, she reached out, feeling his pillow.
Cold. No hint of warmth, to indicate that he’d slept in the bed with her.
She’d fallen asleep too laced with pleasure to think.
Too exhausted to feel anything other than euphoric.
But overnight, her sleeping mind had spun, her brain had worked, and their conversation had come back to her in snatches, so finding herself alone in bed brought a bundle of anxiety to her stomach.
She sat up, looking around, to see his room was empty.
Beside her, the black t-shirt had been discarded.
She reached across then dragged it on, remembering the sensual way he’d dressed her the night before.
Her pulse trembled. Uncertainty moved through her—strange, given how they’d spent the night—as she stepped out of bed and walked towards the door.
She was looking for coffee, not Raf, she told herself, nonetheless keeping her eyes open for tall, dark Italian men as she moved through the villa.