Chapter 17
IT WAS THE MOST excruciating fifteen minutes of Elodie’s life.
As Raul drove them through London, to the hospital, all she could think about was the little life inside of her that she’d loved so much.
The little life that had burst into existence without any invitation, so determined to be born, to be a part of their world.
Their family.
Except, they weren’t a family.
And if anything happened to the baby, they’d be…nothing.
She would no longer be in his life, in his family’s life. She’d just be another woman in his past, someone he’d slept with and moved on from. The thought made her chest feel as though it were splitting open, an enormous chasm forming where her heart had once been.
But what kind of relationship did they have, anyway, if it was all predicated on the baby?
One of convenience, and nothing more. Just like she’d suggested—they’d be parents with benefits.
She’d suggested that, and now, the idea was like fingernails on a blackboard to her. She couldn’t think of it without wincing.
The car slowed down in the ambulance bay outside the front of the hospital and Raf was moving before it had even fully ceased rolling, jumping out and running around to her side, reaching in and lifting her as he had at home, holding her against his chest. She glanced up at his face, his autocratic, tense face, and felt a swelling of emotion that undermined everything she’d just realized.
Their relationship was empty, and yet her heart was so full.
A sob escaped her before she could suppress it and his gaze fell to her face, the expression on his features one of abject sympathy and grief.
Raf had already been through this, and now here he was, experiencing the hell of a failed pregnancy all over again.
Except, it couldn’t be that. She couldn’t let it.
She wouldn’t lose this baby. She closed her eyes and prayed to every god she’d ever heard of, even when she knew there was nothing she could do now. This was her body’s choice.
“We need a doctor, immediately.”
“Yes sir, I’ve got some forms here, if you’d just—,”
“No,” he said firmly. “You will take my—Elodie through to a doctor, right now, and when there is time, I will complete your paperwork.”
“I see, sir, it won’t take long, only for the payment, it needs to be—,”
“I will buy this goddamn hospital if that makes a difference. Get a doctor, right now.”
The diminutive, older administrative officer was about to say something else, but a doctor appeared from behind the counter. “I can help,” she said. “What’s the problem?”
And Elodie blurted everything out, from her back pain to the cramping she’d felt while out walking, to the clamminess and finally, the bleeding.
A moment later, she was being carried by Raf, behind a fast walking doctor, down a linoleum corridor with bright fluorescent lights, and into a private room.
“If you’ll set her down there, please,” the doctor said with a compassionate smile for Elodie. “Can you lift your top for me?”
Elodie’s fingers were trembling so much she could hardly reach it. Raf made an indiscernible sound and then, his hands, gentle and steady, were on her shirt, lifting it to just beneath her breasts, exposing her softly rounded stomach.
“This will be a little cold,” the doctor said, squirting gel on her abdomen.
Elodie couldn’t speak. She was numb, preparing for the worst. Raf, beside her, reached down and grabbed for her hand, squeezing it in his. She couldn’t look at him. Not when she knew the emotions she’d see on his face.
Her own were a complex mix of guilt and grief, of feeling she’d somehow failed him, and their little baby.
“You said you’re around eleven weeks?”
“On Tuesday,” Raf said. “She’ll be eleven weeks on Tuesday.”
Elodie closed her eyes then. His voice was husked raw, his detailed knowledge of their baby’s gestational age something she hadn’t really expected.
But of course, he was an expert in this—that was why they were together.
For the baby. Without it, they were nothing.
Just two strangers, who’d slept together impulsively one night.
Emptiness spread through her, the kind of pervasive nothing from which she didn’t know if she could ever recover.
“Okay. Let’s have a look and see what’s going on in here,” the doctor said, gently.
She pressed the wand to Elodie’s stomach, her gaze shifting to a thick, old-fashioned looking television. It was angled so Elodie couldn’t see, but the doctor was frowning.
Tears leaked silently from the corners of Elodie’s eyes.
Their baby was gone, she just knew it.
“Doctor?” Raf’s own voice was more imperious, demanding an immediate response.
She glanced at them, then back to the screen. Elodie’s heart was racing and then stopping altogether. Elodie sobbed.
“Stay still, please.” The doctor’s tone now was businesslike and crisp. Elodie couldn’t even look at Raf. She held her breath, held everything still, tried to keep hope in her heart even when her brain was busy trying to prepare her for the reality of what was about to come.
“You said you were pregnant, you keep referring to the baby,” she murmured, glancing from one to the other.
“Yes,” Raf said, finally, after a beat.
The doctor flicked something on the monitor and the most joyous noise Elodie had ever heard began to flood the room. Heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump.
She let out a huge sob then, one of sheer, giddy relief. Raf tightened his grip on her hand; she didn’t feel out of the woods yet, but a heartbeat had to be a good sign, didn’t it? “It’s okay? We’re okay?”
“Yes,” the doctor agreed, smiling then. “The babies both appear to be perfectly fine.”
Elodie heard, at first, only the words ‘perfectly fine’.
“Did you say ‘the babies’,” Raf asked, his grip on Elodie’s hand now almost cutting off circulation completely.
The doctor smiled warmly. “I take it you didn’t know?”
“We had a scan, a few weeks ago,” Elodie murmured, as finally the words sank fully into her shocked brain. “The obstetrician didn’t say anything.”
“That’s early for a scan, it can be hard to visualize properly. It’s possible one sac was behind the other. I’m not surprised, in short, that it was missed.”
“You are certain?” Raf repeated. Elodie’s eyes flew to his, her pulse throttling in her veins. She couldn’t read his reaction, couldn’t understand his expression. Or perhaps it was that her own feelings were so overpoweringly strong, she had no ability to comprehend anything else.
“Have a look,” she invited, returning the wand to Elodie’s lower abdomen at the same time she swivelled the screen.
“See here, is baby one. And here, is baby two.”
The tears in Elodie’s eyes were now of joy, and relief.
“What does this mean?” Raf, however, sounded strained to the point of breaking.
“That you’re having two babies in about six months’ time,” the doctor said, lightly, perhaps missing the tone.
She removed the wand then, and spun the screen away, before reaching for a paper towel and handing it to Elodie.
But it was Raf who took it and oh so gently moved it over Elodie’s stomach, to clean the goop.
“In fact, your obstetrician will more than likely schedule the delivery early. An induction, at around thirty eight weeks, perhaps a caesarean. That decision will be made at a later stage, once other risks become apparent.”
“Risks?” His hand on her stomach stilled.
“Twin pregnancies carry a slightly higher risk.”
“Is that what caused the spotting?” Elodie asked, still trying to accept the reality of this.
The doctor’s smile, when she turned to Elodie, was indulgent.
“More than likely, it’s purely a case of how much is going on in there,” she corrected.
“I know how scary it is, to see bleeding in a pregnancy, but with twin pregnancies, this can just simply be because of the amount of placental tissue, and how quickly your uterus is growing.”
“Oh.” She glanced up at Raf, wanting to give vent to the full range of emotions she was feeling—primarily, joy.
Relief. She had come to the hospital fearing the worst and instead, they had discovered that they were having two babies.
She knew it only complicated things further, but she couldn’t be anything but glad.
“I’d like to schedule you for a follow up with your obstetrician, but the babies both look healthy and strong.
Nonetheless, I’m prescribing bed rest for a couple of days.
Avoid any strenuous activities, intercourse, heavy lifting, even driving, while your body has a bit of a break and accommodates your passengers. ”
Elodie nodded, making a mental note of everything the doctor was saying.
“Could intercourse have put Elodie in danger? The babies in danger?”
Another gently indulgent smile from the doctor.
“No, not at all. In a normal, healthy twin pregnancy, sex is fine. Obviously, if that changes, if there are complications and risks, your obstetrician will reevaluate. But there is nothing either of you did that caused Elodie to have spotting. It’s just one of those things. ”
“Oh.” Elodie expelled a long, slow breath, relief flooding her body. When she looked at Raf, his face was like stone.
“You’re sure?” His voice was deeper than Elodie had heard it.
“Absolutely. I’ll send a report to your obstetrician, and you can schedule an appointment in the next couple of days.
But there is nothing to worry about.” The doctor was standing up, reaching down to a shelf beneath the screen.
“If anything changes, however, like there is more blood, clots, painful cramping, you should come straight back, but I do not anticipate that will happen.” She looked from one to the other.
“You did the right thing coming straight here; you’re going to make great parents.
Here—this is for the fridge. The first of many photos, no doubt,” she said, handing over a curling piece of paper that showed two grainy little beans. Their babies.
Babies.
Plural.