20. Billie
CHAPTER 20
BILLIE
T he first day after Max had walked out of her apartment after ending things, Billie was resolute. She wasn’t going to let anything he did get to her. Instead, she was going to work on the gift delivery, read a book about pregnancy, and pretend that everything was fine.
The second day, as Billie wrapped a few final gifts, she realized that she was angry. How could Max have walked out on her and their baby like that? Who did he think he was? She was never going to forgive him. He was self-centered and idiotic. Sure, his father had his issues. Billie understood that. But that was no reason for Max to walk out on her while she was pregnant.
The third day was the night before Christmas Eve. Billie’s family had gotten into the habit of celebrating Christmas on the twenty-third, so that her married siblings could also spend time with their in-laws on the proper holiday and so that Billie would be able to make her gift deliveries on time. Billie grabbed the bag of gifts she’d carefully picked out and wrapped for her family and headed to her parents’ house on the bus. As she rode, she watched the city roll by. A few people were out and about, all bundled up against the cold, but the streets were mostly empty. Everyone was home with their families.
As Billie rode, she realized that she wasn’t angry with Max anymore. Disappointed, yes. Sad, yes. But angry, no. He was clearly trying to do the right thing by giving her space, as misguided as the attempt was. More than that, Billie knew that she would eventually have to tell her child about Max, and she wanted to be able to tell funny and sweet stories without anger clouding her vision. The baby deserved to believe that he or she had a loving father, even if Billie had to skim over the part about that father not wanting to be involved.
When she arrived at the stop near her parents’ house, she hauled the bag of gifts off the bus and trekked down the road. It was bitingly cold, and she wished she’d commandeered the Sweetest Surprise car, but it was all right. The fresh air felt good after a slightly nauseating morning.
Billie arrived at the same time as her little sister, Jamie, and her husband. They piled out of the car, and Jamie ran to give Billie a tight hug. Her husband, Stewart, gave Billie a handshake and a cheerful greeting.
“It’s so nice to see you,” Jamie said, hugging Billie again. “How did that Christmas party go? The one you were buying the dress for?”
“Oh.” Billie bit her lip. “It didn’t go quite as expected.”
Jamie’s brow furrowed, but Stewart was already by her side, escorting her into the house and out of the cold. Billie followed.
Inside, everyone was in pairs; her brothers sat with their wives, her parents were together, and Jamie and Stewart were holding hands. Noah, Billie’s toddler nephew, came running up to her, and Billie swooped him into her arms.
“It’s nice to see you, squishy face,” she told him. Noah cackled at the nickname and gave her a sloppy kiss. Billie’s heart warmed at the thought that her child would grow up with cousins like this. He wiggled to get down, so Billie set him back on the floor.
“Billie!” Her mother and father came to give her hugs, followed by her sisters-in-law and brother. One sister-in-law handed Billie her other nephew, Sam, who was now four months old. He smiled a gummy smile up at Billie as she bounced him. Again, her heart warmed at the thought of her own child, who she would soon be holding in her arms.
A glance around the room brought her earlier sadness back, though. It was clear how much her siblings each loved their spouses and how much joy parenthood as part of a couple brought them. Several of Billie’s friends were more than happy as single mothers, but Billie had always imagined that she would raise her baby alongside a partner who loved her. That was clearly not going to happen.
“Everything okay?” Jamie had appeared by Billie’s side, a concerned expression on her pretty features.
“Mmm.” Billie nodded and smiled down at the baby boy in her arms. “Everything’s okay.”
After the initial flurry of greetings, they all settled down on the living room couches for the annual gift exchange. Billie snuggled her nephew as her family opened their gifts, oohing and aahing over jewelry and books, new hiking boots, and wireless headphones. Noah almost fainted with excitement when he unwrapped a remote-controlled car Billie had gotten him, which reminded Billie of the plane she’d gotten for Max. Had he ever even flown it? Probably not.
Billie returned her attention to her nephew as he gave her a big, sloppy kiss then went to beg his mother to try the car out before dinner. Permission granted, he ran into the dining room to give it a try.
“Have you opened your gifts?” Billie’s mother, Gloria, asked.
“Not yet. I haven’t wanted to put this little sweetheart down.” Billie motioned to Sam, who had now fallen asleep. His lashes were splayed across his chubby cheeks, and his hands fisted then relaxed in time with whatever dream he was having.
“Oh, give him here.” Gloria scooped up her grandson and handed Billie a gift in exchange. “I need to soak up time with my little sweetheart, too. Pretty soon, it’ll be three grandbabies in the family!”
Billie bit her lip and glanced at her stomach. She could easily wait to tell her family about the pregnancy, but the time felt right.
“Actually… it’ll be four.”
All eyes turned to Billie as the room suddenly fell silent.
“What do you mean?” Billie’s oldest brother asked.
“I’m pregnant.” Billie rested a hand on her stomach. “It’s early days now, but I’m due next summer.”
“Oh, my gosh!” Jamie was the first to react. She practically flew across the room to envelop Billie in a tight hug. “This is the best news. We’ll be pregnant together! Our kids can play together when they’re born! Oh, Billie, how wonderful. Congratulations.”
Billie grinned at her youngest sister’s enthusiasm. “Thanks, Jamie.”
“Have you thought about names?” Jamie asked excitedly.
Billie chuckled. “Not yet. Like I said, it’s early days. I only just found out.”
“Still. Amazing!” Jamie grinned broadly. One by one, the rest of Billie’s family offered their congratulations. Finally, Gloria gave her a hug before pulling back and meeting Billie’s eyes.
“May I ask about the father?”
“He’s not in the picture,” Billie said delicately. “But that isn’t what matters here.”
“Of course not. What matters is my beautiful grandbaby! And you, my darling daughter.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“So, what do you think? Will we have yet another boy in the family, or will it be a girl?”
“I might still have a girl,” Jamie pointed out.
“True. Imagine! Two boys, then two girls. I’d start having flashbacks to early motherhood.”
Billie exchanged smiles with her siblings.
“You still haven’t opened your presents,” Jamie pointed out.
“Right! Thanks.” Billie opened her gifts from her family, smiling and thanking them for each one. Her parents had gotten her a pair of candy-cane earrings that Billie put on right away. Her brother Mark had gotten her a book, David a bath set. Finally, Billie unwrapped a baby onesie from Jamie that read I love my best auntie .
“Did you know?” Billie asked, holding up the onesie.
“Not at all.” Jamie nudged her. “I thought my baby could wear it, you know, since you’ll be his or her favorite aunt. But this is even better, because your baby can wear it and I’ll be the favorite aunt!”
“Hey, the competition is fierce,” Mark’s wife pointed out.
“True.” Billie smiled at her. “We might have to get a few more onesies.”
With all the gifts opened, everyone began to migrate to the dining room to set up the Christmas dinner feast. Billie’s stomach was already grumbling. Her mother was a wonderful cook who always went all out for the holidays. She got to her feet and followed Gloria into the kitchen, only to be snagged by Jamie and pulled into the hallway.
“Where are we going?” Billie asked. Jamie pushed her into the guest bedroom and gestured for her to take a seat on the bed.
“I know you didn’t want to tell mom about the guy, but you’ll tell me, right?” Jamie’s eyes were bright. “If he did something bad to you, I’ll tell him off — like you did when Chester Milton was bothering me in high school.”
“Thanks, but there’s no need to tell anyone off.” Billie shrugged. “Things just don’t always work out.”
“Okay, but the guy must be Max, right? The one you were going to attend the holiday party with, who was working with your charity?”
“Yes, it’s Max.” Billie hesitated. She’d come to terms with Max’s decision not to be a part of her or the baby’s life, but it still hurt to think about him. “I liked him a lot, but we weren’t really together. When I told him about the baby, we agreed that it was best for him to contribute financially without us trying to be a couple.”
“Oh.” Jamie bit her lip. “And that’s what you want?”
“I want what’s best for my baby,” Billie said.
“I definitely understand that.” Jamie took Billie’s hands. “But what about you? I thought you really liked this Max guy?”
“I did.” Billie’s heart ached. “I was excited to go to the Christmas party. And yeah, maybe a part of me thought it was a date, as much as I denied that. But it just isn’t meant to be. Max is too caught up in his past and in a different kind of future.”
“So, even if he wanted to be together, you wouldn’t?” Jamie asked. In an instant, an image appeared in Billie’s mind of Max with a bouquet of flowers, asking her to take him back, begging for a second chance. Then Billie remembered how Max had fled her apartment, and the image burst.
“That isn’t going to happen, so it isn’t worth thinking about,” Billie said. “Right now, all that matters to me is that my child has everything good in the world.”
“Well, that we can do.” Jamie squeezed her hands. “Your baby is already going to have the world’s best mother.”
“That’s impossible,” Billie replied. “ Yours is.”
They smiled at each other, then Jamie gave Billie another hug. “If you ever want to talk any more…”
“You’ll be the first one I call. As always.” Billie hugged her sister back. “And the same goes for you, you know.”
“I know. I hardly stop talking.” Jamie pulled a funny face that made Billie smile. “Now, should we go back out there before Mom comes to hunt us down?”
“You go ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“All right.” Jamie looked a little worried, but she gave Billie her space. Once her sister was gone, Billie sat on the bed for several more moments, just looking down at her stomach. What she’d said to her sister had been true. There was no way Max would ever want a second chance, so there was no point considering it. And it was for the best that Billie told everyone the decision not to be together had been mutual.
Neither of those realizations stopped Billie’s heart from aching, though. Maybe, if things had been different, Max would have been by her side at this Christmas party. He could have seen the joy her family felt, and experienced firsthand how wonderful it was when new children joined the family. He could have finally seen the true magic of Christmas. Maybe it would have been enough to change his mind about the baby… and about Billie herself.
Or maybe not. Billie got to her feet, straightened her dress, and went to rejoin her family in the dining room. They were all laughing at something adorable Noah had said, and Billie slipped easily into a free spot at the table. Jamie caught her eye and smiled from across the table, Gloria slid a slice of ham onto Billie’s plate, and Mark ruffled her hair like they were still kids. Christmas music played in the background, the tree twinkled from the living room, and the table was surrounded by smiles, laughter, and happy chatter. For now, it was enough. At least her baby would grow up with a loving and involved extended family — even if the baby’s father wouldn’t be in the picture.