24. Gabe
GABE
Relief drips through me.
She’s safe.
On the screen, I watch as Kingston ushers Katherine into the elegant salon. She’s got him and Alex.
I wish I could hear what they’re saying, but the camera’s audio only picks up every fifth word or so. Instead of sitting here wishing, I should go aboard the yacht and see for myself. I should be with her. With them. I should apologize for losing my head this morning.
But I can’t seem to move. I can’t imagine she wants to see me right now, and I’m starting to feel like a voyeur.
With a sigh, I work on logging out of the system, cutting them both from my view. I’ve always felt confident around computers. There are right and wrong answers, programming languages with rules and syntax, ones and zeroes. Problems are fixable, and best of all, no one gets hurt when I mess up.
But life…? I run a hand along my jaw, the scruff abrading my palm. Life is messy.
I snap my laptop closed and unplug the power cord. When I left Nebraska, I embraced the messiness. Saying yes to everything the kaleidoscope of life had to offer because I always had a safe place to return. The structure inside a computer. The endless possibilities.
Somehow, using all the skills I’ve gathered over the last three decades to help save a woman is not the rush you see in the movies. I’m not comfortable, and I’m not at all confident. And I shouldn’t be. I know that, deep down. I’ve only got myself to blame here.
“You going over?” Tadgh asks, voice low. He’s an arm’s length away as I pack up my stuff.
The rest of the guys are already scattered to the wind, which I expected and appreciate. They showed up when I needed them the most, and if there are any repercussions for hacking into the mega yacht’s systems, that’ll fall on me.
Either way, I’ll be sending a report to the owner as soon as possible about the security shortfalls that allowed us to take over the cameras with ease.
Am I going over there?
I glance out the side door. The big yacht looms, only a dozen feet and a big step across the open water away. Not particularly arduous. And I’m not scared of the ocean. Somewhere on that gleaming white ship is my best friend, the woman I hurt carelessly, and the man I can’t get out of my head.
The disquiet in me has nothing to do with where we are, though. I wish we were all cuddled in bed, safe. Untouched by Lucinda’s hatred.
“I think I should head to the office.”
“Sir?”
His confusion mirrors my own. What am I saying?
Why am I running away when what I really want is to run toward my favorite people?
“Ignore me,” I say. I’m not even making sense to myself.
“Can’t do that.” He sounds mildly amused. “It’s my job to have your back.”
And I appreciate that. Normally, I don’t mind having the shadow. Even multiple shadows. Lack of privacy and anonymity is a price I was willing to pay to have the money and notoriety. But right now, I have the overwhelming desire to be alone.
The boat rocks gently back and forth. The tightness in my chest is somehow both foreign and familiar.
My body feels sluggish, like I woke up after too little sleep. But my brain won’t turn off, and the same handful of questions keep ping-ponging around my skull as I analyze things from every direction. It’s like I want to run, but I can’t move.
“Hey,” Alex’s deep voice cuts through the chaos in my mind.
I feel my security team melt away as Alex steps into the room. My stomach drops, and I close my eyes for a beat. How was it just this morning that he left the townhouse and everything seemed so normal? Like any other morning. Granted, we hadn’t gotten our hoops in.
“Hey.”
I rewrap the power cord, because I need something to do with my hands. The cord keeps slipping out of my fingers, not forming a perfect loop. Frustration wells up.
A big hand closes over mine, halting my movements. “You gonna look at me?”
I don’t move. I feel numb. Paralyzed even. I should want to look at him. But I don’t seem to be in control right now.
He drops to a knee at my side and spins my chair until I’m facing him. I swallow at the sight of his wide chest. That strong body saved Katherine. He just?—
“Hey.” He smacks his hand gently against my cheek, not enough to sting, but it startles me nevertheless. “Take a breath, man.”
I suck in a huge lungful of air, and my body shocks back to life. When had I started holding my breath?
“We got her,” he says.
“I know.”
“So why are you spiraling?”
I shrug. That’s a good question.
He sighs. How can such a small sound say so many things? Disappointment, frustration, fatigue.
Alex clasps the side of my neck. His hand feels huge against my throat. Powerful, which makes me realize just how vulnerable the neck is.
His thumb brushes over my Adam’s apple, and I freeze.
I swear he does, too.
Now we’re both holding our breath.
“We agreed that we all could have done better.”
I nod.
“So forgive yourself.”
“It’s not that easy. I was cruel. You were kind. I sent her right into their hands.” Hot tears storm my eyes, and I blink them back. “I?—”
“You?”
I lick my lips because they feel as dry as a desert. The sentence that’s been running through my head over and over rolls around on my tongue, but I’m not sure I can say it. Not out loud and certainly not to my best friend. The man in love with the woman I?—
“Say it, Gabe. Stop holding back on me.”
“I don’t know how to live with that!” The words explode out of me.
“What’s going on?” Katherine asks.
I settle back in the chair, rubbing my hands over my face.
Of course she’d pop up just as I’m melting down.
But I can’t help but look at her, gaze roaming because I need to see with my own eyes that she’s okay.
Her hair is a mess and her cheeks are pink, but I don’t think she’s ever looked lovelier.
And now I feel like an absolute jerk for not hauling ass to check on her. Shoving my chair back, I stand.
Her eyes are wide, curious, but there’s also wariness there. We stare at each other for a long beat. I have no idea what to say. How to begin to ask for forgiveness and explain the chaos factory in my brain.
And I realize the days of her helping me, softening the blow, are over.
As they should be.
Do the crime, do the time.
Stepping around Alex, I cross to her and she tips her chin up to meet my gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
There’s a long moment where she doesn’t nod, blink, or smile. I’m not sure she takes a single breath. The rational part of my brain is proud of her. Happy that she’s not backing down and cowering. Nor is she forgiving me easily.
Fuck, I want to touch her. Pull her against me and feel her arms tighten around my waist. All our problems dissolve when we touch. They have from the very start.
“So fucking sorry.” I stare down at the gap between us. A foot, a foot and a half. Might as well be the Grand Canyon. “That doesn’t begin to excuse what I said. Any of it.”
Like King said, I’m going to have to grovel. And I’m okay with that because my end goal is crystal fucking clear to me now.
I shove my hands in my pockets so I won’t reach for her. No touching until we’ve cleared the air. Until I’ve earned her trust. Until I’m the man she could love and depend on.
My dick is not on board with this plan, but that’s too bad.
“Let’s go home,” Katherine says softly, her tone urgent.
“That’s going to be a problem,” Alex says.