~Chapter 17~
Silence is quite an ironic word in itself. During silence, we unconsciously crave and search for any signs of noise to bring us comfort. But silence does it in an almost painful way. When everything is quiet, the silence rings in our ears which in turn strains them to hear at least something. I didn't hate silence but I just didn't prefer it. However I felt its force today.
My apartment wasn't quiet but there was something sad about it. It must be the negative energy being transferred everywhere and I just wanted the whole world to hush and stop talking bullshit. Such moments make me realize that silence is louder and more overbearing than the obnoxious noises themselves.
With my hair tied up in a messy bun and face void of any color or emotions, I sat on my couch in the living room. More like slept with the way half my back was on the sitting place and my legs stretched out in front of me.
My television was on but I steer clear from the news channels splotching my face everywhere recklessly. They all called it a "scandalous affair" and I had to scoff every time I would see or hear it. That wasn't even the worst thing. Headlines like, "Skye Williams seen with a girl for the first time", "He's not gay - Proven?" were sailing everywhere. There was nothing to limit their offensive pen.
I was paying half attention to the reruns of 'Man With A Plan' while trying to send in my resume into different advertising agencies.
A bowl of dates was meticulously placed on my stomach because it so happens to be my comfort food. The chocolate wrappers were strewn across the floor carelessly. I had spent the whole night crying yesterday which was why I was coping with everything without tears.
The massive headache didn't help either, making me directly drink water from the jug to get rid of all the pain and stay hydrated because of my loss of "water".
My favorite month was turning out to be ugly. Shutting off my laptop with more force than required, I put all my concentration on my favorite show. I thought that nothing could bring a smile to my face but this show always brightens up my mood. I was trying not to laugh but every few seconds, a genuine spurt of silent chuckles released from my lips.
When my laughs reached their heights and with all the water accumulated back into my body, reality crashed in on me again. I switched off the television and threw off the remote with no care in the world.
Tears were cascading down my cheeks again and I covered my face when my whole body shook with the silent sobs. I bit my lip and pushed away my dark strands sticking on my face. Tapping on my chest softly, I tried to stop the pain but it just wouldn't go away.
I started crying like a baby. I was crying like a baby and I didn't care.
Until yesterday, I was beyond happy with my life but then everything was snatched out of my hands within a blink of an eye.
I liked Skye but he pushed me inside the veil of darkness just so he could get out. Liked? I thought despondently. No. I still do like him and I still believe that he must have had his reasons.
Curling myself on the couch, I stared off into space with a tight hold clutch on my bowl of dates.
I was about to fall asleep when I was jolted out of my almost slumber because of my shrilly doorbell ringing. I groaned, not wanting to open the door but the person on the other end could have been qualified for being annoying. They were incessantly ringing the bell, making my ears feel stuffed.
I put on my slippers lazily and took a tissue to wipe away the remnants of my tears. Walking a few steps toward my main door, I opened it with droopy eyes. I always check the peephole but today, I felt like I'd lost more brain cells than I ever have in my entire life.
However this totally changed the moment I opened the door. I don't know if I should be happy or continue crying. There, in front of me were the smiling faces of Chelsea, Keith and Emika with a scowling Shivaay.
I wasn't much surprised because we had once shared our addresses with each other and I guess it must have come to use for them right now.
Shivaay pushed everyone aside and leapt on me, hugging me like a koala bear. A genuine laugh bubbled up my throat and soon everyone joined in on the embrace, making it a group hug.
"Guys," I said with a rueful smile, pulling away from them. "Come on in." I waved my hands and led them toward my living room. Just when I'd stepped on the threshold, my eyes roamed everywhere. It occured to me just how bad the room looked because of all the litter loitering around. "And don't judge me." I held up a finger with a chuckle. It was like I was forcing out happy emotions.
"You know we won't," Chelsea assured me gently. I could tell that her words held another meaning.
Shivaay threw an annoyed look in my direction. Apparently someone didn't like the "rare sense of humor" anymore.
We all sat down on whatever place we could find. I was sitting on the main couch between Emika and Chelsea while Keith and Shivaay sat on the single couch chairs.
The living room was filled with awkward silence so I fiddled with my fingers. I didn't have anything to say so I kept mum, waiting for them to start the conversation. Waiting for them to chastise me for being so annoyingly reckless.
"Here," Keith said, being the first one to break the prickling silence. He handed over a cabinet sized cardboard box to me and I furrowed my brows. That's when I noticed a few bags on the floor that they brought along with them.
"That's your stuff from the office," Chelsea explained to me somberly. "We knew that it… would be hard for you so we just… you know thought that maybe…" She trailed off.
"I get it. Thanks, guys. All of you, like for real," I told them with sincerity. I looked at all of them just to notice that they seemed to be walking on eggshells because of what happened to me because of me. "Spit it out, guys. I know you want to," I said, tracing random patterns on my pajama pants.
"How are you, VVJ?" Shivaay asked, a softness swirling in his dark eyes.
I sighed because the answer was pretty much self-explanatory. "I mean, if my living room isn't proof enough then my bowl of dates should do the trick." I gestured around everywhere before pointing toward the almost empty bowl of dates on the coffee table and laughed humorlessly.
Emika looked at me apprehensively and Shivaay glared, not liking my sarcastic answer. "No, I am serious. Don't dodge the question like you think it's a dumb one. VVJ, I really wanna know how you're feeling. Like, talk and pour it all out."
"He's right, Val," Chelsea seconded, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Yes, we're here for you, Val, okay?" Keith spoke with a pout and I almost forgot what a softie he could be.
"All right, then. I feel like I am… beat. I feel desolate and alone," I said earnestly and gulped deeply before I could choke out the words.
Emika signed something and Shivaay took that as his cue to translate. "She's saying that we're here… for you."
I twisted my mouth absent-mindedly and smiled. "I know guys but apparently, y'all cannot do anything about this infamous scandal," I spat the last two words with venom.
"Can you tell us what exactly happened?" Chelsea inquired with worry evident in her doe eyes.
"I would love to know that too," Shivaay grumbled. He seemed uneasy because he knows that I have feelings for our boss, Skye. I would have felt the same too if I were in his shoes and not be able to know how a small and innocuous relationship escalated to such an extent.
I plopped a date in my mouth and chewed on it, taking my sweet little time because I didn't feel so comfortable talking about the matter.
Emika noticed my reluctance because she rummaged through one of the bags and pulled out a tub of chocolate chip ice cream. They all took it as a sign to do the same. One by one, my coffee table was filled with the sweet goodies, including my favorite red wine.
"I - thank you so much, guys," I breathed. Again, all the overwhelming emotions passed through me at once. If I didn't know any better then I'd have thought that I was PMSing. "You all are so awesome and have I ever said that I love you all? Each and every one of you." I pointed at all four of them, jutting out my bottom lip.
"No!" All of them echoed in unison, making me laugh.
"Before I forget, what are you guys doing here? I am sure Ms. Maxwell can't be generous enough to leave you off the hook so early?" I questioned, eyeing my wall clock which read 11:35 am.
"Well, consider it as our lunch time," Shivaay answered, shrugging his shoulders. "And I don't know about you but I am starving." He took a packet of Oreo and stuffed his mouth with some.
"You wanna talk about it?" Keith asked sensibly. They really seemed sad and I knew that they deserved an explanation. It was a beautiful feeling to know that they came here to check up on me with so many snacks and wine.
I nodded at him with a smile. Taking a glass from under the coffee table, I poured myself some wine. Might as well have some along with a tear jerking story. I took a sip and began narrating the incidents to them. No one interrupted me while I explained to them all the details.
The details which included about how Ms. Maxwell had asked me to take a look at the job manual, the warning, the envelopes consisting of the photographs of Skye and I together. How all of this led to me being fired and leaving the building.
I hesitated far too much before telling them the part where I'd encountered Skye. After collecting myself together, I told them the whole scene even though they might have watched it on the screen already. By the end of it, my dam broke and tears were spilling down my cheeks freely.
"I don't understand," I began in a soft voice to cover up my choking sobs. I filled another glass of wine and continued, "I don't understand why he would do that. Why would he be so downright mean to me all of a sudden?"
When I couldn't hold it in anymore, a sob wracked though my chest and I put my fists on my eyes after placing the glass on the table. It was a childish attempt to stop my tears but to no avail. In no time, I was pulled into a tight embrace. Just like previously, all of them joined Emika and I, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
"Shh, it's okay, Val. Let it all out," Chelsea said, going back to her motherly care instinct.
"He's so mean!" I continued crying, hung onto all of them for emotional support like a leech. "And you all are so adorably amazing and the best!" I sniffled and their chests rumbled with laughter.
Breaking the hug, we somehow sat down on the floor in a circle. Emika signed with her hands which I could vaguely understand. "She's asking, do you still like Skye?" Shivaay told me, biting his lip. He gave a weird look to Emika but she shrugged as if asking, 'what?'.
"That's the worst thing," I said, not meeting anyone's eyes. "I… do. I still like him," I whispered sadly. "And here's the thing. I didn't regret being fired but after that humiliating incident, I started having second thoughts. Regret pulled me in." I shook my head in agitation.
"It's okay, Val. Never and I mean never lose your worth when in the process of finding someone else's," Shivaay said it with so much seriousness that I couldn't believe it was he who spoke such intelligent words.
My mouth was agape but slowly a small smile lit up my whole face. Everyone in the room pretty much had the same expression and he blushed profusely. "That's so… beautiful." I laughed kind heartedly.
"Yeah, whatever." He shrugged it off. "Oh, and did I mention that I loved your legendary punch on Skye's jaw and the middle finger salute to the paparazzi?" He winked.
I giggled, feeling a bit tipsy because of all the wine and pointed a finger in his direction with my thumb facing upwards. "I know, right? I was so angry!" At that point, I couldn't stop the silly giggles.
Emika gently took the wine glass from my hands and hid it along with the wine bottle behind her. I was met with amused stares from my friends.
"And you know what? Skye's a nincompoop!" I laughed raucously and they joined in too.
Keith's phone rang, jolting us out of our fun. I felt hazy, silently giggling while munching on some chips. He picked up his phone and answered, wildly silencing me with his free hand.
I was kind of out of it while he conversed with the person on the other end.
Once he was done, his eyes cut in our direction. They were anxious and wide. "We're needed back in the office. Samantha's calling us."
I pouted when they got up, collecting their things and leaving all the snacks where they were. "I miss you," I said, my lip quivering.
"I am sorry, Val," Chelsea apologized, her brows raised to show me her comfort.
"Nah, that's okay. Do cool and make mama proud!" I said, pounding my chest lightly. I stood up on my legs slowly, taking the support of the couch.
"But don't you worry. We'll always be in contact and meet as soon as we can, okay?" Shivaay assured me.
I hugged each one of them and soon they left my apartment, leaving me alone with the same old silence. The stinky silence hung in the air and I sighed sadly.
With a heavy heart, I sat down on the floor, my back leaning against the couch and my legs stretched out in front of me. Taking the laptop in my hands, I refreshed my email log but it was empty with not a single company reverting back to me.
I shut it down in despair and ate all the snacks that my hands came in contact with. With too much food and wine in my system, I didn't know when I fell asleep but I dozed off pretty quick.
I couldn't tell if it was the seconds, minutes or hours that passed by but I felt disoriented when I heard the doorbell ring for the second time today.
Slowly getting up from my slumped position, I held my head between my hands tightly because it was spinning too much and was completely out of control. I groaned, trying to feel myself back. Besides, my awkward sleeping position didn't help either. When I was sure that my blood was flooding back in every part of my body, I walked toward the door.
This time, I made the wise decision by checking through the peephole first. However I couldn't see anyone because it was all black and I understood that they had their palm placed on it.
Narrowing my eyes, I decided whether to open the door or not. The doorbell rang again and my heart leapt up in my throat.
Should I open or should I not?! I was scared.
I quickly put on the side latch, thinking that placing a hand on the peephole might be an unintentional act. I pulled my door open but the latch prevented it from going all the way to the back.
Just as I looked at the person outside, my eyes widened in surprise.