18. Tristan
CHAPTER 18
TRISTAN
T ristan had expected things to fall apart after Ria left. After all, before she’d arrived, he and the triplets had existed in a state of total chaos most of the time. Instead, though, everything continued much as it had before. Tristan enrolled the kids in one of the preschools Ria had found and secured a spot for them in a local daycare for a few more hours a day so that he could go to the office. The triplets enjoyed making friends and playing with all the toys at daycare and preschool, and Tristan was able to work.
At home, things went smoothly, too. Each time something came up, from Jacob turning his nose up at a stray leaf of spinach to Jasmine crying in the night to Jamie spilling his juice all over himself and his car seat, Tristan knew how to handle it. He knew because Ria had taught him, patiently and caringly, everything he needed to know.
So, when Jacob raced towards the wall with a marker in his hand, Tristan thought of Ria. How had she handled this? Then he grabbed Jacob a piece of paper and set him up at his small toddler table to color. As Tristan watched his little boy happily drawing a picture of an elephant, his thoughts stayed with Ria. He remembered her encouraging Jacob’s drawing and always making sure he had a notepad and crayons with him. He remembered Ria with her arm covered in scribbles of green marker after she’d let Jacob try out his coloring skills on her. He remembered wanting to trace one of those green lines from her fingertips to her shoulder.
When Jamie woke one night in tears, Tristan scooped him up and took him down to the rocking chair. There, he stroked his back and talked to him softly, just like Ria had shown him. In the predawn light, he remembered sitting with Ria in this very spot, talking and laughing and staying up the rest of the night.
When Jasmine told a story, Tristan remembered Ria texting him on her first day about the “skuls.” She’d been so confused, and Tristan had been, too. Now they both knew about the triplets’ love of squirrels — and Jasmine’s language skills had greatly improved.
Without hesitation, Tristan handled potty time and bathtime. He fed the kids and played with them. He took them to the park and read them books. He kissed them goodnight and again each time he dropped them off at preschool. He was alone now, but it didn’t feel like it. Every time Tristan turned, he half-expected to see Ria standing beside him with her infectious smile. Every time he heard a crash, he half-expected it was Ria who’d knocked something down. And every time one of the triplets asked about her, which was almost constantly, he wished she were here.
Slowly, days piled into weeks. Tristan was truly a single father, but he still thought of Ria often. So did the triplets.
At first, he felt angry with her for leaving. But soon, his anger melted into just missing her. He appreciated all she’d taught him, and he wished she were there. Then, both faded, and Tristan realized that he’d acted in haste, too. Ria was always going to leave, but he could have handled it better. At least for the triplets’ sake, he could have suggested that they stay in touch.
The more time went by, the more Tristan realized that he didn’t just miss Ria for the triplets’ sake, though. He missed the way she always lit up a room when she entered. He missed the way her eyes would widen when she was worried that she’d gone too far in something she’d said. He missed the feeling of her slight hand in his and the sparkle in her eyes when she laughed.
Ria had left because she wanted to, but Tristan certainly hadn’t made matters any easier by asking her to go the very next day. He also hadn’t helped by not asking to stay in touch. Slowly, it dawned on him that Ria had never said she wanted to leave him and the triplets — just that she had a new job offer.
The more Tristan thought about it, the more he worried he’d made a mistake. He just wasn’t sure how to fix it now. He didn’t even know where Ria was. He had her phone number, but it didn’t feel quite right to call.
One night, after settling the triplets into bed and doing a little work, Tristan took a seat on the couch where he’d spent so many nights chatting with Ria. With a feeling of great anticipation, he dialed the Oh Pear! number. The same overly friendly woman he’d spoken with months ago answered after a few rings.
“This is Eloise Rice at Oh Pear! How can I help you today?”
A wave of déjà vu washed over Tristan, and for a moment, he was certain he’d slipped back in time and that Ria would be arriving tomorrow all over again.
“I’m Tristan West,” he began as he shook off the memories.
“Mr. West.” Eloise’s voice turned from cheerful to sympathetic. “How are you?”
“I’m well. I wanted to ask about a nanny who worked with my family for the last few months. Ria Hampton.”
“Yes, Ria. I’ve certainly heard a lot about her . How did she work out for you?”
“Very well, actually, but she’s now moved on, and I forgot to get a forwarding address for her.”
“Well, she’s moved on from our agency as well. Last I heard, she took a job with Child First and gave us her notice. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful, dear.”
“That’s quite all right.”
“Would you like a new nanny?” Eloise continued. “We have several new joiners who could be a perfect fit for your family. I can?—”
“No, it’s all right,” Tristan interrupted. He got the feeling Eloise was about to go into a whole sales pitch, and he didn’t have the energy for that. “Thank you for your time.”
He hung up and tapped the phone against the edge of the couch as he considered. Maybe he should just call Ria. In thirty seconds or less, if she had her phone with her, he could be speaking to her again. Yet something held him back. After the way they’d left things, he wanted to know, at the very least, if she was still in San Francisco before he reached out.
It felt like Ria had disappeared. Tristan had no way to get ahold of her except her phone number. She wasn’t even registered with the same agency anymore. In just a few weeks, Ria had completely vanished from his life, leaving a gaping hole behind. He missed her terribly and might never see her again. Maybe she was out there somewhere, with a new family, missing him, too.
Tristan sighed. Perhaps he was being silly. There was every chance that Ria just didn’t want to hear from him at all. He got up, stretched, and walked slowly back to his office to work. Reaching out felt too complicated. He didn’t want to impose on Ria if she didn’t want to hear from him — he’d never wanted that. Yet the thought of never seeing her again was equally unimaginable.
A few days later, Tristan picked the triplets up from preschool. They were skipping, happy and chatty, because one of their classmates had had a birthday party with cake — at least Tristan was almost certain that’s what they were saying.
“Chocowate and chewwies,” Jasmine explained, her green eyes wide as her small arms gestured broadly. She was wearing a pink gown and fairy wings today — Tristan had tried to dress all the kids in more standard clothing at first, but he’d decided that as long as they were happy and their clothes were clean and fitted well, they could wear what they wished.
“Sing happy birfday,” Jacob added, skipping alongside his sister. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a dinosaur T-shirt, while Jamie had on black pants, a blue shirt, and a superman cape.
“No skuls,” Jamie finished with a sad expression. All the talk of birthdays reminded Tristan that the triplets’ third birthday was coming up in a few weeks. When the triplets had first arrived, the thought of organizing a birthday party would have sent Tristan over the edge, but now he found he was looking forward to celebrating his kids on their special day.
When they arrived home, he set them up with a snack and got his laptop. Once again, Tristan wished that Ria were here — she’d know how to throw a wonderful birthday party for the three little ones.
Then an idea sparked. He could invite Ria to the triplets’ party. It would be a clear sign that he was asking her back as someone who cared about the children (even though Tristan cared about Ria, too). It would also be more relaxed than him calling her up and asking if she missed him as much as he missed her, which he was still half-tempted to do.
Things began to fall into place. During the kids’ nap time, Tristan spent a few hours mocking up invitations to the party and making a list of kids to invite from the preschool and daycare, as well as a few of his colleagues. He also placed orders for cake, finger sandwiches, and drinks from a local bakery. Tristan knew there was more to a birthday party. There would need to be games, for sure, as well as balloons. He cast his memory back to his own birthday parties as a child, but they’d often been staid affairs with just his parents and their colleagues. He wanted to do better for his kids.
Over the next few days, between work and spending time with the triplets, Tristan stopped by a local party store for balloons and decorations, looked up party games, and handed out invitations. His employees had a few laughs at his expense when he brought a large pinata in the shape of a squirrel into the office, but Tristan needed a place to store it where the triplets wouldn’t stumble across it.
“You really love those kids, don’t you?” one accountant asked as he squeezed into the elevator with Tristan and the squirrel pinata.
“I do.” Tristan smiled. “They’re my kids, after all.”
And they were. All the time Tristan had spent with Ria made him feel comfortable claiming the triplets as his own. He would never erase the role their mother had played in their lives, but that didn’t mean they didn’t deserve a parent now.
Two weeks before the party, almost everything was in place. There was only one important task left to do — invite Ria to the party. Tristan had gone back and forth about the best way to ask her. In the end, he settled for sending her a text with a PDF of the party invitation attached. His heart raced as he clicked send. Would she come? If she did, what would he say to her?
That night, as Tristan tucked the triplets in, Jamie looked up at him with big eyes.
“Where Ria?”
The question had come up many times over the last few weeks, and each time, Tristan had given the same answer.
“She had to go.”
“Why?”
“Because.” Tristan kissed his son on the forehead. Usually, that was the end of the exchange — it was hard for a toddler to argue with something like “because.” But today, Jamie frowned. He bit his lip in thought, and Tristan had another wash of déjà vu — Ria did the exact same thing. The triplets had learned a lot from her.
“I wuv Ria,” Jamie said. “You wuv Ria?”
Tristan’s heart constricted, but he smiled down at the little boy as if all was well. “Yes, I do. I love Ria.”
“We family.” Jamie yawned. “Wuv Ria. Ria come home.”
Then he rolled over and snuggled down under the blankets. Tristan patted his shoulder, kissed Jacob and Jasmine good night, and slipped out of the room. As he went down to the kitchen to find some dinner, Jamie’s words replayed in his mind, over and over.
We’re family, the little boy had said, in his own way. We love Ria. Ria should come home.
And it was true, wasn’t it? Tristan had wavered so much about how to tell Ria what he felt. He’d been so hesitant, in fact, that Ria had left. Even when she’d told him she had a new job, he’d just told her to leave instead of trying to put into words how much he loved her. Now, he was ruminating about what to tell her if she came to the triplets’ party.
Talking to little Jamie had made everything so much clearer. There was no need for Tristan to overcomplicate things. If he ever saw Ria again, he would simply say what was in his heart. You’re part of my family. I love you. Please come home.
There was still every chance that Ria wouldn’t want to see him again, that she wouldn’t want to hear that he loved her, and that she wouldn’t want to come home. Perhaps she’d never thought of Tristan and the triplets as anything more than her clients. But at least Tristan would have tried everything he could to let Ria know how special she was. That had to be enough.
Of course, it all depended on whether she came to the party. Tristan would just have to wait for her answer to his RSVP.