Home
It was sweet fucking relief. After almost two months here, we were finally making the trip back home. While there were less than relieving reasons involved, it still brought a wide grin to my face when the sound of the wheels scraping the runway of Lindbergh field reached my ears.
Martha and Calvin were the first to welcome us home, with Calvin giving the usual manly hugs and pats on the back to his two sons and Martha going through a long streak of teary hugs and sobbing her thanks that her grandbabies were okay.
She had insisted all three of them rode in their car with them as we came home from the airport.
I realized it had probably been a wise choice to keep them oblivious to my pregnancy.
Martha, for one, would have thrown a fit if her hopes of having a new grandchild were suddenly crushed by my miscarriage.
After almost two months away, I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be normal.
My usual routine, the one I had when my life was still a simple cycle of getting Abby and Aiden ready for school, hot sex with my boyfriend, harmless gossip with my best friend on the weekend, making dinner with the twins, and reading them cliche fairytales when I put them to sleep.
Everything that I could not do now when my life and the life of the twins were constantly being threatened by Sarah and her recently hired goon, Baron.
Before our trip back to San Diego, I had tried to convince Lucas to hand Baron to the cops, seeing as he was transported back here secretly the day before and Adrian was still around, I knew those pleas had fallen on deaf ears.
I had seen Lucas' determination with work before, but I had never seen or even imagined he could use that determination in a completely different manner.
The ugly reminder that this was all my fault, that I had pushed Lucas to do this reared its ugly head again and I mentally berated myself.
Lucas's words played in my head. It was not my fault, Sarah had absolutely no reason to come after us, not legal and not personally.
She left, no one forced her. And if I was being honest I had never really done anything to hurt her directly, at least not before I charged at her for speaking ill of Lucas and the twins, which I must say was still eighty-five percent her fault.
Still, I could not help but wonder why she hated me so much, especially when I remembered that we were supposed to be sisters.
Another pang of guilt reared its head again and I shook my head tersely as if doing that would wipe the thought away.
I had been away from this house for far too long and I was not about to spend my first day here, sulking about why a woman who left her family for her career years ago, and hated me for looking after them.
It was her bitch move, one of many and it was not my fault.
I had missed the family's tradition of having everyone present for dinner once in a month and since we had missed two dinners already, I was glad when Martha suggested we took the chance to hold a celebratory dinner for our return here at Lucas's house.
Lucas still seemed tense from what he had to do in his search for Sarah but complied regardless.
It was almost easy to forget that the threat was still out there, ready to pounce once we had our guards down.
With the way I always found him tense and looking over his shoulder and the number of men cascading up and down the house on a 24/7 watch, I was sure Lucas would not be giving Sarh any chances to hit first, not before he found her.
A part of me, the one that was not drowned out by guilt, felt some sort of relief that Lucas was on the lookout for our family.
It was only obvious to a few, but I had still not completely gotten over my PTSD from the night I lost the baby.
Every time someone snuck up on me, every time a child cried, every time a faint memory came up, I found myself looking over my shoulder, lost in the thought that I might be attacked again.
It was going to be a damn long process of healing, and I was sure I had not even started.
"Shall we pray then?" The high-pitched sound of Lucas's mom, from her seat next to the kids, drew my attention back to the pre-arranged table of a feast set up by her.
I turned to Lucas, who sat right next to me, one hand making smooth circles on my knee, and gave him a questioning look.
"Mom gets super religious like that when she's scared," Robin answered my unvoiced question from his seat at the table. From his expression, I could tell he liked that part of his mother no more than his other siblings.
"And you and your brother gave me quite a scare," she retorted, giving them both pointed looks. "what if something had happened to my poor babies," she ran a hand through Aiden's hair and he protested, pulling it back into the straight curls he seemed to be obsessed with these days.
"Nothing happened mom," Lucas bit out gulping his drink in one long swig and I knew it was not the first time he had said that to her.
"Regardless, I wish to ward off evils such as your psycho ex-wife and..."
"Martha, you of all people should know there are no such things," Calvin said cutting her short, "but if it would make you any happier—"
"It would!" she snapped, glaring at him.
He sighed and then continued, "then please everyone join hands."
She gave a relieved smile as everyone at the table reluctantly took each other's hands and bowed their heads.
Dinner went well once all the weirdness of Martha's sudden religiousness was set aside.
Everyone talked and ate and it made my heart swell to know that even amid the chaos that was our vacation, the kids had made pretty pleasant memories.
All that had happened did not sully their experience and once again I had to give Lucas credits for being able to shield the kids from the turbulence of the trip.
Martha actually wept, happy tears when Lucas and I announced our engagement and Calvin had popped a bottle of champagne that I was sure was more expensive than a car in honor of my welcome into the family.
Even Lilian and Mia, who already knew gave their congratulations again and I realized right then that I did not only love Lucas and the twins, I loved his family too.
God, I loved them and I could not imagine any situation that would make me want to leave them, ever.
Somehow that piece of news had further set the right mood for the evening and I got the chance to forget that soon enough Baron would be leading us to Sarah. No that was not scary at all.
"Oh, but I was going to get the dog for you for Christmas," Calvin said, feigning disappointment when the kids delved into the topic of their new favorite pet.
Okay, it was actually their only pet, the only one they had ever had, still, I knew they loved Elmo no less.
Lucas had been too busy with his search and it had only taken a simple pout from Abby and Aiden to get him on board with adopting the puppy.
I might have also played a small part by telling him the kids had been through enough already and another important figure suddenly leaving their life yet again might just bring them back to square one emotionally.
It was the truth and Lucas knew it. That seemed to make him give his permission faster.
There was nothing Lucas would not do for his kids, for his family, which was why I could not blame him for wanting Sarah gone, though I wished he wouldn't.
No! I yelled inwardly at the thought of pity climbing up my mind.
Sarah did not deserve my pity, after all she had done to me.
My only fear was not wanting Lucas to be in hot water with the law for his actions.
But then again, the man was worth more money than God, and with the family, he came from, there was only a small chance that if they wanted to cover it up, that would not be so difficult.
But then again, did I really want to be with a man that would use his money and power to cover up a murder?
Jesus, I was going to go fucking crazy. Why was I thinking so fucking much?
Lucas sensed my discomfort at the table and the hand resting on my knee inched higher, going past decent as he stroked my inner thighs.
I was thankful for the shawl sprawled over us as we sat on the couch, watching Calvin on the ground as he and the kids played with Elmo.
The press would have a field day if it made the news that business tycoon and renowned scientist worth hundreds of millions had the time to kneel on the floor and ruffle the feathers of his grandkid's dog as he listened to them rattle all the details of their vacation.
But that was the kind of man Calvin was and it was safe to say his sons had taken in his footsteps too.
These men might be important in the business world and Lucas especially was one of the best in his field worldwide, but they would not think twice to lay their lives for the people they loved.
And the thought of that along with the sight before me made my heart gurgle with pride and love.
"What's wrong, Muffin?" Lucas continued making lazy strokes on my thigh as he watched me worry replacing the tense look in his eyes earlier.
I shifted closer, leaning into him as I cupped his cheeks, "nothing, just thinking about how much I love you and how happy I am to be back here."
He gave a small smile, the first genuine one I had seen from him all evening, and I could tell he had more to say but held back as Mia got to her feet to make a toast. After placing a small kiss on my forehead, he turned to her.
The night wore on later than I had imagined and Lucas successfully managed to shoo everyone home while I went to put the kids to sleep.
Martha had put up a fight, not wanting to go home after spending so much time away from her grandbabies, but Lucas easily put her at ease by promising to bring the kids over during the week.
The best part about being back in San Diego was that I was returning to my nanny duties.
God, I had missed the harmless arguments Abby and Aiden had every time I ran their baths and got them ready for bed.
Tonight, it was about whose bed Elmo would be spending the night and I managed to stop it from escalating after informing them that Elmo could not sleep in their beds until he was fully vaccinated.
That seemed to put them at ease for the while.
Feeling exhausted both from the long trip and diner tonight with Lucas's family, I was ready to head in for the night.
I had expected to find my luggage in my bedroom but didn't think too much of it when I didn't find it there.
Without turning in the lights, I shrugged off my clothes and headed for the bathroom.
Opting for a long shower, I set the water to the right temperature.
I also missed the sophisticated bath system here and I could not complain as the hot droplets of water drizzled down my skin, nearly scorching, yet oddly soothing.
I hissed in relief, resting my head on the wall of the shower tub with my back to the door.
I stood there for a full minute, my mind blank and my body still as I absorbed the heat.
My mind barely registered the sound of footsteps approaching, or the ruffle of clothes being taken off, until I felt a big strong arm on my shoulder.
I shrieked in horror, jumping as I slipped and thankfully dropped right into the familiar arms.
Lucas grabbed me, holding on to my limp body to keep me from slipping to my death, his expression one of surprise and question and worry.
I cleared my throat softly, shifting back to my feet "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in"
He pushed a wet strand of hair from my face and held my chin, his eyes held the best, "I don't believe you but we'll talk about it later" smile but thankfully, he did not voice it. "Mind if I join you for a shower?"
"You're already in here with me," I chuckled, closing the space between our bodies in the hopes that he would forget about my worry for tonight.
Thankfully, I knew just the way to make him forget.
Heat flooded my sex and I knew it had nothing to do with the steaming shower.
With our bodies pressed together, I knew he could feel the hardened beads of my nipple against his chest, the same way I could feel his cock twitching and growing more rigid against my abdomen.
"You're right," he gave a knowing smile as his hands skidded across my body, his fingers treading dangerously close to my pussy, "so maybe we can make the best use of that."
"You didn't come in here for a bath, did you?" I tilted my head, trying to meet his gaze through the rush of water.
"You know me too fucking well," was all he said before his lips melted into mine. Afterward, he proceeded to fuck me thoroughly against every surface in the bathroom. And God that was just the one thing we both needed to end what had been a really long day.
Lucas had fucked me into oblivion, so much so that I could almost forget the real reason we were back in San Diego. Almost. But again, almost never killed a bird.
I awoke to a vibration from my phone, it was a barely noticeable sound but seeing as I had already been having a hard time sleeping for weeks, it easily woke me up.
A sharp pain ion my abdomen reminded me of the night Lucas and I had spent before, fucking as we had every night since we returned home.
I turned to find him next to me, heavy chest rising and falling as a soft snore escaped with each breath.
The sheets only covered some part of his abdomen down to his strong thighs, leaving only a little to the imagination.
Some days it was hard to believe this man, sexy as sin and capable of committing as much sin with my body was actually mine.
My fiance. That was the thought I had in my mind as I leaned down and pressed a kiss on his chin.
The sound of my phone vibrating again made me reach for it and just like that the smile fell off my face.
It was a reminder from the period tracker app, reminding me that my period was due in two days.
Now you remind me? A laugh broke free before I could hold it back and along with it came a fresh streak of tears from nowhere.
It was easier to pretend to be okay when Celine had visited the day before when Lucas asked how I was feeling every morning before he had to leave. Right here though, in the comfort of my bed, when I just received yet another searing reminder of what I had lost at three am, I could cry my eyes out.
Why was I even crying? Why was I so hung up on this?
I had lost my baby, big fucking deal? A lot of women lost their babies and the doctor had even said a few times that a good number of women had a miscarriage on their first try.
It was not like I had even had a special bond with this pregnancy, not like it was planned.
So why could I not just fucking let it go?
Why did always have to turn into a sobbing mess whenever I remembered it?
With no answers to those questions, the tears just flowed endlessly and when Lucas suddenly reached out, placing a hand on mine, I jumped, gasping in shock.
He sat up with a sudden speed, flicking the bedside lamp on.
The sleepy and dazed look on his face switched almost immediately to dread when he saw my face.
"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, taking my arm and pulling me into him. And that's how the quiet tears turned into full-on sobs, it suddenly felt like I was carrying all the weight in the world with no way to escape. I held on to Lucas, fingers clutching tightly as I soaked his chest with my tears.
"Muffin, you're scaring me. Please tell me what's wrong." his voice was pleading, and I hated the helplessness in it but could not exactly do much about it.
"It's my period," I gasped, pushing off him and shoving my phone in his hands, "it's coming in two days, it was not supposed to be here until nine months,"
With anyone else, I would be more than embarrassed to be wailing like a fucking teenager in the middle of the night, but I knew Lucas understood me and with him, there was never any judgment.
So I buried my face in my hands, letting all the tears I had not let out in days flow endlessly until three was nothing left, just a deep hollow feeling.
Lucas said nothing, he didn't touch me, or hold me or try to console me or tell me it was all going to be alright.
When I raised my head, bringing my hand back down, I met his eyes.
They were fixed on me, clearly angry, worried, and hurt too.
And then I realized what seeing me this way must have done to him.
He had a lot to do and here I was bothering him with my sobs, I could not even give him so much as a good night's rest.
"I don't even know why I still feel this way, I know it's been weeks and I should be over it now," I forced a laugh that was not fooling anyone, meaning to apologize for my behavior, but to my surprise, Lucas pulled me into him.
I thought of protesting and telling him I was fine, but the feel of his hands wrapped around me was too good.
And when he spoke, I could tell he was on the verge of crying too.
Jesus, seeing me cry had made him that hurt.
"You heal at your own pace Muffin and there's absolutely no rush.
And no matter how long that takes, we will get through it,"
I could not help the way my head tilted to meet his gaze. "we?" I knew what he was saying but some small, okay not small, some very needy part of me needed to hear him say it.
He lifted the hand holding my ring band brought the finger to his lips, leaving a small kiss, "yes 'we' Muffin, because when you hurt, I hurt and when you're happy, I'm happy. So you and I, we are going to get through this together. That's how we work."
"I love you so much Lucas,"' I choked, barely containing the fresh sobs climbing up my chest, at least this time they were for a completely different reason.
With a long sigh, he pulled me tighter against him, burying his nose in my hair. He may not have said the words back, but I knew with every fiber of my being, was as sure as the living daylight that he loved me too.
We sat like that, holding on to each other in the dark, our hearts beating in a steady rhythm and my eyes had almost drifted asleep, when Lucas said, "Baron is taking us to Sarah tomorrow."
Out of all the questions that swirled in my brain at the thought of how the day was going to end, I blurted out, for the second time "what are you going to do to her when you find her?"
Instead of an answer, Lucas made a low guttural sound, that vibrated against my cheek and somehow it was all the answer I needed when he said, "Sleep Muffin, it's going to be a long day tomorrow."
And as I did, I knew in my heart he did not mean that in a good way.