12. Oscar
Oscar
Ispent the next three days deep in thought.
How could Ruby think that about me? I’m still here. I haven’t gone anywhere.
I hadn't changed. I was the same person that I always was. The same man who swore that all he wanted to do was make her happy.
Hadn't I done that?
Clearly, she would say I didn’t. I sighed and went up to the guest room and pulled out Ruby's old boxes from the closet.
Things were so much simpler then.
I opened the top box, the one that I returned the napkin she sketched on, and searched the napkin.
I can’t believe she still has this.
* * *
It was May, about a year after Ruby and I first met.
She had just completed her internship and was one step closer to getting her architecture license. Naturally, she wanted to celebrate, so we did what we always did: we went down the shore.
The Seaside Boardwalk was busy for a Thursday night. We parked the car and made our way to the boardwalk with one thing in mind. Midway Steak House.
The air smelled of the ocean mixed with the savory scent of sizzling sausage.
Ruby inhaled deeply as a smile spread across her face.
Her eyes gleamed in the setting sun. She was utterly beautiful with her hair pulled back from her face and her blonde waves trailing down her back.
She was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but it didn't matter.
I always thought she was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen.
We were standing in line at Midway, waiting to order.
Midway was a food stand in the middle of the Seaside boardwalk.
It had been there for as long as I could remember, and probably even longer.
It was bright red and green with yellow accents, and open on all four sides.
The woman at the window glanced over at us from her spot next to a three-foot hanging lemon.
"What can I getcha?" she asked.
"We'll have one sausage and peppers sandwich, light sauce on that, a cheesesteak with onions, an order of fries, and two lemonades," I said.
Ruby grabbed a handful of napkins, and then we stood to the side while we waited for our food to be ready.
"I'm telling you, this project is going to make millions," she said excitedly. "If I magically had some money, then I could buy the property. I would design a beautiful housing development there. It's the perfect location."
"Well, maybe they'll let you work on it.
“They don't let interns have that kind of access.
I'm not expecting things to change much once I get my license either.
I mean, yeah, things will change because I won't be just an intern anymore, but it's not like they're going to ask me my opinion about designing anything for a new project, or let me even do any designing. I'm still just a grunt."
Ruby's voice didn't sound down while she was talking. She said it all very matter-of-factly, as if she was saying the sky was blue or the grass was green. She knew she needed to get experience and pay her dues. And I knew she was looking forward to it.
We got our sandwiches and got lucky to find an empty table to sit at.
The table was along the dunes, right on the boardwalk.
And even though we couldn't see the waves crashing onto the beach, we could still hear them. We split the sandwiches, each of us having one half of the other’s sandwich, and listened to the ocean as we ate.
After finishing our meal, Ruby grabbed one of the clean napkins and pulled a pen out of her purse.
She started sketching frantically, as if she was possessed.
First, a house, drawing the exterior, the roofline, the doorway, and windows.
Then the first floor of the interior, and then the rest of the house.
When she was done, she grabbed another napkin and quickly sketched the design of a community with rolling hills and parks where people could spend time and kids could play.
When she was done, looked up at me and smiled.
"This is it," she said. "I've been drawing sketches now for weeks. Ever since they let me tag along on the property survey. It's only about an hour from here, not far from a train station to get into the city for people who want to work in New York, but still close enough that you could commute to Philadelphia, or go down the shore. Like I said, this is going to make them millions.” She paused and then leaned closer to me. “Honestly though, it’s not even about the money. I just love this.” She pointed at the sketches.
“All of it. I mean, imagine driving through a neighborhood knowing you created that. You created somewhere for people to raise their families.” She stared off into the distance, daydreaming.
"Is it a sure deal?" I asked.
"No. The town is still collecting portfolios, and from those they're choosing which presentations they want to see. It's really anyone's game."
"Do you know how much the land is going for?"
She shrugged. "I forget exactly, but it's below market. I think the family that owns it just wants to get rid of it. It used to be a farm a long time ago, which is why my designs have a farmhouse aesthetic to them with large backyards."
She looked as if her mind suddenly was elsewhere. I knew better than to bother her when she was like this. She was figuring things out in her head. I loved watching her in action. After a few minutes, her eyes met mine again.
"I really wonder if that's what the key is. Like, has anyone spoken to the family? I mean, I know they want to get rid of the property, but you can't tell me that there isn't something in them that would like to be in charge of what's going to end up there."
"What are you saying? You mean you would go to the family and talk to them?"
"Yes. Why not?" she said with a laugh, her voice sounding giddy.
"I would present to them first. I would talk to them, like really talk to them.
While the town has to make the decision of what gets approved, ultimately it's the family that decides who they're selling to.
" She smiled, and her whole face lit up again.
"Anyway, I'm just dreaming like always. How's the new job going?"
I was still working a temp job. I still didn't know what I wanted from my life.
Every few months I tried a different job, looking to see what felt right.
But nothing really seemed to fit. This job had me working in IT, doing some minor programming, but even though it had only been a few weeks, I already knew that I wasn't going to last. Ruby didn't seem to care.
Whenever we talked about it, all she would say was that she didn't care what I did, as long as I was happy.
"It's decent pay," I said, "but it's still not the right fit."
"The right job will come up eventually. I'm sure of it. All that matters is that you're happy.” Maybe you should think about going back to school."
"I would, but I wouldn’t even know what to study. I'm not like you. You've always dreamt of houses and different buildings. That's your art, it's in your soul. I just don't have that yet."
A week later, some things had changed.
We had gone down the shore, trying to get our fix before all the crowds came and the shore was ruined for the summer. I was driving on Route 35, with Dave Matthews Band playing on the radio.
"Oh my god! Did you see it?"
Ruby asked, her hands were up excitedly.
"The moon. It's huge!"
She started pointing and then dropped her hands. "It’s just past this building. You'll be able to see it, you can’t miss it."
As we passed the wide building, the moon suddenly came into view. It had a slight yellow cast that was emanating across the sky.
She was right, it was huge. The moon looked like it was so close that we could drive to it. It was just dangling in the sky, in the black sky, over the ocean.
"Pull over," she said. "Right up there." She pointed to a rocky area that looked like it had been a makeshift parking lot plenty of times before.
We parked the car and got out, unsure exactly where we were.
"Look, up ahead — a boardwalk."
Ruby took my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine, and led the way.
We walked on the rocky terrain until it turned to sand and made our way to a six-foot-wide boardwalk that seemed to stretch for miles.
There was nothing around. This wasn't like when we went to Seaside, Point Pleasant, or even Asbury Park.
All that was along this boardwalk was the sand.
As we got closer to the boardwalk, we realized that it was too high for us to step onto without steps. When Ruby stood next to it the boardwalk was chest high.
Still holding my hand, Ruby continued walking along the length of the boardwalk, hoping to find stairs or some way that we could climb onto it.
We had walked for a few minutes when I stopped.
"Wait a second," I said. "Let me give you a boost."
Ruby tilted her head at me, then slowly started shaking it. "I don't think so. I'm not sure that that's a good idea."
I laughed. "Come on, you're not heavy. And the view from up there is going to be so much better."
"Okay, but if you drop me, I'm never going to let you live it down." She laughed.
I weaved my hands together to form a step for her and I kneeled. Ruby's foot fit perfectly and I gave her a small boost up onto the boardwalk.
After she was up there, I was able to boost myself up.
And then Ruby and I walked on the boardwalk to where she silently decided was a good spot.
We sat down, feet dangling off the edge of the boardwalk, and looked at the moon, still hanging large in the sky, with its pale reflection in the waves below it.
We sat in silence like that for a couple of minutes before I put my arm around Ruby's shoulders and she leaned in, close against me. We didn’t need to talk. We knew what each other were thinking, how we were feeling.
For almost a year and a half, almost since I first met her, I knew that Ruby was the one for me.
Ruby knew it too. She once told me about split-aparts.
I think she said that it was Aristotle, or Plato, who had this idea of soulmates.
That souls are created in the stars. But when those souls come to earth, they’re split, and they’ll do anything to find that other half of them.
Their split-apart. Ruby was my match, my other half.
I was lost without her, and I couldn't imagine living any minute of my life without her in it.
"Ruby?"
"Mm-hmm," she said. Her eyes didn’t pull away from the moon.
"You know how we've been talking about what it is that I want to do with my life? What kind of job I want?"
Ruby turned away from the moon to look at me. "Is everything okay? Why are you so serious?"
"Yeah, everything’s good, great even. It’s just that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And, you know, I've been kind of just floating around, not sure what I want to do as a career, you know, and with work, just going from one job to another.
“The one thing that I'm sure of is you. You have so much passion, and you're so sure of yourself.
You know I love you, Ruby. And ever since you showed me those sketches and you started talking about that lot and creating those homes, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.
It's something that I would love to do with you. "
"I don't understand. What are you saying?"
“Well, first of all, you didn’t notice, but I kept this.”
I pulled one of the napkins that Ruby had sketched on last week at Midway from my pocket. I had been carrying it around since then.
"I can't believe you kept this. I was wondering where it went. I had the others because I always keep everything I sketch. I thought I accidentally threw this one out. Why’d you keep it?”
She looked at me as if I was crazy.
"You know, my parents died in that car accident when I was 17. They had life insurance money that went into a trust until I’m 25. I doubt it’s enough, but it got me thinking so I talked to my grandfather about your idea and to see if he would release my trust a year early."
Delicately, Ruby took the napkin from me. Her fingers held it softly as if it might break.
"I showed it to my grandfather and told him everything you said.
And I don't know if it's just that he loves you that much,” he laughed, “or if he really does think it's a great idea, but he said that he would release my trust money early so we could do it.
I don't think it's enough money. But he gave me some ideas for talking to the family to, you know, bring them in on the project so that they can profit even more from it.
And it just—it all just makes sense, Ruby. "
"Are you kidding me? I... I can't believe this."
"You're my future, Ruby. Whether we do this or not, whether we have fish sticks and rice for the rest of our lives, all I want is to be with you.
You have this dream, and I believe in it.
Because I believe in you. And that's what I want.
That's what I want for my future, for our future.
I want to make a career out of making you happy, out of making your dreams come true. "
* * *
I refolded the napkin along its creases and carefully slipped it into my suit jacket pocket. I could understand the sentimentality behind the napkin. It was more than just a sketch. A lot more.
Tension filled my shoulders and my jaw clenched.
And yet she’s ready to throw it all away.
After all this time. After the 20 years I spent building the company for her. I did all of this for her.
But she’s unhappy.
I looked at the time and realized that Ruby's presentation to the Ocean City Council would be starting soon. We decided to have it in our offices to show them what came with working with a company like ours. A company that values community. Harding Homes wasn’t just a billion-dollar company, we were a family and that’s what mattered.
I needed to be there.
This wasn't about Ocean City anymore, or any project. This was about me being the president and CEO of Harding Homes.
I should be the one talking to the council. I should be the one making a presentation.