2
Kara had a feeling her friend truly did understand. “It’s like that with Simon. Sometimes I need to pinch myself to make sure that I’m not dreaming, that he’s real, that he loves me. I guess I’m afraid that something this good will somehow be taken away, that it isn’t forever.”
“You lost your parents at the age of eighteen and didn’t have any other family. Maybe it’s the memory of that loss that makes all of this so scary, so terrifying to feel the way you do. Everything seems amplified when you’re pregnant and you’re running on emotions,”
Maddie answered thoughtfully.
Kara’s eyes widened as she thought about her friend’s statement. Had the death of her parents made her afraid of loss? “That’s possible. I guess I just want Simon to know how much I love him and that it’s not about his wealth. I’ve been scared lately, afraid that he won’t understand that I love him for the man he is and not his money.”
“The problem is, he already knows that.”
Maddie let out an exasperated sigh. “He isn’t seeing your gestures to protect him or prove your love for him as reassurance, Kara. He’s seeing it as rejection, a refusal to accept all that he is. Simon might have grown up poor, but he and Sam busted their asses to become successful. It’s a major accomplishment in his life and you want no part of it.”
In a gentler voice, Maddie continued, “I understand what you’re trying to do and I get that you’ve always been independent, but if your positions were reversed and you had more money than Fort Knox, wouldn’t you want to share it with Simon, make his life easier after living a life of poverty?”
Maddie waited until Kara nodded before continuing. “In his own screwed-up way, he’s trying to take care of you. Sometimes men connect their own self-worth with their ability to take care of the woman they love. Yeah, it’s old-fashioned and ridiculous, but true. Believe me; Simon has never had any question about you being a gold-digger. That’s your hang-up, not his.”
“I do accept him. I don’t reject any part of Simon. I admire the way he and Sam pulled themselves up from poverty and…”
“Then for God’s sake, drop the prenup idea and let the guy buy you stuff. If it makes him happy, what does it matter if he spends his money to give you something? You deserve it and he knows you aren’t after him for his money. But you need to accept that he’s richer than God and anything he gives you won’t make even a tiny dent in his net worth.”
Maddie put her hands on her hips as she finished, giving Kara an admonishing stare.
“He already buys me things. More things than I need.”
“Yeah. And you fight him over it. I understand that you’ve lived with almost nothing your entire life, so you think you don’t need anything. You’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’re marrying one of the richest men in the world. If he were trying to buy your love or could only show his affection through material things, that would be a problem. But that’s not true in Simon’s case. He’s just trying to be thoughtful, trying to take care of you. I say…let him do it and enjoy the things he gives you without feeling guilty. If you really want him to be happy, let him spend his money on you. Compromise. You’re still living in survival mode, counting every penny you spend. I get that. But you don’t need to do that anymore and Simon doesn’t see his spending as extravagant. He sees it as normal because he’s become accustomed to being wealthy. Understand?”
Kara stared at Maddie, comprehension dawning slowly. Compromise? Wasn’t that what she had always thought she was doing? But was she really? Had she ever really tried to understand Simon’s side of the money issue? Groaning inwardly, Kara realized that she still never bought anything that wasn’t vital to her survival and she chastised Simon whenever he spent any money on her. For Simon, his gifts had been normal, equivalent to his lifestyle. They may have seemed over the top to her because she had always lived in poverty, but she was starting to see how Simon could interpret her behavior as a rejection.
“How did you ever become so wise when it comes to men?”
Kara asked Maddie, knowing her friend rarely dated and had been raised in several foster homes.
Maddie shrugged. “It’s easy to see as an observer. Harder to recognize when you’re actually emotionally involved. I’ve watched you and Simon for a year now, seen your reaction on your birthday, Christmas, and any other time he gives you something nice. Instead of accepting his gifts with a smile, you chew him out for spending money on you. And I’ve seen his injured looks. He thinks he’s giving you something that will please you and it doesn’t. I think it’s hard on his ego.”
“Oh, God. I’m such a bitch. I didn’t know. I didn’t think about it that way.”
Tears sprung to her eyes. Oh shit, don’t start crying again.
“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re a survivor. Your attitude has gotten you through a lot of challenges in your life. There’s no shame in that. I’m just saying that it’s time to let go of that particular defense mechanism and relax a little. Let Simon give you some nice stuff, take a nice honeymoon. The man has a private jet. Use it.”
Maddie scooped up Kara’s test results from the exam table. “Try to go somewhere other than Disneyworld this time.”
Kara smiled at Maddie weakly. Disneyworld on her spring break was the only vacation Kara had ever allowed Simon to give her. “Hey, I wanted to go to the Magic Kingdom. I’d never been there before. It was wonderful.”
“Save Mickey Mouse for after you have the kid. Let Simon fire up that jet and whisk you away to someplace romantic. There’s plenty of time for family vacations later.”
Kara grinned. “London? Paris? Italy?”
They were all places she’d love to visit, but didn’t think she could ever afford.
Maddie smiled back at her and winked. “Now you’re talking. Think big. Very big. I have a sneaking suspicion that Simon wouldn’t mind a very long honeymoon.”
Kara opened the door and stepped through it, making her way to the front of the clinic with Maddie close behind. Scooping up her jacket from a hook near the reception area, she asked Maddie quietly, “You’re going to have to deal with Sam for my wedding. Are you okay with that?”
Maddie’s spine stiffened visibly as she reached for a file on the reception desk in preparation for her next patient. “Of course, He’s nothing to me.”
Hmm…Kara doubted that. “If you spend some time together, you might discover that he isn’t quite the ogre that you think he is. Maybe he’s matured since you knew him.”
Maddie shot her a doubtful look. “Pleeeze! I do read the newspaper and magazines. The man still has a set of horns underneath those golden curls of his. Don’t hold your breath on that assumption. You might pass out, and it wouldn’t be good for the baby.”
She followed Kara out the door and into the reception area. “Headed for home?”
Kara slipped her arms into her jacket and zipped the front, a mysterious smile on her face. “Shortly. I have some shopping to do first. It is Valentine’s Day. I need to pick something up and hit a few other stores. I had my lucky penny made into a medallion with a men’s gold chain for Simon so he can’t give it back. The jeweler was able to do it without ruining the integrity of the coin.”
The coin collector in Simon would have flinched had she made the rare penny into a piece of jewelry that would destroy the rare coin. “I need to pick it up at the jewelry store.”
“I guess it is Valentine’s Day. I actually forgot,”
Maddie answered, her expression distant and slightly sad.
Kara said her goodbyes and slipped out the front door, sending a silent Valentine wish to Cupid for Maddie to find the extraordinary man that her friend deserved.
Simon paced his computer lab like a caged tiger, knowing the thoughts he was having about Kara leaving him were probably irrational, but he wasn’t exactly feeling levelheaded at the moment. He’d felt better after Sam had left-his brother had talked some sense into his thick head-but after getting a text from Kara telling him that she would be home later than normal, he’d gotten anxious all over again, expecting the worst. He hadn’t been reassured by her responses to his text messages, which had been incredibly vague. The only positive had been the fact that she had sent him a message telling him she loved him.
I love you so much. I’ll be home soon.
Simon stopped pacing long enough to trace the words she had typed in her text message, hoping they would lighten his mood, give him hope. And maybe they would have, but he spotted that damn premarital agreement on his desk out of the corner of his eye, making him grunt with irritation.
Maybe I should have just signed it if it would make her happy. What does it matter? Is a stupid piece of paper really that important? He’d always take care of Kara, regardless of whatever agreement was signed.
Simon snatched up the contract from his desk and flipped the pages. Gritting his teeth, he picked up a pen and signed his name with angry strokes. Slamming the pen on top of the papers, he muttered, “Fine. It’s done. The world isn’t going to end because I signed the stupid thing.”
He was never leaving her, and he’d move heaven and earth to keep her at his side. The damn papers could just rot, collecting dust in some quack attorney’s office, while Simon lived his life with the woman he loved. “I just want her to be happy,”
he whispered fiercely, hoping his signature would end her sadness. Kara’s behavior the last few weeks was making him crazy. His woman was usually so serene, so upbeat and positive, even though life had thrown her a very rough deal. It was hell seeing her beautiful face with anything less than a smile. If the prenup was what she needed to bring her peace, he’d sign a hundred of them. Sure, he might not like the fact that Kara had doubts about them, had thoughts about them someday separating, but he’d do whatever it took to convince her otherwise. Maybe she just needed more time. Kara had given him so much, most importantly her unconditional love and support over the last year. If she could put up with his cranky, irritated, scarred self-most of the time without complaint-he could sign a damn paper for her. “I should have done it before,”
he said quietly, cursing himself for being so argumentative about something so trivial. He knew Kara was sensitive about their differences in financial positions. He’d hoped she would get over it, begin to consider the fact that what was his also belonged to her, but he guessed she just wasn’t there yet.
“Should have done what?”
The husky, feminine voice flowed over him like fine silk, lilting softly behind him.
Simon turned, drinking in the sight of the woman he loved, his heart accelerating. “Should have signed the fucking papers when you wanted me to sign instead of fighting over it,”
he told her in a husky voice, needing desperately to have her in his arms, feel her warm softness against him.
Still in her soft pink scrubs, her sneaker-clad feet padded softly around the desk and picked up the papers, sending the pen that Simon had used to sign the documents rolling across the desk. “You signed them?”
Kara sounded shocked, surprised.
“Yes. I’m sorry for what I said.”
And Simon was sorry. More sorry than he could convey in words, because he’d never been very good with flowery speeches or finding the right words to say to Kara. Honestly, most of the time he was obsessed with his need to possess her, protect her. Tender emotions and sweet words weren’t exactly his forte.
Kara’s gaze flew to his face, scanning his features as though she were looking for something. “Why? I thought you didn’t want this.”
“I don’t.”
He shrugged. “But I want you to be happy. I know the money issue bothers you.”
He speared her with a dark look. “I signed them for you. But you’re still not leaving me. Ever.”
And the papers would never be used or important. They were just a damn poor use of trees as far as Simon was concerned.
Kara’s lips turned up in a small smile. Her eyes never left his as she picked up the agreement and tore the papers in two. And then ripped them again. And again. “You’re right. I’m not leaving you. Not as long as you love me.”
His heart racing, he replied, “That would be as long as I’m still breathing. Why are you doing that?”
he asked, watching her scatter the little pieces of the contract across the desk.
“Because I never should have let money be an issue between us. I’m so sorry, Simon. So very sorry.”
Her voice cracked as she moved quickly around the desk, throwing herself into his arms.
Simon savored the contact, wrapping his arms around her, closing his eyes with relief. He kissed her temple, her cheek, holding her as closely as he could without crushing her. “I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“I hurt you because of my own insecurities. You’ve never let money be a problem in our relationship, and I shouldn’t have either. You were right. I was wrong,”
she murmured quietly against his chest.
Gently, Simon brought Kara’s head to his shoulder, letting her rest comfortably against him. Where she belongs. Where she’ll always belong. “I love you. I just want you to be happy again. You seem so sad. I don’t like it.”
Kara pulled back, but only far enough to look into his eyes. “I’m not sad, Simon. I’m emotional.”
“I’d rather see you be happy emotional than sad emotional,”
he grumbled, kissing the tip of her nose gently.
Cupping his cheek softly in her hand, she answered, “You’re an incredible man, Simon Hudson. Always so worried about my happiness, my safety, so willing to sacrifice for me. I love you so much it scares me sometimes.”
Simon caught her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her palm gently. “I never sacrifice anything for you. I love you. And feel free to love me as much as you want to. You won’t hear me complaining.”
Simon couldn’t hide his grin, knowing he would never get tired of hearing how much she loved him, even if she told him a hundred times a day.
Kara smiled softly. “I spent money today. Your money. Um…I mean our money. And I’ve decided that I need a car. Or maybe an SUV. Something…uh…with more space. And I want a long honeymoon. Can we use the jet?”
“Absolutely. Any place you want to go.”
Thank God. Simon’s grin broadened as he asked her playfully, “Was it painful?”
Kara didn’t even need to ask what he meant. Simon understood her. “Horribly. I started out on the clearance racks, but I couldn’t find anything I wanted there so I had to move to the regular - priced stuff.”
“Ouch.”
God, he loved this woman. “And how did that go?”
“Okay. My hand only shook a tiny bit as I ran my debit card,”
she admitted with chagrin. “I even went to get a manicure and pedicure. I’ve never done that before. It felt…weird…but I wanted to try it.”
Simon laughed as he hugged Kara closer, reminded of just how few luxuries this woman had ever had in her life, how few things she had done that many women did on a regular basis and took for granted. “What did you buy?”
“A few things. And um…a new wardrobe. Bigger clothes.”
Her voice was hushed, nervous.
“Are you planning on gaining weight?”
Not that he cared. She could wear whatever size she wanted, put more meat on her bones. Her curves would be lusher, softer.
“For a while. Oh…hell! I might as well just say it.”
She pulled back and put a hand on each side of his head, Kara’s pensive eyes meeting his still-teasing look. “I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby. That’s the reason I’m so emotional. I feel like my hormones are taking over my brain.”
Simon’s jaw dropped and his face took on an astonished expression as he looked at Kara, his mouth moving, but no sound escaping. Pregnant? She was going to have his baby?
Emotions rolled through him, one after the other.
Fear.
Happiness.
Anxiety.
And a healthy dose of fierce possessiveness.
“How? Why?”
Stupid questions, but they popped out of his mouth anyway, his brain still trying to catch up with his emotions.
Kara burst into tears, large drops rolling down her cheeks as her face contorted with remorse. “I’m sorry. It probably happened when I was sick. I didn’t get enough of the pill in my system because I was vomiting. I should have been more careful. I know you don’t want to be a father right now. But I already love our baby so much.”
Our baby. Our. Baby. His heart slamming against his chest, he pulled her completely against him, rocking her gently. “Shhhh…it will be okay. I…I…oh holy shit. I’m going to be a father.”
Intense joy spiraled through him, making his heart swell until he swore it was going to explode.
“I’m sorry,”
she wailed against his shoulder.
“Please don’t be sorry, sweetheart. It isn’t your fault. Are you ready to be a mother?”
He tripped over the last word, still incredulous that Kara was carrying their child; a baby conceived with so much love that he was ready to burst with pride.
“Yes. I want it so desperately. But I know you don’t. You’ve never wanted to talk about it before except to say you wanted to wait.”
She sniffed and snuggled against him.
“It isn’t that I don’t want our child. I just can’t fucking stand the thought of you being in that much pain, that something might happen to you. It’s dangerous. Women can die in childbirth.”
Hell, he couldn’t stand the thought of Kara being in pain for any reason. He hadn’t realized that he had actually cut her off, unable to cope with the thought of her going through what she would have to suffer to bear his child. He shuddered, still fucking hating those thoughts.
His emotions warred inside his body. He wanted Kara to have his child with a longing so painful that it nearly knocked him on his ass. However, the thought of anything happening to her was making him demented, maniacal. Simon wanted to wrap her in his protection, never let her out of his sight for a moment. Maybe he wouldn’t. Not for a very long time.
“It’s not dangerous, Simon. Women do it every day. Most women say the pain is soon forgotten once they have their child in their arms.”
Her voice was breathless, hopeful. “You don’t mind?”
“I mind, but not in the way that you’re concerned about.”
It bothered him because he couldn’t stop thinking about Kara hurting. And he was going to triple her damn security, whether she liked it or not. His woman was pregnant, which made her even more vulnerable. “I want a girl.”
A beautiful, sweet replica of her mother. “We need to move. Buy a place outside of downtown where she can have a yard. Maybe a dog. Oh hell, whatever makes her happy. And we need to be in a good area with good schools. She’ll be beautiful just like you, so no dating until she’s at least thirty.”
He scowled as he thought about some bastard laying a hand on his daughter.
His heart lifted as Kara laughed, pulling back to smile at him. “I want a boy. A sweet little boy like his daddy.”
“Girl.”
“Boy.”
“Girl,”
he growled.
Kara sighed. “Healthy. I’ll be happy if our baby is just healthy and happy. I don’t really care. He or she will be dearly loved.”
Simon felt his eyes moisten, his happiness almost too much to bear, even though he was fucking losing it about Kara’s safety. “Me, too, baby. I’d love to have either one. I just hope the baby looks like you. I’ll love our child so much and give the baby everything I never had.”
A stable, happy childhood, security, love. “Are you feeling okay? You said you were emotional. Are you sick? We should see the doctor. What else do we need to do? What do you need? Tell me and I’ll get it for you.”
He sounded anxious, desperate. His gut clenched, his protective instincts gnawing at his insides. Kara was pregnant. Simon needed to research the condition immediately, find out what Kara needed to do to stay healthy. Didn’t women need things when they were pregnant, special things? Oh hell, he didn’t know a damn thing about pregnant women, but he needed to change that situation immediately. How could he safeguard Kara when he didn’t have a clue what to do to protect her?
“I need your hot body and some ice cream,”
she answered in a sultry voice. “But first I need a shower.”
“Me? You need me? Should we be doing that?”
Sex was safe when a woman was pregnant, right? Shit, he really had to look that information up immediately.
“Oh yeah. We should be doing it a lot. I’m horny all the time. Hormones,”
she whispered as she gently took his earlobe between her teeth and nibbled.
Christ. He had no control when it came to Kara. His cock throbbed with the need to bury himself inside her welcoming heat. “We should be careful,”