CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
W e started the day at The Duomo, the cathedral at the center of Florence—its heartbeat. That was what Mama called it. She told me once shed visited here with my late grandmother Tessa who’d told her that it was the place to unburden sorrows. She had been younger than me at the time and hadn’t known the hardship that were to come in her life. Had it been her fate? The way Mama told it, I’d believed Grandmother Tessa was psychic, which I wholeheartedly dismissed. Life was pretty cut and dry back then living with her. We’d worked to live another day. But now, as a grown woman about to marry, I sought the same. Coming here with Rocco today I had a chance to let go of my pain.
The doors opened for Mass, and Rocco and I walked inside along with other parishioners. The polished pews and smell of incense was bittersweet. So many times as a child I’d go to a church to feel warm when we had no heat, or to get peace from my father’s wrath. Today, we were here to receive a blessing from Cardinal Torino, who would marry us in just two weeks.
In two weeks, I’d become a Marini. I’d have what I wanted most of all—security for myself and my family.
“Adelina,” Rocco said, and I snapped out of my musings to take a seat next to him near the front. The pews were mostly filled, and the service was soon starting. I wanted to stay present for it, but my mind was heavy with the conversation I had with Mrs. Belfiore early this morning. She’d called me instead of me calling her. I’d been downright upbeat, bubbling to share all that was soon to come….
“I have a final dress fitting today. We’re going for a blessing at Mass in Florence, and then a walk through at the venue—” I babbled.
“That’s standard wedding preparation,” she said dismissively in a clipped tone. “It’s not why I called. Reginald said he told you to give your virginity to Rocco. Did you have sex with him?”
I remembered the heat on my skin, even as I felt a chill run down my spine at her words. She hadn’t asked how I was doing or if I was happy. Just callously disregarded me, and assumed control of my body like she owned it. I detested it, but her and my grandfather still held the cards; Jacob’s care depended on this wedding. So I pushed aside my feelings and told her the truth.
“Uhm, yes, we had sex,” I stammered.
“Hmm, I see. Then I’ll tell you what I told Lorelei all those years ago. There will be no more men that will want to marry you. You will forever be Rocco’s wife and raise his children. As death is the only acceptable reason for divorce in our family—”
“But Mama divorced my father, Judge Colby.”
“He chose to divorce her.”
Another family secret was revealed only when they needed to use it. I’d always wondered how Mama had gotten away from my father. A wave of nausea churned in my stomach, but no one around us at Mass would have known it. I sang the hymn like I was on autopilot despite not having been to church in a long time. It was harder to keep faith when a man like my father could use it to take away your freedom. I’d known better. The Belfiores’ beliefs were imbibed for generations, and they were committed to their values, no matter how outdated. I’d been ready to end the call, telling her I’d see her soon, but she’d had something else to tell me.
“There’s only one man that would still marry you..”
I hadn’t forgotten his name though she’d told me anyway.
“Percy Sterling. He’s the son of Jeb Sterling, an old friend from your grandfather’s Duke University years before he transferred to Yale. Percy’s wealthy and claims he’s religious, but he’s not a good man. If you refuse him, we will have to disown you.”
“You don’t want that, do you?” I asked, my voice catching.
“No, Adelina. I don’t. But I put family duty ahead of my choices. What happened to Lorelei was my fault, my sin. I failed you, too—”
“You didn’t fail me. Rocco’s confident about the marriage. It’s all planned—”
“I know, but I also know life happens in the middle of plans. I’ll pray for you.”
Her voice had wavered, and my heart had swelled as I’d believed she cared.. I’d been sure her iron-armor had broken and my words rushed out in haste. I’d been so eager to say them.
“Thank you, Grandmother.
I’d called her grandmother, but she hadn’t responded. Maybe she hadn’t heard me?
My hand had tightened around the phone, my heart beating hard against my ribs. I…I love you. I love you, grandmother.”
Silence for many seconds. Click. The call disconnected.
It was a cold bucket of water, that hadn’t left me chilled, but burning in shame. Just when I’d thought we’d connected, she’d shut me out. She’d heard me, I was sure of it. How I could expect something different was beyond me. They hadn’t changed, but something had. It was then that it had dawned on me that I was the one who had changed. Being with Rocco here, seeing the laughter, love, and support he had with his family made me think I could have the same.
“Adelina, are you okay?” Rocco said pulling me out of my thoughts.
I nodded and flashed him a quick smile.
The Mass ended and we left our seats for a blessing, sacrament and prayer. I used mine to let go of my sorrow, but also prayed for Rocco. I save one for me, to be strong and endure all that was to come.
Rocco put on classical music and drove us away into the country once we returned to the car to head for the wedding venue. It was another one of his surprises. I was keen to find out where we were going. We passed olive and hazelnut trees and vineyard fields along the winding road and hills before I spotted a sign for Chianti.
“Chianti, we’re getting married in Tuscany,” I announced joyously, clasping my hands.
“Who says were going to stop there?” Rocco said in a monotone.
I peered over at him. His expression was unreadable.
“Rocco,” I sang out.
He broke into a laugh and my heart skipped a beat. The wind picked up, and before I closed the window, I placed my hand out of it to feel the hot breeze, inhaling the sweet scent of flowers and fruit baking in the sun. Rocco once said after the wedding he thought about us moving to Malibu, but if I had a choice, I’d stay right here in Italy. It was the place I felt the most free. Then again, I’d be too far away from Jacob.
The castle came into view before we reached it—a stunning medieval stone magnum opus carved into a hill. It was well maintained, the rectangular and dome towers intact, and surrounded by lush green trees. I was utterly in awe. Rocco stopped at the base and when he clasped my hand, an electrical jolt flared from his touch. I merely thought to glance at him, but our eyes held, and my heart pounded.
“It’s incredibly beautiful,” I said hoarsely.
He smiled. “It’s perfect.”
“Is that why you chose it?” I asked.
“Yes, because it’s the best.”
The best. That’s all he cares about. What things look like, is not how they feel .
I swallowed. “Yeah, it is.”
He let go of my hand and touched my chin. “What’s wrong, Adelina?”
I hid my eyes. “Nothing.” Nothing you want to hear . “I’m…I’m excited, that’s all.”
“No, there’s something else bothering you. Tell me what it is.”
I peered at him through my lashes. “How do you know?”
“I think I know a happy Adelina by now.”
I cocked a brow. “Oh, do you?”
His lips curved upward, and my pulse picked up. “You’re radiant when you’re happy. There’s a pure sweetness to it.”
His praise brought on a spell of its own. I could feel myself wanting to give him what he wanted, but it was my happiness, not his. Was he doing all of this because he wanted to or because it was the best?
I sighed and averted my eyes. “I wish I knew when you are genuinely happy.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked with surprise in his tone. “I usually am.”
I didn’t answer.
He checked his watch. “Our wedding planner is waiting for us.”
“Then let’s not keep him waiting.”
We pulled up in a contemporary parking space, and taking a quick walk across the short bridge, we stepped back in time. A man ahead of us introduced himself as Will our wedding planner, and escorted us to a garden surrounded by the castle’s spires.
“There will be a carpet path with flowers where a platform will be set for your formal blessing and photos with the family,” Will enthused.
He brought us forward to review a row of sketches on easels. There was a drawing of a piano and string quartet along with a couple surrounded by lights and vines of green leaves and flowers. There were rows of chairs for the ceremony. It was all exquisite. We moved to the interior courtyard for our reception, which already had long, cloth covered tables in place with candles and flowers.
“We’ll end the evening with a light show to celebrate before you leave for your honeymoon,” he said. “Have you decided where that will be?”
I glanced at Rocco.
“Maldives,” he announced.
I gave them both a small smile, but inside I was jumping around. Wow .
Rocco’s smile wilted and my stomach knotted.
“Perfect choice,” Will said cheerfully. He motioned us to follow him to the bistro on site.
“The chef’s preparing a sample plate of your planned meal. You are welcome to walk around and explore the castle. We have also set up the medical team with Yarwood Springs so that Mr. Jacob Belfiore can attend.”
My jaw dropped open. “Jacob? My brother is coming to the wedding?”
I turned to Rocco, and he cleared his throat. “Surprise.”
I pressed my hand to my chest to steady my wild beating heart. “He’s getting medical clearance?”
“We hope,” Rocco said. “A local medical team is working with his center. If something changes, we’ll plan for a stream so that he can watch the wedding. I also planned a trip to Poughkeepsie to see him before our honeymoon.”
Happiness filled me up, and I was in absolute shock at what he’d done for Jacob. Yet, I stood there frozen to the spot. My mind so sure he’d only done what appeared perfect, and not done it for me. I’m no one to him. Why do I care?
“Thank you, Rocco,” I said softly, and turned away. Rocco placed his hands on my shoulders that were shaking.
‘“Can you please excuse us, Will?”
“Of course, Mr. Marini. Your sample dinner will be with you when you’re ready. You’re welcome to look around the grounds,” Will said and quickly left.
Rocco turned me around. “Look at me,” he demanded.
I lifted my chin. His blue-eyed gaze shot to mine and locked. A powerful force that commanded attention captured me, and I felt the pull to go to him.
“No,” he said, his eyes shifting over my face, his jaw tightening. He clasped my arms. “Not today.”
I blinked up at him. “What…what do you mean?”
He huffed. “You, Adelina. I’ve never met a woman like you. I…fuck. I keep trying and being patient, and every time I think we’ve gained ground, you shut down and shut me away.”
My pulse sped up and I stumbled over my words. “I don’t shut you away. We…we’ve been…intimate—”
“Yes, we fuck,” he said his voice raising. “That’s when you’re warm and affectionate, and I think we are connecting. Only to later look at me as a stranger and I have to start trying to get you to open up to me all over again.” His hands roughly pushed his hair back. “Fuck, what am I doing? Give me a minute or ten.”
He walked away, and kept going out of the restaurant.
My pulse jumped into my throat as I quickly went after him, catching up with him just as he stepped on the bridge that led to the parked cars. “Wait. Rocco…?”
He stopped and turned back to me. I could see a man at the end of his resolve. He wasn’t going to try anymore. Panic swirled inside of me and tears stung the back of my eyelids. “Let’s talk about it.”
He shook his head and placed his hands on his hips. “About what? I give, and you pull away. I’m a proud man, Adelina. You have no idea how soul-crushing it is for me to have a woman forced into my life.”
“I’m not…I don’t feel forced,” I stammered and stepped towards him, then hesitated.
His eyes narrowed. “But you are, and I hate it. I hate that you’re with me against your will. And that’s why I try to show you a good life every day. That I’m committed to making you happy—”
“That’s the problem,” I cut in, my voice raising. I fisted my hands by my sides. “You’re doing it out of obligation. You’re surprised how it makes you feel—”
“What surprised me, Adelina, was that making you happy made me happy, too,” he grasped my arms. His eyes bore into mine. “Over these past weeks, I have found out that nothing from you comes easily. You’re…self-restrained. And at times, to be honest, I find you friendly, but cold.”
I broke away from him and drew air into my lungs, my hand gripping my stomach, but it was my heart that pained. “You find me cold?” My voice caught, and I swallowed hard.
He opened his mouth but closed it, tightening his jaw. I could see he didn’t want to hurt me, but he meant what he’d said. What had I expected?
The man I’d come to know would not stay in a loveless marriage. He was open, warm, and passionate, but also a man used to getting whatever he wanted. His life was full of support and love. He’d been patient and never stopped trying, but even he had reached his limit. He very well could leave me. He needed a reason to keep trying.
Tears streamed down my face, and I trembled, but I stood my ground and spoke from my heart. “I don’t always say how I feel because I’m afraid. My family had no time for emotions So I learned to hide my feelings, or I’d get hurt.”
He nodded but kept his hands at his sides, not reaching for me. “I get that, Adelina. I know you struggle with expressing your emotions. That’s why I told you I’d try to find ways to bring you happiness. When you are happy, I know it’s real, and that means a lot to me. Your feelings matter to me. Just show me something.” His eyes cast down, and I could feel his pain, his vulnerability. He gave me so much. He needed to know I cared.
“What you did for Jacob means the world to me. It means everything to me. I’m so grateful. I…Rocco. I am happy…here with you. I…I want to stay with you. Give me another chance. Please.” I choked and drew in a shaky breath.
His shoulders rose and fell, and he exhaled heavily. I wasn’t sure, but then he lifted his arms. “Come, Bella.”
I didn’t hesitate and rushed over to him, throwing my arms around his broad shoulders. He wrapped his around my waist and held me tight. “That’s all I want. For you to give me something to keep going.” He lifted me in his arms, kissing my face. Our lips met with hard presses, and our tongues tangled. The air charged with lust, and his kisses were more seductive and intoxicating. His hand lifted my dress, and I wrapped a leg around his leg. He reached down and squeezed my ass. My hand went back and pulled on the thong.
He broke us apart, pulled my dress down, and said roughly, “We’re in public.”
“I need you inside me,” I begged. “Please.”
“Christ,” he said before I rushed down the bridge path to the forest of trees off the path ahead. We stopped, and I tugged off my thong, craving him with a ferocity like nothing I’d had before. My feelings were a broken dam, flooding recklessly. I couldn’t hold back, and Rocco could feel it.
“There you are, Bella.” He was quick on his feet, opening his trousers and lifting me, and roughly pushing his cock inside of me with a loud grunt.
I cried out between choppy breaths, my inner walls gripping him hard as we fucked.
“Bella,” he groaned, shuddering as I clung to him.
I want you, Rocco Marini.
I do.