37. Kate
Chapter Thirty-Seven
KATE
It’s Monday morning, and I could hardly sleep last night. I have another meeting in Midtown with Winslow Lane in about an hour. I’m going to take the collaboration deal and negotiate a fragrance to go with it. I’m just a bundle of nerves. What if they changed their minds since last week and don’t want me anymore?
I change my outfit half a dozen times. Drew doesn’t seem to mind me getting undressed over and over, and can’t seem to keep his hands off me. I want him too but I’m running out of time so I send him to another part of the house.
Finally dressed with my polished proposal in my sleek and stylish briefcase, I wander out to find him. Beautiful piano music finds its way to my ears, and I know exactly where he is. As I make my way to him, I recognize the song—“She’s Got a Way” by Billy Joel. I stop dead in my tracks. That was my dad’s song for my mom.
I remember walking into his home office one day when I was younger. The song played in the background while he sat with his head hanging over a half-empty glass of scotch, and I knew why. His despair was agonizing to witness. I wanted to go to him, make him smile, but I let him be. Let him have his grief.
Even back then I knew that there was nothing that could ever truly soothe the loss of my mother for him. Not even the beautiful, sweet, and funny Lisa Lake. So their marriage eventually ended too, and his sadness seemed to compound. How much heartbreak can a person take?
After an incredible weekend, Drew and I will be separated by an ocean and an entire continent tomorrow when we each fly back to our respective cities. I’ve been trying not to think about it but it’s here.
Drew and I can’t live in this fantasy bubble forever. We have lives to get back to. Lives that don’t include each other. I don’t know what’s going to happen. All I know is I don’t realistically see a way around it. And now, I’m beginning to understand a little of what my dad has felt all these years.
I come into the living room. With the window to his back, the light casts a shadow on Drew’s face. Clouds have rolled in outside. But then he smiles at me, and the room feels bright again. But this time, it doesn’t last.
“You ready for your big meeting?” he asks.
“I hope so,” I say and exhale a long breath.
The music comes to a halt. “What’s the matter?”
This is all going to be over soon and I hate it. But I don’t say that. I just keep my gaze on the floor and say, “Just anxious about this meeting.”
He rises from the piano bench and comes to me with open arms. “I know but it’ll be great. This is going to bring Kate Golden to the masses, and everyone will love you.”
“Maybe,” I say, chewing my lip in thought. I lean on his chest, breathing in his natural scent, which I wish could be bottled and sold just to me. This is the time to stock up.
He kisses the top of my head, and it makes the sweetest sound. “I wish we didn’t have to leave tomorrow.”
“Me neither. But if this deal goes through, I’m going to have so much work to do, and you have that photo shoot in a few days.”
“But we’ll be back here together for the art show next month.”
Is this how it’s going to be? Having these whirlwind romantic weekends when we have time? If I didn’t like the guy so damn much that might be okay. Preferred even. But I already miss him, and he’s literally holding me. I don’t want to miss him. I don’t want to feel any sadness around Drew.
“And then what?” I ask, taking a step back. “We see each other a few more times before you go permanently back to your part of the world and I go off to mine?”
“What?”
“I’m just saying, what are we doing?”
“I’m not sure yet. Truth be told, I never thought a girl like you would ever get involved with a guy like me. This is all new to me. All I know is . . . you make me feel good.”
With his words, a sense of surrender comes over me, and I want to melt into him. I never thought a girl like me could ever make a guy like him feel so good. But what happens when that feeling goes away? “So you want to keep flying back and forth across the world so we can keep sleeping together?”
“No, Kate. This isn’t just about sex,” he says, a glare of anger in his eyes at the suggestion. “I love you, Kate. I’m in love with you.” Drew’s gaze softens with his confession, and my heart takes a fluttery dive into my stomach. I blink, speechless, and breathless. He loves me? No part of me believes this is some kind of play but we’re the same in this way. We don’t fall in love. And we don’t say I love you.
Except he just did.
My heart’s pounding. How do I handle this? “I don’t know what to say.”
He steps into the space between us and takes my trembling hand in his. “Say you love me too.”
Tears surface and puddle in my eyes. My throat is too tight to speak. Is this love? Feeling like you can fly but terrified of the fall? How can I know it’s not just the amazing sex clouding my brain? I have feelings for him, obviously. Big ones. But neither of us knows anything about love. And certainly, neither of us is any good at it. So what are we doing?
“I don’t know how,” I manage to say quietly.
“I thought I didn’t either . . . until you.” Drew caresses my cheek, and I close my eyes feeling a swirl of emotion. Why is this so hard? It should be easy. If this is love or whatever, then the words would just go flying out of my mouth, right?
Then, my phone chimes from inside my bag, and I look at him. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that my ride has arrived and is waiting for me.
“My car’s here. I have to go,” I say, reaching for his neck and feeling the stubble on his cheek. “Can we talk later?” He lowers his gaze and nods. “I’ll be back right after the meeting.” I kiss him one last time but his end feels halfhearted.
Drew just stands in the living room with his hands in his pockets, head hanging low. I chew my bottom lip, wishing I could make it better. But I have to go. So I walk away.
On the ride to Winslow Lane and throughout my meeting, I force myself to focus on my business and forget about Drew. But it seems nearly impossible. Somehow, I manage to make it through, negotiating the deal with all the points I asked for. Finally, the CEO extends a hand and says, “Welcome to the Winslow Lane family.”
I offer a polite smile. I should be over the moon. Between my new line and this collaboration deal, I may have single-handedly saved my lingerie brand. And without the help of some slimy VC. I’m happy about the deal. Thrilled even. But all of that’s on pause until I get back to Drew.
I hurry to hail a cab and head back Downtown. Finally, I arrive and race into the house. I just need to see him. Touch him. “Drew!” I call, shutting the front door behind me. No response. Where is he? I venture into every area of the house calling his name but there’s no sign of him. Maybe he went for a walk. Up and up the stairs, passing my father’s art collection, I spy something new. Something I haven’t seen before. In the once-empty spot reserved for Drew.
It’s a framed photo of me. In London. In black and white, except for my dress in a beautiful, vibrant red. It’s the dress I was wearing when I ran into Drew at my store. The day he took me to fix my phone and to the art store. I haven’t seen this one before. It’s the only color I’ve ever seen in his artistic photographs.
Tucked in the corner of the frame is a folded piece of paper. A note.
I loved our time together. I’ll never forget it. I’m leaving for London. It’s for the best. I hope you get everything you want.
—Drew
He left? Without saying goodbye? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I race to my phone and call him but it goes straight to voicemail. So I try again and again but it never rings. I read his note over and over until it finally sinks in. It’s over. The end of my London love affair.
His absence becomes so palpable that it hurts like hell. I fall to my knees, sobbing a swamp of murky tears. He’s gone. What have I done?