Chapter 17
The kitchen suddenly felt too small.
Too warm.
Too quiet.
Dhruv still stood impossibly close to me.
One hand around my waist to keep me steady.
Dark eyes locked onto mine.
And my stupid drunk heart?
Absolutely losing its mind.
I should move away.
Definitely.
Immediately.
Instead,
I kept staring at him.
Because for the first time since marrying him,
Dhruv wasn't hiding completely tonight.
The walls were still there.
But cracked.
And somehow that felt more dangerous than his coldness ever had.
His thumb shifted slightly against my waist.
Barely a movement.
Still enough to send warmth straight through me.
The wine in my system made everything worse.
Or better.
Honestly unclear.
Dhruv looked down at me carefully.
Like I was unpredictable right now.
Fair.
Then quietly,
"You should sleep."
I frowned instantly.
"No."
His eyebrow lifted slightly.
"No?"
"You always end conversations when they get emotional."
Silence.
His jaw tightened faintly.
Which obviously meant I was correct.
I pointed at him accusingly again.
"See?"
Dhruv sighed softly.
The sound weirdly tired.
"You're drunk."
"And you're avoiding."
The room fell quiet again.
Rain tapped softly against the windows outside.
My heartbeat felt way too loud.
Dhruv stared at me for a long moment before speaking again.
"What exactly do you want me to say?"
The question came low.
Real.
And suddenly,
I didn't know.
Because honestly?
What did I want?
An explanation?
A confession?
Proof that I mattered?
My chest tightened unexpectedly.
The alcohol had loosened every emotion I'd been hiding from myself.
Which was honestly horrible timing.
I looked up at him quietly.
Then softly...
"I don't know."
And God.
Something about my voice completely changed his expression.
The amusement disappeared fully now.
Leaving behind something darker.
More intense.
Dhruv's eyes slowly searched my face again.
Like he was trying to understand something.
Or stop himself from understanding it.
Then quietly,
"You should stop looking at me like that."
My breath caught slightly.
"Like what?"
His jaw tightened.
"Like I matter too much."
The words hit straight into my chest.
Because somehow,
That sentence sounded less like arrogance and more like fear.
Like he genuinely didn't trust what this was becoming.
I swallowed softly.
The room suddenly felt unbearably intimate.
And maybe it was the alcohol.
Maybe the loneliness.
Maybe the way he'd looked terrified after I got shot.
Maybe the way he'd stayed home for days without leaving.
Maybe the way he kept watching me like losing me had shaken something loose inside him.
Or maybe,
Maybe I was simply tired of pretending none of it affected me.
Because before I could think properly,
I moved.
My fingers grabbed the front of his black t-shirt lightly.
And then,
I kissed him.
Silence.
Actual silence.
The world stopped instantly.
My lips pressed softly against his.
Warm.
Careful.
But bold in a way sober me would literally never survive.
For one horrifying second,
Dhruv didn't move at all.
Nothing.
Completely frozen.
Like his brain had stopped functioning.
And honestly?
Same.
Because OH MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST DO?!
The kiss lasted barely two seconds before reality punched me violently.
I pulled back immediately.
Eyes widening.
My soul ascending toward heaven.
"I.."
No words.
None.
Dhruv stared at me like I'd just shattered the laws of physics.
His hand around my waist had gone completely still.
His dark eyes locked onto mine intensely.
Unreadable.
Dangerously unreadable.
The entire kitchen felt frozen in time.
I panicked instantly.
"Oh my God."
I covered my face with my hand.
"I am so sorry."
Silence.
"I don't know why I did that."
Still silence.
"I mean I do know why but also I don't because the wine.."
"Riya."
His voice came rough suddenly.
Deep.
And it shut me up immediately.
I slowly lowered my hand from my face.
Big mistake.
Because the look on Dhruv's face absolutely destroyed my remaining sanity.
He looked shaken.
Actually shaken.
Not angry.
Not cold.
Worse.
Affected.
His gaze dropped briefly toward my lips.
Then back to my eyes.
And the tension in the room became unbearable instantly.
My heartbeat slammed against my ribs.
Dhruv swallowed once slowly.
Like he was trying very hard to regain control over himself.
Then finally,
Very quietly,
"You kissed me."
Oh God hearing it aloud made it worse.
I looked away immediately.
"I'm drunk."
The second those words left my mouth,
Something changed in his expression.
Sharply.
His jaw tightened instantly.
And suddenly...
Dhruv stepped back.
Not far.
But enough.
Like distance had become necessary again.
The movement hurt unexpectedly.
His hand dropped from my waist slowly.
And without his touch,
The kitchen suddenly felt cold.
Dhruv ran a hand through his hair roughly before laughing once under his breath.
A frustrated sound.
At himself maybe.
Then finally,
"You should sleep."
Again.
Walls back up.
Control back.
The rejection hit harder than expected.
Even though technically,
He hadn't rejected me.
Still,
Embarrassment flooded me instantly.
Of course.
Of course Dhruv wouldn't feel the same.
What was I even expecting?
I forced a tiny awkward laugh.
"Right."
My chest suddenly hurt horribly.
Not physically.
Something worse.
I stepped back quickly.
Avoiding his eyes now.
"Forget it happened."
Silence.
I continued softly.
"I was drunk."
The atmosphere shifted strangely after that sentence.
Because suddenly,
Dhruv looked angry.
Not at me.
At the sentence itself.
His eyes darkened sharply.
And before I could process anything,
He moved.
Fast.
One second there was distance.
The next,
Dhruv was right in front of me again.
My breath caught.
His hand gripped the kitchen counter beside me tightly.
Trapping me between him and the marble.
Dark eyes burning into mine now.
Intense enough to destroy rational thought completely.
And when he finally spoke,
His voice came low.
Dangerously low.
"That's the problem."
My heartbeat stumbled violently.
Because somehow,
That didn't sound like rejection at all.
My breath caught instantly.
Dhruv stood impossibly close now.
One hand braced against the kitchen counter beside me.
The other resting near my waist without touching.
Not touching.
But close enough that I could feel the warmth of him anyway.
And those eyes,
God.
I'd never seen his eyes look like this before.
Not cold.
Not calm.
Burning.
Like he was holding himself back with the last thread of self-control.
The kitchen suddenly felt too hot.
Too quiet.
My heartbeat thundered painfully in my ears.
I swallowed softly.
"W-What problem?"
Dhruv stared at me for one long dangerous second.
Then laughed quietly under his breath.
Not amused.
Frustrated.
At himself.
At me.
At whatever this was becoming.
"The fact that you're drunk," he said finally.
His voice came rough.
Low.
Controlled with visible effort.
I blinked slowly.
Still too close.
Still unable to breathe normally.
"And?"
His jaw tightened sharply.
"And if you were sober..."
He stopped.
Eyes dropping briefly toward my lips again.
My entire nervous system short-circuited instantly.
Then his gaze lifted back to mine.
"And if you were sober, I would've kissed you back."
Silence.
Actual devastating silence.
The world genuinely stopped moving.
My heart skipped so violently it almost hurt.
Because no matter how many times I'd imagined Dhruv saying something emotional,
Nothing could've prepared me for hearing it in that voice.
Raw.
Honest.
Barely restrained.
I stared at him speechlessly.
Dhruv closed his eyes briefly like he'd already revealed too much.
Then muttered under his breath:
"Fuck."
My brain officially stopped functioning.
Because DHURV MALHOTRA...the man who treated feelings like contagious diseases...had just admitted he wanted to kiss me back.
The realization itself felt unreal.
I looked up at him slowly.
And suddenly all my nervousness disappeared beneath something softer.
Something terrifyingly hopeful.
His eyes opened again.
Immediately finding mine.
And the second he saw my expression,
Something in his own face shifted dangerously.
Because maybe he realized exactly what he'd just done.
What he'd admitted.
The walls were gone now.
At least for tonight.
I spoke quietly.
"You mean that?"
Silence.
Then finally,
"That's the worst part."
My chest tightened painfully.
Dhruv laughed bitterly again before stepping back abruptly.
Like distance had suddenly become necessary for survival.
He turned away sharply, dragging a hand through his hair.
Frustration radiated off him now.
"You should never have kissed me tonight."
The sentence hit unexpectedly hard.
My stomach dropped slightly.
"Oh."
Dhruv immediately turned back.
And the moment he saw my face,
His expression darkened.
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean?"
My voice came softer now.
More vulnerable than intended.
Dhruv stared at me silently for a moment before speaking again.
Carefully this time.
Like choosing words he wasn't used to saying.
"You kissed me while drunk."
Another pause.
"And I almost forgot every reason I shouldn't want this."
The room fell completely silent.
Because somehow,
That sounded more intimate than a love confession.
My heartbeat became uneven again.
I looked down briefly.
"Why shouldn't you want this?"
There it was.
The real question.
The dangerous one.
Dhruv didn't answer immediately.
His jaw tightened.
Eyes unreadable again.
Then finally,
"Because I know how this ends."
I frowned softly.
"What does that mean?"
He looked away toward the rain-covered windows.
And suddenly,
For the first time,
Dhruv Malhotra looked tired.
Not physically.
Emotionally.
Like a man carrying something heavy for too long.
"I spent my entire life watching people destroy themselves over emotions."
His voice came quieter now.
Less guarded.
"My father loved too much."
Silence.
"And when he died, everyone else broke with him."
Something in my chest ached hearing that.
Because suddenly,
I understood a little more.
Why he hated attachment.
Why he feared feelings like weakness.
Dhruv looked back at me slowly.
Dark eyes intense again.
"I built my life around control, Riya."
Another step closer.
"And then you walked into it."
My breath caught.
His gaze searched my face slowly.
"And now I don't know what the hell I'm becoming around you."
The honesty in that sentence completely destroyed me.
Because this wasn't smooth romance.
This was worse.
Real.
Messy.
Terrifying.
I stepped toward him slowly.
Careful because of my shoulder.
And for the first time,
Dhruv didn't move away.
I stopped directly in front of him.
Close enough to hear his breathing.
Then softly,
"You don't have to be scared of me."
Something flickered sharply across his face.
Pain almost.
Then quietly,
"I'm not scared of you."
Silence.
His eyes locked onto mine intensely.
"I'm scared of what I'd do if I stopped holding myself back."
Oh.
Oh.
The tension in the room became unbearable instantly.
My heartbeat pounded so hard it felt impossible he couldn't hear it.
Dhruv's gaze dropped briefly toward my lips again.
And this time,
He didn't look away quickly.
The atmosphere shifted dangerously.
Slowly.
He lifted one hand carefully toward my face.
Giving me enough time to move away.
I didn't.
His fingers brushed softly against my cheek.
Gentle.
So gentle it hurt.
Like even touching me mattered too much.
I looked up at him quietly.
And for one horrible beautiful second..
I thought he was finally going to kiss me.
Dhruv leaned down slightly.
Close enough that his breath brushed against my lips.
My eyes fluttered shut instinctively.
But then,
Nothing.
Silence.
I slowly opened my eyes again.
And immediately saw it.
Conflict.
Violent conflict in his expression.
Like every instinct inside him was fighting itself.
Then suddenly,
Dhruv stepped back again.
Hard.
Like he'd physically forced himself away.
His jaw clenched sharply.
"Go sleep, Riya."
The sentence came strained.
Almost painful.
I stared at him silently.
Because despite the distance,
Despite the restraint,
I finally understood something tonight.
Dhruv wasn't avoiding me because he felt nothing.
He was avoiding me because he felt too much.