CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I shifted my legs on the seat and fidgeted with my phone. My eyes flicked over to Rocco, taking business calls on the ride back to the loft. Since he mentioned we needed to talk, he didn’t hold my hand and averted his eyes when I tried to meet them. These were little things, but for a man who spoiled me with attention and affection, it left me cold. He still planned on a honeymoon, and that put me somewhat at ease. It meant whatever he wanted to talk about wasn’t as bad as I imagined.
Still, my mind raced with possibilities. Had Rocco learned of something else in Luca’s will? Or did I do something wrong, and he’s upset? My thoughts ravaged wild in my head, leaving an uneasy fear in my stomach.
Relief came when I spotted the turn for the airport, and we drove to the plane to board our flight back to New York City. However, Rocco spent most of the ride with Zane at the back of the plane. And even though the return flight was less than an hour, it felt longer alone. I tried to stay busy reading a book, but my focus wasn’t on it, and I gave up.
When we finally landed, we all exited to the waiting car on the tarmac. Still, Rocco remained preoccupied. He made calls, and I could only sit and wait. While the flight felt long, the drive back to the West Village loft was the opposite. It came to an end faster than I expected. After what seemed like minutes, we were already driving through Tribeca traffic, heading home. We reached the parking lot, and I took Rocco’s hand, closing my fingers tight around his.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“I’m…Let’s go inside.” He gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and my pulse sped up.
“Uhm…where do you want to talk?” I croaked.
“Let’s go to the bedroom.”
His invitations to bed were usually sensual and would bring on heat to my skin, but his tone was flat, and I merely nodded.
We went up the stairs to the primary bedroom. My hands moved over my arms to rub warmth into them, and I took a seat at the bottom edge of the bed.
He glimpsed me, then hesitated. “You should lay down.”
I raised a brow. “Why?”
“I’d prefer you’re comfortable with what we have to discuss.”
I bristled and peered at him through my lashes. “Why are you being so mysterious?”
His head tilted downward, and his hands went to his hips. “I don’t mean to be. I want to give this conversation the attention and time it deserves.”
I was too anxious to argue, and removed my shoes. Rocco put them on a shelf as I lay down. Then he sat on a chair facing me. He was silent for a minute, then let out a deep sigh, splaying his hands on his thighs before he spoke. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Start with why you’re making me freak out,” I half-joked.
He flicked his eyes to me and exhaled. “Fair enough…Let me start from where it all started for me. It was a week before I met you. I’d gone to Westchester to visit my grandfather. We walked on the beach…he called it your beach.”
I propped myself up on my elbow. “It’s nice of you to set the scene, but just tell me what upset you.”
Rocco smiled wistfully. “I like how you prefer things direct. Cut to the chase: Grandpa told me about his past arranged marriage to your grandmother. How his father received a lucrative offer from Otto Esposito to marry his daughter, Aurora, instead. He refused, and received an ultimatum. He agree to the change or give up his inheritance and family. He chose Constance because he loved her.”
I cast my eyes down, touching the raised embroidery on the duvet. “I know. My grandmother loved him but said she didn’t want to be poor.”
He scoffed. “My grandfather wouldn’t have exactly been poor, but he wouldn’t be as wealthy as his family.”
I flicked my gaze at him. “Status matters to her as much as money. He must have known she’d never agree to come between him and his family.”
“My grandfather wouldn’t have listened anyway. He said he was an immature, romantic dreamer. He couldn’t see beyond what he wanted. He regretted it and thought himself an idealistic fool.”
I grinned. “Yeah, he still was idealistic, but I loved that about him.” It’s something I like very much about you, too. “But, come on, Rocco. None of that’s new. They both married someone else. That’s history.”
Rocco came and sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s not that simple, Adelina. Grandpa crawled back and begged my grandfather to let him back in the family.” Rocco’s voice was full of disgust.
I understood why Rocco thought doing so was terrible. He had a lot of pride, and the idea that his grandfather had to beg embarrassed him. But Mama and I begged for money and shelter at social services. Mama crawled back to her parents, too, like his grandfather. Even grandmother believes Luca made the right decision to return to his family.
I lifted my shoulders. “So, he ultimately chose himself. That doesn’t surprise me. Grandmother loves my grandfather. Luca told me that he fell in love with your grandmother in Italy. It all worked out.”
His face narrowed. “Constance did more than that. She married his enemy, Reginald Belfiore. The one man he hated more than anyone else, and she knew it.”
I snorted. “What kind of choice did Luca think my grandmother had? It’s easy to criticize her when she had to do what her family told her.”
Rocco tutted and wagged his finger. “ è passione , It’s passion, Adelina. It doesn’t always come with reason. All he could see was his Constance with the man who treated him like he wasn’t good enough because he worked a real job. He couldn’t get over it. He set out to punish them and get his revenge.”
Rocco stopped speaking to talk to Maggie, who brought in a tray of tea and water. He offered me some, but I shook my head, and he opened the water and drained most of it.
I moved the pillows to prop myself up and crossed my ankles. We thanked her, and she left.
I sat taller, tensing. “Why are we talking about this now? It’s over. Love wasn’t enough. She needed family and stability. They were both under pressure, but she had little choice. So let’s leave the past in the past.”
“I wish we could, but it didn’t end there,” he said, frowning, rubbing his jaw. “He saw the great love of his life in the arms of the guy keeping him out of society. He couldn’t take it and bided his time until he heard about your father, Judge Colby.”
I pressed my lips together and crossed my arms.
Rocco continued. “Everyone knew Eric Colby was a conman who took bribes and made shady deals. But he had some power in the courts.”
I pursed my lips. “My father’s a useful idiot. So? He left his job when I was young—”
“He left because he got his big dream, to become a poet, but it wasn’t that simple. Grandfather helped him become rich, giving him good investments and loans. He was a rising star in the courts with money. Just the kind of man your grandfather admired. When your grandfather took the bait and arranged a marriage for his daughter, your mother Lorelei, he offered to publish his poetry.”
Bile rose in my throat, and I covered my mouth. The papers left for me in Italy were real. Mr. Marini gave my father a literary contract.
“Your grandfather hadn’t expected that your father never wanted to be a judge. He gambled the money he made and quit his job. And your grandfather almost got rid of him, but—”
“Mama fell in love with him,” I snapped. “So Mr. Marini helped my father while he blackmailed my grandparents. He beat my mother, neglected my brother, and…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “He hurt…he hurt.” Assaulted me. “When did his conscience kick in?” My voice filled the room. My skin itched with prickled heat and sweat. I scratched hard, clawing at my arms and throat vigorously.
“Adelina, what are you doing?”Rocco’s voice raised. He reached his hand over and tugged my arm, but I swatted it away.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed.
His jaw tightened, and he went quiet. The tension between us grew because I knew he wanted to take me in his arms, but he wouldn’t because he also needed me to feel safe. I could also see the wheels turning, and they were bad. There was more, much more for him to tell me. I was sure of it; it was my chance to know the truth. “Please, tell me the rest.”
Rocco’s eyes widened, and his jaw clenched. “Grandpa…He told me he never cared to know the details, only that he was happy when Reginald sold his property or sent money to cover loans he bought that your father defaulted on—like the property your family had sold. But he finally saw your father for who he was. He pushed for him to stay in jail and dry out. Get some anger management counseling.”
I clenched my jaw. “Judge Colby was released and went right back to it.”
His head fell forward. “Grandpa said you and your mom left the state. He thought you got away and were starting over. It’s not an excuse, but he changed once he found out about your father’s domestic violence and trying to sell you. He even got involved in a sting with the police. But the little girl was arrested the night it was to happen, and her grandparents stepped in. He vowed to change his life and promised to become a better man. He hadn’t expected to meet you….”
That little girl was me stopping on the beach that fateful night.
Resilience is your superpower, Adelina. Luca told me.
I rapidly shook my head. “No, Luca was just as guilty. He knew about my father’s drugs, his gambling addictions and that he had a family. But he didn’t care. I can’t believe he was so…so vicious.”
I rushed off the bed and went to the bathroom to vomit. Rocco came in, ran water in the sink, and handed me a damp towel, which I used to cool my skin. But I couldn’t look at him.
“I told my grandfather that I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive him and that he should tell you the truth.”
I rinsed my mouth and lowered my head, unwilling to look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes, I’d go months without looking at myself when we lived with my father. “He tried to tell me that night at dinner but didn’t.”
“He couldn’t because you looked at him with pure love and adoration. He selfishly wanted to take that to his grave.”
Rocco touched my arms, and I bristled, moving out of his grasp. “Please, just leave me alone.”
I walked past him back to the bed and stretched on my side, facing away from him.
A few seconds later, I felt a dip in the mattress.
“Why tell me now? Huh, Rocco?” I sobbed. Things were good between us, really good. And for the first time in my life, I felt genuinely happy.
“I told you the truth because you deserved it. As a Marini and my wife, there can’t be secrets between us…Grandpa had changed; he was happy these last eight years—more than I had ever seen him. You woke him up and made him realize he’d become a monster. He wanted to atone and become a better man…He couldn’t bear you not loving him. So, he left that to me.” His tone was bitter.
“I don’t know what to think; I just need you to leave me alone,” my voice cracked. It wasn’t Rocco’s fault that his grandfather had done such heinous things, and part of me was grateful that Luca had changed once he met me. But the pain in my heart, knowing someone I’d loved had been so callous? Had put both Mama, Jacob and me in the path of a true monster? There were no words for the deep anger I felt within me. If Rocco had known all of this, had he married me out of sympathy? I hated being a pawn in another man’s plan, but I hated unwarranted sympathy more.
“What is real between us? What do we even know about each other?” I murmured.
Was he doing everything out of guilt to atone for his grandfather?
“Look at me, Adelina,” he demanded.
I glanced his way, and our gazes locked, his blatantly full of sorrow.
“My gut instinct has never failed me. It tells me you’re right for me. I also know you, Adelina. I know you’re the sweet, gentle, and kind woman I’ve come to adore. You’re talented, guarded, and stubborn. I love how you become willful when opposed and practical when things get rough. I like that I can tell you things, and you don’t fall apart or make it an emotional issue. The way you didn’t let my father’s bullshit get to you—”
“He told you?” I said, but of course he had.
A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. “He told me, and I told him never to try that again. But you, Adelina. I love that you stood up to him. Some would have fallen apart or cried, but you told him and everyone else you weren’t divorcing me. That’s what I need, and you give me that, your strength, your resilience, and your heart…You’re the woman who clings to me in the dark and gives her body so passionately to me in the light.”
I swallowed, my heart hammering in my chest. Rocco had seen more than I knew, making me want to trust him, but how could I believe in any of it? “But it’s…it’s not real.”
His jaw sharpened. “Our passion is real.Our feelings are real. Damn it, why else were you willing to sacrifice your future or even have a baby for me?How could I not be taken up by a woman with your fortitude? That’s who you are, Bella. You’re mine.”
“And who are you to me?” I closed my eyes. It was as if I was inside out. My feelings were too exposed and too raw. He saw me in a way no one had. But what did it all mean? Had he true feelings for me? Did I know the real Rocco? I thought I knew the real Luca.
“I am not a man who hides my feelings; I know what I feel for you, Bella. You’re in here. Look at me, please.”
I swallowed and lifted my head.
He touched his heart, and mine contracted. Tears stung the back of my eyes.
“Nothing worth anything comes easy. I’m getting love from you, Adelina. However long it takes. I want love between us. That’s why we will always be honest and real with each other. I want to know what hurts so I can heal it. I want your past so I can be your future. However long it takes. You’re mine, my wife, and I’m not letting you go. And I swear on my life, I’d kill anyone that hurts you.” His voice had strength and determination.
My gut instinct has never failed me. It tells me you’re right for me. I like that I can tell you things, and you don’t fall apart or make it an emotional issue. The way you didn’t let my father’s bullshit get to you…
“I love that you stood up to him. Some would have fallen apart or cried, but you told him and everyone else you weren’t divorcing me. That’s what I need, and you give me that, your strength, your resilience, and your heart….”
Rocco said all I’d hoped to hear from the man I had grown to care so much for. But he was also his grandfather’s pawn, forcing him to live the life denied him.
“I want to believe you, Rocco. But, once again I feel as though I’ve been duped.” Again. It feels like every man in my life has lied to me, used me as their pawn, and abused me either emotionally or physically. Now, even Rocco falls into that category. I knew the root of my distrust in men stemmed from Judge Colby, but what else did I need to suffer at their hands? I wanted what Rocco claimed he wanted, but I just wasn’t sure I could cope with another man manipulating me.
“How can I trust you?” I whispered, glaring at him.
He sat still, calm, but didn’t say another word.
I turned over away from him. “I need to be alone, Rocco. Please…just go.”
“I’ll leave, not because I want to. All I want to do is hold you and take that pain away that I brought.
‘However, I understand you’ll need time. I’m here for whatever you need.”
I swallowed hard but didn’t respond.
A few minutes later, I heard the door click close.