The Bind

27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Colter

“B aby, fuck.”

I slam my fist down on the top of my desk, not caring how loud the rattle is.

I can practically hear Annaliese’s smirk from where she kneels underneath my desk. She wraps her fist around the base of my cock as her wicked tongue moves, and there are only a few more seconds left before I combust.

“You’re going to pay for this tonight, sweetheart.” She increases her speed, her free hand coming to squeeze my balls as if to say “I look forward to it,” and that’s all it takes.

I groan, hips bucking out of my chair as I spill down her throat, and I can feel her working to swallow each drop, the knowledge of that causing the aftereffects of my orgasm to linger.

Once I’m spent, I let my head fall back to rest on the back of my chair. I don’t even have the energy to pull my scrub pants up, but I push my chair back just enough to reach for Annaliese. With a tug on her biceps, I pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her.

“You are a wicked, wicked woman,” I murmur against her hair. She hums in agreement, clearly satisfied with herself.

“A wicked woman who just crawled under your desk to suck your dick.”

With her legs straddling my hips and the dirty words on her lips, my body starts to beg for more.

I clasp the sides of her face with my hands, bringing her in to kiss her lips. “Like I said,” brushing my words against her mouth, “wicked.” I open my mouth to add, “But I love it. And I love you.” But I catch myself.

I’ve never told a woman that I love her, and come to think of it, I’ve never said it to Richard, to my cousin, or anyone. Maybe I told my mom when I was a little kid, but the memories are too foggy.

Not the right time, I tell myself. I won’t tell her I love her right after she sucked me off. I don’t want her to think it was just because of the heat of the moment. I want her to know that with every ounce of my core, with every breath in my body, I do love her. I love her strength, her veracity, and her compassion that defines everything she does. There’s only one more thing holding us back, and it’s time I do something about that.

“We should tell your dad about us.” I kiss her twice more, reaching down to grasp her hand in mine and lace our fingers together. “Fuck it. He’s going to hate us either way, Annie. Let’s march down to his office right now and rip the bandaid off.” We’ve analyzed the inevitable conversation that needs to happen with Richard. I haven’t come across a single scenario where he’s excited, or even indifferent, about the thought of us being together.

But delaying the inevitable won’t change the way he feels, and I’m sick of keeping us a secret.

A smile slowly spreads across her face as her eyes light up.

She leans back a hair and her eyes catch mine. “You’re serious?”

I use the grip on her hand to pull her to me, her chest slamming into mine as I crash my mouth into hers with a hard kiss. “Dead serious. We know he’s going to be pissed, why put it off any longer than we already have?” The sooner Richard knows about us, the sooner we can work through his anger.

But once he knows, that means that we can make this public. And I can show her off to the world as my girlfriend.

She pulls her hand from my grip to throw her arms around my neck, kissing me with such fervor. I smile into her kiss as my hands meet behind her back to fall down to her ass, squeezing possessively.

When she pulls back, I reach a hand up to smooth her mocha hair over her shoulder. “Is that a yes?”

She nods, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. “Yes. Let’s do it. Oh God, I’m nervous.”

She slides off my lap, and I pull my pants up, adjusting the tie and running my hands through my hair so that when I come face-to-face with Richard, it doesn’t look like his daughter was just on her knees for me. Annie does the same, twisting her hair up into a messy bun and brushing the wrinkles from her scrubs.

Grabbing my laptop bag from my desk, I sling it over my shoulder as I guide her to the door. “I’ll be with you every step. It'll be okay. No matter what his reaction is, just remember we’re in this together.”

She nods. “You’re right. He’s my dad for Christ’s sake, and practically yours, as weird as that is to say. He has to hear us out. We’ll be fine, right?” She reaches for my hand, and I grab it, firmly clasping our fingers together.

“We will be absolutely fine.”

She looks around the room before cursing. “I need to grab my purse from the locker room.”

“Want me to wait for you?”

She pauses for a second to think, then shakes her head. “No, you can go there now, maybe soften the blow for us. I’ll be two minutes behind you.”

With my hand on the doorknob, I pause, turning around to stare down at her, my gaze lingering until she looks back up at me, smiling. “What?”

I love you , I almost tell her again. I’m so in love with you that I’m giddy inside. But I bite my tongue. I’ll tell her tonight, once we are alone. When our relationship is out in the open and she doesn’t have the gut-churning anxiety of wondering what her dad will think of us. I’ll tell her when I can then pull her into my bed and have her under me all night long.

“Nothing, just thinking how beautiful you are.” I lean down and kiss her forehead as she rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, you go and I’ll meet you there.”

I open the door, ushering for her to go first. Once she reaches the corner of the hall, she spins around, mouthing the words “good luck” to me, and presses a kiss to her palm before waving to me as she disappears around the corner. With a heavy exhale, I turn in the opposite direction to head the few doors down to Richard’s office.

It’s only when his door is within sight that the nerves finally strike. I doubt he’s the type of man who would be excited with his daughter dating anyone. He likely has high expectations of the man she should marry, but Richard and I have a strong relationship.

Hell, he’s been the only real father figure in my life for the last fifteen years. He’s trusted me as a friend and a colleague. He’s confided in me about Annaliese, about his ex-wife, about the stressors he faces as Chief. He’s referred to me as his son, so I’d like to think that means he respects me as a man, and that he’ll accept the fact that I’ve fallen in love with his daughter. I can prove to him that I love her and that I respect her. That’s got to be enough for any father to hear.

I raise a shaking hand and knock twice on the door, pausing to hear his response before entering.

He smiles when he looks up to see me, closing the file folder on his desk and adding it to the stack on his left. “Colter.” He pauses to look at the clock. “What are you still doing here so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing, sir.” I drop my bag on the chair in front of me, opting to stand behind it. My hands come forward to grip the backrest, squeezing so hard my knuckles blanch.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this nervous. Not for my MCAT, not for boards, not for my first incision as a green resident. But in this moment, all of that seems superficial compared to what I have with Annie.

Richard pulls his glasses off, using his free hand to rub slow circles over his eyes. “A lot on my mind these days, I guess.”

“Care to share?”

He continues rubbing his eyes for a moment before he shakes his head and puts his glasses back on. “Bureaucratic bullshit, it’s fine. So what brings you in, son?”

I take a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about Annaliese.”

Richard’s face remains impassive, and I take that as my opportunity to continue.

“As I’m sure you know, she’s an incredible woman. I’ve been able to watch her grow as a person and surgeon over these last six months, and I admire her more each day.”

“I do know that,” he drawls. “She’s my daughter, remember.”

He says the last sentence slowly, methodically, as if he senses where this is going and is reminding me of my place.

I nod in agreement. “Let me just preface what I’m about to say with this—I have an incredible amount of respect for you, Richard. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or anyone you care about, and that includes Annie.”

Her nickname slips out of my mouth, and I can see the moment realization crosses his face. He leans back, arms crossed over his chest, and the temperature in the room plummets at his stare.

I open my mouth to continue, but he raises a hand to silence me. “Let me stop you right there, Dr. Andrews.” My blood stills at his use of my professional name.

“I have a very specific plan in line for my Annaliese. It doesn’t include her going back overseas and wasting her time and energy on childish endeavors, but it also doesn’t include staying here and making surgery her entire life, both professionally and personally.” His eyes bore into me with every word, punctuating their meaning. “And I have ways of getting exactly what I want.”

I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest. His words begin to process in my mind. He doesn’t need to come out and directly tell me what he means. I’d be foolish to think his wishes have changed. Even with my recommendation, he still wants her to quit surgery and move back to the city permanently. He likely wants to see her settle down with someone who is the opposite of me. Someone who works a standard nine-to-five job, who will be home nights and weekends, and who wishes to live in a comfortable house in the suburbs. He wants someone who will bow down to him as a father-in-law. He may call me his son, and he may be considering me to be his replacement for Chief of Surgery. He’d trust me with his own life on the OR table, but his words are clear—he doesn’t see me fit to be with his daughter.

“As her father, I think you need to consider what she wants for her life. She’s an adult, Richard.” His eyes flare at my obvious defiance. “If she wants to finish her residency with Compassion Cruises, it’s her choice. She also has the freedom to be with whoever makes her happy. And,” I pause, adjusting my stance and placing my hands on my hips. “The man she wants to be with is a man that supports her decision to continue on with her previous residency, even if it means she’ll be overseas, away from us.”

I school my breathing, making sure to appear calm and confident in front of Richard now that it’s all out in the open. It may have been obvious these last few months that I’ve been changed from the asshole who was tasked to sabotage her career, to the man encouraging her to grow. Richard hadn’t outright seen it, but his questions had changed and his assessing glare became more prominent.

He leans back in his chair, pulling a silk square from his pocket and taking his glasses from his face. He rubs the lens of his glasses in painstakingly slow circles, the process taking so long the awkward silence grows in the room. Eventually, a nearly sinister smile crosses his face. He puts his glasses back on, and neatly folds the square before returning it to his pocket.

He scoots his chair back to bring his legs up to rest them on the top of his desk, the posture appearing relaxed, but unnerving me just the same.

He clasps his hands behind his head, and when his gaze finally meets mine, my body stills.

“I know that you don’t understand what it’s like to have a family, Colt. Not one that truly cares about you, anyways. Or one that was around long enough to see the choices you made for yourself as an adult.” He hesitates, watching for my reaction, but I refuse to give him one. “You’ve never had a serious relationship, and you don’t have kids. So you couldn’t possibly understand the lengths I’d go through to secure a future for Annaliese.”

“The future she wants, or the one you want for her?”

“She’s young. She’s foolish. She’s clearly shown she makes poor decisions.” He nods to me with the last dig, and as his words work their way into my mind, I can slowly see everything I’ve hoped for start to crumble.

My fingertips dig into my hips, hands threatening to tremble. “And you’d do that to her? You’d take away her dream, just like that? Tell me something Richard,” I pause, tongue darting out to lick my bottom lip. “I’d like to know how and why you pulled her grant funding in the first place.” I no longer believe it had anything to do with his love for her, or his so-called desire to keep her safe in the States.

His unexpected laugh echoes through the small office. “I’ve done a lot more for a hell of a lot less,” he says. “I didn’t get to where I am today by coddling someone's feelings and catering to unrealistic dreams. I had to prioritize what comes first.”

“And what comes first for you, Richard? Clearly it isn’t your family. If I were you, if I was Chief of Surgery, and a man as wealthy as you are, I’d encourage my talented daughter to chase her dreams and explore the depths of her skill set. I wouldn’t dare make the same mistake you’re about to.”

His tongue runs along the inside of his cheek, then over his teeth, and I can hear him suck in his next breath. “And that’s why I’ve decided you aren’t fit to be Chief.”

My body jerks back, physically reacting as if he reached across his desk to grab me by the throat. I should have seen it coming. If he’d destroy everything his daughter has worked for– his own flesh and blood and the greatest gift he’s ever had–if he’d go out of his way to ruin her biggest dream, why would I be any different?

Our nearly fifteen-year relationship, the late-night cases, the mentoring, it didn’t mean anything to him. I was just another pawn to Richard. Annaliese’s words from that night so many months ago come rushing back to me. He saw a weakness in me, and he feasted on it.

“Unless,” Richard continues, his voice breaking through my thoughts. “You’ve come to realize your foolish error and are ready to make amends.”

I stare at him, breathlessly, not sure I can even form the words to ask what he means.

“Show me that you’re the man I thought I created. Show me all the years I’ve wasted raising you to be a man weren’t in vain.” He pauses, letting that sink in before continuing, “Leave her alone. Walk away from her. End whatever tryst you’ve started and keep this conversation between us. Then, I will reconsider everything.”

“You’d reconsider funding her residency?”

He shrugs one shoulder, a half-hearted commitment. “Likely. And I’d reconsider you in the running for Chief.”

There have been two times in my life when I can recall feeling like I was standing at a crossroads. When my dad went to prison and my mom died, I hit rock bottom. I was with my cousin and wanted so badly to give in to my depression. A life of drinking and drugs and self-sabotage seemed a lot less painful than anything else I had been through. I could have started down that road with him, or focus on homework and school to make myself a better person than my dad ever was.

The second moment was when I was knee-deep in my first year of residency and questioned everything. I wondered if I was smart enough or if I had enough stamina to withstand the long work days and research. I questioned whether I had what it took to bring someone into my OR and operate. Would I ever be able to actually save someone's life someday?

I questioned everything I knew until the day I met Richard. Regardless of what Annaliese believes, he has taught me everything. He gave me the strength and encouragement to survive the brutal shifts. He spent late nights listening to me dissect my research and quizzed me on the cases. He taught me how to invest my money to triple my income. He was the one that first suggested I may be fit to be Chief of Surgery one day. Since his suggestion, he has had me follow along to nearly every executive board meeting and every brown-nosing fundraiser all with the notion that one day I'd be in his place. The one dream I had left sits in his hand, and he’s dangling it in front of me to grasp.

If I say yes–if I agree to walk away from the greatest woman I have ever met–then, in a way, we all get what we want. Richard will fund Annie’s residency, and she can spend the next two years sailing the coast of Africa, helping the people she cares about the most. Living out her dream. It’ll be what she wants, what she deserves, and I want that so badly for her I’d risk everything I have. I'd give that to her, regardless of my own future. But fuck him for making me choose and for thinking I’d ever choose myself, or him, over her.

“Fuck you, Richard,” I grit out, hoping he can feel the disdain pouring from my mouth.

He balks at my words, proud expression falling as his feet fly off the desk to hit the floor. He stands, a vein in his forehead bulging as he wags a bony finger back and forth between us. “You're done, Andrews. Dead to me. This,” he says, nostrils flaring with each forced word. “This between us is over.”

It’s my turn to balk at his suggestion, so I force out a dry, humorless laugh knowing how well it’ll piss him off. “Be honest, Richard, was it ever really there?” Because I can see now, clear as day, that it wasn’t.

I reach for my laptop bag, and as soon as I have my hand wrapped around the strap, his words nearly knock me out. “If you don’t leave her alone, I’ll bury her.”

My bag falls to the floor, and I stand upright, the air sucked from my lungs. The room spins, and for a moment, I think I’m going to faint. “What?”

“You heard me,” he grinds out, falling back into his chair. He reaches a finger up to loosen his necktie and flips the top button open. “End this, Colt, or I’ll make sure she never practices medicine again.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” I sneer.

He barks out a single laugh. “You have no idea how deep my claws can dig.”

A knock on the door sounds, and we fall silent, the only sound a faint shuffle of steps on the carpet as Annaliese comes in. Her smile brightens the room for a moment as she starts toward her dad’s desk, only to pause mid-point when she catches the expressions on both of our faces.

She looks up at me, her beautiful brown eyes waiting for me to tell her it’s okay, and I catch myself falling silent.

I turn my gaze back to Richard, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth so I don’t break down in front of them both. A growing hatred gnaws in my gut, and I can’t bear to turn back toward Annie right now. I can’t let myself see the look on her face when I have to let her down.

A part of me wants to shout it all out. To scream the truth and lay everyones cards on the table, but I know better. Richard will stop at nothing to get what he wants, simply so he can win. He managed to strip his daughter of her government-issued grant, so he’s right when he says I have no idea how far his claws can go.

“Colt?” she questions softly. “What are you guys talking about?”

If I wasn’t gripping the back of the chair, I think my legs would give out with the tenderness in her voice. I adjust my position, willing myself to turn and look her in the eyes, but I can’t. The bile surges in my throat, and I swallow back the burn, closing my eyes as I let the pain wash through my chest.

“Actually,” Richard says, speaking for me. “Colt and I were just finalizing some plans, a few work items. But I believe he’s done here, isn’t that right, Colt?”

The sign for the crossroads appears again and I shut my eyes for a moment, willing my mind to show me what means the most to me in this world, to tell me what path I need to follow. And it only takes a second for that vision to become clear.

I release my grip on his chair and reach down to grab my laptop bag. With the strap slung over my shoulder, I look back at Richard. “Right. Heading out for the night.”

“Ah, finding yourself a hot date I imagine?”

“Something like that.” I force the words past my lips, the burning in my chest intensifying as they float over to where Annaliese is standing.

I tell myself not to look at her as I leave. I can’t bear to see the heartbreak written all over her beautiful face. To know that she was let down, again, by someone who she thought she could trust. Richard was right about one thing, and it’s that I don’t know what it’s like to have a family. It’s allowed me to spend the last fifteen years being selfish, choosing myself over and over again simply because I had no one else to put first. But that was all before I met Annaliese, and I get now why all these great love stories boast of pain and sacrifice, because sometimes it's all you can do for the person you love.

So with a cowardly tilt of my head, I excuse myself from the conversation, making sure to avoid brushing past Annaliese as I exit the office.