Chapter 68
I’m Sorry
We entered the bar an hour later. I’d spent a considerable amount of time doing my hair and makeup in an attempt to make myself feel better.
It didn’t work. I was miserable, numb on the inside, even if I managed to plaster a smile on my face.
At night my dreams were filled with him, my days were full of heartache.
No amount of training could fill the void of Karson.
I smiled at Darcy, his smile lit up the night. It was his first time at a bar.
“After you,” Ethan said, holding the door open and gesturing with his hand for us to walk through.
I stepped through the door, glanced up and locked eyes with Karson. A volt of electricity shot though me like a power cord that’d just been placed in a socket. My breath caught in my chest.
His exquisite face was veiled by detachment.
Not only was Karson here. But seated beside him was Rebecca. Was he on a date? Had he moved on already?
An arrow pierced my chest. My throat burned. Every beat of my thudding heart, hurt.
He just stared, no emotion in his eyes. No acknowledgment that the girl he’d held so tenderly in his arms a little over a week ago ever even mattered.
Every sense screamed at me to turn. To run.
“Oh fuck me, really?” Ethan gave me a look of apology. He thrust a hand through his hair and sighed. “Do you want to leave?”
I glanced at Darcy, his eyes shone, his grin was so wide it filled his whole face. My eyes drifted automatically back to Karson. He wasn’t looking at me, he was talking to Rebecca.
My foolish heart broke, splintered apart, lightening fractured through the hope we’d reunite.
I thought he cared. I thought I’d finally found ‘the one,’ the kind of love story I’d only ever read about in novels.
The kind of love, no one, and nothing could break.
If I was the instrument, he was the song and together, we created beautiful music.
At least that’s what I thought. No, not thought, felt, I’d felt the connection between us sing down to my bones.
Rebecca glanced at me, a smug smirk on her lips and she said something to him. I couldn’t hear her, but the way she was looking at me, I knew it was something about me. Karson responded with a smile, and she tipped her head back and laughed.
An urge for violence sparked in my veins. I wanted to rip her smiling lips straight off her face. I wanted break something. I wanted to scream. But all I could do was stare at them, pain and disgust tearing through me like a fatal storm.
Ethan grabbed my hand in his soft, warm one.
I startled at the sparks that shot up my fingers into my arm, sending fluttery warmth through my body.
But that’s the power vampires have, every touch was like brushing the tip of a bursting star.
He subtly uncurled my fingers that I didn’t even realise were clenched into a fist.
“Just breathe, Amy, I’m here for you,” he said, softly. “We can go somewhere else.”
I took a breath, then another. Everyone warned me, but I’d been a fool to allow myself to fall for him. I wanted to remove myself from the pain. But I couldn’t let Karson know how much he mattered to me. Not when I obviously meant so little.
I put up my armor, blanked every emotion, sealed the pain in.
I lifted my chin. “No, why would we?” My legs felt shaky as I forced myself to step inside. Outside, I appeared calm, but inside a knife slammed into my heart and wouldn’t stop bleeding.
Georgie, Jodie, and BJ were already seated at a table at the opposite end of the bar, their usual spot when they could get it.
I positioned myself at the edge of the bench seat beside Darcy, so I had my back to Karson.
Removing any temptations to peek at him.
Ethan let go of my hand and went sit with Karson.
“Things are a little rocky in paradise, I assume?” Jodie said, her eyes moving to where Karson sat.
I cradled my empty hand between my legs. “You could say that,” I managed weakly.
“Well,” Georgie said, her black hair cascading like silk over her shoulders. She was wearing a white V neck blouse that enhanced her olive complexion. “What happened, do we need to go over there and smack him one?”
Yes, hard, and Rebecca while you’re at it. I shook my head. I was acutely aware he could hear every word. They had no such luxury, and no filter.
“Drinks, ladies and gentlemen,” Clint said, full drink tray in hands.
“Compliments of Ethan.” He’d ordered vodka and soda water for the girls, beers for BJ and Darcy.
Darcy’s grin widened. I noticed Clint gave Jodie a wide smile as he handed one to her, which Jodie returned.
She knew how to engage the boys, that was for certain.
Clint sat one in front of Georgie. Her nose wrinkled and she stared at the drink like it was made of vinegar. I thought for a moment she wasn’t going to take it, but then she shrugged and picked it up.
Jodie leaned forward. “What did he do to you, did you have a fight?”
“Nothing, and no.”
She sat back, swirling the straw in her drink. “Something happened, you don’t go from being all loved up like a couple of dove birds to completely ignoring each other for no reason.”
I never thought we’d looked ‘loved up’ to anyone else. We didn’t hold hands in public places. He rarely even placed his arm over my shoulder. She waited for an answer. I knew she wasn’t going to give in without a response.
I sighed. “We went out, it ended awkwardly, and we haven’t spoken since.” I ditched the straw and downed half the glass. It tasted like cordial. I wondered If Ethan had ordered half-strength for me.
“Ended awkwardly, how?” Jodie said, leaning forward again, engaged in the drama.
“It doesn’t matter.” It’s not like I could say ‘well he kills people and I don’t like it, and he doesn’t like that I don’t like it.’
Jodie accepted what little I had to say. She sat back on her chair, shifting her gaze to Karson. I’m not sure what she saw, but she frowned. I resisted the urge to look to see the cause of her displeasure.
“You need move on sex,” she said knowingly.
“Jodie, really, I don’t think that’s the best idea,” BJ said, glancing anxiously in Karson’s direction.
“What?”
“When you get dumped the best revenge is to find the next hottest guy you can and take him home and bonk his brains out,” she said with a wicked little smile.
“Oh, I know,” Georgie said, clapping her hands together like an excited seal. “We have a new doctor in town. He’s super-hot, all the nurses have been chasing him. He’s single and, as luck would have it, he’s coming here tonight.”
“She can’t, she’s got her period,” Darcy said.
I turned to him and muttered with a hot flush sitting on my cheeks. “Darcy, I do not have my period.”
He sat back, shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, if you say so. I’m just saying pack tampons, Amy.”
Laughter rippled around the table.
“Oh, hello, Georgie, what about setting him up with me? I haven’t had sex in like an eternity.” Jodie’s eyes shot skyward. “Seriously, my vagina is like a ghost town, if anyone tried to put their seed in my garden of Eden, my walls would wither up and die of shock.”
We all laughed.
“It’s not funny,” she said, disgruntled, fingering her glass. “I’m that fucking horny I only have to walk past someone even slightly hot. I’m talking a five out of ten and my flaps start fluttering. A five. You know what that means.”
Bj chuckled. “Yep, you need to buy a dildo.”
Jodie screwed up her face.
“I don’t know, I feel like there’s someone for you, Jodie. Someone standing right in front of you, maybe?” I said, resisting the urge to stare pointedly at BJ.
“Well, I wouldn’t mind bonking Ethan.” She sighed heavily, looking at him with a wistful expression. “He is gorgeous..”
And I could only imagine the grin on his face.
“Eeeww, no Jodie, he has been in more crusty flaps than a bakery,” Georgie said, twisting her face.
“And what guy do you know that you can have a one-night stand with that actually gives a damn whether you orgasm or not. They get their rocks off and it’s done.
Just do what BJ said. Buy a dildo and sort yourself out. ”
“It’s a little hard when you live with your parents. My mother would tap on the door and call out.” She mimicked mother’s voice. ‘“Jodie you’re going to wear the enamel off your teeth, dear.’”
We all burst into laughter.
“I’ve never had sex,” Darcy piped in with a grin on his face, which dropped away quickly as all eyes turned to him.
Jodie’s eyebrows raised. “What, never?”
He shook his head and then dropped his eyes to the floor. When he glanced back up his face was glowing. “Girls don’t like me . . . well, people don’t like me in general, really.”
“We like you, Darcy.” I smiled sympathetically.
“You just haven’t met the right girl yet, champ,” BJ said, slapping his shoulder.
“How many women have you had sex with?” he asked.
BJ’s eyes widened, he dropped his arm away and shifted in his seat.
“Yeah, how many, BJ?” Jodie said, repressing laughter.
“You first.”
“Women, none. Well one, but that doesn’t count, I was very drunk. Men.” She started counting across her fingers, which went on for some time. “Fifteen, maybe a couple more. I don’t know, it’s hard to keep track. Some I would rather forget.”
“You’ve slept with fifteen men?” BJ said, dismayed.
She shrugged. “Yeah, so? It’s just sex BJ, your turn.”
“Hang on,” Georgie piped in with a look of surprise plastered on her face. “Are you telling me you’ve munched on a fur burger, Jodie? And why didn’t I know this?”
Jodie wrinkled up her face, shook her head. “No, I haven’t.” Then added with a sly smile. “She’d waxed.”
Loud laughter rose from around the table.
Jodie folded her arms. “Well BJ, spill it, how many?”
He looked awkward, took a few big gulps of beer, wiped the froth from his lips and muttered with lowered eyes. “Two.”
“What—you’ve only had sex with two women?” Georgie said loudly—too loudly.