Chapter 68 #3
He looked to a point across the mountains, his lips twisted, seemingly reluctant to share the answer. A group of four noisy boys got out of their car and staggered toward the bar. He waited until they went past.
“How long?” I insisted.
He looked back, pained and guilt ridden.
“It happened two times, I was stressed at work. We were barely seeing each other. Kelly was always flirting with me. I lost a patient one night, and we got really drunk and she . . .” He stopped and rubbed his fingers over his mouth, like he thought better of blaming her.
“I’m sorry, she means nothing to me, it was just a stupid mistake. ”
Twice. His words tore through my heart like a raging fire.
“Once is unforgivable, maybe at a stretch a mistake, but twice, Tom, that’s a plan.
” I moved my vision off to the dark again for a moment, blinking back tears.
Then I raised my chin and met his eye. “It doesn’t matter how many times, because once you lose trust, you can never get it back. ”
“Amy, it was a mistake.” His voice rose. “You’ve been in this town for two minutes and I find out you’ve already moved on, with not one, but two men. Both at the same time if the nurses are to be believed. You’re no angel.”
I couldn’t believe my ears, malicious small-town gossip at its best. Anger began to climb, not because of people I didn’t know spreading rumors. I gave about as many fucks as a nun about what they thought. It was because the one man, that should know me above anyone else, didn’t.
“Just go back home, Tom,” I said bitterly. “You’re wasting your time here.” I lurched away from the bar, up the street away from people, away from him. Trying to breathe through the pain.
He followed. His feet tapped on the pavement as he jogged to catch up. “Amy, Amy, stop, just wait.”
“Leave me alone Tom.”
“Amy, will you just stop.” He raised his voice. “Just stop. We aren’t teenagers, we can talk about it.”
I did stop, I swung to him and exploded. “You son of a bitch, you of all people don’t get to question my integrity, at least I waited until I was single, Tom, that’s a hell of lot more than you did.”
His lips jerked into cruel, hard, lines. “At least I’m not out screwing two women at the same time, am I?”
Anger erupted, brain cells departed, and I slapped his cheek. Crack. The sound shot out into the night like gun fire.
He twisted his head just before it connected, still my palm landed so hard it burnt.
A red mark stained his face. He stared at me shocked, then hurt.
But not physically, well, maybe a bit, if my palm reflected how his face felt.
But it was more he looked upset and bewildered.
Somehow that was worse than if he’d been furious.
We’d never ever used any form of violence in our relationship, we’d hardly ever even argued.
I felt a flash of guilt, then shame, but neither trumped my anger.
I hissed, “Technically, you were, Tom.”
He took a step back, turned half away. He looked at the ground for a long stretch.
He nodded like someone spoke into his head.
“Okay, I deserved that. Okay.” He rubbed his hand roughly over his face as if wiping off the red mark and blew out a ragged breath.
“I deserve everything you throw at me, scream, yell, hit me, Amy. Whatever you need. But please, honey.” His voice cracked. “Give me another chance.”
Tears trickled freely down my face. My fingers went to heart as I tried to quell the fire roaring through my chest.
Karson, now Tom. Or Tom, now Karson.
There was so much pain.
For a moment I couldn’t breathe. I just stood there, burning and burning and burning.
Until the walls collapsed in and I was left hollowed and empty.
I couldn’t deal with it, not now. I walked off, scrubbing the tears off my face with my knuckles.
Tom reached out and clutched my arm, swinging me back. His grip was firm enough so I would have to yank hard in order to make my getaway.
I gritted my teeth. “Let me go, Tom.”
“Amy, please.” He turned the full power of his hazel eyes on me, pleading. “We need to talk about it, I know we can get through this.” He paused and whispered, “Don’t throw it all away on a mistake. I love you so much.”
“Let go of her. A voice snarled, so fierce it made me jump. “Or I am going to break your arm. Not at all handy for a doctor.”
Karson loomed over Tom, glaring at him like he was cockroach he wanted to stomp on. Tom wasn’t short, but Karson was taller than him by a foot.
Tom let go. He positioned himself to face Karson. He kept his tone flat but his face hardened. “I’m having a conversation with my girlfriend if you don't mind, mate.”
Karson’s lips drew into a thin, angry line. “I think you lost that title when you slept with her best friend . . . mate.”
The comment struck. Shock, guilt, and then anger stormed through Tom’s eyes. “Walk away. The conversation I’m having with my fiancé is none of your concern.”
Karson smirked but his darkened and his power flared, buzzing against my body like ice-cold, static. I stopped breathing. “Ex-fiancé and it appears I just made it my concern. I suggest you walk away, while you still can.”
I darted my eyes between them. My heart pounded into my throat. I thought of Simon, the smashed nose, the tooth, probably a broken jaw. Even after everything he’d done, I didn’t want to see Tom hurt.
“Karson, it’s fine, just leave, I can deal with it,” I said, anxiously.
His brow flickered in response, but he didn’t remove his icy stare from Tom, who was completely unaware of the danger he was facing. He’d clenched his fists ready at his sides.
“If you ever touch her again, I will tear your deceitful heart out of your chest and gift to Amelia to use as a doorstop.” A cruel glee glinted in his eyes. “Or perhaps we could send it to Kelly?”
Tom’s jaw clenched and his body stiffened, his demeanour changed from arrogant, to downright hostile. I knew we all stood on a knife’s edge. If he punched Karson, he would break his hand. And if Karson hit him back— Or worse.
Karson stilled. I’ve seen the same kind of stillness in a snake about to strike.
“Enough,” I snapped, stepping in between them.
I spoke to Tom, keeping my voice as calm as I could muster.
“Tom, please, just go back inside. Tonight, when we’ve been drinking, is not the right time, nor the place, to talk.
” I appealed to Tom’s sense of logic. He was practical by nature, and usually remarkably calm.
Tom stared at me for the longest time. Debating whether to stay and fight or walk away.
“Tom, please. Arguing isn’t going to solve anything.”
He let out a deep breath. “Will you talk tomorrow?”
I wanted to say no, but I knew if I refused, he wouldn’t leave. I had no intention of putting myself through the pain of seeing him again. I dropped my eyes as I nodded.
That seemed to satisfy him. He threw a quick, cold glance at Karson, tucked his hands in his pockets and headed inside.
My heart leapt with relief, for as much as I still loved Tom, it was Karson that I felt like I couldn’t live without.
Karson, that I needed to hear say he’d made a mistake, and he wanted work things out.
He’d came into my life, changed in all the right ways and consumed it entirely.
And he’d come out to get me away from Tom. Almost like he’s jealous.
Butterflies bloomed in my stomach as I turned back to him, expecting to see a softness in his eyes. Instead, I was met with a vicious look.
He leaned toward me and grated, “Have I not taught you anything? Never stand in the way of an angry vampire.”
I flinched at the brutality of his tone. Then I bristled. “You don’t get to be angry. You had no right to get involved. You walked away, remember?” As I spoke the words a dagger stabbed my heart. He walked away like I meant nothing.
But he was standing here now.
He must want us, even if we are so vastly different. I needed him to tell me, ‘We should try again. You’re worth it. You’re worth loving, dark bits and all.’
I tried to ignore the fear storming through me as I waited for his response. The night closed in all around us. My heart was hollow with yearning. I clenched my hands in front of me to stop myself from reaching for him.
I was met only with a steady glare and silence.
I stood like an impoverished chick, waiting for a scrap to be tossed in my direction, some morsel, an infinitesimal shred of hope.
My heart began to wither, gasp, leaving me fighting for air.
I tried to read him, for something, anything, to tell me how he felt, but his face was like as cold and impenetrable as the darkness between the stars.
Say something.
A hot lump of coal scorched my chest. Don’t cry I told myself, don’t cry in front of him. With each passing second, the night darkened, choked all around me. The silence snowballed the pain in my chest, until I could take no more.
“Fine, just go back to Rebecca then, Karson,” I breathed.
I lurched past him back to the bar. Like a stupid, desperate fool, the whole time I placed one foot in front of the other I prayed he’d call out to me, call me back, tell me we could work it out.
The silence was devastating.
I passed Ethan as he descended the stairs. I couldn’t meet his eyes. He strode toward Karson.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ethan’s angry tone vibrated down the street. “You… his voice drowned under the sounds of the bar.
“Aims, let's get a drink. We’ll order cock-sucking cowboys, it seems the appropriate drink tonight,” Jodie said, throwing blades in Karson’s direction and linking her arm through mine. Until that point, I hadn’t realised they’d all been standing on the steps of the bar, watching.
I fought back a fresh burst of tears as I muttered, “Sounds good.”
Later, having tossed down four shots, one after the other, tears slunk back to the deepest corners, the anger dimmed, my shoulders relaxed, and the world hazed and became bearable again. Just.