Chapter 27 #2
“Time is a fascinating concept when you really think about it.”
I tuck my phone back in my purse and try to forget Callum’s declaration. It hurts too much to say goodbye forever.
I turn my focus to Jax. “Tell me your thoughts about that idea.”
“You really want to know?”
“I do.”
“There’s only now. As you said, some people live in the past, some in the future. When do you see a person really living in the moment?”
“I don’t know.” I consider the question.
Do I live in the present?
Not always. Usually, I’m remembering something that happened or envisioning a better way to approach my plans to build an amazing brand.
He shrugs. “We can’t control either, so why try?”
“Because we all have goals and dreams we want to accomplish. And nobody wants to repeat past mistakes.”
“You make a good point.”
I glance at a TV projection that has the New York feed of the New Year’s Eve bash playing. “Hold on, Jax. My brother’s band is on and I want to see their performance.”
Jax turns his head and peers at the screen. The scene shows Mayhem on the stage just finishing their set. The house DJ is loud, but the TVs are running the broadcast with captions, so I can still figure out what’s going on.
The host brings Callum to his side and says something. I read the scrolling text on the lower part of the TV.
The presenter says, “Well, Cash, why did you pick to do a cover of ‘Tainted Love’ for your opening song for New Year’s Eve?”
“An ex-girlfriend suggested it once and I didn’t wanna do it then. Circumstances have changed, so I thought it was a great way to bring in the New Year.”
“Interesting.”
Callum’s glossed-over eyes twinkle into the camera. “For all those out there who have been destroyed by heartbreak, let that tainted love go and burn it down with yesteryear.”
“Do we know who this ex of yours is?” the host asks.
“We kick off our worldwide tour tonight.” Callum pats the guy on the back and bypasses the question. “Be sure to download our new album, Dead Lilies, and get your tickets to one of our shows. Time to bring on some epic Mayhem!”
Dead Lilies… Wow. That’s extremely pointed, and my eyes begin to sting.
The innuendo is cruel. I can’t believe my brother agreed to name their album something so obviously intended to cause me pain. On top of that, he asked me to watch them play tonight.
Did he do it to tell me something? Is he on Callum’s side?
It makes sense why Bren never says anything when I mention Callum cheating on me. Bro fucking code.
“Jax, please excuse me.” I tremble and my chin quivers. “I need to use the restroom.”
He nods as I grab my purse and race away. I pass a table that has two glasses of champagne sitting on it with nobody around, so I pick them up and leave the room.
I don’t know who I’m more upset with, my brother or Callum. If you ask me, they both suck.
The tears are about to pour from my eyes. I get to the opening of the event center. Off to the side is a sign pointing to the smoking area. I go in that direction, needing some instant relief.
A guy opens the door for me. “Going out?”
“Yes.” I pass him and step into an enclosed patio-like space.
The ceiling is high. Flowers and fake ivy decorate the walls, trying to hide the ventilation system. The cement floor is painted green. Various benches and tables with chairs surround the area, giving it a Central Park vibe.
While searching for a place to tuck away behind, I give Hunter Efron’s interior designers a nod of approval. I pass a station with bottles of water on it for people to take if needed.
Once I find a suitable place in the back corner, I open my purse.
My silver metal drug compact is the exact thing I need. What do I want to take?
Cocaine will raise my spirits, but I’ll be chasing the high all night if I do it this early. It wears off too fast.
The Molly is still a choice, but I’ve never taken it before. Now that I’m in a funk, I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.
That leaves me with my anxiety medication or painkillers. Since I’m not having a panic attack, I have one choice. Opioids it is. I want to save the other medicine just in case I actually need it.
I take out a couple of pills and swallow them with a full glass of bubbly. Once I’ve downed my relief, I sit at a table and wait for them to kick in while sipping on the other drink. I need to be numb and fast.
My phone vibrates, indicating I’ve received a message. I pull it out of my purse and read it.
Bren: Happy New Year. I love you. Wishing you a great year ahead.
Really, Bren? He’s not even going to take responsibility for what he did.
Me: No, it’s not a new year where I am. Too bad you can’t rewind time and do your little show over again. Maybe if you could, we wouldn’t be going into next year with me so angry with you I could slap you across the face. So no Happy New Year’s to you, Guns. Go get fucked.
I press send, thankful I didn’t choose to do the coke. If I had, that message would’ve been more spiteful than it already was. It would’ve been hurtful as fuck.
My phone rings and Bren’s number illuminates the screen. I decline the call. A text comes in a few moments later.
Bren: Please answer.
Me: Leave me alone. All you and Callum want to do is make me pay for something I had no part of.
He’s the one who put us in this position.
He’s the one who cheated. NOT ME! You and your bandmates are mean.
I don’t want to speak to any of you. Go on tour.
Do your sexsomes and let me live my life in peace.
Bren: The album was supposed to be called Dead Shadows. I didn’t know they changed the name. I learned about the reference to “Tainted Love” when the audience did. Livianna, I’m sorry, but there’s more to this than meets the eye.
Me: Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m silencing my phone and I’m going to enjoy my night. Bye for a while, Guns. Have a great tour.
I turn off my phone and finish the rest of my drink. I leave the room, vowing to forget the last four years of my life. Once I’m a little buzzed, I return to the event room.
“Livianna.” A deep male voice calls from behind me as I search for Gia.
I turn to see Jax waving to me by the door. Perfect. Just the escape I want.
All I need to do is seduce him. It won’t be easy, but I’m determined. Time for Operation Jaxon Crowne to commence. Ready or not, Jax. Here I come.