24. Chapter 19
Admitting The Inevitabl e
Sebastian
T he cafeteria door slammed shut behind him, but the sound barely registered.
The usual noise of the room—laughter, trays clattering, the low hum of conversations—faded into the background, insignificant compared to the way his thoughts spiraled in on themselves.
His gaze flicked to his table, where Stephan was laughing too loudly and Chris was predictably glued to his phone, but Bas barely acknowledged them.
His focus had already been drawn elsewhere.
His eyes found her. Evin.
She was sitting with Milka, her laughter ringing through the cafeteria like nothing had changed, like the world still spun exactly the way it was supposed to.
It was effortless, that ease in her posture, the way she leaned into the conversation like there was nothing clawing at the edges of her thoughts, nothing weighing her down.
He wished he could say th e same.
Sliding into his seat, he grabbed his water bottle, took a sip, and tried to force himself to feel present. It didn’t work.
Lately, nothing did.
He had spent weeks trying to shut everything out, bury himself in training, in school, in anything that might keep his mind from circling back to the same place. But even when his body moved, his mind dragged behind, heavy with thoughts he refused to name.
It was obvious in everything he did. His shots were off. His reactions a second too slow. His footwork lacked precision, and his coach had called him out for it more than once. The teachers were starting to notice too.
And he couldn’t even argue. I feel it too.
That weight pressing down on him, throwing him out of sync, making it impossible to concentrate the way he used to. He had always been good at compartmentalizing, pushing through, keeping his emotions in check. But now? Now, it was different.
She was no more than five meters away, yet it felt like an entire ocean stretched between them, impossible to cross.
He knew how ridiculous he must look, the way his eyes kept drifting in her direction, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. He needed an excuse—anything to move, to shift this restless energy into action before it suffocated him.
“I’m gonna head over to talk to Felix,” he muttered, already rising to his feet.
None of his friends questioned it. Why would they? Felix was standing right next to Evin’s table, a convenient coincidence he wasn’t willing to acknowledge.
As he crossed the room, he kept his steps measured, his posture loose, forcing himself to look like he belonged exactly where he was going. But the second he was close enough, his mind betrayed him. His focus was no longer on Felix, not even for a second.
It was on her.
And she looked good. Too good. Annoyingly good.
He tried to feign interest in whatever Felix was saying, nodding at the right moments, keeping up the illusion that this was just another casual conversation. But every word felt distant, muffled beneath the static in his head. His thoughts weren’t on Felix at all.
And then, for the briefest second, she looked up.
Their eyes met—just long enough for him to wonder if she felt it too.
But then she turned away, like it meant nothing.
And maybe it didn’t.
But the way it felt—the way his chest tightened, the way the dull ache settled deeper into his bones—told him otherwise.
This was his fault and he didn’t know how to fix it.
And then she saw him.
Their eyes met, and he knew she had caught him. Evin narrowed her eyes, rolled them, and stood up. Without a word, she slung her bag over her shoulder and strode out of the cafeteria, as if he were nothing but air.
Bas remained frozen, his gaze still locked on Felix, though the words barely registered. There was no doubt about it—she had caught him.
Evin was gone, but her presence lingered, vivid and sharp, as though she were still standing there, giving him that look. The look that cut right through him yet dismissed him in the same breath.
What am I even doing here?
The thing with Evin wouldn’t leave him alone, and it infuriated him. He was angry at her for moving on so easily, without so much as a second glance. Angry at himself for not being able to do the same. He had tried to show her. Tried to prove... what exactly?
Damn it.
He was the one who had shut her out, ignored her. And yet, she was the one who seemed utterly unaffected.
He should forget her. God, easier said than done.
He had tried a thousand times, but the second he thought he’d finally buried her from his mind, she’d reappear. At school, at some party, or just randomly in his thoughts. She was always there, no matter how hard he tried to shake her.
“Bas, man, are you even listening?” Felix’s voice broke through his spiral ing thoughts.
“Sorry, yeah. Totally,” Bas lied, straightening up. “Just got a little distracted for a second.”
Felix gave him a skeptical look but let it slide and kept talking. Bas nodded absently, though a storm raged inside him.
Part of him wanted to hate her. To wipe her from his life entirely, as if she had never mattered. But the other part? The other part wanted her so badly it hurt.
And the worst part? He couldn’t even make sense of it.
He had never had trouble with girls before. Relationships were something that came and went—fun, nothing more.
But with Evin? It felt different. More intense. And that terrified him.
Because he wasn’t the guy who worked for something like this. He wasn’t the guy who had to.
And even though she was gone now, his mind was still circling around her, around them, around everything that could’ve been.
Fuck , it wouldn’t stop. Not really.
Maybe it was time to stop fighting it.