Chapter 20 #2
I shrug, deflect a strike. Loosen my sword hand and instinctively rub the rings together—thumb and index finger, trying to ground myself.
It doesn’t work .
Lanz retreats, circles me. He’s breathing hard—it’s been hours now. And I think he can tell I’m wound up.
“Take five?” he asks.
I nod. “Sure.”
I need it, too.
He nods back, and loosens the collar of his lamé, shaking his head to cool off and dragging a wrist over his forehead before peeling off his glove and discarding it. His cheeks are flushed, his lips parted.
I’m staring. The blood pulsing through my whole body like it never has before, so hard and fast I’m surprised Lanz can’t hear it echoing in the salle.
And maybe he does. Because his bright eyes find mine. A knowing furrow in his brow.
Oh.
“Here?” I ask. He looks around, over either shoulder; shrugs.
We’re alone.
I can only nod.
He bites his lip and grabs for me.
I kiss him—familiar, practiced, hot. Shuddering as soon as our mouths meet.
He rips at my lamé, prying the covering from my chest and skating his hands over bare skin.
I gasp a little, and he edges me backwards, gentle but firm, until the backs of my knees hit the bench and he’s pushed me to sitting.
Lips and teeth nip their way down from my shoulder to my waist, and I clench in anticipation, for him to surge up, straddle me.
He doesn’t, though.
Instead, he eases my legs wide with his own.
Then drops to his knees.
I sit up straighter, realizing. That’s…not what we usually do.
Not that we’ve discussed it. Who’s into what and everything. On some level we should , I guess. But we haven’t. Just went with what felt right .
Maybe I’m just a natural giver.
“Hold on. Hold —” I shudder as his lips brush the top of my fencing knickers, the low waistband the only thing between him and my sensitive skin. “ Stop .”
I push him back by the shoulders, hold him firm, pinning him there on his knees. He raises his head, soft confusion written on his face, and?—
And his eyes. Those eyes.
I’ve always loved those eyes.
They’re the first thing I noticed about him. That bright blue.
But here, with him kneeling before me like this, they strike me again. Anew. Looking at me not directly, not eye-to-literal-eye, but from below.
In supplication.
Begging.
And giving me no way to say no.
My cock goes iron-hard.
“I just…you don’t have to,” I murmur. “Let me?—”
“I’m good.” Lanz shakes his head. “I want to.”
“But—”
“Don’t argue,” he bites out. “You need this.”
And presses a kiss to the cusp of fabric right under my hip.
A moan floods out of me. He isn’t wrong.
“Good boy.”
Oh, God.
His hands are quick, fingers deft, as he works the fastening and pulls the pants to my knees, letting my cock spring out. But my gaze is only on his face: determined, but unsure, maybe, hesitant.
A tremor of guilt flickers in my chest even as I feel a drop of precum beading on the tip of my cock.
Has he done this before?
Then he sucks the head into his lips and my muscles buckle .
Never mind. Don’t care.
I’m gone. Obliterated. Lost in a headrush, whited out by pleasure. Struggling to think, to be , as he pumps up and down my shaft.
My fingers grip the wood for desperate purchase.
It’s…he’s…
I’ve sucked Lanz off God knows how many times at this point. Stroked myself late at night thinking about him, muttered his name as I came into my own hand. But this is…
This is…
His right hand clamps me beneath his sliding lips, and his eyes flutter shut.
Fuck me.
It’s heaven .
I close my own eyes, let my head fall back, a growl I didn’t know was in me rumbling out as he finds a rhythm. It’s so good, too good. I’m both dying for release, needily quivering for it, and desperate for this feeling never, ever to end.
“Unh.” The sound kicks out of my throat, and impulsively, my sword hand shoots out, grips that thick black hair of his.
As I do, he pulls back, just a little.
Looks up at me.
Those eyes.
And then flicks his tongue again.
I’m done.
I explode into his throat, come so hard my thighs are quaking and I nearly slide off the edge of bench, but Lanz doesn’t let me, pushing his left hand to brace my hip even as his right works me, rubbing firm and swift until what feels like every drop has pulsed out of me.
Even then, he doesn’t let go, cinching his lips warm and tight as the blood slowly beats out of my cock and back into my body.
I blow out a shaky, shaky breath. Lanz rocks back on his heels, thumbs at the corner of his mouth—a gesture that could get me half-hard again if I weren’t bone-exhausted, and gives me a smile. Nervous, even shaky.
“How was I?”
“Great,” I rasp. “You were…” I blink, hard, press a palm to my damp forehead. Need to catch my breath. “You’ve never done that before?” I pant.
“Nah.” He half-smiles and looks away, shaking his head. “Did okay, then?”
“You…” I can’t form sentences. “Jesus. That was…”
“Nice, right?” He laughs softly. “Always been one of my favorites. Or was before?—”
He catches himself.
Before me. Before this.
I’m suddenly cold. Goosebumps prickle over my naked chest. I tug at the waistband of my fencing knickers, shrug my lamé back into place.
“So you got around, huh?” I ask. I need to find my epee. Look around us for wherever I dropped it.
“Are you asking me if I was some kind of manwhore?” Lanz laughs again, softer this time, and stands, hands uneasily on his hips. “Because trust me, I was not.”
“But you got head,” I say. “From girls.”
The blunt words surprise me as much as him. But I’ve said them now.
No taking it back.
Lanz shifts his weight. Scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah. Sure. I mean, a few times. High school.”
“Oh yeah?” I still don’t look at him. Where the hell is my goddamn weapon? “How was it?”
“Come on, Cal.” Lanz sighs softly. “Don’t?—”
“No,” I say, forcing my voice into lightness, casualness. I turn to look at him, pasting what’s meant to be a grin on my face. “Just curious.”
I wait a second. Two.
Then I ask.
“Was it better?”
I stand. Wait. And Lanz frowns, a real frown.
“Not…it…neither,” he says. Sighs. “It wasn’t better, it wasn’t worse. Just…different.”
“Different how?” I push on. Unable to let go.
Because now I’m wondering. Now I can’t stop wondering.
About Lanz and girls.
About girls.
About deep green eyes looking up at me instead of blue ones.
“I don’t know, Cal!” Lanz throws up his hands. “Just different. Okay? And it doesn’t matter now anyway. You wanna find out so bad, quit the team and go find a girlfriend.” He blows out a hard breath. “I’m…taking a shower.”
He stalks off, and I stay behind, motionless except for my thumb rubbing over the rings on my first two fingers.