Chapter Thirteen
Clay
Ifelt painfully aware that I was dreaming, and yet I couldn’t help but enjoy the bliss of the delusion.
Because dreams were the only place where I could have her with me.
Soft pink lips pressed to mine. Thick golden hair tangled between my knuckles. Breathy sighs surrounded me.
“I love you,” I whispered to her, needing her to know it as much as I needed to say it.
She pulled back, a gentle smile on her face as dark blue eyes stared down at me. The point of her finger traced along my jawline, and for a moment, I thought she knew exactly how much power she had over me. Her gaze was sparkling with the knowledge that my heart beat only for her.
“I know you do,” Thea told me, her long hair tickling the skin of my chest. “That’s what’s so funny.”
I squeezed her thighs, loving the feeling of them on either side of me. Her skin was impossibly warm as I traced her spine and pulled her closer. I needed to feel her bare skin against mine. She was softer than the finest of silks, warmer than the loveliest of spring days. Perfect. She was perfect.
Far too perfect to be mine.
“And why is that funny?” I asked her, nipping against her jawline and feeling my heart clench at the sound of her pleased giggles.
“Because,” she drew out the word, shifting her weight to run her slick heat up and down me without ever letting me sink inside her, and I hissed in equal parts satisfaction and need. Fuck, I craved her. My every waking minute was spent hungering for her.
“Let me taste you,” I begged, pushing at her hips to try and guide her to my face.
She clenched around me, refusing to move as her hands ran down my chest, nails like claws running down me.
“This is all so tragic, don’t you think?”
“Let’s not talk about that.”
If I had only this one fleeting moment with her, then I wanted to enjoy every second of it. I could worry about the distance that separated us when I was awake.
Thea frowned, dark brows pinching together. “How can we not?”
The room dimmed as a sudden flash of cold against my stomach drew my eyes downward. Metal. Metal bands on her hands.
Marriage bands.
My inner dragon roared, hating the sight of someone else’s claim on her.
“You’re supposed to be a king, aren’t you?” Her voice hardened, that perfect smile twisting into something so sinister it seemed out of place. “How can you expect to rule over anyone when you choose to be ignorant of what’s right in front of you?”
She snorted a laugh as she twisted off me. Without her on top of me, I was now abundantly aware of how frigid the room had become. Darkness lingered in the corners, creeping steadily towards the bed.
“Thea.” I moved to sit up, only to find my wrists abruptly tied to the headboard, locked in place. I tugged against the bindings, growling in frustration.
“Tell me you love me,” she commanded, glancing over her shoulder.
“I do. You know I do.”
Her eyes never left mine, even as her face twisted into something unrecognizably vicious. “I wasn’t talking to you.”
The shadows around her throbbed, pulsing larger and larger until they gathered into a single form.
Caldrius wrapped his arms possessively around her, grasping onto her bare skin comfortably, as if he’d done it a million times before. One hand reached for her backside as the other stretched around her throat, guiding her gaze up towards him. His lips claimed hers mercilessly.
Nightmare.
This was a nightmare.
“You’re mine,” he told her, staring down at her with hunger in his gaze.
Thea nodded up at him.
“My wife. My queen.”
Once again, she glanced at me. I fought at the ropes that tied me to the bed, thrashing helplessly as she tangled her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.
My throat tightened, her name a dying prayer on my lips, and for a moment she smiled in a way that made me question if she heard me.
But then she was pulling his mouth to hers again.
It was his name that she breathed with reverence.
“Yours. Only yours, Caldrius. Forever.”
I watched them.
I watched him bend her forward and grasp hold of her waist. I watched him sink inside her. Watched her scream for him. Watched him claim both her body and her heart.
And I couldn’t stop it.
The nightmare haunted me for hours after I woke.
Even as I kept myself busy, making travel preparations, checking on the citizens, ensuring that the generals were aware of their orders in my upcoming absence, my mind could not free itself from the vision of Thea and Caldrius together.
I wasn’t sure what was worse, watching them together in my dreams or fearing what he was doing to her in my waking hours.
Both were insufferable, impossible, and completely unavoidable.
How could I possibly lead a war when I felt like my soul had been split in half? Part of me was here with what remained of my kingdom, and part of me was with her.
The two great loves of my life, and neither of them were within my grasp.
I ran my tongue over my upper teeth, trying to avoid that thought spiraling any further. Lamplight flickered in my room, sending shadows dancing in the corners as I wrote out several missives of instructions for while I was away in the Republic of Inanis.
In the quiet, the sudden knock at the door seemed to echo.
“Come in.”
The knob twisted, and the wooden door pushed open slowly, tentatively.
“You wanted to see me?” Camilla asked, her voice unsure, as if she couldn’t quite imagine why I would have requested her presence.
I nodded and gestured towards the seat on my left, watching as she moved to sit. She slumped her shoulders and moved unsteadily.
She was almost unrecognizable.
I’d known Camilla for just under a decade.
During the briefest of periods, I think I might have known her better than anyone else, and while our entanglement had been built on physical intimacy more than any real emotional connection, I had cared for her in my own way. I still did, despite everything.
This version of her was leagues away from the girl she had once been, though.
Then, Camilla had worn only the finest of dresses, perfectly fit to her body and carefully designed to accentuate her curves. She had walked into every room with confidence, even if she had to fake the feeling.
“Is there something you need?” Her voice was quiet as she sat and tucked one ankle over the other.
Now, she wore men’s trousers and an oversized linen shirt, covered with a thick apron that was splattered with what appeared to be dried blood. Her tan face was free of any cosmetics, and her long hair, while still worn loose, sat in tangled knots down her back.
They were slight changes, but important ones, nonetheless. The kinds of changes I’d seen in her over the past few weeks were enough to give me hope that I was making the right decision.
“This is for you.” I handed her the folded parchment I’d just finished drafting.
It had taken me hours to bring myself to write it, and doubt had fluttered in my gut the entire time I had penned the words.
“What is it?” She asked with a furrowed brow.
I stared down at the wax sealing shut the order that could potentially be my damnation. “That is my first Royal Decree, in which I’m naming you Regent to the Crown.”
Her breath hitched just as my stomach dropped. I’d debated with myself for days over whom to name, before, unhappily, deciding on Camilla.
She shook her head in disbelief. “No.”
I nodded, my voice grave and unyielding. “Yes.”
With a gulp, she shoved the parchment back at me, dropping it on the table when I refused to take it. “No, not me. There are several more worthy people.”
“I do not have an established court.” I reminded her. “Typically, the Council would rule in the Dragon’s absence, but we have yet to form a new High Council. We don’t even know if the prior Council Members live.”
Gregory, Rosalia, and Clara hadn’t been among the survivors we’d found waiting for us at Hyrax Manor when we’d fled the castle. We had no way of knowing if they were alive, dead, or now serving Hyrax.
“Still.”
“Rankor and Kent have already left,” I continued, folding my hands on the table in front of me.
“Iris will leave this afternoon, and I will follow shortly after her. This compound is all that remains of my kingdom, and I need it being led by someone who knows me well enough to know what I would want. For all your flaws, Camilla, you do understand how I think.”
Camilla turned away, but not quickly enough to hide the water that was misting in her eyes. For all her flaws, she was a smart woman. She knew this wasn’t a decision being made because I valued her leadership skills. I had no other choice. Camilla was the only remaining option.
“Elaina?” she whispered, rubbing at her nose.
She would have been the ideal choice, in truth. Elaina was both calming and diplomatic, but could also be strategic and ruthless if necessary. Ruling over the people here in the case of an emergency would have come naturally to her.
She wasn’t an option, though.
“I would like you to consult with her, of course. You two seem to have grown close, so I don’t suspect that will be an issue. Elaina was born to be a ruler and trained well for it. She is not, however, an Athenian citizen and therefore cannot fulfill this role.”
Camilla’s eyes went distant, her face still. She opened her mouth briefly as if to issue another protest, only to close it again shortly afterwards. Camilla was also smart enough to figure out that even though this was my only choice, it wasn't a decision I had made easily.
When I had stopped to consider how it would look to the people to have a criminal as their leader, the choice had become a million times more difficult.
That wouldn’t do, and for this to work, I had to do something that made me hate myself on behalf of Lorelai and all the others who had died or been injured during Camilla’s attacks.
“You will find a formal pardon for your crimes within that decree as well.”
Camilla stiffened, jerking as if I’d struck her through with a blade. Her gaze snapped to mine once more, eyes wide with shock, before she glanced at that parchment again. Then, her chair scraped against the floor as she pushed away.
“I don’t deserve that,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve any of this.”
Strangely, her words filled me with an odd sense of relief.
I considered the woman who sat in front of me—a woman so changed by the things she had suffered. Her pain didn’t erase her crimes, but it helped us all understand them a bit more. Thea had found it in her heart to forgive Camilla and trust her once more. I could do the same.
“Perhaps not,” I agreed, standing. “But there is still time for you to earn it. The position is temporary, of course, and I’ll only be gone for a few days, but I’m trusting you with this, Camilla. Don’t let me down.”
She remained in her seat, something that looked quite a bit like fear flashing in her eyes.
“Can I trust you with this?” I asked her.
She seemed to snap out of whatever haze she was in, jerking to her feet and taking the parchment gently into her hands. “Yes. I promise.”
I nodded, stepping aside to allow her to pass by me. Only just as she got to the door, she stiffened once more, spine becoming so rigid I frowned at her in confusion.
“What is it?” I asked her.
She looked over her shoulder at me, dark hair like a curtain down her back. “Thea is okay.”
It was kind of her to say so. “I know she will be.”
Camilla shook her head, frowning, eyes going oddly distant for a moment as if she were looking through me. “No, it’s not a hope. She is. She is okay, and she’s doing everything she can to return to you. I don’t know how to explain how I know, but I just do.”
She left without another word, and a ghost of a smile split my cheeks when the door closed behind her. I was glad to see that Thea had that effect on others. Even so far away, she could still inspire such confidence.
Her spirit was here with us all, motivating us on, even if she wasn’t.