Chapter 11 #2
Maybe he already had. “Sure. The wood’s outside the back door.
” This would be the first fire of the season.
Between work and the boys, Sarah never had time to fuss with the fireplace.
Before she knew it, the boys were helping their uncle.
Together they carried in pieces of firewood and crunched up newspaper to get the fire started.
Working in the kitchen, she soon heard the crackle of the fire in the living room.
Coming to the doorway, she smiled. “This is beautiful.” The fire gave the room a warm glow that made her wonder why she didn’t do this more often.
Crouched in front of the fire, Ryan turned. “Pretty cool, right?”
“Spectacular.” Besides the fire, the only light in the room came from the tree, reflecting on the ornaments.
Caught in the spell of the homey scene, she set the dining room table instead of the kitchen so they could see the tree.
As they chowed down on the chili and sour dough bread, the boys couldn’t stop looking at the tree and the fire.
Their excitement reminded her that the beauty of Christmas lay in small things.
The lights. The old ornaments. The fire. Having Ryan here.
Which reminded her. “You’ll come for Christmas, won't you, Ryan?”
“Yeah, you'll be here, right?” Nathan said.
“All day Christmas,” Justin added.
Sprinkling more cheese on his chili, Ryan threw her a shy grin. “Thought you'd never ask.”
“Well, of course we want you here.”
As they sat there eating and planning, Sarah couldn't help but think about Jamie. This wasn’t how she’d pictured this Christmas a year ago.
But the encouragement of her mother and Lindsay came back to her.
What good would it be for her and the boys to stay stuck in the past?
No way would she allow them to dwell on their loss.
Jamie wouldn’t have wanted that. Nathan and Justin should have lives full of love, friends and family.
And so should she.
By the time they finished dinner, it was time for the boys to go to bed. “Both of you, say goodnight to Uncle Ryan and then get upstairs. I’ll come up and tuck you in.”
For a change they didn’t argue. Maybe they were tired out from working on the tree. Nathan gave his uncle a ferocious hug. Sarah didn’t know what had gotten into him. “Easy, Nathan.” But Ryan patted his back, as if he understood the insecurities inside that determined little boy.
Not only did Justin hug Ryan, he also gave him a peck on the cheek. Kissing the top of Justin's head, Ryan turned away. But not before she saw tears glimmering in his eyes.
He was a tough guy who cared.
The boys scampered upstairs. Not long after she heard the water turn off, she went up to kiss them goodnight. They were already fast asleep.
Ryan helped her clear the table. “All that fresh air knocked them out,” Sarah said, as she set the dishwasher. The liner of the slow cooker had been soaking. Now she dumped the water out and grabber her scrubber brush.
“Here, let me.” And with that, she was muscled out of the way. Not that she minded.
“You’ll spoil me,” she murmured, folding the dish towels.
“I hope you’ll let me.”
“Let you?” Teasingly, she nicked his chin with a towel.
Ryan set down the scrubber. “You know what I mean.”
“Why don’t you show me?” Was this really her talking?
“Come here.” And with that, he pulled Sarah to him. Because she wasn’t proud of her waist right now, she squirmed a little.
“What?” Leaning back, he peered down.
“You’re holding my love handles.” She had to be totally honest with him.
“Sweet Sarah,” he groaned, tightening his hold and nibbling her neck. “Isn’t this what love handles are for?”
“Not really. My ten ugly pounds are in your hands.”
“You don’t have any ugly pounds. You’re perfect.”
“And you’re kind,” she murmured, while his lips drove her crazy. “My neck is ticklish. But my mouth isn’t.”
With a low chuckle that she felt deep in her stomach, Ryan sealed his lips over hers.
The sweetness heated quickly––like the brown sugar syrup she used in her pecan rolls when she turned the heat up high.
Leaving the kitchen, they cuddled in front of the fire on her old green plaid sofa.
The flames threw shadows that flickered over the magical scene.
Sarah wanted to savor the special moment.
This evening felt right. Even their little Christmas tree seemed to be winking at them.
Saying goodnight was so hard.
“I want to take this slow,” he said at the door.
“Me too. But it won’t be easy.”
Ryan had her cocooned inside his jacket. Playing with his rumpled shirt, she wanted to stay there, cared for and cozy. A cold wind rattled the door.
Gently backing away, he snapped up his jacket. “Guess I should go.”
“Yep. Guess so.” One more quick kiss and he pushed the door open.
“See you, Sarah.”
“Good night.” How she hated to close the door, but her teeth were chattering. Outside his truck roared to life. Pushing back the curtain, she watched the truck until he put his blinker on and turned.
The room felt empty without him, except for the tree.
Sarah collapsed in the rocker. “I sure hope I know what I’m doing,” she told the little tree.
“How are you holding up?” Falling to her knees, she felt the water pan.
Dry and she trotted out to the kitchen to fill a pitcher.
“You’ve got to make it through the holidays,” she said, filling the pan.
With all the lights off, the tree glowed, a beacon of hope.
“Good night, little tree.” She clicked the lights off and dragged herself upstairs.
Somehow she got her pajamas on. After brushing her teeth, she huddled in her bed, Jamie’s picture on her knees. “See, here’s the thing, Jamie,” she told him. “I really care about Ryan. And I think you’d like the fine man he’s turned out to be. No more reckless stunts. He’s good with the boys.”
Kissing her finger, she pressed it to the glass like always. Setting the picture on her bedside table, she sighed. “If you could give me a sign, Jamie. Let me know that what I’m doing, how I’m feeling about Ryan, well....just let me know it’s okay. Somehow.”