Chapter 5 #2
Amanda shook her head and pulled out a kitchen chair. She felt wired. No way could she sleep just yet. And she sure didn’t want to watch more footage of that fire on the news.
Her mother poured herself a small glass of eggnog and tucked the container back into the fridge. Bringing the glass back to the table, she sat down with a sigh.
“You must be exhausted,” Amanda said. “That long drive and then this. Sorry, Mom. Didn’t mean to worry you but…”
When her mom reached over to squeeze Amanda’s hand, her skin felt paper thin and dry.
Her folks were getting old. The thought shook her.
“Oh, I have plenty of time to rest. You worry way too much, Amanda. Always have. From the very start, you wanted the world to be perfect. Why, your dollhouse was so neat and tidy, I wanted to move right into it. I sure did.”
They both laughed. Her father had made the dollhouse for her one Christmas. How her friends had admired the dainty prints of the real wallpaper in every room. Amanda actually used to dust the tiny furniture.
“I’m just trying to get my life in order…,” she began.
The tumbler of eggnog hit the table with a thunk. “There. You see? Life isn’t like that, sweetheart. Most of the time it turns out, well, just the way it should.” Her mother was good at giving advice she herself did not follow.
Looking back, Amanda had to agree. After all, she did marry Connor.
“Maybe you’re right, Mom, but this baby thing…
I never dreamed it would be this hard.” Her voice caught on the last word.
Hadn’t she just promised the universe that she would never ask for another thing?
Gratitude still stretched the confines of her mind.
Her mother ran a fingertip around the lip of her glass.
“You know, we tried for another baby for so long after we had you. Didn’t happen.
You were all that was in the plan for us, I guess, and you were more than enough.
We always felt so grateful to have you. After all, I was older when I married your father. Well into my thirties when I had you.”
More than enough. Amanda’s mind circled those words.
“Tonight was a big wake-up call for me, Mom. If I lost Connor, if anything ever happened to him, I just don’t know.” Her throat closed.
“But it didn’t.” Her mother was around the table in a minute.
Her soft fleece robe pillowed Amanda’s cheek when her mom hugged her.
“You do have him, and you two love each other so much. Some day you’ll have a baby.
You’ll see. Why, even if this adoption doesn’t work out, if that girl decides she wants her baby, something else will come along. I just know it.”
Amanda wiped her eyes. “Thanks, Mom.”
When the coffee was ready, her mother carried a steaming mug into the living room. Amanda heard her say, “Why, Bill Treadwell, are you sleeping?”
By the time Amanda got to the door, her dad was on his feet, eyes bleary and scratching his head. Her mom was trying to turn off the TV with the remote. Amanda took it from her hands. “Why don’t you two go up to bed?”
Didn’t take much to persuade them. Her mother was already steering Dad toward the stairs.
Amanda clicked the TV off. “I might stay up a while.”
“See you tomorrow then. I’m going to make dinner tomorrow night. Don’t you worry about a thing, it being your last day of school and all,” her mother threw over her shoulder.
Amanda made the rounds, locking the doors and leaving the outside lights on for Conner.
She stopped in front of the tree. Many of the ornaments were from her childhood or Connor’s.
The rocking horse ornament Mrs. Pendergast, their teacher, had given her in play school.
The bread dough letter “C” Connor had made in kindergarten.
She smiled and clicked off the lights. Tomorrow night, she’d have time to sit down and enjoy the tree.
Tiny white lights dotted the hillside of books behind the crèche set. Amanda hesitated for just a second, waiting for that tiny twinge around her heart when she looked at the empty cradle.
Not tonight.
Tonight her life was more than enough. Turning off the tiny white lights, she felt around under the white sheet until her fingers found the baby Jesus figurine she’d hidden there. Christmas Eve she’d place the figure in the cradle. Comforted, she dragged herself upstairs to bed.
Shortly after Amanda snuggled down in the sheets, she heard the opening and closing of the bathroom door and then all was quiet.
Turning onto her side, she ran one hand down the other side of their queen size bed, from the pillow to the pocket where Connor usually lay on his stomach like a little boy.
She must have been dozing when she heard Connor’s pickup.
The side door opened downstairs and Connor’s footsteps were quick on the stairs.
Always amazing how a guy his size could be so light on his feet.
Probably from his basketball days. He edged into the room, and she watched him kick off his boots and pull his T-shirt over his head.
Moonlight illuminated his square-jawed profile and sculpted chest. His comfy sleep shorts soon replaced the jeans.
When he began to carefully pull the cover aside, she threw it wider and opened her arms.
“Babe.” With no hesitation he slid into her warmth, his lips devouring her, like she was breakfast and he was ravenous.
“Oh, Connor,” she murmured softly.
He silenced her with his lips before working his way down her long neck. “I’m here, and I’m fine.”
“What about my parents?” she whispered as he slipped off her flannel PJs. Their second floor was so small. But, oh goodness. His skin burned against hers like he’d been stoking this fire all the way from the station.
“We’ll be quiet.”
She heard the smile in his voice. Hooking one leg over his thigh, she pulled him closer. They were good at making quiet love. After all, they’d visited her parents’ condo in Florida. She’d swallow every moan if it killed her.
They took each other with an urgent speed that almost squeezed her heart right out of her body and left her gasping.
How she loved this man. Tonight, she’d gotten a taste of life without him.
His lovemaking felt like he knew it too.
Connor’s lips blazed over her body as if it were a map he wanted to memorize.
She opened every route, urged him on with her hands and body.
They were a gift to each other that night. Their love-making felt new, like they’d never opened this package before.
Afterward, they both fell into a deep sleep, bodies entwined, sleeping so soundly they almost didn’t hear the phone when it rang.
Connor groaned and reached for the bedside landline. Another out of control fire?
“Oh, I hope you don’t have to go in.” Amanda pulled herself from sleep, looking cozy and cute.
The room was turning gray. What time was it?
McKenna barked in his ear. “Get up, big brother! Big doings tonight.”
“McKenna…everything all right?”
“McKenna?” Amanda echoed softly, sitting straight up and hugging the pillow to her.
Connor tried to concentrate on what his sister was telling him. “Okay, yes. I understand.” The words spun and cracked in his mind like dice. He couldn’t believe what she was telling him. Just kept nodding. Letting it soak in.
“Connor?” Amanda’s nails bit into his forearm. He ran a hand up her naked arm.
“As soon as we can. Angie’s all right with that?”
“Angie?” Wrenching away, Amanda snapped on the bedside light.
But he could only handle one conversation at a time. “Sure. Right. Okay, see you soon.”