15. Chapter Fifteen #3
She's still wearing my jersey. I'm still inside her. And we're in the guest room because the pull was so strong that we couldn't even make it to my bed.
"Kevin?" Her voice is soft, uncertain.
"Yeah?"
"What are we doing?"
It's the same question from last time, but this time I have a different answer.
"I don't know," I admit, propping myself up to look at her. "But I know I don't want to stop."
"We said we'd keep it casual."
"I know what we said." I brush her hair back from her face. "But Sarah, this isn't casual."
Her eyes search my face. "What is it then?"
Everything. Coming home. The best decision and the scariest thing. Something I intend to keep.
But I can't say that. Too much pressure for this moment, even though we both just had a mind-blowing release.
"More than friends with benefits," I settle on. "Something worth not fucking up."
She's quiet for a long moment. Then she breathes out the words. "I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of this. Of getting in too deep and not being able to go back if you—" She stops herself and drops her voice almost to a whisper. “If you leave.”
"Leave?"
"Quinn says your contract's up at the end of the season. You could get traded. You could sign somewhere else. And I—" Her voice cracks slightly. "I don't know how to do casual with you, Kevin. I wanted to. I meant it when we decided on it. But I know I can’t do no-strings any longer."
I should tell her I can't either. That I've been lying to both of us. That Aiden called me out on it in a shitty hotel bar in Utah and he was right.
"So what do we do?" I ask quietly.
She's quiet for a long moment. Then: "I don't know. But I know I don't want to stop."
"Me neither."
"So where does that leave us?"
"Okay." I take a breath. Aiden's voice in my head. My own reminder that even defensemen can score goals. "Then here's what I want."
She waits.
"I want you to be exclusive with me." I’m shaking inside. I haven’t had this many nerves since my first game in the league. "No one else. Just us. No one else gets to have you like this. No one gets to put a claim on you."
"Kevin—"
"I know it's not FWB. I don't want FWB. I can't do something that meaningless with you.
The whole idea is disrespectful to you, to who you are as a person.
To who you are to me." I turn her to face me.
"But I also can't promise you the future.
I don't know where I'll be next year. Don't know if Austin will keep me or trade me or what happens. "
Her eyes search mine.
"But I can promise you right now," I continue. "And right now, I want you. Exclusive. You're mine and I'm yours. That's all I know. That's all I need to know."
A season at a time. A shift at a time. I know how to do that.
"So, we’re agreeing we’re done with casual? But not exactly serious?"
"Fuck casual." The possessiveness in my voice surprises even me. "You're mine, Sarah. And I'm yours. For as long as we can hold on to it."
Her breath catches. "Kevin—"
"Is that what you want too?" I pull her closer, hands settling on her waist.
I need her to say it. Need to hear that she's mine. That this isn't one-sided. That she feels this thing between us the way I do.
Long pause. Then, quietly: "Yes."
Relief floods through me. Mine. She's mine.
"Yeah?" I brush my thumb along her hipbone, committing this moment to memory. "Just us?"
"Just us. Right now."
I can't stand the space between us anymore. Need her closer. Need to feel every inch of her against me. Need to memorize this exact moment when she became mine.
I pull her into my arms, her back against my chest, fitting her against me perfectly. "Right now, you're in my bed—"
"Guest bed."
"Wearing my jersey, and I just made you come three times. Right now feels pretty fucking good."
She laughs, and I feel it against my chest. When we pull apart, she's quiet for a long moment.
"We'll figure it out. Together. One day at a time." She yawns. "But right now I need sleep. Your dog woke me up at six this morning demanding breakfast."
"He's a brand ambassador with a six-figure deal." I stand, scooping her up despite her protests. "And this bed is too small. Come on."
"Kevin—"
"We decided we were doing this. Might as well do it right." I carry her down the hall and my heart is as light as she feels in my arms. "My bed's a California King. Much better."
She immediately burrows under the covers as soon as I settle her on the bed. "This is better."
"Told you."
I slide in next to her and she curls into my side like it's natural. Like we’ve done it a hundred times before. And I hope we’ll do it a thousand times more.
Ranger jumps up without permission, circling twice before settling at our feet.
"Your dog has boundary issues," Sarah goes quiet, then sleepily mumbles, "Kevin?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for coming home."
"Where else would I go?"
She doesn't answer. Just presses closer.
Within minutes her breathing evens out.
I lie there in the dark. Sarah in my arms.
She's mine. And I'm hers. And everything else can just fuck off for now.
Because tonight she's here. In my bed. In my jersey.
And tonight, that's everything I need.