18. Sienna
Chapter 18
Sienna
Over a week had passed since my husband thoroughly fucked me up against the back alley wall, next to a dead asshole, outside of Fallout. While my impression of him shifted dramatically that night, I still wasn’t ready to fully commit to the relationship he was forcing me into.
Colby was still the asshole that roped me into marrying him, knight in shining armor or not; no matter how honorable he was, that didn’t mean I had to love him. I had a choice and wasn’t about to admit anything until I truly knew and understood my feelings for him.
Once I’d caught my breath and could think clearly—minus the alcohol still in my system—he walked me back inside to grab my bag and say goodbye to the girls, which just ended up with me screaming at them over the music as they continued grinding against random men on the dance floor.
Thankfully, it was dark enough on the dance floor that they couldn’t see the blood spatter on Colby or myself, which would have been disastrous, all things considered.
Chyler hugged me when she saw Colby over my shoulder and realized I was leaving. Fuck I was going to miss that girl; she texted me just before she left a few days later.
Chyler: You take care of yourself, Sienna. Don’t let that smoke show of a man blind you from who you are and smother your dreams.
Chyler: You are a strong, amazing, and incredible woman. Everything that you should be. Make sure he understands that before you pull the trigger and decide to love him.
Chyler: I’ll always be here if you need me, but in all honesty, I hope you never will. Not because I don’t care, but because I know you.
It had been hard knowing she was gone. While we never hung out like best friends or socialized as much as we did in the studio, she was still close to me. She was someone I could trust to keep me in check, and now, with her gone, I had to find the balance I was missing.
Colby had spent most of this past week ignoring my existence. I was at the studio teaching classes all day, and he worked at the bar only to return around three in the morning. Every day was the same routine; the only issue was that now he was leaving me alone. Why was that suddenly a problem?
Not once did he attempt to share the massive bed with me, nor did he bother to remain anywhere near me like he did those first few days we were together.
Something had changed between us that night at Fallout.
I didn’t know what, and I wasn’t sure it was for the better.
Before that night, all I wanted him to do was leave me alone, and now that he was… I wasn’t so sure what I wanted anymore. Was he over me? Had I finally brought him to the point of contemplating a divorce?
I found myself sitting in the center of my studio’s dance space, staring at my reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror wall, contemplating everything: my life, my strength, my goals, my husband.
Everything I thought I had figured out for my life was suddenly lost to me.
I sighed heavily as I replaced the earbuds I had removed before I sat down and unlocked my phone. If anything in this world could clear my mind of racing thoughts, it was dancing.
I brought up my favorite dance playlist, scrolled through the songs, and stopped on “In The End” by DJ Challenge X.
Pressing play, I turned up the volume, slid my phone across the floor, and let the lyrics carry me away as I stood and started my usual routine warm-up, having stretched in my last class. I could feel the wetness of tears on my cheeks as I brought myself up into a relevé, finding my center balance before striding across the room with a few pirouettes and an arabesque.
You are a strong, amazing, and incredible woman.
Pirouette. Arabesque.
Everything that you should be.
Pirouette.
Chyler’s words echoed through me, and I stopped in front of the ballet bar, gripping it tightly as unwanted thoughts crept back into my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut before pushing off from the bar and guiding myself back into the center of the room.
I opened my eyes and picked up my pace, sliding across the floor on my knees, arching my back upwards, and hanging my head back towards my feet.
Watching myself in the mirror, I leaned forward with my arms stretched out, palms to the floor. Using the weight from my hips, I pushed my upper body forward, lowering it until I lay flat on the floor with my forearms propping me up like a plank.
I rolled my hips against the ground as the dancers did during the Heaven Down Under revue show before flipping over to my back, planting my feet firmly on the ground, and pushing up into a bridge before using my inner thighs, hamstrings, and glutes to pull my body gracefully up to standing.
Stepping forward, I pressed my back against the mirror, rolling my hips and body to the music before pushing myself away and back towards the ballet bar. I set myself up to pirouette one last time around the room; this time, I kept my eyes closed, allowing myself to float around in the dark.
Make sure he understands that before you pull the trigger and decide to love him.
Her last words resonated on a deeper level more than any advice she had offered before.
Could I love him? Did she see something I didn’t? In him? In me?
With my last spin, I must have overcalculated my initial positioning because I ran into the wall at the other end of the room.
When I opened my eyes from the surprise, strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close.
I took out one of my earbuds, panting heavily from my warm-up. My eyes were now locked on those of my husband, who had let himself into my studio once again.
“What’s wrong, love?” Colby softly spoke, dragging a knuckle down my tear-streaked cheek. It was hard to resist leaning into his hand, a gentle touch of comfort.
“No—nothing.” Staring up into his bright blue eyes, I almost forgot why I was still here—what I was doing. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“What are you listening to?” He ignored my question, asking his own instead.
I frowned, glancing down at the earbud that I had just removed. Looking back up at him, I placed the earbud into his right ear and tapped it on the side to start the song I was dancing to. The second one was still in my left ear to listen to the music with him.
He leaned his head down to press his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes.
Something so simple, like listening to a song, was becoming more intimate than I had imagined it would, especially with him.
His grip tightened on my waist as he slowly started to sway with me in his arms.
“Dance with me.” He murmured, releasing my waist and taking my hand.
“I don’t—” I shook my head, not wanting to be this close to him right now.
“One dance, love.” His eyes opened and softened as he sighed.
It was a plea—something that I never thought would come from him; that I would always be the one left to beg for him to give me what I wanted, whether romantic or sexual.
I squeezed his hand, tapping my earbud twice to start the song from the beginning, and he took both of my hands, leading me into a jazz-style dance across the room.
He pulled me in close, his hands gliding along my stomach and back as I spun in his arms, our touches grazing past one another like a whisper before I snapped back, leaping into his arms. Using the momentum from the jump, he swung me around his waist, my arms catching around his neck as my legs followed from around his back.
I slid my body down to the floor between his legs as he stepped over me before his strong arms pulled me back up, my hands gripping his shoulders as I pushed one foot into his knee, throwing my free leg up in the air behind me into an arabesque.
I stared down at him, holding my position, unable to comprehend how incredibly freeing it felt to dance with the man I had convinced myself I hated so much.
He bounced his knee that held my foot, and with the added motion, I launched myself up, curling my head in and rolling down his back as he lowered his upper body for me. When my feet touched the floor, we stood back to back, my breath quickening from the rush he gave me.
My husband took my hand from behind, and with one twirl, he pulled me around his body, my back pressing up against his chest with his hips grinding against mine in time with the music.
Colby made me feel as if I were floating with every effortless movement. His hands and body guided me through the melody, making a song I once found sad and depressing into something almost hauntingly romantic.
He stopped once I was facing him, my body flush up against his, a leg wrapped around his hip, and his hand gripping my thigh tightly. Our eyes connected, and I felt like a tether had been hooked between us, pulling us together tighter than ever before.
I was breathless and in awe of what he was doing to me. I started this dance session despising him, and now, suddenly, I was questioning if I was the problem instead.
“Colby,” I breathed as I stared deeply into his bright blue eyes—the eyes I saw every time I closed my own but was too terrified to admit who they belonged to.
Instead of responding, his lips parted, and I leaned up to capture them with mine, exploring his delicious mouth with my tongue.
He backed us into the corner as our tender kiss turned heated, all tongue and teeth.
I tugged at his shirt, and he smiled against my mouth before placing a hand over his head, pulling the shirt from his back, and dropping it to the floor beside us. I stared in awe at his toned and ripped physique, fighting back the urge to drool over it.
In all our fucking I had never had the chance to take a step back and simply admire his hard form. Every dip and curve of his muscles had me growing flush with desire as my hands greedily began wandering over his chest and down his abs. His hands were pressed against the wall beside my head, caging me in with his strong arms, and for the first time… I didn’t feel the sudden urge to flee.
“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”
My eyes flicked back up to his as my fingers played with the waistband of his sweatpants.
“Why?” I asked. The single question that had bothered me this past week since Fallout.
“Why what?”
“Why the sudden space? The silent treatment?” I tilted my head in question, attempting to get a read from his soft expression.
Colby breathed a heavy sigh, placing his hands on my hips and pulling them toward his. I could see his jaw tick as he searched for his answer. I didn’t think it was that challenging of a question.
“I’ve just been busy with work.” He eventually shrugged. “And I didn’t want to disturb you so late at night; you always look so peaceful when you sleep.” He was referring to the late nights and avoiding our bed. Was he seeing someone else?
“Is there someone else?” I couldn’t stop the words from falling past my lips, but I just had to know. It was fine if he was done with me, but I wanted the truth.
My husband chuckled lightly as he gripped my chin and tilted my face to meet his. I couldn’t help but notice the subtle glow behind his blue eyes as they searched mine.
“There won’t and never will be anyone else. You’re it for me, love. All I’ll ever need in this life and the next.” He promised, releasing my chin to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“I don’t understand. You’ve been avoiding me…” I pressed, my heart twisting at his words. How could I be it for him if he hadn’t even attempted to touch me for over a week? “Not a single word as I pass by you in the mornings before I leave for work. This is the first time you’ve had contact with me in a week.”
I swallowed the lump that built in the back of my throat as he wrapped his hand around the back of my head and leaned into me.
“My wife demanded to be left alone, and I gave in to her demands. Don’t tell me you changed your mind about me already?” He smirked, dragging his nose up my bridge before pressing a kiss to my forehead.
Heat began pooling between my thighs with an aching and desperate need for him. A week without sex, a week without the touch of my husband, and I was suddenly a lustful, hot mess in his arms.
“Should I take your silence as a yes?” He teased before capturing my mouth with his, and I let him. I let him in, in more ways than one.
I could sit here and be alone for the rest of my life, where friends come and go as time moves on, or I could give this thing , whatever it may be, between Colby and me a chance to see if it could blossom into something more.
We may have married for all the wrong reasons, but did that mean we couldn’t make them right? Was I being unreasonable when I had first decided that all I would do was hate him until he was done with me? Would it be wrong for me to take advantage of my emotional vulnerability and see where true intimacy took us?
I might be crazy for it, but I’d be damned if I didn’t see where this path might take me.
Make sure he understands… and I would. Before considering love, I would ensure he knew exactly who I was and gave me everything I wanted.
My husband may be the death of me, but I’d be the death of him, just like our vows.
When the fuck did I start referring to him as my husband?